My second puberty...

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    Jan 18, 2012 6:52 AM GMT
    ...is just as awkward and embarrassing as my first. When I was in my teens I went through what everyone does. So no need to explain that. However, I'm going on 36 and, although I'd fended off aging for about 15 years, I am suddenly experiencing all sorts of huge shifts simultaneously.

    It's like being 13 again and not knowing anything about my body. My metabolism has changed. My hormones are evidently moving around in different cycles. My hair is different. My skin isn't the same. And all of this has changed (what I would consider) radically in the last few weeks. I can't speak for others, but part of what is making this so difficult is that right now I am very awkward in front of a large, anonymous audience that isn't generally very forgiving or kind.

    At any rate, I'm trying to figure out the new balance of exercise and food necessary to maintain what I had taken for granted (and even complained about... how ungrateful can you get???), as well as which haircut works, and other issues. And, right in the middle of all this gooberness on my part (bad, bad haircut... bad), I get hounded by some faceless people who hone their words to be as destructive as possible.

    For those of you who have made a graceful transition from summer into autumn, can you share a bit about what you experienced and how you acclimated to a new incarnation of yourself?
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    Jan 18, 2012 7:02 AM GMT
    just wanted to bookmark this. i thought that was a very profound way of expressing urself. so congrats.
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    Jan 18, 2012 7:12 AM GMT
    Thank you, ChangeOfName. That was kind icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 18, 2012 7:13 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidThe beauty fades fast, its over before we even realize it began, and once gone it is gone forever. Now you must adjust or look like a fool trying to act what you no longer are. In our youth, we tell ourselves, "I am never going to change. I am always going to act and feel just as I do right now." But before we know it, the Never Never land we once flew with Peter Pan and Wendy are gone and the aging body that takes over destroys the magic we once had to fly free. So we must look at ourselves in the mirror and say, "This is who I am now. This is who I shall be. Act 3, Scene 1." Your opening line, "I am grown up now, time to put the toys of the past away." And so you move on with your life and shape and define the man in the mirror. Will he be an old fool, or wise mage.



    I understand all that. But the career I have chosen requires me to put up a bit more of a fight than that...
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    Jan 18, 2012 8:33 AM GMT
    I feel ya. I've noticed some changes in myself in the past 2 - 3 years. icon_neutral.gif
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    Jan 18, 2012 10:03 AM GMT
    dancerjack saidFor those of you who have made a graceful transition from summer into autumn, can you share a bit about what you experienced and how you acclimated to a new incarnation of yourself?

    I've gone through this a few times, where the change seemed very rapid, followed by a stable plateau for several years, then more change. Of course that may just be faulty perception. The rate of change might in fact be slow and constant, but the cumulative effects reach critical tipping points that we're able to perceive in ourselves as stages.

    Furthermore, psychologically we humans make a big deal out of the decades of our ages, assigning characteristics and expectations for each, which can become self-fulfilling prophecies for us. I wonder if we were to use some numbering system other than base-10, let's say base-20 if our ancestors had counted their toes along with their fingers, would we perceive our passing years differently? With base-20 you'd still be a teenager, not a 30-something.

    But I know you are actually aging, because you must be. How much of what you're experiencing is objective, and how much subjective I can't say. For me one test is to compare recent against old photographs. Then I can see trends more clearly, and make better sense of them. Like realizing my hairline is receding and my nose growing, prompting changes in my hairstyle and eyewear.

    My most successful reincarnation was in my mid-40s to mid-50s, beginning when I took off my Army uniform and created a new look that got me away from buzzed haircuts, clean-shaven face, regulation clothing and a generally cloned appearance. It coincided with my entering the gay world, and so I patterned myself after looks I saw that were considered attractive there.

    I really think I looked the best of my life. Not the youngest, obviously, but a look fully personalized to me, no longer regimented, and for the first & only time in my life, perhaps just a trifle sexy. (I know I'm gonna catch flak over that one) But sexy was in fact one of my goals, something that wasn't even on my radar in my Army days, but now vital to me for success in gay dating.

    I had some stumbles, naturally, but overall I acclimated to it very well, perhaps because I WANTED to look different. I wasn't fighting it, which may be what you're doing. Not unusual for performers like yourself, who establish an image and a look early, and then want to keep it unchanged for the rest of their careers.

    Sometimes that can work, and sometimes it doesn't, a lot of it having to do with what your genes are programmed to do in the years ahead. You must decide whether to follow your body into a new direction, if that's where it wants to go, or to resist for as long as you can. I've always followed mine, and built on the foundation I was given.

    Health & nutrition are not areas I can advise. I presume you get regular doctor checkups to insure there are no medical problems going on, and tons of books address nutrition.
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    Jan 18, 2012 4:56 PM GMT
    I'm actually starting to grow hair on my chest.
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    Jan 18, 2012 5:30 PM GMT
    *hugs*

    I do not know what you are going through, but then again, I have never had what you have lol icon_razz.gif

    Stay focused and do not think obsessively about all these new hurdles you have to jump over (at least not all at once). Write down these issues and possible solutions for each issue. It is possible you may have to work much harder to stay the same--if so, work on accepting this. Set goals in stages if needed. It's possible you may not be able to completely "fix" everything you see wrong. Perhaps you could consider a different image in the future maybe--not all dancers are younger looking twinks.

    Try not to be overly critical of yourself either--we tend to see our own faults much easier than other people. This is probably very overwhelming to think about at once, and it will be both a physical and mental struggle. The latter may be the hardest part. Stay positive!

    Best of luck! icon_wink.gif
  • SomeSiciliano...

    Posts: 543

    Jan 18, 2012 6:04 PM GMT
    GAMRican saidI'm actually starting to grow hair on my chest.


    HA....i know what you mean...I did not grow chest hair until I was about 35-36. You have quite a way with words Jack. One of the things that happened to me in puberty 2.0 was a documented change in my bone structure. My shoulders, chest and pelvis actually grew by a few inches...and I am not talking about muscle and fat...this was the skeletal.
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    Jan 18, 2012 6:52 PM GMT
    I started getting uncontrollable boners at completely inappropriate times like I used to when I was a teenager. That is the only drastic change I went through other than becoming slightly more emotional. icon_redface.gif
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Jan 18, 2012 7:20 PM GMT
    20 and I definitely feel like I`m not over the puberty 1.0 hump yet. Fingers crossed for another couple inches (both contexts).
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    Jan 18, 2012 7:37 PM GMT
    dancerjack said...is just as awkward and embarrassing as my first. When I was in my teens I went through what everyone does. So no need to explain that. However, I'm going on 36 and, although I'd fended off aging for about 15 years, I am suddenly experiencing all sorts of huge shifts simultaneously.

    It's like being 13 again and not knowing anything about my body. My metabolism has changed. My hormones are evidently moving around in different cycles. My hair is different. My skin isn't the same. And all of this has changed (what I would consider) radically in the last few weeks. I can't speak for others, but part of what is making this so difficult is that right now I am very awkward in front of a large, anonymous audience that isn't generally very forgiving or kind.

    At any rate, I'm trying to figure out the new balance of exercise and food necessary to maintain what I had taken for granted (and even complained about... how ungrateful can you get???), as well as which haircut works, and other issues. And, right in the middle of all this gooberness on my part (bad, bad haircut... bad), I get hounded by some faceless people who hone their words to be as destructive as possible.

    For those of you who have made a graceful transition from summer into autumn, can you share a bit about what you experienced and how you acclimated to a new incarnation of yourself?


    I say this all the time, be happy with what you have. Ok, so maybe your skin isn't as great as it used to be, maybe your complexion isn't exactly tan, or maybe your hormones are going haywire on you. Whatever's going on, just be happy. Be content. Go outside and meditate. Not looking exactly the way you want to, or trying to keep up with appearances, in the long run, do these things truly matter? Think about it, outside beauty is temporary. Inside beauty never extinguishes. Eventually this body that you've been trying to maintain will decay anyways. Now, that isn't to say that being healthy is a bad thing, it's a good thing, but sometimes you just have to be happy with you. Look around you....you have a home, a job, blue skies, think of the simple things! I have always found that, it's the simple things in life that makes life truly worth living.

    Just try it, and if it doesn't work or still doesn't make you happy, try something that will. Find your niche, even if it's small...as long as your happy, life will be easier to live!
  • araphael

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    Jan 19, 2012 1:31 AM GMT
    I'm sorry for sounding ignorant, but I'm not sure I understand. So, what, are you having uncontrollable erections now or something? I would be fascinated to hear what you mean when you say you are experiencing puberty again, particularly how biologically and physically. Is it just skin and hair changes?
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    Jan 19, 2012 1:35 AM GMT
    I just turned 36, too. I am going through a lot of changes in my body, too and it sort of feels like a second puberty, too. I think that's a great way to describe it.

    Oddly, my changes are more positive to me than yours are to you - because for the first time in my life - I actually feel somewhat attractive.

    Keep fighting your fight. - You will learn to manage through these changes.

    I would talk these things over with a doctor who might be able to steer you in the right direction.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jan 19, 2012 1:38 AM GMT
    Did anyone so far understand what you said the way you meant it?
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    Jan 19, 2012 1:40 AM GMT
    this thread confuses me LOL
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    Jan 19, 2012 1:46 AM GMT
    Not to be insensitive, but you're still really really handsome. And I'm sure you'll be a different kind of handsome in a few years. If you're worried about your job, leave it and pursue something that celebrates your best self/skills. I think we need career changes in our lives as much as we go through physical changes.
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    Jan 19, 2012 1:48 AM GMT
    Well I have a friend who is dancer/instructor and he's 43 and looks hotter than he was twenty years prior...If you want I could as him how he keeps himself in the condition that he is now....

    5374_112462563933_693513933_2101778_1244
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    Jan 19, 2012 1:49 AM GMT
  • nadaquever_rm

    Posts: 139

    Jan 19, 2012 2:00 AM GMT
    Hey dancerjack- I'm right there with you. I may not have to deal with large anonymous audiences, but I do stand in front of classrooms full of international students daily. They ALL think something different is right, so there's no pleasing them- and you should just hear what people will say when they think no one can understand them. I don't care so much what I look like, so I play a lot with the length of my hair and beard. Ironically, it's when I think I look the worst that people compliment me the most. On the physique front, more than diet and exercise, I have found that sleep makes the most difference for me. I strive for 8 hours a night (except on special occasions icon_wink.gif ). If I habitually get less, the fat & wrinkle attack.
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    Jan 19, 2012 3:01 AM GMT
    GAMRican saidI'm actually starting to grow hair on my chest.
    I STILL can't!
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    Jan 19, 2012 3:31 AM GMT
    Wow I thought I was going through something different... Early 30s were good, now that I am in my mid 30s, I've noticed a few changes physically, mentally and emotionally...
    My metabolism has definitely started to slow down... Thankfully, I am still fitting in most of my jeans... I have stepped up my workouts and cardio... I am not sacrificing my eating habits tho... Still no fast food... Oh and also moisturizing and applying SPF now...
    Emotionally I have become quite strong, the beginning of my 30s weren't so pleasant after a breakup... But I feel like I've become immune to hurting...
    Mentally, I am just as smart, if not smarter than before... I've learned from past experiences and have applied to the present/future...
  • josephmovie

    Posts: 533

    Jan 19, 2012 3:33 AM GMT
    Yep, the 30s is when it starts to change. If you have tanned your skin a lot get ready to see it deteriorate rapidly. It's not so much the wrinkles, as it is the brown patches, blotches and changes in texture. I wish I hadn't spent so much time in the sun. There was a time when people would compliment me about my skin on a regular basis.

    As for the dancing career, the only thing I'm going to say is you gotta know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em.
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    Jan 19, 2012 5:43 AM GMT
    barriehomeboy saidDid anyone so far understand what you said the way you meant it?



    Yes, I would say most responders have. And I thank each of you for your thoughts. They are all helpful in different ways. Oh: My skin is not damaged from the sun, since I have almost always avoided it like the Plague LOL I should have been more specific, I suppose.

    I have gone to the next level of cleaning up my diet, and I already feel better; I plan to experiment more with haircuts; I am trying to commit to getting enough sleep; and I have made some sweeping changes to my workouts, and I think I have hit on a new strategy that will work. All in all I may prove to be one of those annoying fuckers who get better with age. I sense a great deal of this is similar to clothing (or uniforms as one former soldier on here mentioned earlier in the thread): If you feel great wearing something it will look better on you than if you are unsure of it.

    Regardless of how I change, so long as I know how I am going to respond to it in my own way, I think I will be able to pull off the outfit.
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    Jan 22, 2012 7:20 AM GMT
    I completely understand what you're going through, I had a similar experience at about the same age.

    As long as you're getting enough exercise and sleep, it's eminently doable. The big piece of wisdom is:

    You can't get away with things anymore.

    In my 20s and 30s, I didn't have to care what I ate, how much sleep I got, my stress level, or pretty much anything else. My body just took it all in stride.

    Now, when I don't eat well, or get enough sleep, or stress out over something, my body quite rudely lets me know that it wasn't appreciated.

    Think of yourself as a classic Porsche: gorgeous, beautiful lines, a blast to drive, and still turns heads wherever you go. However, maintenance is crucial! icon_smile.gif