Extremely hard break-up

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2012 6:59 AM GMT
    Last semester I had semi-spoken to some dude on realjock who viewed my profile. Was not looking for anything.. But when I was back home visiting family he had messaged me and we decided to cam. It just so happened that I was going to be in his area the next day to see a friend so we decided to meet up. The rest after that was seriously AMAZING...

    We kept on talking and soon after that we had been dating. It was so surreal because we both were what we had been waiting for. Discreet, masculine, good-looking and come from good households. Some time passed by and I found myself meeting his FAMILY and was introduced as the guy that he was dating... He came out to his family because of me and I met them. Never in a million years would I think I would actually meet a guys family because I never thought it would go that far. I always saw myself as being in a long term relationship with only women.. But I seriously contemplated telling family/people about us because I had never been so happy before. I was at a point where I just did not care what anyone had to say. I was happier than I could ever imagine.

    Two days ago after a few arguments he decided to end things between us. To say that I was torn into a million pieces is an understatement. We had bought tickets to an event this weekend where he would come up to my college and he would spend the night then we would drive down to this event. I had gotten some surprises for him because I was so excited. He told me he cant go to the event even as friends, even though we already bought tickets. These past two days I have been going crazy. I feel like someone just ripped the happiness out of me. I cant focus in school/work and it is killing me. I dont know what to do because I feel like I am loosing someone who I actually had a long term chance with, and for that to be a guy is surreal to me.

    He does not think we are "meant for each other right now".. and after venting to his aunt who I became good friends with she said "Dont ever forget. When one door closes another one opens. Im sorry things didnt work out and you never know what the future will bring". I dont know what to do and I dont know where to turn :-(. I want to keep on trying to talk him out of this but I am so hurt that he wanted to break up. I cant keep my head up and I need advice.
  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    Jan 25, 2012 7:06 AM GMT
    did you do something bad tho son
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    Jan 25, 2012 7:16 AM GMT
    Bmwkid92 saiddid you do something bad tho son


    No
  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    Jan 25, 2012 7:25 AM GMT
    you probably did what ima bout to say, but talk to him, let him know how you feel
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    Jan 25, 2012 1:32 PM GMT
    Sometimes it is the other person who no longer wants to be with us for whatever reason. That reason could be complicated but sometimes there's not much you can do about it.

    As someone suggested, talk to him about it because it feels like this is something worth fighting for judging from what you wrote.

    If the situation can't be worked out for whatever reason, then you'll just have to let time heal your wounds. At least you enjoyed the times you had together. Years from now you might look back and it will put a smile on your face that you were fortunate to love and be loved so much.
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    Jan 25, 2012 2:26 PM GMT
    Stefano91 said
    Bmwkid92 saiddid you do something bad tho son


    No
    Yeah ya did.. ya brought out your issues with another RJr here onto the public forum..

    That isnt cool.. Totally different if you never mentioned that fact in your FIRST sentence. I call that 'catty'.
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    Jan 25, 2012 4:00 PM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    Stefano91 said
    Bmwkid92 saiddid you do something bad tho son


    No
    Yeah ya did.. ya brought out your issues with another RJr here onto the public forum..

    That isnt cool.. Totally different if you never mentioned that fact in your FIRST sentence. I call that 'catty'.


    Agreed. That almost makes this post seem entirely directed toward him without actually having the gumption to say it to his face.... Doubtful you want our advice and more probable that you want this "guy" to accidentally see how heartbroken you are (like in those chick flick movies after the sad montage of music where there's this realization that the two people are meant for each other).

    Your first heartbreak is hard. I remember that. But there are ways of placating some of the pain.... From it sounds like, he's made up his mind and accepting that will take you a long ways.
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    Jan 25, 2012 4:03 PM GMT
    just tell us WHAT did you do? like WHAT was the argument about?

  • Jan 25, 2012 4:04 PM GMT
    It sucks, but you are right where you are "supposed to be" after a break up. Sorry to hear it.

    Retail therapy helps! icon_smile.gif
  • drakutis

    Posts: 586

    Jan 25, 2012 4:17 PM GMT
    You have to realize that some people say things that you want to hear, even though they're not ready for that step and look for an easy out, instead of being honest and telling that they don't want the same thing at this point. I've dealt with that recently myself. The only thing I can say that's helping me is that I've refocused on myself and plan on keeping it that way! You need to focus on you and keep moving forward. No matter what may creep in your mind about him, keep moving forward. If he let go because of a few arguments, you may want to consider yourself lucky that you're avoiding a time waster.
  • drakutis

    Posts: 586

    Jan 25, 2012 4:20 PM GMT
    Ruskach saidjust tell us WHAT did you do? like WHAT was the argument about?


    Sometimes the argument can be about the most stupid things. Its not always what you did. If the person doesn't want to be there, any subject will do to start an argument. Been there, done that!
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    Jan 25, 2012 4:51 PM GMT
    Stephano, reasonably, no one can give you accurate advice without knowing what the break-up was over.
    Rather than airing this in public, which is not great because your ex is apparently a member here on RJ, feel free to email us if you like.

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    Jan 25, 2012 6:23 PM GMT
    Move on. This isnt the first or last time this will happen. As you get more life experience., you learn how to cope better. The aunt gave you some great advice. You just dont realize it now.
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    Jan 25, 2012 6:31 PM GMT
    Ugh .. it kinda sucks when our feelings take over to the point where the friendship begins to suffer.. this is why I prefer my friendship feelings over crushes... crushes will make me go through all these emotional ups and downs... that can be problematic sometimes... with friendships Im much more level headed and easy going.. most of my old crushes I was simply able to drop the crush and revert back to being friends.. often better friends than i was before... because I got to know the person better through the crush, and myself as well, and its an enriching experience... but some people may have to learn how to do that...

    Now you mention you guys had arguments.. I imagine the arguments could have been so serious to him that a continued friendship is not possible... that has happened to me... sometimes it really just breaks even the friendship... I'm guessing this is what happened to him... if you want to salvage the friendship, I would first work on yourself.. make sure you do not have any emotional "hang-ups" about this guy.. and if they do resurface, make sure you are able to set them aside.. it will take some work and it may take a long time for you to get over him first.. but that is what you must do... and if you need distance to do that... then so be it... once the feelings have subsided.. you may be able to speak to him on level terms again and the friendship may be fixed...
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    Jan 25, 2012 6:54 PM GMT
    Dear God, you spoke to his aunt?

    Listen, I'm not one to promote deleting a thread (I'm against it most of the time), but this brain fart of a thread needs to be deleted now!
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    Jan 25, 2012 7:02 PM GMT
    credo saidDear God, you spoke to his aunt?
    !


    I dont think thats weird, man...he met the family and became friends with them... different rules for different people
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    Jan 25, 2012 7:46 PM GMT
    I had a similar situation with an aunt kind of meddling and emailing me after a breakup. The best advice I can offer would be to take some time apart and when things settle down he will contact you if he wants to- but don't push the issue give him some space. Also, the aunt- just tell her that you care about him alot and to let her know if anything happens to him. I really wouldnt go to her for advice etc. its just torturing yourself- the less you know the better.

    Remember that timing, distance and luck have alot to do with this stuff. Dont be too hard and yourself and try to remain open to new possibilities.
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    Jan 25, 2012 8:18 PM GMT
    It's hard and ultimately the only person that has answers to your questions is that guy. He may not even have a good reason for breaking up, he might have gotten scared, there are a lot of possibilities. Breaking up is about learning that you don't need those answers, you just need to know that you did what you could and you were a good boyfriend, and move on.

    Its going to be hard getting yourself back together, but you can do it and I'm sure you'll find happiness, just keep trying bud
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    Jan 25, 2012 8:24 PM GMT
    Grieve now and come to terms with your hurt feelings and the fact that he no longer feels a connection with you. Don't mire yourself in the reasons whether it because of the argument, or he found someone else,or whatever. The simple fact is he doesn't want to be with you any longer and only he can change that. Then move on. That's all you can do.
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    Jan 25, 2012 8:42 PM GMT
    Actually, after we started he hadn't logged onto his RJ and eventually saw it as being pointless and deleted it. So this was not for him to see at all...
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Jan 25, 2012 8:50 PM GMT
    Stefano91 saidActually, after we started he hadn't logged onto his RJ and eventually saw it as being pointless and deleted it. So this was not for him to see at all...


    OMG....I can't believe he's gone..... icon_cry.gif