your stuff after a break up

  • helios01

    Posts: 349

    Jan 26, 2012 1:16 PM GMT
    Hello R J peeps
    I was wondering something.
    During a relationship you give each other things, sometimes personal things that you love like crests, necklaces, scarves sweaters etc. I Gave my ex a mp3 player that looked like sailor moon's compact and made me feel like a scout that i had for years and loved! (wweird i know but meh) and also this amazing long blue scarf from old navy. Well i kind of want them back bcuz i cant replace them... I mailed him his stuff last year kinda hoping he would get the message about my stuff.... :/
    has this ever happened to you? what did you do? what would you do?
    just curious to see the stories icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2012 2:46 PM GMT
    helios01 saidHello R J peeps
    I was wondering something.
    During a relationship you give each other things, sometimes personal things that you love like crests, necklaces, scarves sweaters etc. I Gave my ex a mp3 player that looked like sailor moon's compact and made me feel like a scout that i had for years and loved! (wweird i know but meh) and also this amazing long blue scarf from old navy. Well i kind of want them back bcuz i cant replace them... I mailed him his stuff last year kinda hoping he would get the message about my stuff.... :/
    has this ever happened to you? what did you do? what would you do?
    just curious to see the stories icon_smile.gif


    a gift is a gift... a loan is a loan... you need to visit the dictionary
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2012 3:09 PM GMT
    1) Don't do passive aggressive crap "hoping someone will get the message." If you have something to say, then say it. If you want stuff returned to you, tell him so.
    2) How you handle post-breakup belongings sort of depends on the nature of the breakup. I destroyed most of the gifts my ex gave me... and I don't care that he didn't return the gifts I gave him. But I wish looking back I'd asked him to return the Valentine's Day card I wrote him. The material things didn't matter, but I poured my heart into that card and want the memory back.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2012 3:20 PM GMT
    helios01 saidI Gave my ex a mp3 player that looked like sailor moon's compact and made me feel like a scout that i had for years and loved!


    wtf do you really want this back?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    I've got an ex who's got a piano of mine, an HDTV and one of my computers. I consider them all write-offs. It's the way it happens in relationships.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2012 4:19 PM GMT
    A gift is a gift. You could try to ask him for certain items you gave him, and be willing to offer to return certain things to him as a consolatory measure.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2012 4:41 PM GMT
    76coopers said
    helios01 saidHello R J peeps
    I was wondering something.
    During a relationship you give each other things, sometimes personal things that you love like crests, necklaces, scarves sweaters etc. I Gave my ex a mp3 player that looked like sailor moon's compact and made me feel like a scout that i had for years and loved! (wweird i know but meh) and also this amazing long blue scarf from old navy. Well i kind of want them back bcuz i cant replace them... I mailed him his stuff last year kinda hoping he would get the message about my stuff.... :/
    has this ever happened to you? what did you do? what would you do?
    just curious to see the stories icon_smile.gif


    a gift is a gift... a loan is a loan... you need to visit the dictionary


    Helios, you should've give something out unless you're sure you can do without it. Like breaking up with someone you care for; instead of taking time apart or exploring other options... sorry, for the preaching.

    hallelujah.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2012 4:52 PM GMT
    A year ago?

    If you want to reclaim things you gotta be strategic and reacquire your shit and THEN break up.

    A year later, just write it off, its too late.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2012 5:00 PM GMT
    I own stuff, stuff doesn't own me. Once I give something away I gave it away and that's that, move on. It just stuff.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2012 5:08 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidI own stuff, stuff doesn't own me. Once I give something away I gave it away and that's that, move on. It just stuff.


    This.
  • helios01

    Posts: 349

    Jan 26, 2012 5:25 PM GMT
    Oh actually i have written them off. Its stuff i loved and it hurts to think
    that someone can just throw them away... sigh

    but i was curious if anyone else had similar experiences and or had useful techniques of getting stuff back.

    next time i will make sure to get the cool stuff back.

    But it took u guys to realize that a gift is a gift.... idk.... it was like an omg moment thanks ^-^
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2012 5:55 PM GMT
    Tell me where he lives and I'll go get the Sailor Moon Compact MP3 player back... but you're still not getting it back after it's in my hands icon_razz.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2012 6:30 PM GMT
    If you want your stuff back then go get it. Do not sit around hoping for him to do what you think is right.

    That kind of thinking will get you nowhere. Your stuff will either be in the trash or it will be on craigslist. As others have said already, it was a gift and you can't really take a gift back just because things didn't work out. That's kinda petty IMO. A gift is a gift and the action behind it is to give it away freely with the knowledge of knowing that you aren't getting it back.

    It'd be different if you merely left something at his house that was yours and you wanted it back. That isn't the case here.

    I'd move on and just count it as causality of the breakup. They were just gifts after all and not actual personal items on yours.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2012 8:13 PM GMT
    Some southwest native tribes give a "wedding vase" to a couple at marriage. It's like a little pitcher with two necks, sometimes used in a marriage ceremony. The story I heard when I was working down there is that if a couple splits up, the each grab a neck and break it like a turkey wishbone. Whoever comes away with the biggest chunk gets stuck with all the stuff and the other one is free to walk away.

    smRK2437wv.jpg

    I dunno. I suppose the gay version could be the double-ended dildo. Might be fun to see how far it stretches before it tears apart and both of you go tumbling ass over teakettle.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 26, 2012 8:24 PM GMT
    helios01 saidHello R J peeps
    I was wondering something.
    During a relationship you give each other things, sometimes personal things that you love like crests, necklaces, scarves sweaters etc. I Gave my ex a mp3 player that looked like sailor moon's compact and made me feel like a scout that i had for years and loved! (wweird i know but meh) and also this amazing long blue scarf from old navy. Well i kind of want them back bcuz i cant replace them... I mailed him his stuff last year kinda hoping he would get the message about my stuff.... :/
    has this ever happened to you? what did you do? what would you do?
    just curious to see the stories icon_smile.gif
    ah buddy, you gave them to him as a gift. u can not get them back. move on
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 26, 2012 8:45 PM GMT
    First, gifts are gifts, it would be super classless to ever ask for them back. Second, if you left something at an exes place, after a breakup, I'd say there is a time limit on how long you have to retrieve it, if it was just kind of a tame break up, and you both just grew apart, I'd still say you have a month to ask for stuff. If it was an ugly break up, you should have been smart enough to gather your stuff before the final fight/breakup, because chances are anything left after that is either gone, sold, thrown out or worse.
    Exes don't really have any reason to return gifts ever. Stuff left behind by a decent guy who accidentally left it, I'd make sure it was returned. But if some guy punched me in a drunken stupor and now wants his stereo, I'd tell him which river I threw it in and hang up.
  • helios01

    Posts: 349

    Jan 27, 2012 8:01 AM GMT
    It's actually complicated. I didn't exactly gift it to him. I wore it like everyday so one day after we did stuff we were getting dressed and he grabbed it and put it on. I didnt want to be bogus and be like "give it back" which was stupid on my part which is why i have labeled it "gave to him"

    Usually My friends and their exes always gave each other's stuff back, maybe that's why i expected it to be like that. I sent his stuff back a while back so i expect to become Queen before i get my Mp3 and scarf back :/....

    Just wondering if anyone went through something similar. He was the first guy i was ever really serious with. ^_^ but you live and learn
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 28, 2012 3:02 PM GMT
    "The hardest part of breaking up is getting back your stuff"