I just- most days I am a-okay but today was just unfun for the lack of a better term-The depression is a result of deep emotional scars from abusive situations in my past and I just- I dont fear being alone per say- I more fear being abandoned and unwanted/loved-- 6 days out of 7 I am fine but today was just an "I want a hug day because I feel like I've been abandoned."
Regarding trying to move past it -I know that I probably have to confront my abuser at some point and just scream at them in a huge cathartic explosion- but ive never been the angry sort-- I bottle it all
When you just have to ride out your depressed feelings until they pass, try to keep in mind how our moods are fluid and not necessarily rooted in the concrete realities that we experience.
Hopefully you are too young to have experienced much death, but whenever I'm having trouble controlling my own depressed periods, I remember all the times I broke out into laughter at funerals of those I have loved. Completely inappropriate a mood for the moment, but either something would happen or someone would say something or I'd have a thought that I'd just completely connect to in a funny way.
I would have a very happy moment in what concrete reality would define as a very sad time. My tears for love lost didn't anchor my mood because my mood is not the boat, it is the troubled water. It is the storm you are passing through. Captain, take hold of your ship and give yourself a hug.
Sail on silver girl Sail on by Your time has come to shine All of your dreams are on their way See how they shine