Jealous Friends?

  • Kjonyou

    Posts: 93

    Feb 01, 2012 12:14 AM GMT
    I have a friend who is very social on his own, but gets jealous if he is not invited to everything everyone dose. Lately, I have some newer friends that dont really care to hang out with this jealous friend so they do not include him in any invites to hanging out.

    My friend is really getting on my case for this. He can sniff out when I am going to do something without him and will call to see what I am doing on a specific day. He already knows the answer but I dont know how to deal with him. If I say I am busy, I get accused of hiding things, if I tell him what I am doing he gets upset that he is not invited. Literally crying on other friends shoulders. Offering to hang out with him on another day is not good enough.

    Any suggestions how to deal with him? I feel like I am in high school walking on egg shells. Cant win either way.
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    Feb 01, 2012 1:01 AM GMT
    I'd say continuously let him know you cherish him as a friend. Jealousy stems from insecurity, so you hanging out with other people without him probably makes him question what he means to you. Yeah it's annoying, but just be positive with him and approach him first about hanging out.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Feb 01, 2012 1:17 AM GMT
    Kjonyou saidI have a friend who is very social on his own, but gets jealous if he is not invited to everything everyone dose. Lately, I have some newer friends that dont really care to hang out with this jealous friend so they do not include him in any invites to hanging out.

    My friend is really getting on my case for this. He can sniff out when I am going to do something without him and will call to see what I am doing on a specific day. He already knows the answer but I dont know how to deal with him. If I say I am busy, I get accused of hiding things, if I tell him what I am doing he gets upset that he is not invited. Literally crying on other friends shoulders. Offering to hang out with him on another day is not good enough.

    Any suggestions how to deal with him? I feel like I am in high school walking on egg shells. Cant win either way.
    aahhh tell your friend to grow up. how old he 12? listen, tell your friend that your other friends do not care for him very much therefore he can not come with you when you are around them. tell him that you will always make time for him. if that is not good enough than he needs to find another friend.
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    Feb 01, 2012 1:23 AM GMT
    I'm sorry. I am normally all about being nice, but in this situation - tough love is what's called for. I'm afraid you need to tell your friend to grow the f*** up.

    I'm insecure and can relate to your friend, but people are allowed to make their own decisions and he likely needs to learn that his behavior is what's pushing others away. So he either needs to back off or get used to being lonely. It's not always about him.
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    Feb 01, 2012 1:32 AM GMT
    all I can say is karma is a B****

    Treat others how you want to be treated

    Think about it

    If you have known your friend for x amount of years and all of a sudden you want to hang out with some new friend you barely know and continue to ignore your true friend until one day your so called "new friend" leaves you... what are you going to do? call your old friend and say hey sry for ignoring you , you understand right....icon_lol.gif
  • Kjonyou

    Posts: 93

    Feb 01, 2012 1:49 AM GMT
    guy6 saidall I can say is karma is a B****


    If you have known your friend for x amount of years and all of a sudden you want to hang out with some new friend you barely know and continue to ignore your true friend until one day your so called "new friend" leaves you... what are you going to do? call your old friend and say hey sry for ignoring you , you understand right....icon_lol.gif


    That's not the case. I probably hang out with my older friend maybe every other weekend on average. My newer friend I have not seen since last year, I would say on average every 2 months. I have not shortened or change the amount of time I hang out with my older friend.

    There is a reason my other friends dont want to hang out with him. He drinks every day and when he dose, he gets very messy. Every time we go out for a drink, someone has to babysit him and take him home. Never has a limit, never offers to drive, never offers to be sober. Only offer is to pre plan using a cab. He gets annoyed if I try to establish some ground rule making me seem like I am a prude about drinking, which I am not.

    I understand that is how he is, and he knows that as well. My newer friends dont want to start up a new relationship with that kind of drama.

    I dont want to ditch him as a friend, I just want to be able to go with with other people from time to time without him being hurt.
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    Feb 01, 2012 1:55 AM GMT
    To me the drinking is a bigger problem than his jealousy (although perhaps related). nobody wants to constantly babysit someone like that... that's cute once in a while when you're in college but it sounds like he has a serious problem.

    Are you able to be candid about how much he drinks and how he acts when he does? I know it can be the elephant in the room. I would have limited patience for that and have distanced myself from people because I don't want to watch their self-destructive behavior.
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    Feb 01, 2012 1:56 AM GMT
    You are confusing friends for jealous cunts.
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    Feb 01, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    I have a friend who does just this and I just let it be. Over the years, we kind of drifted as an outcome, so I wouldn't recommend simply just leaving him out of the loops and forgetting about him. You should just tell him straight up, sometimes I'll do things fitting for my own agenda and you can do yours and just make him realize how much of a nuisance he can be. My friend got extremely offended when we brought up how butt hurt he could get, but after a while, I believe he's learn a bit from it
  • BlackBeltGuy

    Posts: 2609

    Feb 01, 2012 3:15 AM GMT
    never-hate-people-who-are-jealous-of-you
  • A_1991

    Posts: 366

    Feb 01, 2012 3:22 AM GMT
    Just cut your lost. He sounds weird. Tell him to grow up and doesnt he have any other friends? Are you his only friend? If so, I guess you can tell him, "I got other friends you know..."
  • Kjonyou

    Posts: 93

    Feb 01, 2012 8:06 AM GMT
    njmeanwhile saidTo me the drinking is a bigger problem than his jealousy (although perhaps related). nobody wants to constantly babysit someone like that... that's cute once in a while when you're in college but it sounds like he has a serious problem.

    Are you able to be candid about how much he drinks and how he acts when he does? I know it can be the elephant in the room. I would have limited patience for that and have distanced myself from people because I don't want to watch their self-destructive behavior.


    Everyone has been there, but its not cute when someone dose that all the time.

    Everyone tells him how he acts when he drinks is a problem. He just makes excuses the next day,appogises as oh well sorry then good for a while then repeat.
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    Feb 01, 2012 8:17 AM GMT
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  • bmoney1

    Posts: 244

    Feb 01, 2012 4:00 PM GMT
    Lol the first thing that came to mind when you said he was very social on his own... I bet he has just brow-beaten everyone to the point that he gets an obligatory invite to everything because it's easier to have him come out and ignore him than it is to have him not come out, causing him to not allow you to ignore him. Hahaha


    I say dump him. Crazy friends are not good friends. And no matter what you do, how you say it, how many times you say it, you will NOT - I repeat NOT- change him. So just don't try. Man up and see the situation for what it is. And don't be caught in the middle of two friends. Let th new friends tell the old one the don't like him, that's not your job.