Ways to reduce bottoming pain?

  • Robby31

    Posts: 11

    Jan 28, 2012 5:18 PM GMT
    So it seems every time I bottom I experience either pain or just nothing at all. Having a dick inside of me, not moving, just feels like I'm full, while in and out pounding is probably one of the most painful and horrible experiences I endure on a semi-regular basis.

    I've noticed the majority of bottoms admit that pain can happen, but it either subsides or its simply a position or movement error that causes it. Aside from that, bottoms make anal sound like an explosive sensation of pure delight. For me its been the opposite. I've heard people say if you do it enough times the pain will subside over time. I'm not sure if this will happen for me, since I have yet to feel a single pleasure receptor back there, but either way, is there any recommendations for how to reduce pain during sex?

    I've noticed its rather difficult for me to get into an erotic mood, get hard, and be creative when the only thing on my mind during anal is "God, shit, make the pain stop please!". This prolly is turning off my tops, who either sense I'm faking my way through it or just think I'm kinda boring and devoid of ideas.

    Aside from repetitive anal, I wondered if pain meds or something could help me out. No idea about that, but I'm short on solutions.

    Suggestions?
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    Jan 28, 2012 5:20 PM GMT
    Don't do it?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2012 5:37 AM GMT
    i want to visit any country
    i need sponsarer if any one want to help [lz tel me
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2012 6:51 AM GMT
    Robby31 said Aside from that, bottoms make anal sound like an explosive sensation of pure delight.


    This is a myth.

    A lot of people don't enjoy anything about bottoming.
    A lot of people feel only slightly good but only after they've gotten used to it.
    A lot of people really enjoy it but only after they've gotten used to it.
    Some people can take a dick pretty well.
    A very few can take a dick well *and* cum from anal alone.

    I would suggest trying some silicone lube. It's more expensive and a bitch to clean up, but it's so much smoother and doesn't contain ingredients that irritate skin, like some water-based lubes. The worst culprits are "parabens", if they're in the ingredients of your lube, they may be causing you burning (it's pretty bad for me). Silicone lube also doesn't dry out, so it should help.

    The one I've tried is called Pjur Backdoor, it's got a very slight numbing ingredient in it that will make the start of anal go easier. It won't give you any more pleasure than before tho.

    I would try playing with yourself using fingers or a toy if you have one. Something thin and perfectly smooth. Don't jab with it, just insert it with tons of lube (try to get some inside). After getting used to the feeling for a minute, get your dick hard and start jerking off while wiggling it against your prostate. You should notice the added pleasure of prostate stimulation the closer you are to cumming.

    In case you don't know where the prostate is, insert your fingers/toy and rub against the wall at the front (as if pointing at your bellybutton). You should feel the prostate gland in that wall. Some respond to it quickly, others gradually. Just don't go jamming things into it, easy goes it.
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    Jan 29, 2012 4:36 PM GMT
    If it is repeatedly that painful for you and you get no pleasure, then you're obviously not a bottom, so why keep trying?

    Either top, or don't do anal. Anal isn't required for sex to be good.
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    Jan 29, 2012 6:52 PM GMT
    I've had some painful experiences, and some awesome ones too. Maybe try it with a smaller cock?

    That crap you see in porn about dudes loving big dicks is a lotta B.S.

    I actually kinda do tho, lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2012 9:38 PM GMT
    if the top is crap the bottom won´t enjoy.

    A lot of younger guys are terrible tops. They don´t realise it, but they really are.

    Anyone with any kind of insecurities about staying hard is likely to be a crap top (rush in before they lose it)

    Anyone who can´t control when they come is likely to be a crap top.

    Anyone who is impatient is likely to be a crap top

    Basically it´s very easy to be a crap top and a lot of guys are terrible.

    A good top is patient, goes as slow as you need, stays hard forever so there is no rush, doesn´t cum after 1 minute inside you. That´s just getting past the starting line. To actually do a decent job you need to control rhythm, speed intensity, angle, depth of thrust and pacing. And that´s just part of it. I could demonstrate to appropriate candidates ;)

    Basically you had a crap top.


  • JMBDX82

    Posts: 2

    Jan 30, 2012 12:14 AM GMT
    I've found bottoming to be a lot easier when there is a lot of foreplay. Do you enjoy anal foreplay? Rimming? Fingers? Here is what I've told girlfriends in the past who've asked me how to handle their boyfriends who want to try anal.

    1) You never wanna bottom on a full tank. You know your body's rhythm with regard to regularity. Some bottoms prefer to douche or use an enema before sex to make sure they're cleaned out. Fleet makes a "natural" enema now that is basically water and aloe. It works well, or you can get a regular fleet, dump out the saline, and use plain room temperature water. Making sure the rectum is cleaned out could help with the problem of you feeling overly "full."

    2) If you are already apprehensive about bottoming, your stress may be prohibiting from you to relax, and therefore comfortably accommodate a hard penis. Sometimes a few glasses of wine help to relax you. However, you want your top to be somewhat sober, because if the top is drunk, he may just try to spear you. You want a top who is considerate and takes things at your speed.

    3) Like I said earlier, LOTS AND LOTS of foreplay. Rimming and gentle use of lubed fingers can help relax your sphincter muscles. You have 2 in the anus - an outer and inner one. A good top knows how to engage in anal foreplay. Have your partner give you head while he's fingering you or jerk you off if he's rimming you. The goal is to get you loosened up, good and wet, and wanting more. If toys are available for this, use them (but be smart.. don't start off with something too big or you'll never succeed).

    4) We're at the point of entry. Positioning is key, and this is very dependent on you personally. I know some bottoms who like to start on all fours, some on their backs, others on top and sitting on their partner's penis. It all really depends on you. Regardless of which position you choose, GO SLOW. Take 10 minutes if you have too. Make sure you are very lubed up. Hopefully by this point your partner's lubed fingers have gotten you good and slick inside. When you partner is trying to enter you, this is where you try to relax and push out a bit as if you were going to the bathroom. This sounds gross, but this action is what opens up the sphincters. If you are unsure of how much to push or what you need to do to make it go easy, Practice with a toy, like SkinnyBitch recommended, and you'll get a feel for how to push and how much push you need to get it in there.

    5) While he's trying to get inside you, make sure you are pleasuring yourself. Keeping your hard on stimulated will help with a) distraction, and b) make what's going on in the backyard feel better. While some bottoms get pleasure just getting pounded without jerking off at the same time, many only get the prostate pleasure if they are simultaneously jerking off.

    6) Make sure you try to cum while he is inside you. If you really want to experience the over-the-moon orgasmic pleasure bottoms talk about, you've gotta cum while your partner's dick is hitting your prostate. You don't need to be with a huge guy to get this done. The prostate is only about 2-3 inches inside you. As you approach orgasm, you may feel a warming deep in your belly and tingling sensations that start radiating outward up your back and down your legs. It can be a very powerful orgasm.

    7) After you cum and the pleasure waves have subsided, if your partner hasn't orgasmed, he may want to keep fucking, yet you may suddenly be aware that you are no longer comfortable. Again, some bottoms can just keep on going after they cum, but others need the top to extract himself pretty quickly after orgasm. This is because while you were in orgasmic bliss, you weren't aware that you might be getting a little raw by this point. If you feel discomfort, tell the top to pull out and you can get him off orally or however you want. In an ideal world he can cum within seconds of you and everyone is happy, but don't subject yourself to discomfort and pain just because he wants to bust a nut while inside you. He'll survive getting head.

    Anyway - that's my advice to you. I hope it works out for you - bottoming can be really fun once you learn how your body works. Just listen to what your body is saying, and if you are experiencing unbearable pain, don't do it. Be a top.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2012 12:30 AM GMT
    ConfederateGhost saidDon't do it?


    Don't you think it's a little obnoxious to answer a thread about anal with "don't do anal?"

    It'd be as though I said, "I'm not sure how to bake this cake. I keep following the recipe and lots of other people make a tasty delicious cake with it, but it hasn't turned out for me. What advice do you have?" And you answer with, "eat pie."
  • a303guy

    Posts: 829

    Jan 30, 2012 12:50 AM GMT
    JMBDX82 saidI've found bottoming to be a lot easier when there is a lot of foreplay. Do you enjoy anal foreplay? Rimming? Fingers? Here is what I've told girlfriends in the past who've asked me how to handle their boyfriends who want to try anal.

    1) You never wanna bottom on a full tank. You know your body's rhythm with regard to regularity. Some bottoms prefer to douche or use an enema before sex to make sure they're cleaned out. Fleet makes a "natural" enema now that is basically water and aloe. It works well, or you can get a regular fleet, dump out the saline, and use plain room temperature water. Making sure the rectum is cleaned out could help with the problem of you feeling overly "full."

    2) If you are already apprehensive about bottoming, your stress may be prohibiting from you to relax, and therefore comfortably accommodate a hard penis. Sometimes a few glasses of wine help to relax you. However, you want your top to be somewhat sober, because if the top is drunk, he may just try to spear you. You want a top who is considerate and takes things at your speed.

    3) Like I said earlier, LOTS AND LOTS of foreplay. Rimming and gentle use of lubed fingers can help relax your sphincter muscles. You have 2 in the anus - an outer and inner one. A good top knows how to engage in anal foreplay. Have your partner give you head while he's fingering you or jerk you off if he's rimming you. The goal is to get you loosened up, good and wet, and wanting more. If toys are available for this, use them (but be smart.. don't start off with something too big or you'll never succeed).

    4) We're at the point of entry. Positioning is key, and this is very dependent on you personally. I know some bottoms who like to start on all fours, some on their backs, others on top and sitting on their partner's penis. It all really depends on you. Regardless of which position you choose, GO SLOW. Take 10 minutes if you have too. Make sure you are very lubed up. Hopefully by this point your partner's lubed fingers have gotten you good and slick inside. When you partner is trying to enter you, this is where you try to relax and push out a bit as if you were going to the bathroom. This sounds gross, but this action is what opens up the sphincters. If you are unsure of how much to push or what you need to do to make it go easy, Practice with a toy, like SkinnyBitch recommended, and you'll get a feel for how to push and how much push you need to get it in there.

    5) While he's trying to get inside you, make sure you are pleasuring yourself. Keeping your hard on stimulated will help with a) distraction, and b) make what's going on in the backyard feel better. While some bottoms get pleasure just getting pounded without jerking off at the same time, many only get the prostate pleasure if they are simultaneously jerking off.

    6) Make sure you try to cum while he is inside you. If you really want to experience the over-the-moon orgasmic pleasure bottoms talk about, you've gotta cum while your partner's dick is hitting your prostate. You don't need to be with a huge guy to get this done. The prostate is only about 2-3 inches inside you. As you approach orgasm, you may feel a warming deep in your belly and tingling sensations that start radiating outward up your back and down your legs. It can be a very powerful orgasm.

    7) After you cum and the pleasure waves have subsided, if your partner hasn't orgasmed, he may want to keep fucking, yet you may suddenly be aware that you are no longer comfortable. Again, some bottoms can just keep on going after they cum, but others need the top to extract himself pretty quickly after orgasm. This is because while you were in orgasmic bliss, you weren't aware that you might be getting a little raw by this point. If you feel discomfort, tell the top to pull out and you can get him off orally or however you want. In an ideal world he can cum within seconds of you and everyone is happy, but don't subject yourself to discomfort and pain just because he wants to bust a nut while inside you. He'll survive getting head.

    Anyway - that's my advice to you. I hope it works out for you - bottoming can be really fun once you learn how your body works. Just listen to what your body is saying, and if you are experiencing unbearable pain, don't do it. Be a top.



    Holy Jeez! This is the best bottoming primer I've ever read, anywhere. Man, I wish I had this advice when I first started off. To the OP - everything his man has written is spot-on accurate, including his final advice - if you do all of the above, and it still isn't making you happy, just be a top.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2012 2:06 AM GMT
    JMBDX82 said

    Lotsa good stuff



    Great first post! Nice donation of time, effort and knowledge.


    To respond to other things people said... I don't consider a bottom to be someone who enjoys prostate stimulation. I think a bottom is someone who is aroused by the idea of being penetrated. If it was based on stimulation alone, everyone would be a top because all penises feel good when stimulated.

    Personally, if I didn't enjoy bottoming, I wouldn't have any anal sex at all because thrusting doesn't interest me at all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2012 2:31 AM GMT
    Well I'm surprised nobody recommended poppers!!!!

    They're a bottoms best friend, so I'm told, not that I would know about such things. I'm only here to offer suggestions.
  • raphael_br

    Posts: 22

    Jan 30, 2012 11:35 PM GMT
    as a 100% bottom guy I can advise you not to give up. I used to feel a lot of pain in the beginning, but you need to keep bottoming. it1ll come the time you will be able to do it feeling a lot of pleasure instead of pain. And use a lot of lub
  • Robby31

    Posts: 11

    Feb 01, 2012 7:28 PM GMT
    Thanks for the info!

    I've noticed that a dildo, even a big one, covered in lots of lube doesn't hurt going in and out of me. So perhaps lube is the issue. Hopefully I can develop some pleasure in penetration over time.

    Is it normal for jacking off to make you tighten your ass? I do every time, that may be why it becomes more painful...
  • JMBDX82

    Posts: 2

    Feb 02, 2012 6:59 AM GMT
    Robby,

    A lot of people do tighten the muscles of their pelvic floor (which lies just north of your perineum, or "taint") and sphincters when jerking off. Some of this can be changed through concentration and consciously trying to relax those muscles while jerking off. Take it slow, go at a pace you are comfortable with, and don't try to rush getting all of your partner inside of you. If you find that you are clinching too much while jerking off during the start of penetration, then pause on the jerking for a minute. Allow your partner to enter slightly and just hold it in place. Allow yourself time to get acclimated to what is inside you so far, and once comfortable, start to jerk off again for a little bit (while your partner maintains where he is at). Once you reach a happy medium of him being inside you and you being able to jerk off, pause again, let him enter a little more, then resume jerking once comfortable. The key is to go slow and find what works for you. If you have no problems with dildos that are of equal size to your partner(s), you could have a lube issue, which can be solved by buying a better quality water or silicone based lube. Boy Butter makes a great water based lube that lasts a really long time. If it's not the lube, it could be the latex friction. In that case, try switching to a polyisoprene or polyurethane condom (it still provides the protection, but with a non-latex material). DO NOT USE LAMBSKIN - it doesn't provide the protection you get with latex or poly condoms. Here is an Amazon.com link to non-latex condoms that can give you some ideas (and I reiterate, don't use anything that says "lamb" or "lambskin"): http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&rh=n%3A10786691%2Cp_n_feature_two_browse-bin%3A389611011&page=1

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 02, 2012 6:59 AM GMT
    I was thinking of making a topic asking if guys clenched while jacking off because I do too.

    It is definitely going to make anal hurt more if you clench!
  • takashi

    Posts: 192

    Feb 02, 2012 11:30 AM GMT
    Wow so many good points here!

    I like the one about crap tops! This is really true,
    ‘A good top is patient, goes as slow as you need, stays hard forever so there is no rush, doesn´t cum after 1 minute inside you. That´s just getting past the starting line. To actually do a decent job you need to control rhythm, speed intensity, angle, depth of thrust and pacing. And that´s just part of it. I could demonstrate to appropriate candidates’
    I am first inline for the demonstration, hope I’m an appropriate candidate…Great point about going slow and being patient, also staying hard forever is really important for both you and your top to have a pleasurable time. Hate it when its wham bam thank you man…

    This is also so true,
    ‘A lot of people don't enjoy anything about bottoming.
    A lot of people feel only slightly good but only after they've gotten used to it.
    A lot of people really enjoy it but only after they've gotten used to it.
    Some people can take a dick pretty well.
    A very few can take a dick well *and* cum from anal alone.’
    If you are with the wrong guy you will hate bottoming.
    There will always be some pain, even with the right guy, before the pleasure.

    But the most important point is the following:
    ‘I think a bottom is someone who is aroused by the idea of being penetrated.’
    This basically means, to be a bottom is a state of mind.
    I am a total bottom, I enjoy the penetration, the initial pain, and once you get use to having a foreign object inside of you it will become pleasurable. I love the incredibly intense feeling of having a man inside of me, on top of me. With the right top you can spend hours fucking. I love the intimacy, deep kissing while fucking, its making me hot just typing this stuff.
    You really have to want to bottom.
    You are still apprehensive about it as you may not be sure of what you want, and its hard for you to get over the pain.
    I loved it immediately, opening myself to another man, concentrating, focusing on relaxing your body so another man can enter. This is not easy…
    I know I am very submissive, but I know what I want and go after it.

    If you want to bottom, hope you find that state of mind…You seem to be sooooo young.

  • Robby31

    Posts: 11

    Feb 02, 2012 9:12 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidI was thinking of making a topic asking if guys clenched while jacking off because I do too.

    It is definitely going to make anal hurt more if you clench!


    Glad I'm not alone.

    I know that ejaculation with a dildo in my ass and against my prostate feels wonderful, to the point my knees buckle.

    I'm thinking its probably attributable to some performance anxiety issues I have. Not relaxing clenches you up and makes it painful, if I'm correct, and I NEVER relax. If I can overcome that, maybe this wont be an issue.

    Thanks for the info! Very helpful! icon_smile.gif