When does he become a bf?

  • Profire

    Posts: 224

    Jan 28, 2012 6:46 PM GMT
    At what stage/time does someone go from "a guy I am dating" to a boy-friend?

    After a month, 6 months, saying I Love You, introductions to parents, etc?
    Even though it's just a label to a relationship, when would you say you have a bf?
  • sbwlguy

    Posts: 566

    Jan 28, 2012 10:51 PM GMT
    In my opinion when you officially ask a guy to go out with you.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Jan 28, 2012 10:57 PM GMT
    Profire saidAt what stage/time does someone go from "a guy I am dating" to a boy-friend?

    After a month, 6 months, saying I Love You, introductions to parents, etc?
    Even though it's just a label to a relationship, when would you say you have a bf?
    why don't you talk to him about it. i figure you two will be able to define your own status rather than asking us. who knows nothing about your relationship
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    Jan 28, 2012 10:58 PM GMT
    I think its a matter of opinion...

    But I always thought it was when you ask to be exclusive, and see only him.
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    Jan 28, 2012 11:01 PM GMT
    I'd hope after a few dates/weeks, that he wouldn't be seeing anyone else. At that point, whether we say it or not, we're bf's.
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    Jan 28, 2012 11:03 PM GMT
    The time length isn't a reliable constant. Sometimes 6 months pass and you realize you've ended up in Friendville and not Relationshipland.
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    Jan 28, 2012 11:05 PM GMT
    I don't think time is a good judge. I'd go with whenever the two of you have the conversation where you decide to be exclusive with each other.
  • a303guy

    Posts: 829

    Jan 28, 2012 11:05 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidThe time length isn't a reliable constant. Sometimes 6 months pass and you realize you've ended up in Friendville and not Relationshipland.


    exactly and precisely correct.
  • rko881

    Posts: 221

    Jan 28, 2012 11:25 PM GMT
    You have to have the conversation that way you don't have one thinking you are in a relationship after 6 months and the other thinking you arent
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    Jan 28, 2012 11:26 PM GMT
    Not until you have a conversation agreeing that you're boyfriends. I learned that the hard way.
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    Jan 28, 2012 11:47 PM GMT
    Kinda when you make an idealistic contract of some kind. Like a contract of communication, haha.
  • benarw

    Posts: 128

    Jan 29, 2012 3:58 AM GMT
    Profire saidAt what stage/time does someone go from "a guy I am dating" to a boy-friend?

    After a month, 6 months, saying I Love You, introductions to parents, etc?
    Even though it's just a label to a relationship, when would you say you have a bf?


    I don't believe there is a specific timeline. Every relationship progresses at a different speed. This is something you need to discuss with the person you are dating. I think you both need to be on the same page before going from "guy I'm dating" to "boyfriend". When you're both ready to commit to dating just each other and not dating other people, then the time is right.
  • Syphon

    Posts: 366

    Jan 29, 2012 4:25 AM GMT
    Definitely when you agree to be exclusive.
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    Jan 29, 2012 4:39 AM GMT
    jpBITCHva saidWhen you yank him from the path of an onrushing locomotive and he collapses trembling against your chest.


    Do you get bonus BF points if it's an Amtrak vs a freight?
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Jan 29, 2012 4:58 AM GMT
    Genre saidI think its a matter of opinion...

    But I always thought it was when you ask to be exclusive, and see only him.


    That is exactly my feeling too. If you haven't discussed becoming exclusive (or discussed having a committed open relationship if that's your thing) then he is just a guy you are dating. When you have that conversation is entirely up to you. With my boyfriend I thought about 1/2 hour into our first date that he is somebody I could see myself being with long term...but I waited until about 5 weeks (with about 8 dates during those 5 weeks) before I brought up the subject.
  • tyler_helm

    Posts: 299

    Jan 29, 2012 5:02 AM GMT
    Genre saidI think its a matter of opinion...

    But I always thought it was when you ask to be exclusive, and see only him.


    You mean you have to communicate? Novel Idea!
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    Jan 29, 2012 5:05 AM GMT
    Whenever the two of you talk to each other and decide this.

    Recently found out through couples counselling that just "letting this happen" isn;t a good idea.
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    Jan 29, 2012 12:23 PM GMT
    There's no specific time period. It could be date two or it could be several years down the road.

    I disagree with some of the other posters in that you don't have to be exclusive for him to be your boyfriend. You could have an open relationship or be polyamorous and still be boyfriends.
    You should have some sort of talk about your relationship, your emotional investment, and what that means to the two of you. Don't make the mistake and think that if you've spent X amount of time with the guy it means Y.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 29, 2012 1:39 PM GMT
    My last long term bf and I never did discuss the "when to call each other bf" question; it just kinda/sorta happened. He never was a "touchy-feely", romantic kind of guy, making light jokes when I would try a higher level of affection that he could tolerate.

    We had used the term "bf" several times before, when less-than-sober or as a term of endearment after we both were done in bed and drifting off to sleep, holding the other's hand or with our feet lightly touching under the covers.

    The first time I recall him using the term "bf" in front of me sober, clothed and in public, was about 9 months (3 years ago!) after we had graduated from being a one or two time trick for each other, to fuck buddies to Friends With Benefits to something that neither one of us could apply a label to.

    He was hosting a "Post Mardi Gras Blow Out Party" stress relieving event for himself and his EMS co-workers. The Mardi Gras season here in New Orleans is a heavy overtime, extremely busy and "event rich" period for all First Responders, taking care of all the drunken, foolish tourists that invade this city for two weeks that time of the year. I can only imagine the heart wrenching, stressful situations those guys (and gals) witness every day/night at work!

    I had just suffered from the first of three knee injuries, was on crutches, reluctantly taking the doctor prescribed pain pills, feeling and (prolly) looking like hammered dog shiote.

    Although the days before the party had been unseasonably warm (late february) in New Orleans, the day of the party a canadian cold front had roared thru New Orleans. The temps was in the high 40's, low 50's with a strong, gusty north wind rocking the tables and food. I was trembling from the cold, the pain, the meds.

    And yet he seemed so happy, so queerly (no pun intended!) proud to have me by his side! So many times that I lost count of, he would gently put his arm around my waist, escort me over to one of his co-workers and smilingly, proudly introduce me with the phrase that made my head spin (and my heart thump loudly) even more than the cold, knee pain and meds did: "And THIS is my BF rnch......."

    I was in Heaven!



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 29, 2012 2:14 PM GMT
    Boyfriend is one of the most difficult terms to define in the gay world. For myself I think of it as exclusive dating, short of living together and intermingling your finances & possessions, and having legal documents drawn, as partners/husbands do.

    I've had some guys I considered to be a BF, but they wouldn't let me use the term; it spooked them because of the perceived commitment. And they didn't want to surrender the option to mess around with other guys, whereas I never involved myself with others when I felt I had a BF.

    We'd go to movies together exclusively, and always just us when clubbing, dancing, to restaurants, taking out of town trips, etc. I'd think we were BFs, but I guess their vision was more FWB.

    So I learned not to use the BF term because of guys who might be scared off by it, or the "L" word for that matter. And I never knew who they might be, so I'd say nothing. Until one day my late partner, and now my current partner years later, each asked me to marry them (in the non-legal sense allowed to us). So that I sorta skipped over the BF stage completely, and went from dating direct to partner. It worked out OK. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Jan 29, 2012 2:15 PM GMT
    Hey, that's a nice story mch.
  • Profire

    Posts: 224

    Jan 29, 2012 2:30 PM GMT
    Been seeing a guy for a month and lives an hour away, so it's usually only on the weekends that we get to see each other.

    But when we are together, or on a date, it's an 8 or 10 hour date or even a 2 day date when we stay at each others places, so it feels different than meeting someone for coffee or dinner a few times.

    On Friday night we had the "are we boyfriends" talk and we both said it felt right and agreed that we were indeed bf. However, a couple of friends have commented that we are moving too fast and need to slow down as we are still trying to figure each other out.

    I look at it as it's our relationship and we can define it however we want and as long as both of us agree, we are now boyfriends.
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    Feb 06, 2012 4:28 AM GMT
    You are Bf's whenever you both decide to be committed to one another. One can't assume he is committed without first confirming it with the other. It is always best to gather one anothers intentions from the very start to prevent one or the other of having higher expectations for something that is not going to happen. Basically don't be a pussy and let the other guy know what you are thinking and be honest. Say how you feel and where you think you are and where you would like to see it go. Sometimes friends with benefits is all you get and it is all it will ever be. To me it's obvious when I'm with a guy if I can feel a future as lovers is possible or if it's merely a strong friendship that happens to have some good sex that comes along with it. Me personally at this point I'll settle for the latter for the occasional satisfaction lol. At least I'm honest icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 06, 2012 4:57 AM GMT


    "When does he become a bf?"

    As soon as one of you decides he wants it and approaches the other, then depending on whether the object of affection says yes or no. This can happen at any time, I think. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 06, 2012 4:59 AM GMT
    When you can leave the cage door wide open and he no longer tries to run away.