Hit me out of love.....domestic violence in gay relationships

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    Jan 23, 2012 2:38 PM GMT
    http://phoenixpsbgbm.com/2012/01/23/he-hit-me-out-of-love/#comment-180

    I was in a violent relationship for a year once about 20 yrs ago. Still seems like yesterday, each hit, each bruise....beaten so bad people thought I had been in a car wreck. Its amazing how the guys that initiate this behavior is so controlling, convincing and knows exactly what buttons to push to keep u around.

    He fell asleep one night, I threw what clothes I could into the back of my car and drove away crying so hard I could barely see the road.

    I think this happens more than we know and is never acknowledged.
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    Jan 23, 2012 2:50 PM GMT
    It does happen more than people would think.

    The rate of domestic abuse/violence among gay men is roughly the same as heterosexual women.

    I was a victim of domestic abuse. I removed the problem before it got to domestic violence. It's called getting help from a Domestic Abuse/Violence organization through a Protective Order and other services.
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    Jan 23, 2012 2:52 PM GMT
    redbull saidhttp://phoenixpsbgbm.com/2012/01/23/he-hit-me-out-of-love/#comment-180

    I was in a violent relationship for a year once about 20 yrs ago. Still seems like yesterday, each hit, each bruise....beaten so bad people thought I had been in a car wreck. Its amazing how the guys that initiate this behavior is so controlling, convincing and knows exactly what buttons to push to keep u around.

    He fell asleep one night, I threw what clothes I could into the back of my car and drove away crying so hard I could barely see the road.

    I think this happens more than we know and is never acknowledged.



    I've been there. I was 23. I'll never forget it.

    In my case he was busy swinging at me and something in me snapped. I seemed to go into some kind of remote control, lifted him up by his throat and pinned him against the wall with his feet dangling in the air. With the other hand I reached the door knob and opened the apartment door to just about every tenant in the building all grouped outside the door! I dropped him, they rescued me and took me into a neighbour's apartment. Interestingly, several of the neighbours had all kinds of excuses for the ex's violence; that he had a hard upbringing, that he was streetwise and could only think with his hands etc etc.
    Ugh.
    -Doug
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    Jan 23, 2012 2:53 PM GMT
    Violence against males in general isn't acknowledged much. As the author says, people write off abused men because a man is supposed to have the strength to fight back. It's one of the unfortunate results of a culture of masculinity that encourages excessive machismo.

    I know there are limited resources for women who have been abused, like Alternatives for Battered Women, but I'm not sure what resources there are for battered men.

  • Jan 23, 2012 5:31 PM GMT
    Interestingly, the rate of abuse by hetrosexual woman to hetrosexual men is considerably higher then the reverse. This is largely unacknowledged except in research due to sexism.
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    Jan 23, 2012 10:18 PM GMT
    I'm sorry that happened to you.

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    Jan 23, 2012 10:55 PM GMT
    It's just no excuse for this what so ever. I have zero tolerance for anyone who is abusive physically and mentally.
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    Jan 23, 2012 11:39 PM GMT
    thisonesakeeper saidInterestingly, the rate of abuse by hetrosexual woman to hetrosexual men is considerably higher then the reverse. This is largely unacknowledged except in research due to sexism.


    Do you have any sources for this? Although I do know that most (heterosexual) men who get abused, physically or verbally, by their partner hardly get any acknowledgement, I still find your statement hard to believe mate..

    Would be cool if you could back it up somehow
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    Jan 23, 2012 11:41 PM GMT
    I punch my husband in the arm when I'm drunk

    Usually I'm trying to get him to retaliate...wrestle me to the ground and ravage me like the sexy man beast he is... icon_redface.gif

    But he doesn't get it... starts whining...'OOWWwwwwww that huuuurrrrttts' then I usually just get turned off by the whining and stop.

    Still seems like a good idea every time I'm drunk though...icon_lol.gif

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    Jan 23, 2012 11:46 PM GMT
    violence is never acceptable.... Not only when someone hits you, do they not love... it's apparent they dont even like you much, cause they are hitting you.

    im sorry for anyone that has experienced this.
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    Jan 24, 2012 12:30 AM GMT
    jodgsk said
    thisonesakeeper saidInterestingly, the rate of abuse by hetrosexual woman to hetrosexual men is considerably higher then the reverse. This is largely unacknowledged except in research due to sexism.


    Do you have any sources for this? Although I do know that most (heterosexual) men who get abused, physically or verbally, by their partner hardly get any acknowledgement, I still find your statement hard to believe mate..

    Would be cool if you could back it up somehow


    doubtful

    http://vaw.sagepub.com/content/6/2/142.short
    "Using data from a telephone survey of 8,000 U.S. men and 8,000 U.S. women, this study compares the prevalence and consequences of violence perpetrated against men and women by marital and opposite-sex cohabiting partners. The study found that married/cohabiting women reported significantly more intimate perpetrated rape, physical assault, and stalking than did married/cohabiting men, whether the time period considered was the respondent's lifetime or the 12 months preceding the survey. Women also reported more frequent and longer lasting victimization, fear of bodily injury, time lost from work, injuries, and use of medical, mental health, and justice system services. "

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    Jan 24, 2012 12:32 AM GMT
    Anyone that attempts to get violent with me will find themselves suffering from terminal lead poisoning.
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    Jan 24, 2012 12:53 AM GMT
    It's the subject of one of Antony Hegarty's best songs, "Cripple & the Starfish":

    Mr. Muscle forcing bursting
    Stingy thingy into little me, me, me
    But just "ripple" said the cripple
    As my jaw dropped to the ground
    Smile smile

    It's true I always wanted love to be
    Hurtful
    And it's true I always wanted love to be
    Filled with pain
    And bruises

    Yes, so Cripple-Pig was happy
    Screamed I just completely love you!
    And there's no rhyme or reason
    I'm changing like the seasons
    Watch! I'll even cut off my finger
    It will grow back like a Starfish...

    Mr. Muscle, gazing boredly
    And he checking time did punch me
    And I sighed and bleeded like a windfall
    Happy bleedy, happy bruisy

    I am very happy
    So please hit me
    I am very very happy
    So come on hurt me

    I'll grow back like a Starfish...

    Like a Starfish...



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    Jan 24, 2012 1:01 AM GMT
    atlantasouthguy saidIt's just no excuse for this what so ever. I have zero tolerance for anyone who is abusive physically and mentally.


    i concur. Once is too many.
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    Jan 24, 2012 1:13 AM GMT
    atlantasouthguy saidIt's just no excuse for this what so ever. I have zero tolerance for anyone who is abusive physically and mentally.
    Agree STRONGLY!
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Jan 24, 2012 1:18 AM GMT
    It's good that you keep bringing it up. How is your life now?
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    Jan 24, 2012 1:22 AM GMT
    Whatever sympathy I had for domestic abuse victims bled dry a long time ago. Sorry but I cant waste that emotion on people that CHOOSE to stay in these situaions. There are ways out; if their mind is that poisoned that they decide to stick with these animals, oh well....enjoy those bruises.

    I cut my sister's branch from my family tree two years ago since Ive been to jail twice because of her. She gets with these nasty ass wetback losers and then they lay hands on her, so I beat the fuck out of them for her, and got locked as a result. She keeps going back, so fuck it and fuck her; maybe she'll get out before she starts popping out mixedbreeds every few months.
  • musicdude

    Posts: 734

    Jan 24, 2012 1:48 AM GMT
    MsclDrew saidI punch my husband in the arm when I'm drunk

    Usually I'm trying to get him to retaliate...wrestle me to the ground and ravage me like the sexy man beast he is... icon_redface.gif

    But he doesn't get it... starts whining...'OOWWwwwwww that huuuurrrrttts' then I usually just get turned off by the whining and stop.

    Still seems like a good idea every time I'm drunk though...icon_lol.gif



    i tend to do the same when i'm drunk...and the same thing happens icon_sad.gif
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    Jan 24, 2012 1:50 AM GMT
    MsclDrew saidI punch my husband in the arm when I'm drunk

    Usually I'm trying to get him to retaliate...wrestle me to the ground and ravage me like the sexy man beast he is... icon_redface.gif

    But he doesn't get it... starts whining...'OOWWwwwwww that huuuurrrrttts' then I usually just get turned off by the whining and stop.

    Still seems like a good idea every time I'm drunk though...icon_lol.gif



    you should tell him that...

    then...

    take video
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 24, 2012 2:28 AM GMT
    redbull saidhttp://phoenixpsbgbm.com/2012/01/23/he-hit-me-out-of-love/#comment-180

    I was in a violent relationship for a year once about 20 yrs ago. Still seems like yesterday, each hit, each bruise....beaten so bad people thought I had been in a car wreck. Its amazing how the guys that initiate this behavior is so controlling, convincing and knows exactly what buttons to push to keep u around.

    He fell asleep one night, I threw what clothes I could into the back of my car and drove away crying so hard I could barely see the road.

    I think this happens more than we know and is never acknowledged.
    redbull, i am sorry to hear about your story. I know of guys like you who have been in relationships like this. A guy, I was interested in was in a abusive relationship. I remember he use to always tell me that he loves to fight so they could make up. I told him from the beginning I do not believe in hitting. If you have to hit someone than you do love that person because no how mad I get I will never someone I love.
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    Jan 24, 2012 2:33 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidI got the shit kicked out of me routinely by my stepfather...sucker punches while driving; waking up with him on top of me punching me in the face; broken bones. Lived in absolute terror in his house until I left it at 15, and I never looked back. Whoever strikes me gets all the rage and venom I had for that prick when I was too young to deliver on it. God help the motherfucker who hits me....that rage just never dies.



    icon_eek.gif

    Damn.....
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Jan 24, 2012 2:37 AM GMT
    My first boyfriend was physically abusive. Unfortunately, I was young and didn't have any close gay friends at the time and I put up with it for a while. Never again.
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    Jan 24, 2012 3:00 AM GMT

  • Jan 24, 2012 3:39 AM GMT
    theantijock said
    jodgsk said
    thisonesakeeper saidInterestingly, the rate of abuse by hetrosexual woman to hetrosexual men is considerably higher then the reverse. This is largely unacknowledged except in research due to sexism.


    Do you have any sources for this? Although I do know that most (heterosexual) men who get abused, physically or verbally, by their partner hardly get any acknowledgement, I still find your statement hard to believe mate..

    Would be cool if you could back it up somehow


    doubtful

    http://vaw.sagepub.com/content/6/2/142.short
    "Using data from a telephone survey of 8,000 U.S. men and 8,000 U.S. women, this study compares the prevalence and consequences of violence perpetrated against men and women by marital and opposite-sex cohabiting partners. The study found that married/cohabiting women reported significantly more intimate perpetrated rape, physical assault, and stalking than did married/cohabiting men, whether the time period considered was the respondent's lifetime or the 12 months preceding the survey. Women also reported more frequent and longer lasting victimization, fear of bodily injury, time lost from work, injuries, and use of medical, mental health, and justice system services. "




    http://www.csulb.edu/~mfiebert/assault.htm

    There's a lot more data which suggests that women are more likely, it's a matter of asking the proper questions.

    Women are more likely to be injured by their partner when physically abused in hetrosexual relationships.

  • Jan 24, 2012 3:49 AM GMT
    Violence in domestic relationships is far too common. Its despicable and needs to be taken more seriously to fix this problem. Gay, straight, doesn't matter.. its wrong and should never take place.