webcam sex... am I being too "old fashion" ???

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    Jan 22, 2012 10:36 AM GMT
    My boyfriend thinks that it would be perfectly OK to have webcam sex with a stranger because it is not “cheating”. He says that it would be like watching porn in that is just a “fantasy”. I understand that watching porn is “fantasy”; but to me, webcam sex involves an “interaction” between both parties, so it ceases to be a fantasy even when they are not physically in front of each other. After all, there is an “active” exchange between the two from the moment they spoke to each other. When watching porn, you can speak to the TV all you want and the porn actors will not reply back to you.

    Now, am I being too old fashion in my thinking??? What do you think?
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    Jan 22, 2012 12:31 PM GMT
    Its a slippery slope - thats like saying "jacking off together isn't sex" or "sucking dick isn't sex" because they're not fucking..

    Having said that - if you can agree to boundaries on it - I dont see it as being particularly harmful - as long as it occurs out in the open, and isn't hidden away.
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    Jan 22, 2012 5:37 PM GMT
    Obvious troll is obvious.
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    Jan 22, 2012 5:46 PM GMT
    At least he is being open with you about it. Start worrying when he stops consulting you.
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    Jan 22, 2012 5:51 PM GMT
    It's interactive sex with another person, so it's not monogamy.
    However it isn't cheating. It's only cheating when it's done in secret without permission from your partner.



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    Jan 22, 2012 6:03 PM GMT
    meninlove said It's interactive sex with another person, so it's not monogamy.
    However it isn't cheating. It's only cheating when it's done in secret without permission from your partner.
    Nicely put. I agree. The OP needs to sit and discuss things like this with his partner and then they can decide on boundaries and what it is that is acceptable in their relationship, everyone is different as to what works for them.
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    Jan 23, 2012 1:53 AM GMT
    eb925guy said
    meninlove said It's interactive sex with another person, so it's not monogamy.
    However it isn't cheating. It's only cheating when it's done in secret without permission from your partner.
    Nicely put. I agree. The OP needs to sit and discuss things like this with his partner and then they can decide on boundaries and what it is that is acceptable in their relationship, everyone is different as to what works for them.


    +1 to ALL of the above.
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    Jan 23, 2012 1:54 AM GMT
    Why did you put the period outside the quotation marks? This isn't Britain.
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    Jan 23, 2012 2:04 AM GMT
    bluey2223 saidWhy did you put the period outside the quotation marks? This isn't Britain.


    Perhaps you should cancel your internet service, move to England and ask around.

    Good luck in your "endeavors."
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    Jan 23, 2012 2:06 AM GMT
    bluey2223 saidWhy did you put the period outside the quotation marks? This isn't Britain.


    Why Great Britain is no longer great...........

    Anywho...............

    You ain't bumping uglies..........no fluids are being exchanged.......

    As long as meetings are not being negotiated,,,,(unless it's ok with your SO)

    Who gives a fuck.
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Jan 23, 2012 2:10 AM GMT
    solljus saidMy boyfriend thinks that it would be perfectly OK to have webcam sex with a stranger because it is not “cheating”. He says that it would be like watching porn in that is just a “fantasy”. I understand that watching porn is “fantasy”; but to me, webcam sex involves an “interaction” between both parties, so it ceases to be a fantasy even when they are not physically in front of each other. After all, there is an “active” exchange between the two from the moment they spoke to each other. When watching porn, you can speak to the TV all you want and the porn actors will not reply back to you.

    Now, am I being too old fashion in my thinking??? What do you think?


    Simple answer to your question: yes, you are being old fashioned.
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    Jan 23, 2012 2:16 AM GMT
    Yes, you're being old fashioned, but there's nothing wrong with you feeling this way. I don't think I would ever break up with someone over webcam sex, though.
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    Jan 23, 2012 3:33 AM GMT
    Each relationship is different. My bf & I discuss issues like this & even if we might disagree we honor & respect how the other feels and agree to not do it.

    In this situation I dont think its being old fashioned, its just how u feel.

    My bf says "why should u need to do that if you have a man already"? I tend to agree.

    In my opinion if someone has to hook up thru webcams to get off then its a matter of time until he takes it a step further & if yall have a good sexual relationship then whats the point of him needing to do it anyway?
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    Jan 23, 2012 3:46 AM GMT
    redbull saidIn this situation I dont think its being old fashioned, its just how u feel.

    My bf says "why should u need to do that if you have a man already"? I tend to agree.

    In my opinion if someone has to hook up thru webcams to get off then its a matter of time until he takes it a step further & if yall have a good sexual relationship then whats the point of him needing to do it anyway?


    Good points, +1, couldn't have said it better myself icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 23, 2012 10:36 PM GMT
    redbull saidEach relationship is different. My bf & I discuss issues like this & even if we might disagree we honor & respect how the other feels and agree to not do it.

    In this situation I dont think its being old fashioned, its just how u feel.

    My bf says "why should u need to do that if you have a man already"? I tend to agree.

    In my opinion if someone has to hook up thru webcams to get off then its a matter of time until he takes it a step further & if yall have a good sexual relationship then whats the point of him needing to do it anyway?

    That's all true but what happens when one partner is no longer interested or the other partner is no longer finds 'it' exciting with his partner? Do you just quit having sex completely? What's the difference between getting excited on a cam vs a porn movie or even just mentally fantasizing in the shower? Optimally a single partner that provides physical and emotional satisfaction is the goal but when the physical stops or isn't working, work together on what will work and keep the relationship together. Otherwise, you're right, without satisfaction of some sort, one will wander!
  • Anemoneg

    Posts: 68

    Jan 24, 2012 2:48 AM GMT
    Why date someone if they want to see someone besides you naked.....?icon_neutral.gif
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    Feb 11, 2012 6:23 PM GMT
    redbull saidEach relationship is different. My bf & I discuss issues like this & even if we might disagree we honor & respect how the other feels and agree to not do it.

    In this situation I dont think its being old fashioned, its just how u feel.

    My bf says "why should u need to do that if you have a man already"? I tend to agree.

    In my opinion if someone has to hook up thru webcams to get off then its a matter of time until he takes it a step further & if yall have a good sexual relationship then whats the point of him needing to do it anyway?


    REDBULL, I agree with you 100%. It’s a situation that has come up a couple of times (behind my back) in the course of the relationship even when “we” have agreed on certain boundaries. I suppose if there is no honor & respect, then there is only one thing left to do.
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    Feb 11, 2012 6:23 PM GMT
    Anemoneg saidWhy date someone if they want to see someone besides you naked.....?icon_neutral.gif


    I like your thinking icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 11, 2012 6:28 PM GMT
    bluey2223 saidWhy did you put the period outside the quotation marks? This isn't Britain.


    BLUEY2223, why do you ask??? Do you really want to know if I am British??? 'cause you don't have to be afraid to ask. Or do you feel better about yourself or your grammar for criticizing someone else’s??? dude, if you have nothing good to say, just shut up, sit down, and look pretty.
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    Feb 11, 2012 6:40 PM GMT
    iguanaSF saidObvious troll is obvious.


    And no, it was not a “troll”. I honestly wanted to know if I was being old fashion. I don't think there is anything wrong asking what other people think. I like to keep an open mind.

    Having said that, it was not a "topic on your local television news, or is a meme on Facebook." But as you suggested in your profile " an excessively negative Leonian can be one of the most unpleasant human beings imaginable, displaying extreme arrogance, autocratic pride, haughtiness, and excessive hastiness of temper."



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    Feb 11, 2012 6:41 PM GMT
    bluey2223 saidWhy did you put the period outside the quotation marks? This isn't Britain.

    I wasn't aware RJ was any one country, thought it had an international membership, even if operationally it's based on this side of the Atlantic. I don't get upset when Commonwealth members spell words like color and flavor as colour and flavour, so I suppose we can disregard some punctuation and grammar differences, too.

    Although the treatment of a company or group as a plural noun always sounds odd to me, as in "Ford Motor Company are planning on releasing more electric cars". (Period also outside final quotation marks, as in the non-US style)
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    Feb 11, 2012 6:41 PM GMT
    Needless to say, I agree with some of you. Thank you kindly for your opinions and your thoughts.
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    Feb 11, 2012 7:05 PM GMT
    IMO we men are very promiscuous, so if webcam sex is what he needs to get that out of his system then let him go for it, as long as it doesn't effect your sex life and he isn't telling you about the hot guy he jerked off with on cam last night.
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    Feb 11, 2012 7:09 PM GMT
    iguanaSF saidObvious troll is obvious.


    Heyyyy... aren't you being a bit cynical for a pastor? lol
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    Feb 11, 2012 7:14 PM GMT
    I don't agree with posters saying that they should tell their partners about it.

    However u dress it up they are having an intimate time with another person, why would you want this to be known ?

    Wouldn't it make your relationship incredibly awkward ?

    And also, just because your in a relationship, does that mean you have to disclose everything and have no privacy ?