Would you masturbate while in a relationship?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 23, 2012 5:16 PM GMT
    .. - if your guy was always willing to do something sexual (in any form)?

    im trying to understand it from my guy's point of view. im always willing to do something for him, even if its for nothing in return, and he knows that.
    we can go a week without doing anything together, and i dont understand why... i wonder if im not good enough, if porn is better for him, if im not attractive enough.. he says i think too much and there isnt anything wrong.

    what do you guys think? i know there's no changing things, so all i can hope for is to understand it
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    Jan 23, 2012 5:32 PM GMT
    For some men there's emotional solace in masturbation while single. Understandably, once in a relationship that habit can and sometimes does continue. The degree of it determines, I think, whether it's damaging to a relationship or not.
    So...
    How long have you been together?
    Do you live together?
    How often are you having reciprocal sex?

    -Doug
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    Jan 23, 2012 5:55 PM GMT
    you're over-thinking this completely. men need variety. it may have absolutely zero to do with you.
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    Jan 23, 2012 6:06 PM GMT
    he came out of a 2 year relationship with a girl before we started, so he was soloing pretty often. we've been together 7+ months and live together. sometimes we have sex only a couple times a month. oral stuff more often, but usually its me helping him out and he rarely does anything for me (i last a while + he gets tired and doesnt last long)

    i honestly dont have an issue with it if we do it together or he tells me thats what hes gonna go do. when he gets up and leaves in silence, is gone and locked away in the bathroom with the ipad for an hour while im sitting there bored, thats when it gets to me. - and after a week or 2 without him doing anything sexual for me
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    Jan 23, 2012 6:16 PM GMT
    double_A saidhe came out of a 2 year relationship with a girl before we started, so he was soloing pretty often. we've been together 7+ months and live together. sometimes we have sex only a couple times a month. oral stuff more often, but usually its me helping him out and he rarely does anything for me (i last a while + he gets tired and doesnt last long)

    i honestly dont have an issue with it if we do it together or he tells me thats what hes gonna go do. when he gets up and leaves in silence, is gone and locked away in the bathroom with the ipad for an hour while im sitting there bored, thats when it gets to me. - and after a week or 2 without him doing anything sexual for me


    I don't think the problem is masturbation. The problem is clearly why. He has issues.
    You're putting up with too much. This after only 7 months?

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    Jan 23, 2012 6:23 PM GMT
    i love him for many many reasons. and i know he feels the same for me. i dont believe he has issues, but we are very different sexually. he can separate emotion unlike me. he has an.. active past, while i have none before him.

    when we first started, he was always courteous and considerate - always wanting to make sure i finished before he did. now he doesnt care and makes little effort for me.

    im giving the benefit of the doubt to him though. i need to hear from people who think like him so i can understand this better.
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    Jan 23, 2012 6:29 PM GMT
    I think you need to carefully consider what you wrote. icon_wink.gif

    "when we first started, he was always courteous and considerate - always wanting to make sure i finished before he did. now he doesnt care and makes little effort for me."

    This is not right. Have you spoken to him about this change?
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    Jan 23, 2012 6:35 PM GMT
    i havent pointed it out directly to him. i may do that soon though. he gets defensive about it every time i bring it up. thats why im trying to understand his point of view before i point fingers
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    Jan 23, 2012 6:37 PM GMT
    double_A saidi havent pointed it out directly to him. i may do that soon though. he gets defensive about it every time i bring it up. thats why im trying to understand his point of view before i point fingers



    I think you won't understand him until you openly and directly communicate with him about this issue.

    warmly,
    -Doug
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    Jan 23, 2012 8:50 PM GMT
    double_A, are there other issues in your relationship with your bf? In my own relationship, there was a time which I refuse to have any sexual contact with my bf, which upset and angered him, but the underlying issue was not sex. It was my passive aggressive way of dealing with his lack of trust in me, stress, and other things. The matter has now been resolved, but it had been a frustrating time for both me and my bf.
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    Jan 23, 2012 9:15 PM GMT
    Most men just settle for what they have. But, really want muscular guys.. So most men can't be happy with any man.
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    Jan 23, 2012 9:20 PM GMT
    Any relationship where sex is drying up is a relationship in danger. Gay, straight, whatever... physical intimacy is a major cornerstone of a relationship.
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    Jan 24, 2012 2:47 AM GMT
    OP: Listen to the Meninlove. They are very wise and have great insight.

  • Jan 24, 2012 3:50 AM GMT
    Your not doing anything wrong, masturbation while in a relationship is normal. Its really nothing to be worried abouticon_smile.gif
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 24, 2012 3:54 AM GMT
    Masturbation isn't about sex.

  • Jan 26, 2012 7:55 AM GMT
    I dont think masturbating is wrong if ur in a relationship

    but he shouldnt be not wanting to have sex with you after 7 months. He should kind of be feeling this after 7 years. That first year..should be the hot and heavy sex all the time regardless of oral, anal whatever whatever.

    try switching things up ie when he comes home from work, you are on the bed naked (idk if u are the bottom or top so if are the bottom, be in positon and if ur the top, just be ready with a hard u know what lol).

    Unfortunately, I think talking about sex is the hardest conversation and you would rather have your partner do the act without you telling them but I firmly believe if somethng is bothering you enough to ask a bunch of strangers, you should have that convo with him. If you are living together and in love, you have to communicate..on all levels

    just my .02cents. Good Luck
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2012 12:14 PM GMT
    Timbales saidMasturbation isn't about sex.


    It is when you're not putting out.
  • natiluv

    Posts: 50

    Jan 28, 2012 1:11 AM GMT
    double_A saidhe came out of a 2 year relationship with a girl before we started, so he was soloing pretty often. we've been together 7+ months and live together. sometimes we have sex only a couple times a month. oral stuff more often, but usually its me helping him out and he rarely does anything for me (i last a while + he gets tired and doesnt last long)

    i honestly dont have an issue with it if we do it together or he tells me thats what hes gonna go do. when he gets up and leaves in silence, is gone and locked away in the bathroom with the ipad for an hour while im sitting there bored, thats when it gets to me. - and after a week or 2 without him doing anything sexual for me


    You are way too young to be in a relationship in which you do not have sexual satisfaction. does not make any sense.
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Jan 28, 2012 10:45 PM GMT
    I think masturbation is totally normal and healthy in a relationship. My boyfriend has a much higher sex drive than I do, but I still masturbate (though not as much as him LOL) but we have still have sex probably about 3-10 times a week depending on how many days we can see eachother that week.

    However, it does sound like your boyfriend has some issues if he is masturbating but not wanting to have sex with you even though the opportunity is there. You said you're willing to do stuff with him without anything in return...are you sure that's what he wants? If he isn't turned on by a really submissive guy that might be part of the problem, maybe he wants you to be more demanding sexually (personally, I get way more turned on by a guy saying "I want to fuck you" than a guy saying "I want you to fuck me" even though when it comes to the actual sex I like to top and bottom). Or if he is more visual maybe strip for him or as him to watch porn with you instead of waiting on him.
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    Jan 28, 2012 11:19 PM GMT
    I think it is natural for men to masturbate once in a while even though they are in a relationship. I would imagine straight guys do it once in a while in a relationship too.
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    Jan 29, 2012 2:41 AM GMT
    ummm...i definitely need to masturbate always. even in a relationship. wtf. that's wrong???
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Apr 17, 2012 11:11 PM GMT
    Yup, I agree, even in a relationship you need your own time