Revenge against an ex wrong???

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2012 7:29 AM GMT
    So my roommate was going out this Friday, and he knew his ex boyfriend was gonna be there at the same place, so he said he wanted to bring with him a super hot guy with him to make his ex jealous. This bothered me to hear.

    Even though his ex cheated on him (so my roommate claims, I didn't get the story from his ex's side), I don't personally find it very endearing to try and do what he's planning to do. Even if his ex did cheat..,cheating when the expectation to remain exclusively monogamous is very wrong, make no mistake. BUT! I feel like my roommate could be the better human being ultimately by letting himself get through the pain and loss, to accept what has happened ultimately, and move on. By no means do I expect him to forgive his ex for what he did. But I believe he could exalt himself, make himself the higher and better man by handling himself in a very dignified way, carrying himself confidently without needing to instigate jealousy. I even get the hint that my roommate is not even really all that hurt over the break-up; he just feels spiteful because it didn't work out. I could be wrong, but that sure seems to me how he carries himself.

    I dunno, what do you guys feel? He tried to convince me that, because I was never in any "serious relationship", that I'm naive and don't know how it would feel. But if I were cheated on, even if it hurt a lot, I don't think I'm such a bastard as to go and try to instigate jealousy like that; I'd prefer to simply disfranchise myself from all contact and relations with my ex.
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    Jan 16, 2012 7:42 AM GMT
    LOL! To be honest, that's not even much of a revenge. I was hoping to read something much more evil than trying to make the dude jealous by bringing along a hot guy.



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    Jan 16, 2012 8:04 AM GMT
    pocketnico saidLOL! To be honest, that's not even much of a revenge. I was hoping to read something much more evil than trying to make the dude jealous by bringing along a hot guy.





    Okay, so maybe it's really not that much of a revenge. But the thought still stands. He could just as easily enjoy himself where he is without having to even deal with his ex. Now, if he brought a guy there with him to legitimately have a date night/good time with, that's one thing; and that he just HAPPENED to be hot, and that consequently makes his ex jealous. But he's just wanting to do this to hurt him. And that just sucks. That's just catty and bitchy and stupid.
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    Jan 16, 2012 8:07 AM GMT
    Revenge is often tempting especially at the end of a relationship where there's lingering bitterness. In the end, revenge almost always backfires. While getting back at an ex might feel good initially, it's usually not long until you get a taste of your own medicine. What goes around comes around, eh?

    Yes, it's silly and stupid.
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    Jan 16, 2012 10:37 AM GMT
    Revenge is a dish best served cold...
    tumblr_lf1gibN9L21qg39ewo1_500.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2012 10:42 AM GMT
    cold saidRevenge is a dish best served cold...


    ....by cold. icon_biggrin.gif

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    Jan 16, 2012 10:44 AM GMT
    I don't believe in that kind of revenge. I think it's pathetic, and rather than making them feel bad about what they did, it just makes the person taking revenge look petty and hung up on it.

    The best revenge is to move on with your life.
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    Jan 16, 2012 4:56 PM GMT
    Revenge is resentment. Resentment is "poison take hoping somebody else will die". Revenge is petty, and in most extreme form...premeditated evil. Revenge is negative karmic and psychic energy. In my view, Revenge is a character defect.

    Revenge is a waste of time and a waste of life.
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    Jan 16, 2012 5:04 PM GMT
    I think your roommate is immature.
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    Jan 16, 2012 5:12 PM GMT
    Revenge is sad; Forgiveness, divine.
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    Jan 16, 2012 5:19 PM GMT
    Your roommate is still hurt and trying to save face and integrity but is simply hatching plans that will make it worse.... Worse yet, by trying to make his ex jealous, it almost sounds as though he wants him back (which is sick).
  • metta

    Posts: 39144

    Jan 16, 2012 5:23 PM GMT
    credo saidI think your roommate is immature.


    ^
    yes, and he likes to create unnecessary drama in his life.
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    Jan 16, 2012 5:58 PM GMT
    I just realized I don't know much about revenge. A bitter girl I slept with when I was 17 or 18 sent my parents a letter telling them I was gay. I guess that was revenge, but really sort of lame because I'd told them myself already.

    For true vengeance check out the Greek tragedy "Medea". After being screwed by Jason in every imaginable way the title charachter sends Jasons' new bride a cloak that burns the woman to death.

    Your roomate should stop watching those real housewives programs.
  • tyler_helm

    Posts: 299

    Jan 16, 2012 6:03 PM GMT
    jawrhed saidI just realized I don't know much about revenge. A bitter girl I slept with when I was 17 or 18 sent my parents a letter telling them I was gay. I guess that was revenge, but really sort of lame because I'd told them myself already.

    For true vengeance check out the Greek tragedy "Medea". After being screwed by Jason in every imaginable way the title charachter sends Jasons' new bride a cloak that burns the woman to death.

    Your roomate should stop watching those real housewives programs.


    She also kills her own children that she had with Jason so he would have no progeny. Shows revenge doesn't work out for anyone.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 16, 2012 6:26 PM GMT
    Scotticus saidSo my roommate was going out this Friday, and he knew his ex boyfriend was gonna be there at the same place, so he said he wanted to bring with him a super hot guy with him to make his ex jealous. This bothered me to hear.

    Even though his ex cheated on him (so my roommate claims, I didn't get the story from his ex's side), I don't personally find it very endearing to try and do what he's planning to do. Even if his ex did cheat..,cheating when the expectation to remain exclusively monogamous is very wrong, make no mistake. BUT! I feel like my roommate could be the better human being ultimately by letting himself get through the pain and loss, to accept what has happened ultimately, and move on. By no means do I expect him to forgive his ex for what he did. But I believe he could exalt himself, make himself the higher and better man by handling himself in a very dignified way, carrying himself confidently without needing to instigate jealousy. I even get the hint that my roommate is not even really all that hurt over the break-up; he just feels spiteful because it didn't work out. I could be wrong, but that sure seems to me how he carries himself.

    I dunno, what do you guys feel? He tried to convince me that, because I was never in any "serious relationship", that I'm naive and don't know how it would feel. But if I were cheated on, even if it hurt a lot, I don't think I'm such a bastard as to go and try to instigate jealousy like that; I'd prefer to simply disfranchise myself from all contact and relations with my ex.


    Sounds like your roommate is acting like a little gurl. He needs to move on and get over the breakup. What is he going to do if his ex is there with someone? What will he do then? I think games like that are totally stupid and they usually end up back firing
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2012 6:27 PM GMT
    credo saidI think your roommate is immature.


    Yep VERY!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2012 6:34 PM GMT
    Today's vengeful ex could be tomorrow's rabid stalker. Advise your roomie to be the better man and to let it go.
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    Jan 16, 2012 6:39 PM GMT
    Anger is a valid part of any grieving process and most often what a person needs to experience and move through in order to move on.

    Dealing with any loss (like the loss of a relationship that you endeavored to make last forever) can be an agonizing experience. Do you just not like this guy or do you just not have the patience for other peoples troubles?

    Showing up with a hot guy is the most benign thing in the world. If he is indeed your friend, maybe you should worry less about how he manages his romantic endeavors and more about supporting him through a time when he is obviously feeling very vulnerable, betrayed and hurt.

    If you think his character is so terribly lacking, then you should probably disassociate yourself with him because having a disingenuous friendship is not doing either of you any favors.
  • OptimusMatt

    Posts: 1124

    Jan 16, 2012 6:39 PM GMT
    pocketnico saidLOL! To be honest, that's not even much of a revenge. I was hoping to read something much more evil than trying to make the dude jealous by bringing along a hot guy.





    Yeah, this is like the disney version of "ex revenge"

    MMTM is very correct though - you only do spiteful things to ex's who still hold sway over your emotions.
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Jan 16, 2012 6:40 PM GMT
    I remember one of my teachers in med. school said, "there is a very thin line between love and hate and the more intense the love, the more intense the hate if it happens."
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    Jan 16, 2012 6:45 PM GMT


    The best revenge is - living well.


    (As your roommate gets older, he will understand the meaning of that well regarded phrase. When we desire revenge, we are usually in a state of weakness. When we live our lives happily and successfully, we have no need for revenge.)

  • mtnjock

    Posts: 104

    Jan 16, 2012 6:49 PM GMT
    no offense, but "revenge" is usually something insecure and immature guys do. as people get older and more mature, they realize the best "revenge' is to move on with life and show an ex that you can be happy and productive without him. why spend so much negative energy on revenge instead of creating positive energy for yourself!?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2012 6:57 PM GMT
    MMtM and Credo both nailed it. Your roommate needs to grow up and get over getting cheated on. Shit happens to the nicest people.

    Nevertheless, even though it a petty thing, the kind of vindictiveness demonstrated bothers me because it's suggests a deeper character flaw. I personally try to place some distance between myself and people like that because I inevitably find their behaviour "draining" (It' the best way I can think of it).

    Your gut feel is right.
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    Jan 16, 2012 6:58 PM GMT
    Oh, come on, if the roomie is really wanting revenge, he can come up with something better than that!
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    Jan 16, 2012 7:34 PM GMT
    your roommate should watch the tv show Revenge and do what the protagonist does.... come back in 15 years pretending to be someone else and ruin the lives of the ex and everyone around him. I think that's the most rational thing to do.