Too kind for my own good

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    Jan 22, 2012 6:27 AM GMT
    Have you ever met someone like that? I am far too forgiving and far too "considerate" for my own good. Not to say i can't be a bitch, but to my friends I am a freaking saint. I seem to attract people who have issues and such and try to be as nice and kind and helpful to them as possible since its what I wish someone would do for me sometimes. Alot of the time they end up trampling all over me, completely thankless of my pulling them from the brink. Occasionally they just don't get any better or fall deeper into the pit, which slowly wears on my patience (as healthy as it is) and mental health. I feel very old sometimes, having dealt with people like this consistently over the years as they just seem to flock to me.

    I think what it comes down to is that i'm tired of giving so very much to these people emotionally without any return. All it ever does is get me into trouble but try as i might I just cannot stop being that person, even at the cost of my own happiness...ugh...apologies for the emo moment.

    Let the flame-wars and accusations of pity-seeking begin icon_rolleyes.gif
  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    Jan 22, 2012 6:33 AM GMT
    well basically you cant read people well, they say you cant judge a book by a cover but with people its easy
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    Jan 22, 2012 6:47 AM GMT
    Think about this:
    Your niceness may have a limited supply. One day you may feel like you've run out. Do you want to regret blowing it on people who don't value it? Knowing there are others in the world who would love someone like you and reciprocate.

    While you can, stop doling it out to those who don't deserve it. You will want to be not burnt-out when you find someone worth adoring. It doesn't make you evil, it makes you responsible.
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    Jan 22, 2012 7:02 AM GMT
    Well to the part about reading people, you are correct. I have Asperger's Syndrome, which makes that very difficult if not borderline impossible to do. Unfortunately I also don't like to admit to it and try and work around it without letting people/society make allowances for it (very stubborn). It also makes the future seem somewhat bleak with regards to my likelihood of finding "someone who loves me," as i am fond of saying, "for my faults as opposed to in spite of them"

    *aside: yowling kitty is yowling outside my window, heheheh
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    Jan 22, 2012 10:49 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidThink about this:
    Your niceness may have a limited supply. One day you may feel like you've run out. Do you want to regret blowing it on people who don't value it? Knowing there are others in the world who would love someone like you and reciprocate.

    While you can, stop doling it out to those who don't deserve it. You will want to be not burnt-out when you find someone worth adoring. It doesn't make you evil, it makes you responsible.


    I feel emotionally and morally bankrupt at times.
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    Jan 22, 2012 4:43 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidThink about this:
    Your niceness may have a limited supply. One day you may feel like you've run out. Do you want to regret blowing it on people who don't value it? Knowing there are others in the world who would love someone like you and reciprocate.

    While you can, stop doling it out to those who don't deserve it. You will want to be not burnt-out when you find someone worth adoring. It doesn't make you evil, it makes you responsible.


    Here, SB, try this on instead...

    "Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared." ~~ Buddha

    OP, someone wise once said all you need to know...

    RoadsterRacer87 said...I just cannot stop being that person...


    If you are being a good person, then why would you ever stop being who you are? Understand that the more you love, the more you will hurt. The more you help, the more you will be taken advantage of. That is the nature of that beast.

    Life is not just about pleasures and being happy. There is sadness and pain; there is friendship and betrayal. The more you open the door to one, the more the others have access. That's life.

    One does not take away from the other, but adds to it. Sadness might at times make it harder to connect with happiness, but your happy is still there; you just have to find it again.

    As being happy takes effort, then by entropy, it is easier to be not happy. And sometimes it is okay to wallow in self pity, to take some time and build up reserves. But then pull yourself out and continue being who you can not stop being. even if making yourself happy allows in some pain.

    To be true to yourself be selfless.
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    Jan 22, 2012 4:57 PM GMT
    Nice and naive are two completely different things, but they do go hand in hand for a while till you figure out how to separate them. Once you figure that out, you'll learn the art of saying "go fuck yourself" to those who are using pity to trample all over you. icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 22, 2012 5:08 PM GMT
    Read "The Virtue of Shelfishness" by Ayn Rand.

    Paraphrasing one of the lines from the book, "If your lover had an illness, and you a million dollars that would cure him, you'd pay the money to save him. But what if that same million could cure 100 people instead? Altruism would dictate that you let your lover die and save the 100 people, because the greater good is served."

    You have to do things for yourself first. It is not only your right, but your moral obligation to do this. As for others, you will have more to give to those you love. I'm not talking about just money, but love, kindness, attention, etc. Even the bible says, "Don't cast your pearls before swine."

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    Jan 22, 2012 5:15 PM GMT
    Learn to say these two things:

    1. No.
    2. Fuck no.

    You will be fine.
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    Jan 22, 2012 5:56 PM GMT
    White4DarkerFL saidRead "The Virtue of Shelfishness" by Ayn Rand.

    Paraphrasing one of the lines from the book, "If your lover had an illness, and you a million dollars that would cure him, you'd pay the money to save him. But what if that same million could cure 100 people instead? Altruism would dictate that you let your lover die and save the 100 people, because the greater good is served."

    You have to do things for yourself first. It is not only your right, but your moral obligation to do this. As for others, you will have more to give to those you love. I'm not talking about just money, but love, kindness, attention, etc. Even the bible says, "Don't cast your pearls before swine."



    Ayn Rand's Bullshit. Because altruism would suggest that the million not be summoned at all, neither to cure the one nor the many, rather, the cure would be freely given as a function of society. A privilege to give, not a profit to take.

    That swine might not look proper in pearls is a poor excuse to be stingy. Love & kindness are not just nurturing but they require being put into practice for their very existence. So it isn't something that we run out of. Rather the reserve of love increases by being used. Just because something can be used badly, does not necessarily mean it should not be used at all.

    The more you withhold your love, the more you diminish your capacity for it.
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    Jan 22, 2012 6:03 PM GMT
    I'm way too nice icon_neutral.gif
  • Generaleclect...

    Posts: 504

    Jan 22, 2012 6:22 PM GMT
    Kindness in itself isn't a bad trait. I understand your frustration, because I attract situations like that, and I have to check myself.

    If you are a genuinely kind person, own it - it's who you are. You might just need to work on setting clearer boundaries. Help people and be forgiving, but don't over-accomodate. Something's gotta give.
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jan 22, 2012 6:55 PM GMT
    I would never have thought it of you....icon_eek.gif
  • Kwokpot

    Posts: 329

    Jan 22, 2012 8:20 PM GMT
    White4DarkerFL saidRead "The Virtue of Shelfishness" by Ayn Rand.

    Paraphrasing one of the lines from the book, "If your lover had an illness, and you a million dollars that would cure him, you'd pay the money to save him. But what if that same million could cure 100 people instead? Altruism would dictate that you let your lover die and save the 100 people, because the greater good is served."

    You have to do things for yourself first. It is not only your right, but your moral obligation to do this. As for others, you will have more to give to those you love. I'm not talking about just money, but love, kindness, attention, etc. Even the bible says, "Don't cast your pearls before swine."


    Totally agree. Strangely, I have two people in my life that are like that, a very good friend and my sister! In both cases, extreme insecurity and lack of self confidence causes them to do things for others so extreme to the point of sef-detriment.

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    Jan 22, 2012 10:49 PM GMT
    I guess that, what I'm feeling is that after twenty years of being sweet, nice little Sky, I want someone to return the favor.
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    Jan 22, 2012 11:14 PM GMT
    Claystation saidI'm way too nice icon_neutral.gif


    we should meet and compare notes, lol icon_biggrin.gif