Hm...Analyzing the weirdness that was my last relationship?

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    Feb 01, 2012 7:25 AM GMT
    So, basically I'd been seeing this one guy for the past five months. Things were a bit strange with him:

    1. He'd recently gotten out of a relationship when we first met.

    2. We talked for maybe, 2-3 months. I didn't want to be his back-up, so we kept things pretty cool for a while. Things eventually escalated when he himself moved on.

    3. This month he had told me that he loved me (very strange, red flag?).

    4. Then he asked to be in a relationship with me.

    5. Literally a week or so later, he disappeared. Like, vanished. Gone. No more anything.

    6. I got him talking again, mainly because I told him (via text, sigh, 'cause he refused to pick up the phone) that he was being a coward for having done this.

    7. He says that he didn't want to get too attached, which I think was extremely strange. If you don't want to get attached, why in the world did you progress things? Why tell me that you loved me and wanted to get into a relationship with me? Is this not very strange?

    8. I didn't love him at all...I liked him a lot, but, now everything is damned. He's ignoring me, and I've moved on too. But what in the world makes someone do this? It seems so erratic and unusual.

    I'm over him. But this is the second time that it's happened this way, talking for a while, and then...nothing.

    I told him I'd like to be friends still, but he answered with "I guess we can be if you want to." This is obviously a hidden no, and he only apologized last Saturday. Now, silence again.

    What boggles my mind is that this could've been avoided ENTIRELY had they not started this love thing (and had I said something). We'd still be friends. We had this awesome friends with benefits thing going on, and now...nothing. Poof.

    I don't get it at all. Any commentary? I truly hope that we can reconcile one day...I did enjoy their company a lot. I don't long for it, but it didn't have to be this way at all. Totally mishandled.

    So it goes...
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    Feb 01, 2012 7:52 AM GMT
    holy fuck why is this happening so much lately??

    2012 The Year of the Flake
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    Feb 01, 2012 4:06 PM GMT

    "He'd recently gotten out of a relationship when we first met."
    This is just fine.

    "We talked for maybe, 2-3 months. I didn't want to be his back-up, so we kept things pretty cool for a while. Things eventually escalated when he himself moved on."

    This is just fine, too.

    " This month he had told me that he loved me (very strange, red flag?)."

    " Then he asked to be in a relationship with me."

    No red flag there after 2 or 3 months - everyone's pace is different.

    "Literally a week or so later, he disappeared. Like, vanished. Gone. No more anything."

    OK there's something missing here. What did you say to him when he said he was in love and wanted a relationship with you?

    "I got him talking again, mainly because I told him (via text, sigh, 'cause he refused to pick up the phone) that he was being a coward for having done this."

    Again, I don't know what your response was when he asked you about a relationship and being in love.

    "He says that he didn't want to get too attached, which I think was extremely strange. If you don't want to get attached, why in the world did you progress things? Why tell me that you loved me and wanted to get into a relationship with me? Is this not very strange? "

    No, because of what you said next in your post, which was

    " I didn't love him at all..."

    I suspect he might have figured that out from your reaction when he said he was in love with you and wanted a relationship.

    intrigued,
    -Doug
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    Feb 01, 2012 4:38 PM GMT
    I'd told him that I felt strong feelings for him too. About the last week before the breakup, I said I loved him too.

    I don't really understand though why he just cut the contact and went No Contact. We had a decent friendship before this entire thing.
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    Feb 01, 2012 4:53 PM GMT

    "'I'd told him that I felt strong feelings for him too. About the last week before the breakup, I said I loved him too."

    ...and yet you said here that, "I didn't love him at all.."


    I think that perhaps he was perceptive enough to tell you weren't being truthful.

    Apologies for being so blunt. This is a learning experience for you and I don't want you to feel attacked.

    warmly,

    -Doug
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    Feb 01, 2012 9:10 PM GMT
    Well, when I asked him why (why he broke up) he had told me "he can't fall in love with a man" (he's bi) and that "[he doesn't] want to get too attached."

    I honestly wouldn't mind maintaining the friendship aspect, cause it was good the way it was before it got injected with this love talk. I told him this, but he's been ignoring me and now it's No Contact again. So...no answers. And I'll prolly never get them too. :/
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    Feb 01, 2012 9:23 PM GMT
    Three issues there.

    1) He said he loves you and you don't love him. You didn't even say you might love him at some point.
    Right there you should let him go and find someone who would love him back.

    2) He had broken up, then said he loved you and wanted a relationship, and then disappeared. Yes, he wanted his space and he was probably afraid of getting hurt. He might not have been over his ex or had time to heal after his breakup or just isn't ready for a new relationship.

    3) You still want to go back to a FWB thing. It probably won't happen.
    You can't turn back the clock. He already said he loved you and he wanted a relationship with you, and you're basically asking him to ignore the feelings he had for you so that you can go back to what you previously had.
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    Feb 02, 2012 1:58 AM GMT
    Megaforge saidWell, when I asked him why (why he broke up) he had told me "he can't fall in love with a man" (he's bi) and that "[he doesn't] want to get too attached."

    I honestly wouldn't mind maintaining the friendship aspect, cause it was good the way it was before it got injected with this love talk. I told him this, but he's been ignoring me and now it's No Contact again. So...no answers. And I'll prolly never get them too. :/


    Hmmmm...well this is interesting. Why leave that out in your original post?
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    Feb 02, 2012 4:38 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    Megaforge saidWell, when I asked him why (why he broke up) he had told me "he can't fall in love with a man" (he's bi) and that "[he doesn't] want to get too attached."

    I honestly wouldn't mind maintaining the friendship aspect, cause it was good the way it was before it got injected with this love talk. I told him this, but he's been ignoring me and now it's No Contact again. So...no answers. And I'll prolly never get them too. :/


    Hmmmm...well this is interesting. Why leave that out in your original post?



    I´m not sure it was all that interesting.

    He had told me he had developed feelings for me before, like, a month or two before. Then went to I love you and a relationship request. And then, BAM, done. He claimed he couldn't become too attached, the man thing, and went with the ignoring route.
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    Feb 02, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    lol, you realize what you're mentioning now really colours things differently than at the outset of this topic. I think, if you feel he's being Peter Pan about how he feels that's one thing; yet you did say you never loved him. Perhaps he knew. Hence the Peter Pan effect.
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    Feb 02, 2012 5:54 AM GMT
    meninlove said lol, you realize what you're mentioning now really colours things differently than at the outset of this topic. I think, if you feel he's being Peter Pan about how he feels that's one thing; yet you did say you never loved him. Perhaps he knew. Hence the Peter Pan effect.


    I mean it's possible. He also stated he had commitment issues; he stated at one point that he didn't want to hurt me by entering a relationship. I don't know, I felt with him, he was everywhere and anywhere and nowhere at the same time.