Looking for same or opposites attract?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2012 7:07 AM GMT

    (how bout blue for a change?)
    I've never understood how guys can be attracted to guys that look/act/think just like them.

    I remember watching an old Jerry Springer episode where these two crossdressing boys made themselves into identical cholas and were boyfriends. It looked so weird, like twins making out.. Almost narcissistic.

    I find differences in couples much more interesting and hot. A tall, a short; an older, a younger; a tan, a pale; a top, a bottom; a skinny, a muscular; a loud, a quiet; a scholar, a labourer; a repressed, a wildcat; a dominant, a submissive; a feminine, a masculine; an extrovert, an introver; a thinker, a feeler; a hairy, a smooth...

    But I see a lot of profiles where it starts out (like this is the thing they're just dying to write down before anything else):
    Trait 1, trait 2, trait 3, looking for same


    I can understand wanting someone who you agree with on a lot of matters so you're not just arguing over everything. Things in common can be shared hobbies. But a couple of the same archetypes getting together just seems megaboring to me.

    Now you speak.
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    Feb 01, 2012 7:10 AM GMT
    When I'm hairy (as I am now), opposite.
    When I'm smooth, same (or somewhat close).
  • czarinaB

    Posts: 4

    Feb 01, 2012 8:22 AM GMT
    Oh! I'm interested in men. icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 01, 2012 8:35 AM GMT
    These people would do better to invest in a mirror
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    Feb 01, 2012 8:50 AM GMT
    czarinaB saidOh! I'm interested in men. icon_smile.gif


    Are you saying you're a woman?
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    Feb 01, 2012 5:11 PM GMT
    It depends. certain traits I like about myself I am apt to like in someone else.. conversely.. traits I do not like about myself, I prefer someone else to be the opposite so I get challenged to work on those aspects of myself that I deem as not useful.. such as my forgetfulness
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    Feb 01, 2012 5:16 PM GMT
    in looks, pretty much opposite (although i do prefer tall); in personality and intelligence, pretty much similar.
  • asana

    Posts: 53

    Feb 01, 2012 5:17 PM GMT
    Physical opposites, with similar interests, are what get me going icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 01, 2012 5:31 PM GMT
    Kippler saidPhysical opposites, with similar interests, are what get me going icon_smile.gif


    Pretty much this.

    It's hard to stick around each other if you're opposites on the inside too, unless you love arguing and lots of angry sex...
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    Feb 01, 2012 5:32 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch said
    (how bout blue for a change?)
    I've never understood how guys can be attracted to guys that look/act/think just like them.




    For me it's simple. I very, very rarely come across someone who thinks the way I do, values the things I value, sees life the way I see life, or hopes for the things I hope for. There are billions of people who are different than me... so to feel myself, my inner self, resonate with someone like me is so unusual that it's something to be treasured.
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    Feb 01, 2012 5:35 PM GMT
    Well it is easier to date someone similar to you, but that identical cholas thing is an exaggeration..
  • ATXnative

    Posts: 240

    Feb 01, 2012 5:52 PM GMT
    I wouldnt mind being fwb with myself, i might get tired of me though.

    My boyfriend and I, are similar and different.. and inevitably that's the only way it can be, cause youll never be just like anyone else, or totally different.

    I like to lift, he plays sports. Im organized, responsible on task, hes kind of lazy but getting better all the time. I have my life plan, hes figuring it out. We both love video games, camping, and eachother.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Feb 01, 2012 6:07 PM GMT
    first you need to clarify what you are really getting at here. i think you are talking about guys who states in there profiles what they look for in a guy. however, if you read a little further a lot of those guys also state something opposite to them. however, you are one of those bitchy little guys who gets upset because you do not fit into there mold than get over it and move on. i do not think anyone wants a exact copy of themselves but do want someone whom they can relate to and be comfortable around at the end of the day.
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    Feb 01, 2012 6:29 PM GMT
    Physically, I like different guys.
    I skew towards the tall (last few boyfriends were between 6'3"-6'8") white and muscular so it is definitely an opposite attraction. An oral top to match my vs/bottomness.
    I'm a social alpha personality but I like almost total alphas... that are the head to my neck. I like athletic and muscular guys, I'm lean and athletic... the athleticism is where the physical similarities end though.
    Boyfriend wishlists are fun! I want one with a pony too!

    pony-8668.jpg
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    Feb 01, 2012 6:43 PM GMT
    I like guys who are both similar but also a complete opposite to me because they are comforting but also because they interesting and unique. Sometimes the expected and desired ends up being disappointing and sometimes the unknown and "never thought to was attractive before" is the most satisfying thing ever. It really does boil down to chemistry.
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    Feb 01, 2012 7:03 PM GMT
    [quote][cite]pony-8668.jpg[/quote]


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 01, 2012 7:10 PM GMT
    im attracted to all kinds of men.... same, opposite, it all depends on their personality!
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    Feb 01, 2012 7:41 PM GMT
    Exactly alike? noo.. that would be pathetically boring (get a life!)..
    but certain traits Yessicon_biggrin.gif same frequency Yess icon_smile.gif Okay if i were to give it a ratio of both Same and Opposites Attract .,.it would be [ 2 : 3 ]

    Answer would be Opposite attracts ;
    Just like the wheel Of Ying and Yang both sides have a pinch of one other.

    yinYang.gif
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    Feb 01, 2012 9:43 PM GMT
    Generally people are attracted to others who look like them. That's why you usually see gym bunny with gym bunny, twink with twink, or bear with bear.
    I heard some good advice a while back. Dress for what you want to attract.

    There are some traits that I value in myself and I look for in a potential partner. With certain core values and beliefs, if were were too different, it may be difficult to reach some common ground.
    Now I don't want a clone or a twin. I don't want to dress the same either. I would not want to be known as Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum. And there's no joy in carrying on a conversation in an echo chamber.
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    Feb 02, 2012 12:14 AM GMT
    MolaMola saidGenerally people are attracted to others who look like them. That's why you usually see gym bunny with gym bunny, twink with twink, or bear with bear.
    I heard some good advice a while back. Dress for what you want to attract.


    I agree that identification plays an important role, but I suspect another reason why people prefer their look-alikes is not due to taste, but power. They don't necessarily pick their clones because this is what they ultimately want, but maybe because they just can't attract anyone better than their clones.
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    Feb 02, 2012 12:30 AM GMT
    bachian said
    MolaMola saidGenerally people are attracted to others who look like them. That's why you usually see gym bunny with gym bunny, twink with twink, or bear with bear.
    I heard some good advice a while back. Dress for what you want to attract.


    I agree that identification plays an important role, but I suspect another reason why people prefer their look-alikes is not due to taste, but power. They don't necessarily pick their clones because this is what they ultimately want, but maybe because they just can't attract anyone better than their clones.


    I agree to this point, it is always interesting to see in the gym the alpha dog, in these pack whether twinks, bears, gym bunny's...although they might look alike look a little bit deeper, there is always an alpha male in the pack which the rest will follow. I see in my gym usually two or three guys that might look similar, but as soon as the Alpha male is done with his exercise and the others are done, he directs them where to move next, and they follow...seldom do you see one stay behind and do another set. I say this is more about power and control.
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    Feb 02, 2012 1:13 AM GMT
    it's all about the chemistry. i find all races attractive (to varying degrees). don't care if he looks similar or different to me.
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    Feb 02, 2012 4:08 AM GMT
    Hmmm... I guess I need a mixture of both. In certain areas I need someone compatible otherwise I know it's just not going to work, e.g. some degree of intellectual overlap, similar sense of humour, level of mental maturity, or the capacity to experience the emotional connection and to understand, challenge and comfort each other.

    However, in other areas I need someone completely opposite. The most obvious example would be sexual roles and preferences, but it goes far beyond that. E.g. I'm rather independent in my thinking and spirit and I can sometimes be all over the place, a silly dreamer, happy-go-lucky kid. And I need someone on the ground who can make me feel safe. Someone to come home to. Someone who takes care of things.

    Almost everything else is secondary/technical - professional background, even hobbies, etc. I actually find people with different interests and professions fascinating. It gives me the opportunity to learn and experience something new and satisfy my curiosity. It's also not absolutely necessary to have the same opinion on everything. There's nothing wrong with agreeing to disagree, as long as we can discuss, understand, acknowledge and accept each other's point of view. Things like hairy/smooth, etc. usually don't play a big role, although a tall muscular physique rarely fails to send shivers down my spine ;). But it's more of a bonus that comes on top of the above, rather than something on which to build a relationship alone.
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    Feb 02, 2012 4:23 AM GMT
    FannyBandit saidI wouldnt mind being fwb with myself, i might get tired of me though.

    My boyfriend and I, are similar and different.. and inevitably that's the only way it can be, cause youll never be just like anyone else, or totally different.

    I like to lift, he plays sports. Im organized, responsible on task, hes kind of lazy but getting better all the time. I have my life plan, hes figuring it out. We both love video games, camping, and eachother.


    This is what works for me. icon_confused.gif
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    Feb 02, 2012 4:30 AM GMT
    Larkin said
    SkinnyBitch said
    (how bout blue for a change?)
    I've never understood how guys can be attracted to guys that look/act/think just like them.




    For me it's simple. I very, very rarely come across someone who thinks the way I do, values the things I value, sees life the way I see life, or hopes for the things I hope for. There are billions of people who are different than me... so to feel myself, my inner self, resonate with someone like me is so unusual that it's something to be treasured.


    Miss those aspects of relationships most.