For starters, spend most of your time masturbating at your computer, so that when you go to Hippie Hollow you don't become one of those creepy off-the-path tree lurkers.
Get to Auditorium Shores to pet the dogs, visit Zilker Park, and hike up Barton Springs. Also hike Twin Falls. Also hike Hamilton Pool.
Have a sundown dinner at The Oasis.
Take a friend up Mount Bonnell.
Spend your Saturday nights on Sixth Street looking for Leslie. Ask around; he could always use a few bucks for a pack of smokes.
The Bachelor owns a few bars on Sixth Street, so wait outside the Dizzy Rooster for when he jogs across the street for gum.
Most gays frequent Rain (where the DJ is usually doing good mixes of danceable stuff). At Oilcan Harry's you can get a drink without having to wait. Note again: Oilcan Harry's won't have a line.
Most of Austin west of I-35 is gentrifying or new. Property is less expensive east of I-35, and I'll let a realtor explain that to you.
DO NOT check out Missed Connections on Craigslist for updates on who's doing what at which gym. I repeat, do NOT.
Go out dancing on Thursday nights at The Fed (Texas Federation of Women's Clubs). Check out The Highball on Mondays and Fridays for fun live music (cover bands doing Motown & more). Spend Sunday afternoon on South Congress (or First Friday).
Look for bats under the Congress Ave bridge come spring.
Or did I miss the part where you're looking for places to fight?