Got Stood Up a Date- What To Do?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 15, 2012 11:55 PM GMT
    I just got stood up on a date tonight, one that we planned weeks in advance. I'm angry, disappointed and feel like an absolute fool as it's someone I was building a good friendship with also. No response to texts or calls either. Not happy about that.

    What really confuses me is why would someone who's interested in you stand you up on a date unless there's a death in their family or something like that? I don't know what to think about this guy anymore.

    Should I just move on or give them the benefit of the doubt?
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 15, 2012 11:56 PM GMT
    I'd be ready to move on, but if he's got a good reason I'd be willing to hear it.
  • sbwlguy

    Posts: 566

    Jan 15, 2012 11:59 PM GMT
    That sucks. Sorry to hear that. I think it's better if you just forget him and move on.

    It doesn't matter how long you've been chatting online as you miss the real essence of a person. Next time try and meet your date a bit sooner.

  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Jan 16, 2012 12:16 AM GMT
    Ehanson saidI just got stood up on a date tonight, . . . No response to texts or calls either. Not happy about that.

    Should I just move on or give them the benefit of the doubt?

    Sorry for you, guy. Just move on, and chalk it up to experience. Unless you don't have a phone and can't be reached, the only excuse for standing you up is death or an accident causing unconsciousness. And the "No response to texts or calls," bit - I'd say that's a clear sign this guy has no interest in you anymore.
    You didn't say whether you had actually "met" before, so I assumed you had. If not, Well, you have to assume as to anyone whom you have only talked to online that he doesn't really exist - that is until you meet him in person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 16, 2012 12:19 AM GMT
    Ehanson saidShould I just move on or give them the benefit of the doubt?

    As a matter of courtesy & good manners you might wait to hear his explanation, when he offers one. If he doesn't contact you in a reasonable time, well, there's your answer. I wouldn't go chasing after him.

    Expect to hear such things as he simply forgot, and his cell phone battery went dead where he couldn't charge it. Or that he got an emergency call from some friend or family dealing with (submit a crisis of your own choosing here).

    The more likely true reason is either that he got cold feet, or he came across a hot prospect, choosing to trade a certainty for an uncertainty. Give him a little benefit of the doubt while you wait to hear from him, but not too much benefit, nor too much time waiting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 16, 2012 12:59 AM GMT
    KILL HIM!!!!!

    mr-burns-evil-laugh.png
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 16, 2012 1:26 AM GMT
    Benefit of what doubt?

    He may have forgotten or thought your date was on a different night. Or the guy's a dick (and it's better you found out now rather than several months or years down the road).

    So either you move on, or you feel sorry for yourself. Choose.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jan 16, 2012 3:03 AM GMT
    Don't chase after them, and you won't be disappointed. It's a cruel world. Men are bastards. Well, those bi guys you're chasing after at least.
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Jan 16, 2012 3:08 AM GMT
    We have all been there. If there was an emergency then let him explain to you and you can decide it it is legitimate. Just remember - this says a lot about him, but it doesn't say anything about you so don't let it eat at you. At least you found out at the beginning that he was worthless.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 16, 2012 3:55 AM GMT
    He's just not that into you.

    If he does contact you, hear him out. If it's a decent explanation, fine, but if it's a lame one then just forget about him. Don't chase him though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 16, 2012 3:58 AM GMT
    Fuck him. Play that empowering dance album - you know the one. And then go take yourself out - to a nice dinner and a movie. You'll feel better, trust me.

  • Jan 16, 2012 4:23 AM GMT
    I get this a lot. Wow that makes me sound pathetic when it comes out. If it is someone u are just getting to know then that is bad form and I would say run away, things will never change. I usually get stood up on first dates, thats always exciting. Usually when I make a date with someone I now have alternative plans because 99% of the time they stand me up. (Friends not other dates)
  • HPgeek934

    Posts: 970

    Jan 16, 2012 4:26 AM GMT
    I got stood up on a second date that HE planned, and HE asked for. It's embarrassing and needless to say if he ever tried to contact me again he's gonna wish he haddent.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 16, 2012 5:18 AM GMT
    It happens. Give him a second chance if you want, but don't invest anything into it. Most likely he'll flake again. Never, ever, ever travel anywhere JUST to meet a guy. Always have a "date" planned that you can do just as well by yourself.

    I'm pretty sure that a lot of guys in pdx, for example (see previous threads on "sluttiest city in the USA") set up two or three dates on Saturday night and just show up for the hottest one available at go time.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 16, 2012 5:22 AM GMT
    First, be flexible enough to put your view of this on hold until you hear from him. Listen carefully and make a determination about it all after. If you don't hear from him, it's really about him, not you.

    Second, these things do happen, far too often. I'd try and do what you can through conversation in the future, to limit the possibility of this kind of thing.
    It can be challenging and this may not be the last time you experience it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 16, 2012 6:12 AM GMT
    I've gotten stood up tons (my recent one this Halloween where I drove 2 hours to meet someone...except in my case I got there and called him and he was at another party and he told me he would call me "when he was done there", he never did, and I left). Guys can be flakes and jerks, so you gotta accept every once in a while you'll be treated like crap and it's not because of anything you did wrong (unless you allow the same guy to do this to you over and over).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 16, 2012 6:18 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidI've gotten stood up tons (my recent one this Halloween where I drove 2 hours to meet someone...except in my case I got there and called him and he was at another party and he told me he would call me "when he was done there", he never did, and I left). Guys can be flakes and jerks, so you gotta accept every once in a while you'll be treated like crap and it's not because of anything you did wrong (unless you allow the same guy to do this to you over and over).



    *hugs*

    I've never been stood up but I have never gotten the dates from guys who seemed interested with me...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 16, 2012 6:42 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear buddy. I've had this happen too. Sounds like you met him online and a lot of those guys are fakers or just plain rude. Especially in a big city like New York a guy can make other plans, be a dick and blow you off and the odds of him running into you in person are are.

    Just think of it as his loss and hold your head high.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 16, 2012 6:45 AM GMT
    damm dude that sucks I'm sorry to hear icon_neutral.gif

    I would definitely move on if I was you. However, if he does try to contact you and he apologizes - hear him out. I wouldn't trust him very easily though if I was you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 16, 2012 6:47 AM GMT
    Timbales saidI'd be ready to move on, but if he's got a good reason I'd be willing to hear it.


    This.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11823

    Jan 16, 2012 6:53 AM GMT
    Move on ...cause you deserve better than that kind of bullshit....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 16, 2012 7:05 AM GMT
    I would hear him out to see if he had a legitimate reason for going MIA, but if he didn't then he'd be on the no-go list from that point on - both as friends and as anything more.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 16, 2012 7:07 AM GMT
    not even a text that night or the next day???
    Sorry that never happened to me and I have never done that to someone, BUT I know myself I would move on. They would have a tougher time getting a hold of me. Not that I'd play a game I would just lose total interest in them.icon_idea.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 16, 2012 7:10 AM GMT
    The only thing that may be a red flag for me is when you said you made the date weeks in advance. For me I would call or text the night before to reconfirm it. You know...say like...that date still on tomorrow night? Then you have No possible guilt in it.

    Then use Timbales suggestion
    Timbales
    Posts: 10247
    Jan 15, 2012 5:56 PM
    I'd be ready to move on, but if he's got a good reason I'd be willing to hear it.
    Good Luck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 16, 2012 7:22 AM GMT
    If the guy comes up with a very good reason...........well, I'd be all ears. But - it had better be damn good............

    I had it happen only once - - - several years ago. Blind date. We were to meet at a restaurant. I'm there - on time and I waited about 20 minutes & went home. There was an e-mail from this clown and here's what he said: He said he was there at the restaurant - on time. He went on to say he was in the parking lot watching me pull up, get out and walk right by his car on my way into the restaurant. He finished by saying he knew he couldn't face me, and he split. Why? He said he'd realized I'd been honest about how I looked and represented myself..............and he hadn't. I never found out what he looked like............what do you think........some 300 pound slob? I told him what I thought of him wasting my time. My buddies said to think of it differently........the slob did me a favor. At least I didn't have to actually meet him and sit there across a table from him.

    Why can't these clowns just be honest?