Mystery Man Wants To Meet?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 23, 2008 7:39 PM GMT
    I was contacted by "Mystery Man" about a month ago. He says he was shocked to find out that I was gay/bi and in a relationship with another guy. Next he tells me he wants to meet the two of us for drinks and whatever else which I already explained the latter part would never happen.
    What sucks is that after several attempts he is not even willing to share his name, his age, a picture, his work, automobile, or anything regarding his identity in fear of messing up his family however he is willing to meet in person? Hummm, he lives in the same small town and knows me pretty well and also knows several of my co-workers and is related to a few as well. He was kind enough to share that he waved to me as I left work last week and I waved back and that left me clueless.
    The kicker is I would love to know who it is and at the same time I could care less LOL. Curiousity is the main reason and I hate not knowing since he knows a lot about me. Secondly I know that sex is his main goal which would not happen with myself or with my bf. Has anyone ever had this? Would you meet in a public place just to find out who it is? I feel sure that it would be safe but how uncomfortable would it be to be in that whole situation?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jun 23, 2008 8:11 PM GMT
    Interesting situation and something similar has happened with me.

    His situation is about control. By releasing information about himself to you, he gives up control... and now he has it all. He knows you, he can bait you with a wave and you are (as you say) clueless. By jerking you along, making you curious (but clueless), he holds the cards. By meeting, he can be assurred you will take the time to meet him (which isn't assurred if you know his identity in advance)... and he can give you the information he desires and make the case for what he really wants.

    My suggestion is a shift in control and tactics. If you really don't want to see or know this individual... then dismiss him and end it. If you are curious, I suggest you set any terms of meeting.. by knowing in advance who he is (as a precondition). If he refuses.. end it. You set when and where (and anything else). If he refuses.... end it.

    And.. when (or if) you do meet him, be assurred it doesn't continue (you might be feeding this otherwise).
    If he relents and is friendship material... you set the groundrules.

    Right out of my book........
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    Jun 23, 2008 8:27 PM GMT
    This guy sounds sketchy as hell. Almost stalkerish. Why not just tell you who he is? He contacted you and he is playing games. If you meet up with him I would find out who he is first otherwise I would tell him to focus more time with his family.
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    Jun 23, 2008 8:39 PM GMT
    Don't respond to any more emails. Delete him from your life completely You don't want to get involved with freaks on any level.
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    Jun 23, 2008 8:57 PM GMT
    Tell him you'll meet him in front of your locker after 2nd period. OR - he could grow up and contact you like an adult, such as coming up to you in person and introducing himself.
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    Jun 23, 2008 9:58 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidInteresting situation and something similar has happened with me.

    His situation is about control. By releasing information about himself to you, he gives up control... and now he has it all. He knows you, he can bait you with a wave and you are (as you say) clueless. By jerking you along, making you curious (but clueless), he holds the cards. By meeting, he can be assurred you will take the time to meet him (which isn't assurred if you know his identity in advance)... and he can give you the information he desires and make the case for what he really wants.

    My suggestion is a shift in control and tactics. If you really don't want to see or know this individual... then dismiss him and end it. If you are curious, I suggest you set any terms of meeting.. by knowing in advance who he is (as a precondition). If he refuses.. end it. You set when and where (and anything else). If he refuses.... end it.

    And.. when (or if) you do meet him, be assurred it doesn't continue (you might be feeding this otherwise).
    If he relents and is friendship material... you set the groundrules.

    Right out of my book........


    This is basically what I have said to him. I did not want to write every little thing because it would have been so long and not many would have taken the time to read it. I let him know that there is no way I would meet anyone not knowing who they are and what they look like. Just makes safe and common sense. I was only curious as to how often this type of thing occurs. Thanks!
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    Jun 23, 2008 10:01 PM GMT
    lissenup saidTell him you'll meet him in front of your locker after 2nd period. OR - he could grow up and contact you like an adult, such as coming up to you in person and introducing himself.


    So funny, I in fact told him after his second email that he needed to grow up and stop being ashamed of himself. Also I replied to his statement that "no one knows about me", I said pffft how can you do this type of thing and no one know? More people most likely know about him than he thinks and a lot of gay dudes are just waiting to tell everyone about the closeted family guy. If we met then I would know who it is so why not just tell.....and that is where I have left it with the douche bag icon_twisted.gif
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    Jun 23, 2008 10:02 PM GMT
    lissenup saidTell him you'll meet him in front of your locker after 2nd period. OR - he could grow up and contact you like an adult, such as coming up to you in person and introducing himself.


    I was just thinking how High School-ish this was. Wait...did he send you an email at work asking you to click YES or NO as to if you like him or not? LORD!

    do-you-like-me.gif

    Block his emails or what not. Over the next few days, I'm sure you'll be able to figure out who he is.
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    Jun 23, 2008 10:08 PM GMT
    lissenup saidTell him you'll meet him in front of your locker after 2nd period. OR - he could grow up and contact you like an adult, such as coming up to you in person and introducing himself.


    EXACTLY!!! Chizzad, what's up with freak job?!?!? Sad thing is, if you ever discover who it is, make sure you share with us who it was; I'm curious now myself!

    And these, are the days of our lives....
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    Jun 23, 2008 11:33 PM GMT
    I will be sure to share it with someone I am sure. The logic behind knowing, not meeting and telling and thinking if we meet that spreading the word is not possible is absurd......I don't get what he is thinking!
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    Jun 23, 2008 11:50 PM GMT
    Don't be curious.. and don't communicate in any way....I've was once stalked....i was told later by a therapist that getting attention in any way is what they are after....yeah they get off getting yelled at and being called a perv etc. And don't fantasize that this guy is hot....it will turn out that this guy is the lowest form of life....there is no way this guy would even talk to a hot guy in real life.
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    Jun 24, 2008 2:39 AM GMT
    Umm I gotta bf so I do not care if hot or not. I just would like to know who it is but I'm not going to meet him LOL. That is just silly!
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    Jun 24, 2008 2:47 AM GMT
    I completely agree. This mysterious man sounds a bit creepy and stalkerish. Not a good sign on his part and it's pretty disrepectful for him to pursue you after you told him you are in relationship. Being friends is on thing but taking it past that is another story and he should repesct your boundaries without question.

    You are entitled to know who this person is since he seems to know who you are. Seems only fair and in doing so you can explain to him in person that nothing will ever happen. Once that's done hopefully he will move on. I hope things work out for you Chizzard.
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    Jun 24, 2008 2:51 AM GMT
    woulda, coulda, shoulda. Its a little too late, but the best thing I would say would be to ignore these kinds of people. If it is really important they would reveal themselves upfront. anything else is just a mind game. Let them play their mind games on their own. Until that, let them be a nobody.
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    Jun 24, 2008 2:52 AM GMT
    I can hide it no longer! IT IS ME!!!! Chizzad, I NEED you in my life!!! Gunner won't mind, I PROMISE! icon_twisted.gif
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    Jun 24, 2008 2:56 AM GMT
    Block his emails now. End of story...unless you are desperate and enjoy abuseicon_sad.gif
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    Jun 24, 2008 2:56 AM GMT
    Sick. LOL.
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    Jun 24, 2008 2:57 AM GMT
    meh...if you're curious, meet him. what's gonna happen? meet in a public place and take lawson. you already know nothing is gonna happen (sexually) so there's really nothing going on except a satisfaction of your curiosity. I doubt you are in any physical danger...you're a big guy and lawson protect you and can wrestle him to the ground if he tries any funny stuff, LOL....

    You wanna talk about control? He obviously wants you...I mean seriously, who doesn't? And you will ultimately be in control when you find out who he is.

    Here's the potential problem I see. You set up a meeting and he doesn't show, or he sits back in the bar somewhere and watches you like the creepy dude he is.

    Now I'm curious, too...go meet him and then tell us about it!!!

    C'mon, Chad, think about us for a change, heh heh.

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    Jun 24, 2008 3:05 AM GMT
    I would be really concerned if he knows people at your job. At the risk of your professional career you might not want to take a chance. Besides...What makes him so special that he wants to meet but won't expose ANYTHING about himself? Even though you've laid the gaunlet in the beginning, agreeing to a "meetup," might only give this person the wrong idea.
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    Jun 24, 2008 3:11 AM GMT
    my advice would be to pass for now. at the end of the day, closeted or not, you are both adults. if you want to take an adult step, you must act like an adult. he is not doing that. he is playing a game and it is also not fair to you, because he knows so much about you but wants you to step out on faith with him. a person like that is not worth the hassle. if he is serious, he will be a little more open with you and allow you to make an informed decision. curiousity is a killer, but it also killed the cat.
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    Jun 24, 2008 3:18 AM GMT
    tommysguns2000 saidYou wanna talk about control? He obviously wants you...I mean seriously, who doesn't? And you will ultimately be in control when you find out who he is.
    I would like to throw some doubt on this strategy. If you meet or even chat with someone like this you are already the one under control. I'll tell you a little story that happened about 3 weeks ago.

    A friend was visiting and messing around on a hook-up site. He started chatting with this guy who seemed like a meth head druggie. My friend hates these kinds of people. He ignored his gut feeling and chatted with the guy anyway. They exchanged phone numbers and the guy told my friend where he lived.

    SO one morning at 4:30 AM this guy calls wanting late night druggie sex. My friend freaks and tells the guy he hates druggies and knock it off. The guy does not respond and does not agree to stop. When I came home from work the next day I found my friend sulking on the bed. I flipped on the light and he was covered in blood. His shirt was torn and streaks of blood were on his t-shirt, his face, and his hands. I looked at him and could see his skin wasn't broken and the blood was not his own. He told me he had gone to tell the guy never to call again etc. and that he was a druggie in denial. The guy unfortunately grabbed my friend and tried to pull him in the apartment tearing his shirt. He grabbed the guy back, and started punching the guy until his blood was squirting on him. The guy ran back in the place and my friend left.

    The next few days I was so stressed that other guy may have bled to death or something I looked on the news to see if someone was found dead in that area. He later wrote my friend and apologized.

    The moral of the story is the minute you let a crazy person draw you out in anger or whatever, he is in control, not you. Better to nip a problem in the bud and stick to your own turf. Ignore them unless they can man up and act like a real person. Who needs the drama?
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    Jun 24, 2008 3:23 AM GMT
    May I suggest the movies "Fatal Attraction, Single White Female, and Swimfan."
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    Jun 24, 2008 4:37 AM GMT
    maxxtowt saidI would be really concerned if he knows people at your job. At the risk of your professional career you might not want to take a chance. Besides...What makes him so special that he wants to meet but won't expose ANYTHING about himself? Even though you've laid the gaunlet in the beginning, agreeing to a "meetup," might only give this person the wrong idea.


    You need to show me where I said I would meet him, I actually told him that I would never meet someone if the refused to tell me who they were. That's ignorant and just flat out stupid. As far as friends, I have plenty and I sure as hell do not need a lover so why would I even want to befriend a closet case that will most certainly be infested with drama.
    I simply do not like that he knows so much about me and it would be nice to know who it is, not really a big deal to me and I was not really asking for advice in this thread but was wondering how many others have had this happen. I think its gotten a lot o bit off topic...............but that is what most threads do LOL.
  • CuriousJockAZ

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    Jun 24, 2008 4:48 AM GMT
    The guy sounds very creepy...I wouldn't want to meet him, but I can understand your curiosity.
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    Jun 24, 2008 4:57 AM GMT
    Sheesh...sounds scary, Chad. I'd be curious too, but my better judgment would keep me away from him. Sounds like you've already gone that route, and good for you.

    Maybe he waved at a co-worker of yours. That'd be funny.