Dating killed my night life

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    Jan 24, 2012 7:46 AM GMT
    I've always loved going out and flirting and being social, ever since I've began dating someone, I've suddenly no longer enjoy my time out. Is this normal? What do guys in monogamous relationships look forward to when going out to clubs?

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    Jan 24, 2012 7:57 AM GMT
    Nothing. It's boring and normally you end up being the designated driver.

    In other words, don't be in a monogamous relationship unless you think you can thrive on boredom. For the sounds of it, it isn't right for you.
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    Jan 24, 2012 11:11 AM GMT
    Not entirely true. The experience is what you make of it, but if one or both people are boring, then whatever they do will be boring. A monogamous commitment doesn't always mean settled or routine.

    However, I don't have this guys problem. I find it easy to go out and get lost in the night with friends and not think about hitting on a guy, or flirting, or being the focus of someone's attention.



    Firebrand saidNothing. It's boring and normally you end up being the designated driver.

    In other words, don't be in a monogamous relationship unless you think you can thrive on boredom. For the sounds of it, it isn't right for you.
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    Jan 24, 2012 2:57 PM GMT
    oceanboy11 saidI've always loved going out and flirting and being social, ever since I've began dating someone, I've suddenly no longer enjoy my time out. Is this normal? What do guys in monogamous relationships look forward to when going out to clubs?




    lol, you can cruise each other knowing you won't be turned down. You can flirt with each other knowing the results will be nothing short of spectacular. You can socialize with all kinds of guys and check in on each other every now and then and introduce each other to the new people you've met.

    One night we were out and checking each other out while talking to other people. These were people that didn't know we were a couple and a few mentioned to each of us how 'this cute guy is Checking You Out!"

    I walked over to Bill one of those times, grabbed him then gave him a good n heavy lip-lock. I walked blankly back to the two guys who'd pointed Bill out and their jaws were nicely dropped.
    "Wow, you're brave!" says one. I grinned, then said,
    "He's my lover."

    -Doug

    *feeling a little pity for Firebrand*
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    Jan 24, 2012 3:00 PM GMT
    oceanboy11 saidI've always loved going out and flirting and being social, ever since I've began dating someone, I've suddenly no longer enjoy my time out. Is this normal? What do guys in monogamous relationships look forward to when going out to clubs?



    When I had a long term boyfriend, I enjoyed going out because it's where I got to be social with a lot of people I knew. Plus, I liked drinking with him, being "out" in public with him, and even dancing with him even though I was awful and he was great at it.

    It was also kinda flattering to get offered 3 ways somewhat frequently because we were the muscle couple haha.
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    Jan 24, 2012 3:04 PM GMT
    Firebrand saidNothing. It's boring and normally you end up being the designated driver.

    In other words, don't be in a monogamous relationship unless you think you can thrive on boredom. For the sounds of it, it isn't right for you.


    People you do realize that he's yanking your balls licon_lol.gif

    Just suggest him social activities that both of you would like. There is nothing wrong in having your own social activities and then coming home for you to share....

    Talk to him and see how he feels.
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    Jan 24, 2012 3:51 PM GMT
    oceanboy11 saidWhat do guys in monogamous relationships look forward to when going out to clubs?

    ummm... to having a great time? Here's the typical routine when I've gone to clubs with BFs or my partner, with whom I was always monogamous:

    Walk in, make a little appearance, then get our drinks. Next split up and circulate, doing the social butterfly thing. Making sure everyone knows the BF/partner is there, too, and encouraging them to not fail to say hello to him.

    Then getting back together again to swap the gossip we just heard, and maybe go out onto the dance floor if they have one. Afterwards we separate again for more visiting, rejoining as our paths cross the whole night.

    We're not joined at the hip (at least out of bed), having a very casual approach to clubbing. We may even dance with someone else, giving a little wave to each other as we catch sight. The bond my men & I have had is too strong to worry about jealousy & infidelity. And if some guy makes a move on us we talk about it between us for a laugh. Made funnier because we never tease or misrepresent, but some gays apparently like the challenge of bagging a committed guy.

    So that our clubbing is almost like being solo, except we have the emotional safety net of knowing we've each got a guy, no pressure to be looking, and we know who we're going home with. I much prefer it to when I'd go clubbing as a single guy, not knowing how things would develop by closing time, in contrast having infinitely more fun and less stress by being in a relationship. I guess I'm one of those preordained to be married.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Jan 24, 2012 8:57 PM GMT
    that's why i'm polyamorous
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 24, 2012 9:33 PM GMT
    oceanboy11 saidI've always loved going out and flirting and being social, ever since I've began dating someone, I've suddenly no longer enjoy my time out. Is this normal? What do guys in monogamous relationships look forward to when going out to clubs?

    Really? Why? I mean you can still flirt and you can still enjoy your time out? Unless you mean you can not go home with someone different every night. If that is the case than yes being in a monogamous relationship is pretty boring. If you are that miserable than why not end the relationship.
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    Jan 25, 2012 3:43 PM GMT
    Some people are built/wired for relationships.

    Other folks are wired to be sex beasts.

    Happy are they who are relationship-minded sex beasts, and keep it going for a long time.


    For me, for the most part, the only thing possibly better than sex with a hot guy is seeing him leave after you've finished having fun with him. ;)

    I just usually get bored of the same guy after a while.
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    Jan 27, 2012 6:48 PM GMT
    that was really insightful read.

    just a few mentions,


    Firebrand> I used to think like that when I was younger. But now that I'm 27 and found this guy and I have an emotional bond, its different.

    meninlove> that's a sweet story, you guys rock

    Larkin> I enjoy being seen with him too, but I also no longer have the drive to seek out other people (even if there was no sex at the end), which apparently is what I enjoyed most about going out. It's strange indeed how priorities change. We seek out the right guy, then we get him, but we miss the attachment to the thrill of seeking.

    PS, Larkin, you should be man of the day at RJ, you are a walking inspiration for anyone that wants to be a "real jock".

    Art_Deco> that's exactly what we've been doing, I guess most of my friends I are the flirtatious good looking type (somewhat lacking any substance). Since I only been in this city (san diego) for 2 years, I don't have a real deep connection with most people in the city, I wish I did, maybe I need to scope out.



  • TheIStrat

    Posts: 777

    Jan 27, 2012 7:14 PM GMT
    calibro saidthat's why i'm polyamorous


    Me too! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2012 9:45 PM GMT
    You can still go out...you just gotta dance.

    It's even more fun when you go with friends, but sometimes I get tired of other people's friends making issues out of things.
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    Jan 27, 2012 10:00 PM GMT
    I have to agree with some of the others. If your monogamous relationship requires you stand in the corner and not be social or look at others, then there are issues with your relationship, the least of which is trust.

    I say you talk with your bf about what is expected when you go out. Are you looking to just enjoy the evening with new people? Make some new friends? Flirt a little but within established boundaries?

    My bf and I go out all the time and flirt around, we comment on the hot guys, introduce each other to guys we've met and have made some nice friends along the way but we alway remember that no matter what, we save the last dance for each other. We go home together, alone but not before having a great time out being social.
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    Jan 27, 2012 11:29 PM GMT
    eb925guy saidMy bf and I go out all the time and flirt around, we comment on the hot guys, introduce each other to guys we've met and have made some nice friends along the way but we alway remember that no matter what, we save the last dance for each other. We go home together, alone but not before having a great time out being social.

    Exactly what I've always done, whether with a BF or when I've had a partner. Except for the flirting part, although perhaps some guys we met might have misinterpreted innocent friendliness for a come-on.

    And gay clubs aren't the only place we behave this way. Whether at private parties, or at the various charity & political events we attend, my partner & I take separate paths shortly after we arrive. But rejoining throughout the event, falling in and out of conversations together with others, then splitting again to go off on our own.

    And most of the other gay & lesbian couples we know are doing the same thing. I rarely see a couple sticking together the whole time like they were handcuffed to each other. I think such ease and freedom in social situations is the mark of couples who are confident in their relationship, with nothing to fear and everything to enjoy.
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Jan 28, 2012 11:55 AM GMT
    I love going out with my man! We have a blast together, there is really nothing I'd rather do after work than go to a happy hour spot with him to have a cocktail or two and a bite to eat. Ever few weekends or so we'll go out to a club and it is really fun to dance close and makeout a bit on the dance floor.
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    Jan 28, 2012 12:33 PM GMT
    kinda a trade off
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    Jan 28, 2012 1:05 PM GMT
    iLikeDC saidkinda a trade off

    Of what and why?
  • HndsmKansan

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    Jan 28, 2012 1:37 PM GMT
    I don't go out to clubs, except on a very occasional basis. It isn't a part of my regular "social" schedule, so there isn't much to miss....

    As far as whether being involved with a partner puts a crimp on my regular social life... I would say no. Even if we lived together, it probably wouldn't be an issue. If dating a guy is causing your social life to become a problem, I'd evaluate why..... I'd take the date along and enjoy the social time out. As far as flirting with others.. yeah, that'd be out!
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    Jan 28, 2012 1:40 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidI don't go out to clubs, except on a very occasional basis. It isn't a part of my regular "social" schedule, so there isn't much to miss....

    As far as whether being involved with a partner puts a crimp on my regular social life... I would say no. Even if we lived together, it probably wouldn't be an issue. If dating a guy is causing your social life to become a problem, I'd evaluate why..... I'd take the date along and enjoy the social time out. As far as flirting with others.. yeah, that'd be out!


    I agree, no reason you cant have fun being in a relationship, as long as your intentions are not promiscuous.