Immature Friends?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 24, 2008 8:34 AM GMT
    As I sit here, late at night pondering life (lol), I started thinking on a topic that I suppose has been bugging me subconsciously for awhile, so I'm just going to try and put it into words.

    I noticed that a few of my friends, one in particular, who I thought was a pretty mature and easy going person, is starting to seem like she isn't this way at all.

    It seems like the more I get to know her, the more I have this bad taste left in my mouth.

    I wonder if it could be a conflict of values? It just shocks me sometimes, some of the stuff that she says, or the way she acts. And I think, I don't want to be dealing with this.

    The problem is that I still think of her as the nice person that I met, and I guess I am having trouble assimilating the new information that she is giving me into the schema that I have of her.

    I try to be understanding, because I don't want to seem like a condescending prick. That's not what friends are supposed to be like towards each other. But even with that in mind, I notice these things.

    So I guess my question is, what do you do when you begin to question if your friends maturity level interferes with your friendship?

    I'm just looking for how some of you gents would approach such a situation. I realize that it is a little bit ambiguous and completely lacking context, but based on what I have given here, what would you do?
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    Jun 24, 2008 11:54 AM GMT
    After I graduated college I noticed a few of my friends still acted like they when I first met them. We werent on the same level anymore. I distanced myself a little but in the end most have matured into adults. They still go back to there old ways but it is 10 times better. Were all adults and we act like it.
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    Jun 24, 2008 12:18 PM GMT
    surfsdown saidIt seems like the more I get to know her, the more I have this bad taste left in my mouth.


    I sure hope you are speaking metaphorically! ... icon_eek.gif

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    Jun 24, 2008 1:53 PM GMT
    My previous bestfriend and I, we were bestfriends right up until high school. Then he found Jesus by being baptized as a Born Again Christian... though I hated myself for it, I couldn't stand him anymore. None of us could stand him. He'd get mad when we used swearwords with Jesus or God or Satan in it. He'd adopt this uppity behavior whenever we're discussing something about morals and would repeatedly quote from the Bible. His eyes would glaze over and he'd smirk as if we were lesser beings for not believing in what he believed in.

    I drew closer with another friend of mine who became my bestfriend up until now.

    Anyway, he had this certain discomfiting way of making me feel like I should be guilty for abandoning my bestfriend since kindergarten. It only drew me farther from him.

    Friends drift apart, that's just the way it is and there's nothing you can do about it really.
  • Bunjamon

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    Jun 24, 2008 6:16 PM GMT
    surfsdown saidSo I guess my question is, what do you do when you begin to question if your friends maturity level interferes with your friendship?


    Stop calling them. If you never initiate hanging out with them they'll get tired of calling you all the time and (hopefully) move on.
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    Jun 24, 2008 6:47 PM GMT
    Caslon4000 said[quote][cite]surfsdown said[/cite]It seems like the more I get to know her, the more I have this bad taste left in my mouth.


    I sure hope you are speaking metaphorically! ... icon_eek.gif

    [/quote]

    Haha, that really should go without saying...although I honestly didn't realize the suggestive nature of that sentence icon_twisted.gif
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    Jun 24, 2008 7:10 PM GMT
    I have found myself in similar situations from time to time. Sometimes it has been about maturity. Other times it's been about something else that makes me question whether the person is friends with me because they understand and like who I am, or rather just because I happen to amuse them.

    For me, the hardest part of dealing with it is accepting the realization that someone isn't the person you thought they were. I seen to react differently based on the situation. A few times I've confronted the friend in an effort to deal with what's bothering me (sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't).

    If it's not just a situational thing that passes, or something that would benefit from a heart-to-heart talk, I usually find myself drifting away from the person. It's sad, and there are people who I've drifted away from but still sorely miss... But sometimes it seems preferable to move on.
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    Jun 24, 2008 8:08 PM GMT
    You should surround your self with people that share your values and who can encourage and uplift you, not make you a stranger to yourself.

    People change, and they are vastly complex. Perhaps she is just exhibiting a different side of her personality, perhaps she has done away with airs and you see who she really is.

    Regardless, life is too short to sacrifice time for someone that makes you feel uncomfortable. Sometimes people don't mesh and you shouldn't feel guilty about disliking them. Sometimes strings need to be cut.
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    Jun 25, 2008 10:15 PM GMT
    Thanks for all of the great responses.

    I actually talked to her, and I think we worked a lot of stuff out.

    Take care guys icon_smile.gif