Tips on handling grief and loss, please.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2012 9:55 AM GMT
    Hi guys

    Not been around much but want to ask those of you who have lost both parents how you processed being "an orphan".

    My dad died ten years ago and my mother died in December very suddenly of a stroke . Was a very painful Xmas and now I'm having trouble with extreme loneliness and just trying to process life.

    Any tips would be great
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2012 11:25 AM GMT
    Hey blacktor.....


    *has no words, so just hugs*

    (Our own Dads passed away within 6 months of each other.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 28, 2012 2:06 PM GMT
    I'm sorry for your loss blactor. You need to speak with someone, a friend, a co-worker, someone to help you get through your days for a while. I went to a counsler a few times after my dad passed away many years ago, it helped put me back on track I think. There's a lot of help out there and a lot of good folks willing to help you. Good luck and best wishes.
  • Lincsbear

    Posts: 2605

    Jan 28, 2012 4:02 PM GMT
    I`m sorry to hear about your loss. It`s very early days yet, so your feeling upset and lost is entirely normal; part of the healing process.

    I lost my mother to cancer in December, 2002, and Christmas was wiped out for me. Longer term, the passing of time helps, though you can never go back to what you were before. For now, try to let the grief out. Don`t repress it as it needs to be expressed. Do you have a family member, or a close, trusted friend to be with you?

    Concentrate on doing the basics and looking after yourself for now. With time, you`ll notice an improvement, probably when you least expect it. Like all living things, we have the capacity to heal ourselves, both physically and mentally. That unconscious process is going on with you now, though you may not realize it.

    Not sure how I came to terms with being an 'orphan', but I agree, it`s very lonely to start with, especially as I had good relations with my parents. I think I became more mature and less selfish as a result, probably. I gained more understanding of my parents as well. I always think of them and am grateful for their love.

    I`ve gone through all this again as I lost my youngest sister to cancer last August and I`m just beginning to emerge from the bereavement.
    I hope this is some help and comfort.
    Best wishes,
    John.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 28, 2012 4:09 PM GMT
    wow, that sucks. i lost my mom and grandmother while in college so i can understand your pain. however, i have other family members so it is not a big deal. do you have close cousins or other family members you can lean on. what about very good friends. my friends were always there for me and playing sports also helped me out too
  • metta

    Posts: 39150

    Jan 28, 2012 4:18 PM GMT
    hugs05.jpg

    Be Kind To Yourself!

    Give yourself time to deal with it in your own way.


    sympathy_candle.gifsympathy_candle.gif


    And I will light a candle for you.

    To shatter all the darkness and bless the times we knew.
    Like a beacon in the night
    The flame will burn bright and guide us on our way.
    Oh, today I light a candle for you.

    The seasons come and go, and I'm weary from the change.
    I keep on moving on, you know it's not the same.
    And when I'm walking all alone
    Do you hear me call your name?
    Do your hear me sing the songs we used to sing?

    You filled my life with wonder, touched me with surprise,
    Always saw that something special deep within your eyes.
    And through the good times and the bad,
    We carried on with pride.
    I hold onto the love and life we knew.

    And I will light a candle for you.
    To shatter all the darkness and bless the times we knew.
    Like a beacon in the night
    The flame will burn bright and guide us on our way.
    Oh, today I light a candle for you.



    -Bissalama Avral



  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 30, 2012 11:05 AM GMT
    It will take a long time before you will feel better, BUT you will. The pain never leaves but it does change. Remember you can still talk to them they just won't answer you for now. I am so sorry for your loss!!!. Make sure to not drop out of life. They would not want that for you. Keep your self busy and make a lot of plans. Do things to de stress- yoga, gym, therapy if you feel you need to talk to a professional person to put it in perspective. Make them proud of thier legacy...YOU!!
  • gbc59

    Posts: 90

    Jan 31, 2012 11:24 AM GMT
    Its hard ,i lost my dad (lung cancer ) when i was 18, lost my mum (bowel cancer) when i was 39, a year later my sister lost her fight to a brian tumour , the after 12 years of nothing happening in the family my brother died from a heart attack.....in all that time i every day i was down i just went jogging i cme from a large family of 11 siblings but they are all. non emotional, my then b/f (mums death) made me feel guilty he needed counciling left me within weeks. all i had was my dog spent many years with that dog and got thru it, theres no special cure for the loss and sadness its still comes n goes. wish there was a cure hope u have support in these times.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 31, 2012 12:20 PM GMT
    You're not alone. Lost my Mom to cancer back in August. And my Father died in 1999. A few months ago, I realized that I was officially an orphan. I try to remember the lessons I was taught. Grieve, my friend. Let those tears flow..... The pain eventually subsides and you can begin to focus more on the happy times you shared........icon_wink.gif

    P.S. Christmas just wasn't the same.
    icon_cry.gif