Looking for advice, What is left to do?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 24, 2008 5:10 PM GMT
    Ok allow me a moment to wine and look for a few guiding words. Im 23 and I'm already tired of dating and the whole hunt for relationships. I've had my times where i slept around and im tired of that, Ive dated around and im tired of the whole emotional rollercoaster that leads to. I've tried dating sites, clubs, and anything else to meet guys. but it has all come to nothing. my friends say im picky and i should lower my standards, i did that and it still didnt work out. What is there left to do? Im tired of being single, and to date my longest relationship has been about 3 months. What am i doing wrong?
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jun 24, 2008 5:47 PM GMT
    SilverBird saidOk allow me a moment to wine and look for a few guiding words. I'm 23 and I'm already tired of dating and the whole hunt for relationships. I've had my times where i slept around and im tired of that, Ive dated around and im tired of the whole emotional roller coaster that leads to. I've tried dating sites, clubs, and anything else to meet guys. but it has all come to nothing. my friends say im picky and i should lower my standards, i did that and it still didn't work out. What is there left to do? I'm tired of being single, and to date my longest relationship has been about 3 months. What am i doing wrong?


    We are mostly on the same page. You don't do anything wrong, you just didn't have the luck yet.

    I am so far now that I think about not doing anything for a while, since it really seems like my heart canĀ“t take anymore disappointments. (It actually hurts everytime I think about Guys I dated)
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    Jun 24, 2008 5:58 PM GMT
    Wow, you guys seem WAY too young to be at this point already.

    But what I find when I'm at that point, is that it's time to take a break from it all and just focus on yourself, your friends and family. Focus on what matters most to YOU.

    When you're not looking for it, that's when it usually finds you. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jun 24, 2008 6:08 PM GMT
    MuscleBudSea saidWow, you guys seem WAY too young to be at this point already.

    But what I find when I'm at that point, is that it's time to take a break from it all and just focus on yourself, your friends and family. Focus on what matters most to YOU.

    When you're not looking for it, that's when it usually finds you. icon_biggrin.gif


    I have waited for it to find me as well. It has but even then it doesnt last to long. which is why im at the point now that i kind of just want to give up on the possibility of anything meaningful and lasting altogether
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    Jun 24, 2008 7:02 PM GMT
    You are way too young to be at that mindset already buddy.

    When I say wait for it to find you, I mean get it completely out of your head. Forget about it. Ditch any/all online profiles, etc. If you're sitting and waiting for it to find you, that's usually not how it works.

    Focus on yourself, if you're not really happy then find whatever it is in your life that makes you happy WITHOUT a bf/man/partner, etc.
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    Jun 24, 2008 7:26 PM GMT
    MuscleBudSea saidYou are way too young to be at that mindset already buddy.

    When I say wait for it to find you, I mean get it completely out of your head. Forget about it. Ditch any/all online profiles, etc. If you're sitting and waiting for it to find you, that's usually not how it works.

    Focus on yourself, if you're not really happy then find whatever it is in your life that makes you happy WITHOUT a bf/man/partner, etc.


    thank you
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jun 24, 2008 7:33 PM GMT
    MuscleBudSea saidYou are way too young to be at that mindset already buddy.

    When I say wait for it to find you, I mean get it completely out of your head. Forget about it. Ditch any/all online profiles, etc. If you're sitting and waiting for it to find you, that's usually not how it works.

    Focus on yourself, if you're not really happy then find whatever it is in your life that makes you happy WITHOUT a bf/man/partner, etc.


    I will try that too. Dont know how I will get the Idea out of my head, but I wont kill my profiles. Chatting online with friends is one of the few things that keep me from going bonkers at the moment.
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    Jun 24, 2008 7:56 PM GMT
    maximumrisk said[quote][cite]MuscleBudSea said[/cite]You are way too young to be at that mindset already buddy.

    When I say wait for it to find you, I mean get it completely out of your head. Forget about it. Ditch any/all online profiles, etc. If you're sitting and waiting for it to find you, that's usually not how it works.

    Focus on yourself, if you're not really happy then find whatever it is in your life that makes you happy WITHOUT a bf/man/partner, etc.


    I will try that too. Dont know how I will get the Idea out of my head, but I wont kill my profiles. Chatting online with friends is one of the few things that keep me from going bonkers at the moment.[/quote]

    Yeah talking to folks online about random stuff like on this site keeps my mind off of things for the most part
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 24, 2008 8:05 PM GMT
    Seriously, you're 23!! DO NOT WORRY ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP NOW!! You're still young and have ALL kinds of things to learn about you, develop better/tighter friendships and your career!! Come on people!!!
  • UncleverName

    Posts: 741

    Jun 24, 2008 8:06 PM GMT
    I'd suggest renting/buying Swingers. Watch it! It's straight, not gay, but I think it's true either way.

    For starters, why do you need to be with someone else anyways? What's wrong with you on your own? Figure out how to be comfortable on your own first, then think about others. Of course, once you are comfortable with yourself, being with someone else won't matter nearly as much. If you want sex, go get it. That's much different from a relationship, and much easier to get (and be temporarily happy with) in my opinion. Not that I've slept with many guys, but at the very worst, you can pay for sex, so it's just not that big of a deal.

    After that, confidence and independence are hot. Really hot. Unless you want to be dependent and needy in the relationship, you have to be confident and independent now, before you even meet someone else.

    Thirdly, just relax. Don't invest yourself into the process so much. If you meet a guy that you like, cool off and take it slow. Then it won't hurt as much if it doesn't work out. Also, try to date multiple guys at once. This alone should keep you from getting attached to just one guy too fast. You guys are both attractive looking guys. This shouldn't be too hard. Be patient. Really, really patient. The best comes to those who wait. Period.

    Lastly, watch Swingers!
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    Jun 24, 2008 8:11 PM GMT
    Hey Guys, My partner and I have been together for 20 years next month. Before we met, we were both in the same area you are now. We wanted a relationship so bad that we both got involved with he wrong guys. After a while we decided we didn't want to go through it anymore. We stopped dating and we stopped looking. I was hanging out with my friends and just having a good time. My partner was doing the same. I did this for about 2 years and my partner about a year and a half. I saw him from across the room. He had a great smile that just made me smile looking at it. He looked up and saw me looking at him. It took a couple mutual friends to introduce us. We talked and laughed and just hung out. We decided we would date for a moth or so before even thinking about sleeping together. It was really fun. We took the time to really get to know each other. As I said it will be 20 years in July. It was well worth the wait. It can and will happen for you. Stop trying to make it happen. It will!
  • maximumrisk

    Posts: 799

    Jun 24, 2008 8:22 PM GMT
    UncleverName saidI'd suggest renting/buying Swingers. Watch it! It's straight, not gay, but I think it's true either way.

    For starters, why do you need to be with someone else anyways? What's wrong with you on your own? Figure out how to be comfortable on your own first, then think about others. Of course, once you are comfortable with yourself, being with someone else won't matter nearly as much. If you want sex, go get it. That's much different from a relationship, and much easier to get (and be temporarily happy with) in my opinion. Not that I've slept with many guys, but at the very worst, you can pay for sex, so it's just not that big of a deal.

    After that, confidence and independence are hot. Really hot. Unless you want to be dependent and needy in the relationship, you have to be confident and independent now, before you even meet someone else.

    Thirdly, just relax. Don't invest yourself into the process so much. If you meet a guy that you like, cool off and take it slow. Then it won't hurt as much if it doesn't work out. Also, try to date multiple guys at once. This alone should keep you from getting attached to just one guy too fast. You guys are both attractive looking guys. This shouldn't be too hard. Be patient. Really, really patient. The best comes to those who wait. Period.

    Lastly, watch Swingers!


    Okay. Think I am going to get Swingers today. icon_razz.gif

    I would say that my selfconfidence has grown a lot in the last years, also my shyness seems to fade, so i think I am at least good at that part. To the question "Why a relationship?", I have been sleeping around for long enough now and sexual encounters I cant count on are just a waste of time. Before I go through the trouble to get sex, I do it myself and be done with it in 10 Min.

    Maybe my need for friends merges at the moment with my need for a Bf, but both are good and apparently hard to get.

    So I will do what you said and try to take it calm. Who knows what can develop if you give it some time.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jun 24, 2008 8:28 PM GMT
    My confidence is pretty good as well, its just i get abit lonely at times. This may just be a result of that. But that brings up another point, what should i do when i hit those times?
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    Jun 24, 2008 8:29 PM GMT
    Easy. You're 23.
  • maximumrisk

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    Jun 24, 2008 8:29 PM GMT
    SilverBird saidMy confidence is pretty good as well, its just i get abit lonely at times. This may just be a result of that. But that brings up another point, what should i do when i hit those times?


    Get an Ipod and play your Favorites. Thats what I do and it seems to work, whenever I seem to be a bit low on spirit I turn on my MP3 and suddenly I find myself winking at hotties. (Everybody who knows me would think I am sick) icon_razz.gif
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    Jun 24, 2008 8:34 PM GMT
    Luckydog76 saidEasy. You're 23.

    Im going to need abit more than just my age to go on
  • UncleverName

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    Jun 24, 2008 8:37 PM GMT
    If you get lonely, try to make some friends. Making friends, real friends, is tough too, but easier than finding a soul mate (whatever that is).

    To make friends, join a local sports team, ask someone to be your training partner, introduce yourself to people at places you are (the gym, work, Starbucks, wherever). Get involved in things! Volunteer for different events. Get involved in a fund raising event.

    And keep in mind that if you want people to open up to you, open up to them yourself. You may get hurt by doing this, but that's life. You get hurt, it sucks, you pick yourself up (hopefully with the help of some friends that you managed to make along the way) and you start over again.

    I'm not going through what you guys are, and I make it sound easy. It isn't, I know. But it is simple. And if life were easy, it'd be boring! We don't want drama in our lives, but we do want some excitement and adventure. The problem is, the two go hand in hand. So live a little. Get involved in your community and meet people. If you're already doing that, then patience is all you need. If you get lonely, call someone you are friends with. Or do something else I tend to do a lot: send an email to someone that looks interesting here on RealJock, for no other reason than getting to know them.
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    Jun 24, 2008 8:50 PM GMT
    UncleverName saidIf you get lonely, try to make some friends. Making friends, real friends, is tough too, but easier than finding a soul mate (whatever that is).

    To make friends, join a local sports team, ask someone to be your training partner, introduce yourself to people at places you are (the gym, work, Starbucks, wherever). Get involved in things! Volunteer for different events. Get involved in a fund raising event.

    And keep in mind that if you want people to open up to you, open up to them yourself. You may get hurt by doing this, but that's life. You get hurt, it sucks, you pick yourself up (hopefully with the help of some friends that you managed to make along the way) and you start over again.

    I'm not going through what you guys are, and I make it sound easy. It isn't, I know. But it is simple. And if life were easy, it'd be boring! We don't want drama in our lives, but we do want some excitement and adventure. The problem is, the two go hand in hand. So live a little. Get involved in your community and meet people. If you're already doing that, then patience is all you need. If you get lonely, call someone you are friends with. Or do something else I tend to do a lot: send an email to someone that looks interesting here on RealJock, for no other reason than getting to know them.

    Its sad to say that i have tried many of those things already.
  • maximumrisk

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    Jun 24, 2008 9:02 PM GMT
    UncleverName said Or do something else I tend to do a lot: send an email to someone that looks interesting here on RealJock, for no other reason than getting to know them.


    That usually ends in feeling worse since there is a 70% chance of no answer. At least if I go after my success so far.
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    Jun 24, 2008 9:04 PM GMT
    maximumrisk said[quote][cite]UncleverName said[/cite] Or do something else I tend to do a lot: send an email to someone that looks interesting here on RealJock, for no other reason than getting to know them.


    That usually ends in feeling worse since there is a 70% chance of no answer. At least if I go after my success so far.[/quote]

    I agree
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    Jun 24, 2008 9:14 PM GMT
    Hate to break it to you, but dating is a hit and miss thing. You may want to relax and not try too hard. You may come across a great guy when you least expect it.
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    Jun 24, 2008 9:23 PM GMT
    looks like alot of you are saying to wait it out, or just not think of it at all, is that correct?
  • maximumrisk

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    Jun 24, 2008 9:30 PM GMT
    SilverBird saidlooks like alot of you are saying to wait it out, or just not think of it at all, is that correct?


    Sadly its true. You cant force anything and I think you will agree that most things happen if you dont think about them.
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    Jun 24, 2008 9:33 PM GMT
    maximumrisk said[quote][cite]SilverBird said[/cite]looks like alot of you are saying to wait it out, or just not think of it at all, is that correct?


    Sadly its true. You cant force anything and I think you will agree that most things happen if you dont think about them.[/quote]

    Yeah maximumrisk, looks like we are in agreement about that
  • UncleverName

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    Jun 24, 2008 9:59 PM GMT
    I would say first and foremost to be patient.

    After that, I'd say don't get bitter. You guys are both really young. Do you want to be married to someone?

    If yes, then don't you want to find the right person? Finding the right person takes a lot of time, and as someone else (can't remember who) said, you're statistically going to fail at every relationship until you succeed. It's that simple.

    If you don't want to get married, then there's no problem right now.

    In terms of making friends, I guess I don't really know what you guys expect. You can't just try those things (join a sports team, volunteer, get involved) and say they didn't work. They aren't really things that you try. You do them, all the time. This is life. Life is about getting involved. You can't live your life sitting in the stands, analyzing things and trying to figure it out. You get involved and experience stuff, over and over again. Maybe joining that local lawn bowling team didn't make you any real friends; that doesn't mean that joining a new sports team won't make you new friends. Try something you're really interested in, with other people, that you enjoy. Friends will come along. And if you still feel that you've done that, and it hasn't worked, try something slightly different. I joined Toast Masters at my last job, and I made tons of friends. You have to get up and talk about yourself, and you have to listen to other people talk about themselves. I can't think of a better way to get to know people than that.

    Life is what you make of it. If you're keep thinking you're never going to find someone, you're going to keep going out of your way to prove yourself right. If, on the other hand, you keep telling yourself that you're going to enjoy life and meet new people, you'll prove yourself right with that. Someone that makes friends doesn't say that it doesn't work to try different things to make friends. He goes out and makes new friends. Maybe they aren't friends for life; life is so short that what we all really need are friends for right now. Friends for life are just friends for right now that lasted a long time. Considering right now is the only moment that really matters, that's all we can ask for.

    Ok, rant over. I hope some of this was useful. It sounds like you guys are lonely, and frustrated, and I wish there was something I could do for you. I can't really though. You've got to do something for yourself about this.