When the going gets easy...

  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Jan 20, 2012 7:40 AM GMT
    Pardon me for being verbose. I'm kind of just trying to process this all icon_smile.gif


    1. This guy found me on Grindr from like, 3 hours away, and hit me up. We randomly started talking and chatting, and I was having fun talking back and forth. We've found we have lot of similarities, some differences, and a very physical attraction to each other icon_smile.gif
    2. After jokingly suggesting it, he decided to come down for a weekend. It was fantastic with both him and myself, cuddling, going out to eat, mind-blowing sex, and even sharing stupid Youtube vids with each other icon_smile.gif
    3. We're still talking. A lot. And I'm really enjoying chatting with him, even if it's not about anything particularly significant. I find him funny, intelligent, extremely charismatic, and most of all very thoughtful of others and a big, big romantic.
    4. I could potentially foresee a future with him. I'm not even considering myself "involved" at all, but I really like him from the aspect of a friend, a fellow gay man, a fellow doctorate in training, and I would enjoy dating him, possibly even long term.

    My questions to you all include the following:

    1. This the first time that I've ever met someone that has shut off any interest in pursuing or searching for other people. I've learned usually that when I'm not entirely satisfied with the person I'm with, I am still (subconsciously) looking for the next best thing. This is not "on" at the moment. Is this a good thing? Is it indicative of something that could potentially be longer lasting? (LTR couples, I'd be interested to hear your perspectives) Or am I still just riding the serotonin low and wrapped up in the love/crush stage?

    2. Since we're a fair distance apart and we both have busy schedules, we don't have a lot of time where we can see each other, and we don't necessarily plan on spending a lot of time visiting each other. Maybe a weekend here or there. Obviously we communicate quite a bit. But am I being just silly in thinking that I can sustain the long distance relationship this long term, even though we never had an initial dating period in the same location? I mean, at the moment I feel as if I could feasible do this for a couple years until he's finished with school, but that could be just the emotions talking again.

    3. We talked a bit about previous relationships. We both tend to be "way too trusting" when it comes to the other person in relationship, and that we both tend to rush into relationships as well. I'm wondering if that is going to be a problem, since both of us seem to be heading along at the same pace?

    4. Stereotypical question. For those of you in LTR relationships, I am curious if looking back on them, if you "knew" that it was going to work out in the long term? I know that technically it could go anywhere from here due to the way life works, but I kind of wonder if this might possibly perhaps have the tiniest chance of a snowball in hell of working out.


    Your thoughts are greatly appreciated icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2012 4:55 PM GMT
    why not nurture this relationship?
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Jan 20, 2012 5:03 PM GMT
    I'm a firm believer in the "where there's a will, there's a way" approach. But both parties have to be willing.

    The distance you're talking about is not insurmountable--it's not like he lives thousands of miles away. If you're both enjoying it, why not give it a go and try to see each other as regularly as possible?

    You don't have to set parameters at this stage of the game, but it's promising that you find yourself less interested in pursuing other options.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2012 8:22 PM GMT
    My best advice to you and to the potential special guy is don't indulge the urge to force anything. Our brains are sometimes the worst impediment to a good relationship. Things will progress naturaly without forcing it. Eventually, you'll have to make some decisions regarding next steps if it looks like it's headed for the long haul and serious. Have fun. It's a great time in your life, when something like this happens. Enjoy it for as long as it lasts.

    P.S. I was in a similar situation, 2 hours, not 3, and we've been together for 10 years, have a house and a son. We just took things as they came and it worked out just fine.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2012 8:39 PM GMT
    ExArmy saidMy best advice to you and to the potential special guy is don't indulge the urge to force anything. Our brains are sometimes the worst impediment to a good relationship. Things will progress naturaly without forcing it. Eventually, you'll have to make some decisions regarding next steps if it looks like it's headed for the long haul and serious. Have fun. It's a great time in your life, when something like this happens. Enjoy it for as long as it lasts.

    P.S. I was in a similar situation, 2 hours, not 3, and we've been together for 10 years, have a house and a son. We just took things as they came and it worked out just fine.


    This is really good advice. It applies not just for OP, but I was doing the same thing, trying my best to take things where I hoped they should. But if its meant to be, it will. Thanks man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2012 8:46 PM GMT
    Yes, would you please stop analysing everything haha, reading all that analysis gave me a headache hihihi... just go with the flow and take it as it comes...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 20, 2012 9:00 PM GMT
    Don't overthink or overpush it. If you want it too much you could sabotage it yourself.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2012 5:28 PM GMT
    There's a lot to be said for chemistry. I met a guy randomly on a ski trip, knew that there was something different instantly, and just let things develop at their own pace. Twelve years(!) later, we are still going strong, with a house and a child together.

    Go with your gut, and recognize when your subconscious is whispering to you that "this one's a keeper."

    Good luck!
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Jan 21, 2012 5:35 PM GMT
    Live in the present and try to have as much fun as possible every moment you`re with him. Keep doing that, and with any luck you`ll still be enjoying each other`s company years from now. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 21, 2012 10:00 PM GMT
    SwimSF saidThere's a lot to be said for chemistry. I met a guy randomly on a ski trip, knew that there was something different instantly, and just let things develop at their own pace. Twelve years(!) later, we are still going strong, with a house and a child together.

    Go with your gut, and recognize when your subconscious is whispering to you that "this one's a keeper."

    Good luck!


    that's how i feel about this one guy...the whole "letting things happen at their own pace" thing is the painful part, though.