What do you settle for?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2012 1:53 PM GMT
    I was thinking about this the other day and am curious to know what other people think. Would you rather:

    A) Start a relationship with someone you're reasonably comfortable with/attracted to, both on physical and intellectual level, but are missing that instant "click" i.e. you are not exactly head over heels with him. You basically start a relationship with someone nice and hope that love will develop over time.

    B) Remain single and wait for someone that will sweep you off your feet.

    If your answer is A), would you feel comfortable being on the receiving end of a similar choice made by someone else?
    If your answer is B), how long do you wait?
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    Jan 25, 2012 2:15 PM GMT
    B) without a doubt. When I click with someone, I click. Doesn't have to be a lover... can a be a friend too. But I know quickly if I'm connecting with someone. Best friend and I were best friends within weeks of even knowing each other... we just "got" one another and I felt completely myself with him. The man I loved most, my second boyfriend, I clicked instantly with him. We went to lunch and when he got up to go wash his hands I was craving his presence even for that five minutes alone at the table.

    The spark has to be there. I've tried A)... tried being 'reasonable' and waiting for something to grow. But for me that romantic spark is the seed, not the fruit, of the relationship. And I'll wait for as long as it takes.
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    Jan 25, 2012 2:27 PM GMT
    B) if it ain't click it ain't right. Being single for a long time is frustrating but at the same time do not want to settle, as the other guy deserves someone who loves him equally.
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    Jan 25, 2012 2:51 PM GMT
    Very hard question since both have flaws and neither is a guarantee for eternal bliss.

    I would have to go for A simply because of the type of guy I am (read my profile). It's gotta be nurtured and earned. When it's right it will happen on its own. I can't do the "love at first sight", instantaneous/spontaneous thing. It just seems irresponsible, in my opinion, to let your feelings get the better of you especially in matters of the heart.

    I think those who go for B tend to find themselves hurt later on down the road by their own hands. It just seems so "go with first feeling".
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    Jan 25, 2012 2:56 PM GMT
    I try to make the relationships I'm in work to their best. But if there isn't a spark I don't get too involved in them now, and keep my vulnerabilities to myself. If and when I do find a spark* I usually pull out all the stops and do whatever I can to make things work. Connecting with someone is such a wonderful experience for me; especially when they feel the same way.
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    Jan 25, 2012 3:47 PM GMT
    B- DUUUHHHH

    cuz consciously you KNOW (even if u're going to hope the opposite) that A-dude is not meant for u. BUT u try and hope he will be but in the end he just isnt...
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    Jan 25, 2012 4:04 PM GMT
    Larkin saidB) without a doubt. When I click with someone, I click. Doesn't have to be a lover... can a be a friend too. But I know quickly if I'm connecting with someone. Best friend and I were best friends within weeks of even knowing each other... we just "got" one another and I felt completely myself with him. The man I loved most, my second boyfriend, I clicked instantly with him. We went to lunch and when he got up to go wash his hands I was craving his presence even for that five minutes alone at the table.

    The spark has to be there. I've tried A)... tried being 'reasonable' and waiting for something to grow. But for me that romantic spark is the seed, not the fruit, of the relationship. And I'll wait for as long as it takes.

    Awwwww, what a romantic!

    Guy101 saidI would have to go for A simply because of the type of guy I am (read my profile). It's gotta be nurtured and earned. When it's right it will happen on its own. I can't do the "love at first sight", instantaneous/spontaneous thing. It just seems irresponsible, in my opinion, to let your feelings get the better of you especially in matters of the heart.

    I think those who go for B tend to find themselves hurt later on down the road by their own hands. It just seems so "go with first feeling/feeling".

    Maybe that's why you're single. Love means taking risks and besides, going the A route is no guarantee that you won't be hurt. Trust me, love hurts even when you're in love.

    I've done A and B and I've had wonderful relationships that ended sadly but I'm not giving up on love. I love LOVE. It's a wonderful feeling...to love and be loved.




  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Jan 25, 2012 8:01 PM GMT
    Settling is usually done with the best intentions, but rarely works out. I`ve tried it a couple of times before and have come to the conclusion that ├Čt`s not for me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 25, 2012 8:10 PM GMT
    B
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    Jan 25, 2012 8:33 PM GMT
    Love is a socially constructed feeling. I just want someone who enjoys being around me as I do them.

    icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 25, 2012 8:44 PM GMT
    Defenseon saidLove is a socially constructed feeling. I just want someone who enjoys being around me as I do them.

    icon_smile.gif


    I'm pretty sure Hallmark thought of it
  • Dominican_Gen...

    Posts: 379

    Jan 25, 2012 9:30 PM GMT
    Have tried both ways. A is not worth it on the long haul (and you are messing with his feelings, to boot).

    So from my experiences, either the B way or no way.
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    Jan 26, 2012 3:27 AM GMT
    B.

    It's how I do. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 26, 2012 3:34 AM GMT
    B, until you find each other.
    You can still be great friends with the A-guy though. Always great to have good friends.
  • nomadfornow

    Posts: 1069

    Jan 26, 2012 3:48 AM GMT
    B!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 26, 2012 3:53 AM GMT
    Why are those my only two choices?

    Will go with B since I know A would leave me in a relationship where I was never happy.
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    Jan 26, 2012 3:56 AM GMT
    bigeasydude said
    Larkin saidB) without a doubt. When I click with someone, I click. Doesn't have to be a lover... can a be a friend too. But I know quickly if I'm connecting with someone. Best friend and I were best friends within weeks of even knowing each other... we just "got" one another and I felt completely myself with him. The man I loved most, my second boyfriend, I clicked instantly with him. We went to lunch and when he got up to go wash his hands I was craving his presence even for that five minutes alone at the table.

    The spark has to be there. I've tried A)... tried being 'reasonable' and waiting for something to grow. But for me that romantic spark is the seed, not the fruit, of the relationship. And I'll wait for as long as it takes.

    Awwwww, what a romantic!

    Guy101 saidI would have to go for A simply because of the type of guy I am (read my profile). It's gotta be nurtured and earned. When it's right it will happen on its own. I can't do the "love at first sight", instantaneous/spontaneous thing. It just seems irresponsible, in my opinion, to let your feelings get the better of you especially in matters of the heart.

    I think those who go for B tend to find themselves hurt later on down the road by their own hands. It just seems so "go with first feeling/feeling".

    Maybe that's why you're single. Love means taking risks and besides, going the A route is no guarantee that you won't be hurt. Trust me, love hurts even when you're in love.

    I've done A and B and I've had wonderful relationships that ended sadly but I'm not giving up on love. I love LOVE. It's a wonderful feeling...to love and be loved.







    And yet aren't you technically by definition still single yourself since you are just dating which means it's nothing serious as of yet. Please don't make the mistake of trying to guess why I'm single because you'll find yourself in all kinds of wrong just for doing that.

    There are calculated risks and then there are unnecessary risks when it comes to love. I prefer to be aware of my risks instead of just having them pop out of nowhere which is what seems to happen to those who go the B route. Things start off hot and then it grows cold for them but that's just my opinion.

    For both A and B there is always a spark. The difference is the intensity of that spark. With A, there is a spark (small but it's there). It's called interest and that's usually what's needed before dating and being a in relationship.

    I personally can not just look at someone and say "OMG! We're gonna be together forever." It just seems one-sided especially when you don't know if they feel the same about you so I'd rather be solid and secure in my feelings after knowing someone instead of just going off of a burst of intense feelings the first time around that could go as quickly as it came. I'm just reserved.

    B just seems more lustful then it does loving.
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    Jan 26, 2012 4:04 AM GMT
    The real world isn't black and white A or B. The relationships that work are option C, which is a mixture of both. If you sit around waiting for your perfect prince charming get ready to die alone. Relationships are BUILT. They are the product of many things such as common interests, understanding, selflessness, learning, ADAPTING, PRACTICALITY and willingness.
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    Jan 26, 2012 4:11 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidThe real world isn't black and white A or B. The relationships that work are option C, which is a mixture of both. If you sit around waiting for your perfect prince charming get ready to die alone. Relationships are BUILT. They are the product of many things such as common interests, understanding, selflessness, learning, ADAPTING, PRACTICALITY and willingness.



    Sounds more like A but I see where you are going with this.
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    Jan 26, 2012 4:30 AM GMT
    Guy101 said
    Ariodante saidThe real world isn't black and white A or B. The relationships that work are option C, which is a mixture of both. If you sit around waiting for your perfect prince charming get ready to die alone. Relationships are BUILT. They are the product of many things such as common interests, understanding, selflessness, learning, ADAPTING, PRACTICALITY and willingness.



    Sounds more like A but I see where you are going with this.


    It's both really. The whole "sweep you off your feet" thing is pretty much the temporary infatuation all early relationships have. That wears off. After a year or two into a relationship it's not about googley eyes, it's about making job schedules work to make time for each other, living arrangements that satisfy both partners, economic equality and responsibility, compatibility of sleeping habits (HUGE), etc...

  • Jan 26, 2012 7:36 AM GMT
    Got to go with choice B. I've had amazing dates with 2 separate guys who were head over heels for me and they were just perfect on paper and probably would be great boyfriends but if u dont feel that "butterflies in the stomach" or edge of your seat to hear their next word, it just isnt going to work

    felt terrible that it wasn't mutual but having that conversation sooner than later is better for them
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    Jan 26, 2012 10:52 AM GMT
    yourname2000 saidI don't expect "my knight in shining armour" to come save me...I saved myself a long time ago with my mantra that "my knight in shining armour lives within me." I'm growing and becoming someone new; I'm looking for a guy on a similar journey, who I find stimulating on a number of levels (including sexually), and with whom I can grow.

    So I'll actually take an interesting A over the Disney-fied, love-song idealized vision of B.

    No need for implicit mockery. I'd say both A and B are perfectly valid options that work differently, either separately or in combination, for different types of people. B doesn't necessarily involve happily ever after, nor does it mean that you can't be swept away beyond initial attraction.
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    Jan 26, 2012 10:55 AM GMT
    I find that a strange question.. why would you even start a relationship in A? Just be friends with A and if B happens, it happens
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    Jan 26, 2012 11:13 AM GMT
    Ariodante said
    Guy101 said
    Ariodante saidRelationships are BUILT. They are the product of many things such as common interests, understanding, selflessness, learning, ADAPTING, PRACTICALITY and willingness.

    Sounds more like A but I see where you are going with this.

    After a year or two into a relationship it's not about googley eyes, it's about making job schedules work to make time for each other, living arrangements that satisfy both partners, economic equality and responsibility, compatibility of sleeping habits (HUGE), etc...

    We can share common interests and understanding. We can both be selfless, economically equal, responsible and satisfied with our living arrangements, willing to learn, adapt and make time for each other, etc. We can make all possible arrangements and technical fixes that make our living together easy, comfortable and practical. Is that really all there is to it?
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    Jan 26, 2012 11:23 AM GMT
    People who go for B are shooting in the dark off of intense feelings that could last for a mere moment. That sounds more like a random hook up thing then a "Let's get to know each other and take it slow" thing.

    I bet if you were to compare the success of the two I'd be willing to bet the A category has a higher success rate than the B category.