How to come out to people you don't know

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2012 4:58 AM GMT
    Interested to hear some input from you guys on this: I'm looking for a short term housing solution because I'm going to grad school in August. I've been hunting around for sublets and checking out room mate matching websites (and craigslist :/ too). I've encountered this problem:

    1) Girls are hesitant to live with a guy they meet online (and rightly so)
    2) Guys in the south are homophobes (blanket statement, I know)

    Both of these scenarios make me feel the need to go ahead and be upfront about my being gay with the prospective roomies (for different reasons obviously). I've previously just withheld this information from everyone except my good friends and family: I don't expect heterosexuals to come up to me and proclaim that they are straight, so why would I run up to someone I don't know and tell them I'm gay? It's easily the least interesting thing about me as a person.

    So, would you breach the subject with people you don't know? What's the best way to bring it up without freaking them out? Any advice is appreciated guys.

    (Please bear in mind I'm in Charlotte. Not New York. Not LA. Bible belt folk)

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    Jan 17, 2012 5:04 AM GMT
    die your hair blond, wear some glitter and mince through the door and sya "Hey Gurl"

    it'll save you the trouble of stating the obvious

    Unless you kinda like stating the obvious, which I kinda do.
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    Jan 17, 2012 7:11 AM GMT
    I think girls are more open to having a gay roommate. Just be upfront and add some humor..

    "I'd be your perfect roommate because you get to have a man around the house, but won't have to worry about me trying to get into your pants."

    icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 17, 2012 1:31 PM GMT
    If it's a guy, don't them until you think you're pretty sure it would otherwise work out. You may not think it's very interesting, but it could be a huge factor for them. They're probably not going to tell you they're homophobic up-front and you don't want to find that out after you signed the papers. You're going to live with this person. You have to at least be compatible.

    Ask about his current relationship. If you're going to live there, you have a right to know if he has a gf who stays over 5-6 nights a week. Then turn it around and talk about your relationship (make something up, if you have to) and casually drop that it's with another guy. That gets it out there without saying "I'm gay - Got a problem with that?"

    If it's a girl, just blurt it out. It'll either make you a better candidate, or it wouldn't work out anyway.

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    Jan 17, 2012 2:17 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidsmallpicring.jpg

    Take your choice ... you only need to wear 1 for people to know

    Not necessarily. I've told the story here of the hotel clerk who noticed my late partner's rainbow ring as we were checking in, and she congratulated him for having at least 6 children, all born in a different month! Then she noticed my own matching "birthstone" ring, and gushed: "And you're a father with six children, too!" Well, it WAS Iowa. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jan 17, 2012 2:20 PM GMT
    I find the easiest way to come out to people I don't know or only slightly know - like work acquaintances - is to mention a current or past boyfriend in passing for some reason. Chat them up, ask them about themselves, and make up some reason to say, "Oh yeah. My ex boyfriend took me there on my birthday. It was pretty good."

    As with most coming out situations, I find that the less of a big deal you make of it, the less of a big deal it will be.
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Jan 17, 2012 2:23 PM GMT
    If your posting an ad, say something like, "Open minded/liberal male looking for same." If they are not to stupid, should get the meaning.
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    Jan 17, 2012 2:32 PM GMT
    Let them figure out their own
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    Jan 17, 2012 3:19 PM GMT
    I knew Charlotte and me were not gonna get along when I exited the airport onto the Billy Graham Freeway. Between that and the cigarettes I was glad my stay was short. I can understand your caution.

    I agree with what other said.... don't make a federal case about it but you do want to make sure they are not going to have hangups about it.

    Also, I'm not so much about the jewelry unless that's already your thing. If you be yourself and seem secure in who you are it should really not be a big issue.

    Also if there is any kind of LGBT community center or a group at your university, maybe they have a bulletin board where you could look for a share situation. That way you know the other person is also either gay also or cool with it.

    Also if there is any kind of alternative/progressive news, like a arty weekly, the kinda people who advertise in there may be more likely to be progressive-thinking than the average.
  • mma4789

    Posts: 9

    Jan 17, 2012 5:47 PM GMT
    If only you were in Raleigh... I need a roommate out here
  • Import

    Posts: 7185

    Jan 17, 2012 5:49 PM GMT
    show up in a pair of stilettos and WERQ it.

    Do the Z snap and talk about douching your ass and anal leakage.
  • sloughwest

    Posts: 210

    Jan 17, 2012 5:56 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    AMoonHawk saidsmallpicring.jpg

    Take your choice ... you only need to wear 1 for people to know

    Not necessarily. I've told the story here of the hotel clerk who noticed my late partner's rainbow ring as we were checking in, and she congratulated him for having at least 6 children, all born in a different month! Then she noticed my own matching "birthstone" ring, and gushed: "And you're a father with six children, too!" Well, it WAS Iowa. icon_rolleyes.gif



    Agree, i wear the a neck chain, and a ring, and find that they aren't noticed. But if you think about it how often do you really check out what someone else is wearing jewelery wise - for me it's ... never
  • Syphon

    Posts: 366

    Jan 17, 2012 6:03 PM GMT
    Don't expect some jewelery to convey the message, that's absurd.

    Straight up say "I'm gay, is this an issue?" If it freaks them out, then you shouldn't be roommates, duh.
  • Anto

    Posts: 2035

    Jan 17, 2012 6:15 PM GMT
    I don't expect heterosexuals to come up to me and proclaim that they are straight, so why would I run up to someone I don't know and tell them I'm gay?

    Because people don't have issues with someone being straight (unless you are a girl wary of men you meet online you might live with). People can have issues with someone being gay especially in this time period. ~96% of the population are heterosexuals, they don't have to tell people they are straight, it's just assumed, that's why straight people don't have this kind of dilemma or have to wonder about telling someone their straight unlike gay men/women.

    I think it depends on the person and would require meeting them to find out first.

    I don't think there really is a best way of doing this because it depends on the person you are dealing with and issues they might have with it or not. Probably should meet the person and get a feel for them first.
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    Jan 17, 2012 6:18 PM GMT
    Larkin said
    As with most coming out situations, I find that the less of a big deal you make of it, the less of a big deal it will be.

    ^ This. I just casually mention it in passing. Works better that way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2012 6:19 PM GMT
    Depends on what kind of roommates you want:

    If you want girl roommates then just tell them, I doubt they will care.
    If you want guy roommates then test the waters with GLBT talk and see how homophobic they get icon_confused.gif
  • FredMG

    Posts: 988

    Jan 17, 2012 6:32 PM GMT
    Koaa2 saidIf your posting an ad, say something like, "Open minded/liberal male looking for same." If they are not to stupid, should get the meaning.


    Or post "Gay male seeking platonic room mate situation" - but maybe only in your communitie's "alternative" weekly papers. Check out college housing? or post a "looking for room" flyer.

    Best luck in grad school, I'm getting my butt geared up to start looking into that too, but planning on going in the UK, where like half the population is gay,icon_lol.gif