I'm gay

  • ineedausernam...

    Posts: 118

    Jan 27, 2012 9:34 AM GMT
    After years of painstaking confusion and denial, I've finally come to the resolve that I'm gay. I'm going to come out to my parents next month which I think will be okay. They suspect it. I'm hoping it will be as much of a relief as I think it will be. From there I guess I'll tell my close friends and see how things go from there? I'm honestly just ready to move on to the next phase of my life.

    Idk if I'm supposed to feel this way but I feel annoyed and sad. Not because I think being gay is wrong but because I'm just tired of living on the margins of society. Life's hard enough but to have to be black AND gay in a world that's not particularly inviting to either group...wtf!

    I don't want to be "the gay relative". I don't want to be anyone's "gay best friend". I don't want to talk about how hot a guy is with my girl friends. I just want the world to stop being so fucking intolerant and for everything to be okay.

    I wish sexuality wasn't so damn confusing. I wish it didn't take me this long to stop living in denial. It feels like years of my life were robbed from me. I wish I could have a healthy, active dating life like the rest of my friends. I wish the assumption wasn't that I'm straight until I specify otherwise. I wish I didn't see so many beautiful women who it would make perfect sense for me to be with while I know my heart isn't into it. I wish I didn't have to tell people that I'm gay and there be a chance that they will hate me because of it. I wish I wasn't stepping into a community that may not be what I want or need it to be. I wish the world wasn't such an uncomfortable place to be different :/.

    I really want to eventually get married and have children and yes, I know both of those are possible but not without complications :/. I don't want to be alone and still searching for someone in my forties. I just want to lead a happy, well-adjusted, purposeful life and that's difficult enough without being gay.

    I know I'll move past these feelings and hopefully ten years or even a year from now I'll be able to think back to how I'm feeling now and smile knowing I'm in a better space but for now...bleh :/.

    On the bright side, I can feel comfortable putting up pictures now icon_biggrin.gif.

    TL;DR: Finally come to terms with being gay and it sucks :/.
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    Jan 27, 2012 10:51 AM GMT
    Congratulations.

    Here's some fap material to help get you started:
    tumblr_lvofrbbUua1qhcjqso1_500.jpg
  • kemoze

    Posts: 390

    Jan 27, 2012 11:23 AM GMT
    dude.. every thing is gonna be Ok. and i think u are not coming out too late, as i know u are 19 years old and u live in us.. so dont worry, you didnt mess too much.. and its great u chose to come out. people here in kuwait where i work and in egypt my home country, know the meaning of gay, i would have come out since long time ago. instead i am going to move to australia.. dude.. dont worry u are in a better situation. cheer up and pls post ur coming out story.

    kareem
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    Jan 27, 2012 12:38 PM GMT
    Kudos man.. we all know how hard it is and have been through this.. bright side.. it does get better from there icon_wink.gif
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Jan 27, 2012 4:14 PM GMT
    GreenHopper saidKudos man.. we all know how hard it is and have been through this.. bright side.. it does get better from there icon_wink.gif


    Totally agree with this.

    When I was dealing with the realization that I was gay, the worst part was feeling isolated and alone.
    After I reached out and told someone about what I was dealing with, they told me that what I was experiencing was not unique, that many other men and women go through the same thing. That made me feel better, that others go through it and survive.
    Our society has made tremendous strides towards acceptance since I came out, and even though there's a long way to go, it's better now than it's ever been.
    Hang in there, it does get better!
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    Jan 27, 2012 4:16 PM GMT
    oh-god-why.jpg
  • a303guy

    Posts: 829

    Jan 27, 2012 4:46 PM GMT
    wow - what an awesome post by the OP. Be proud of what you are, and what you are accomplishing for yourself. I so wish I had the balls at 19 to do what you're doing - I held off till I was 37, married, and utterly miserable - you are way ahead of the curve! Rock on brother!
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    Jan 27, 2012 4:50 PM GMT
    Anduru saidCongratulations.

    Here's some fap material to help get you started:
    tumblr_lvofrbbUua1qhcjqso1_500.jpg


    moar_23.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 27, 2012 4:51 PM GMT
    Good, clear thinking OP. You're going to be just fine.
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    Jan 27, 2012 4:53 PM GMT
    so glad for you ...best of luck and your life will now be yours...and much easier to enjoy....best of everything
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    Jan 27, 2012 4:59 PM GMT
    You are 19 yo. You will be fine trust me. If your friends and family really loved you, that wont change. Some people just need more time to accept the fact that you are different. You dont have to follow any stereotypes, just be yourself and enjoy your life the way you want it.
  • ineedausernam...

    Posts: 118

    Jan 31, 2012 9:11 PM GMT
    Thank you so guys so much! It's really comforting to read the words of encouragement as I still try to make sense of things. I'm going home this weekend which is a little earlier than I anticipated but I guess I'll see how things go icon_eek.gif. I'm just ready to get this off of my chest.
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    Jan 31, 2012 9:17 PM GMT
    Amazing post! I'm at a crossroads just as you are and have only come to a reasonably comfortable place in my life as of last year!! I am serious when I say ANYTIME you want to chat or whatever about how you feel or difficulties you're still feeling, shoot me a message! I can definitely relate and hopefully understand what you're going through!

    And good luck! It's good that you are doing what will make you happy at the end of the day!
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    Jan 31, 2012 9:27 PM GMT
    ineedausername saidThank you so guys so much! It's really comforting to read the words of encouragement as I still try to make sense of things. I'm going home this weekend which is a little earlier than I anticipated but I guess I'll see how things go icon_eek.gif. I'm just ready to get this off of my chest.


    Best of luck this weekend buddy, and remember: if they don't take it well now, they will most likely come around with time, family usually does.

    And don't feel bad about anything. Life is short, you've made the right decision, and personally, I'm excited for you. You've got so much ahead of you and you're on the right track.

    Give yourself a pat on the back, be proud of who you are and your decision to come out to yourself and your family and whomever you chose to come out to.

    And you can always rely of us here to say something encouraging or give you an internet hug... of course there are always morons to ignore as well. icon_biggrin.gif


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    Jan 31, 2012 9:28 PM GMT
    ineedausername said

    Idk if I'm supposed to feel this way but I feel annoyed and sad. Not because I think being gay is wrong but because I'm just tired of living on the margins of society. Life's hard enough but to have to be black AND gay in a world that's not particularly inviting to either group...wtf!

    I don't want to be "the gay relative". I don't want to be anyone's "gay best friend". I don't want to talk about how hot a guy is with my girl friends. I just want the world to stop being so fucking intolerant and for everything to be okay.

    On the bright side, I can feel comfortable putting up pictures now icon_biggrin.gif.

    TL;DR: Finally come to terms with being gay and it sucks :/.


    Sounds like you've got a good handle on things. Don't let any of the turds push you to do anything before you're ready. If your parents don't act like PFLAG poster parents, give them time. Just take one day at a time.
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    Jan 31, 2012 9:41 PM GMT
    Congrats. I'm a Bona fide Homosexual!

    I coming out by the time I was 10, was saved much of the pain and torment you have endured at your age, as I was well liberated by your age and flying my own brand of banner; not to say I was not to pay for such openness at such a young age in the 1960s; when so many men still remand silent.. But you can not prevent from being seen as the gay relative, because to many thats what you will be. But hold your head high and just get on with living your life.
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    Jan 31, 2012 10:42 PM GMT
    People who can't think of anything else but whether the person you love is indented or convex should be doomed not to think of anything else but that, and so miss the other ninety-five percent of life - Robert Towne

    I find this quote very insightful. Remember your sexuality never has to define you. I've just come out too and the experience was less liberating than I thought but definitely much more worth it.

    I now wake up everyday with a smile not because 30 Rock is on but because I get to be myself and love who I wish. No more secrets or retained information.

    I wish you the best of luck! icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 31, 2012 10:51 PM GMT
    Because I'm all Walt Whitman today, these lines from section 3 of Song of Myself feel apropos:

    Welcome is every organ and attribute of me, and of any man hearty and clean,
    Not an inch nor a particle of an inch is vile, and none shall be
    less familiar than the rest.

    I am satisfied--I see, dance, laugh, sing;
    As the hugging and loving bed-fellow sleeps at my side through the night,
    and withdraws at the peep of the day with stealthy tread,
    Leaving me baskets cover'd with white towels swelling the house with
    their plenty,
    Shall I postpone my acceptation and realization and scream at my eyes,
    That they turn from gazing after and down the road,
    And forthwith cipher and show me to a cent,
    Exactly the value of one and exactly the value of two, and which is ahead?