Talking while nobody listens

  • Musicman91

    Posts: 1529

    Jan 24, 2012 5:08 AM GMT
    Lately I've been feeling that whenever I'm talking to people nobody really listens. I'll say something and they will ask me to repeat it several times and then they won't even remember what I said it when I bring it up again. Now I am a good listener and always like to hear what others have to say but I feel like whenever I go to say something................nobody cares enough to pay attention. I feel like I can't really talk to anyone because they could care less about what I have to say. It just feels lonely I guess lol.


    Has anyone else ever felt like this?
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    Jan 24, 2012 5:10 AM GMT
    Are you sure you are talking loud enough for them to hear?
  • Musicman91

    Posts: 1529

    Jan 24, 2012 5:15 AM GMT
    Yes people just seem to drift off while I'm talking. Maybe it's just me I must be really boring lol.
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    Jan 24, 2012 5:16 AM GMT
    I'm sorry what? icon_razz.gif
  • Musicman91

    Posts: 1529

    Jan 24, 2012 5:18 AM GMT
    Usually it's just a "Whuhhhhh?" I feel so lucky I've upgraded.
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    Jan 24, 2012 5:20 AM GMT
    There are a myriad of reasons why that could be.

    A few being;

    They are self absorbed and only like talking about themselves or listening to people talk about them.

    They have short attention spans.

    They aren't very "worldly". Their breadth of knowledge is very limited or highly selective

    Maybe you could give a good example of something you wanted to talk about where your friends zoned out.

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    Jan 24, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    Read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" by Dale Carnegie
    Also, try going to Toastmasters.
  • Musicman91

    Posts: 1529

    Jan 24, 2012 5:26 AM GMT
    beneful1 saidThere are a myriad of reasons why that could be.

    A few being;

    They are self absorbed and only like talking about themselves or listening to people talk about them.

    They have short attention spans.

    They aren't very "worldly". Their breadth of knowledge is very limited or highly selective

    Maybe you could give a good example of something you wanted to talk about where your friends zoned out.




    I was just telling some friends about my schedule this semester and they asked me about 5 times to repeat it lol. And then they were still asking me later after I had told them so many times Helen Keller would have eventually heard me.
  • commoncoll

    Posts: 1222

    Jan 24, 2012 5:46 AM GMT
    MusicMan91 said
    I was just telling some friends about my schedule this semester and they asked me about 5 times to repeat it lol. And then they were still asking me later after I had told them so many times Helen Keller would have eventually heard me.

    Sometimes, it's just really hard to remember things; they may not be ignoring you. It happens. Like I tell my mother almost everyday, my really simple schedule, but she never remembers.
  • Musicman91

    Posts: 1529

    Jan 24, 2012 5:53 AM GMT
    commoncoll said
    MusicMan91 said
    I was just telling some friends about my schedule this semester and they asked me about 5 times to repeat it lol. And then they were still asking me later after I had told them so many times Helen Keller would have eventually heard me.

    Sometimes, it's just really hard to remember things; they may not be ignoring you. It happens. Like I tell my mother almost everyday, my really simple schedule, but she never remembers.



    It happens all the time lol.
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    Jan 24, 2012 5:55 AM GMT
    Mine's Butter Pecan but also enjoy a scoop of Pistachio.
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    Jan 24, 2012 5:58 AM GMT
    Maybe you should just text them, even if they are sitting across the table from you. In the new world, ears are just something to hold accessories.
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    Jan 24, 2012 6:55 AM GMT
    im really bad about that, i feel pretty bad about it, i adhd like crazy, i used to smoke and that helped more than anything, but i quit that a couple years ago, tried to replace it with tha gym, but that only works a little. if anything at all is going on around me i find myself focusing on that as well, it really kina sux its like being in a room where 3 different radiostations are playing at tha same time, the energy is fun tho VINGVINGVING!!!! WHAT!? SHINY!?! OH LOOK AT THA KITTY!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT?! KEYS!!!!

    maybe all ur friends are like me
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    Jan 24, 2012 7:28 AM GMT
    I mumble and don't speak loud enough and people ask me to repeat myself often.

    But it could also be because you speak in a monotone pitch, and one becomes sleepy listening to you.

    I've felt like this as well talking to a couple of women. One just bitched about her medical problems all the time, telling you the same things every time that just make you feel so hopeless and sad, and you just have to stop caring to get through it without having your day ruined.

    The other went into way too much detail "I had to pic my son up (because he missed the bus) and on the way there (i stopped and got milk, and I saw these nice keychains but didn't get one), anyway on the ride home..." zoooooooooooooooooooone ouuuuut
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    Jan 24, 2012 8:10 AM GMT
    I had the same problem in the past and felt like I was going a bit nuts because of it, then I just started hanging out with a different crowd and found there wasn't really anything goofy about how I was speaking and that it was more that people really just didn't give a shit about listening to me.

    I would guess MusicMan91 is just having the same sort of problem and should just try meeting some new people. I mean you can't really hit it off well with everyone, and sometimes you just need to look around a bit more to find someone you do get on with.
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    Jan 24, 2012 8:14 AM GMT
    I think what the OP is saying is that's it's ok to express yourself as a gay man even if it doesn''t fit with some idealized uber macho fantasy.
  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    Jan 24, 2012 11:31 AM GMT
    i dropped the asshole gig, BUT THANK GOD SOME1 SAID IT
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    Jan 24, 2012 12:34 PM GMT
    I though it was fairly common for most people to be thinking about what they are going to say next. It's not really conversation of course, more like thier own personal monologue.

    The fact that they ask you to repeat it several times is strange though, and I wonder if you are speaking softly or not enunciating. I know a man who speaks so rapidly that he could be talking another language. Trying to converse with him is a chore.

    If I were in your situation and somene asked me to repeat myself several times I would politely ask about it. Just say "Am I speaking too softly or quickly for you?".

    The thing that I find really bizarre is asking someone a question during a television commercial and having their eyes drift back to the screen while I'm speaking. It's as if they couldn't be seperated from the assinine commercial for a few seconds. God forbid you should miss that Papa Johns' ad, it'll be another 9 minutes before they show it again.
  • Musicman91

    Posts: 1529

    Jan 24, 2012 5:24 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidI think what the OP is saying is that's it's ok to express yourself as a gay man even if it doesn''t fit with some idealized uber macho fantasy.



    What????? lol


    As for everyone else. I don't think I'm too boring I go out and like to have fun and all that jazz. I'm not a hermit who sits around on the computer 24/7. Maybe I'm with the wrong crowd. I think my problem is I might go into details alot like someone mentioned I tell 5 stories at once.
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    Jan 24, 2012 9:37 PM GMT
    MusicMan91 said
    I'm not a hermit who sits around on the computer 24/7.


    *runs away crying!*
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    Jan 24, 2012 9:43 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch said
    MusicMan91 said
    I'm not a hermit who sits around on the computer 24/7.


    *runs away crying!*


    That would count as not sitting at your computer.
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    Jan 24, 2012 9:50 PM GMT
    AAAV said
    beneful1 saidThere are a myriad of reasons why that could be.

    A few being;

    They are self absorbed and only like talking about themselves or listening to people talk about them.

    They have short attention spans.

    They aren't very "worldly". Their breadth of knowledge is very limited or highly selective

    Maybe you could give a good example of something you wanted to talk about where your friends zoned out.



    I don't get why some of the people responding to the thread have such a hard time stating the obvious possibility which would be that op could damn well be a FUCKING BORE!!!!!! Who would eagerly raise their hand to listen to the schedule of someone's fucking schedule's schedule when you've already got one of your own? Show of hands? No one!? My, I couldn't imagine why that would be!..

    U guys aren't helping him be a better friend so u might as well tell him what his bored ass friends won't..


    I was going to say this, but in a friendlier manner. Maybe you just need to work on your conversation subjects. I'm going to be honest with you, because it will help you in the long run. If I treat someone the way your friends treat you then I probably don't find that person very interesting or don't care what they have to say. If I drift off when people talk it's either due to my ADHD or the fact that it's painfully boring to listen to that person speak and i'm actively thinking of a way to walk away and do something else.
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    Jan 24, 2012 9:55 PM GMT
    Happens to me all the time, too.

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    Jan 24, 2012 10:04 PM GMT
    I feel that may also be a cultural difference as well.

    From my own experiences here on RJ and in real life, I find that North American people are happy to talk in monologues rather than a Question / Answer/ Question conversation. The art of conversing is to ask the other person questions.

    Here's a model of a conversation I have regularly with North Americans:

    A:Hey I saw on your profile you went to Mexico. What was it like?

    B: Paragraph rant about hotels, beaches, ruins ...etc

    A: oh.


    B doesn't ask A any questions ( ex. Have you been? Do you like to travel? Were you thinking about going? etc..)

    The conversation is over. There's nothing sincere or polite about it. It's a steely, matter of fact transfer of information.



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    Jan 24, 2012 10:09 PM GMT
    *comes back feeling happy*

    Bring an mp3 player in your pocket of your next conversation, set it to record.

    When you get home, play it back and see if you realize anything you didn't notice before.