As Father's Day approaches, I have to wonder, "What are your relationships with your fathers like?" I also wonder what your plans are for the blessed day?

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    Feb 02, 2012 11:40 AM GMT
    Mine sucks because he's very homophobic and racist. Frankly, it still hurts me. What have your experiences been like?
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    Feb 02, 2012 3:13 PM GMT
    Hate to even say because it would sound like gloating at this point, but awesome.

    Both my parents dealt with whatever the realization of my sexuality might have caused them without burdening me with any feelings of guilt. If anything I think my mom had a harder time dealing with the "signs" when I was a kid, but she has grown to be a strong advocate now.

    My dad and I have gone on a few trips together including to Iceland and on a transat crossing, and we're planning a trip to Canada this summer. I'm lucky in that his intellectual curiosity makes him willing to explore new places or ideas just for the sake of learning something.
  • patmos9990

    Posts: 146

    Feb 02, 2012 3:17 PM GMT
    I live in Texas and my dad lives in Ohio but we still talk several times a week on the phone. Every October for his birthday we take a trip somewhere together. I've taken him to play pool and bingo at the gay bars and he's fine with being their. He always asks about my friends but never specifically asks if I'm dating anybody. All in all, I think it's a good, healthy relationship.
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    Feb 02, 2012 3:25 PM GMT
    patmos9990 saidI live in Texas and my dad lives in Ohio but we still talk several times a week on the phone. Every October for his birthday we take a trip somewhere together. I've taken him to play pool and bingo at the gay bars and he's fine with being their. He always asks about my friends but never specifically asks if I'm dating anybody. All in all, I think it's a good, healthy relationship.


    LOL going to a gay bar is a bridge we haven't crossed yet but he's not one to be hanging around a bar anyway. But he's fine with my BF and the few exes that they met.
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    Feb 02, 2012 3:27 PM GMT
    Mine has been one of absolute love and acceptance.

    OP: I hope you find some way to love him just the way he is despite who he is. I've had ex's who've been in the same situation as you and it was just horrible to see the pain which existed. I shared my parents with all my bf's and my bf's were so grateful to have "in-laws" that loved them like sons. My first lover still keeps in touch with my parents, and my first lover and I haven't been together since 1990.
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    Feb 02, 2012 3:28 PM GMT
    Mine is pretty damn good. I consider myself blessed and extremely lucky to have a pretty awesome father.
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    Feb 02, 2012 3:30 PM GMT
    My dad's very loving, he's always been an inspiration for me.
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    Feb 02, 2012 3:36 PM GMT
    Well I guess that explains why Ive had a relatively hard time comming out! Not one of your fathers had a problem with you're being gay!
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    Feb 02, 2012 3:36 PM GMT
    Your other choice is to establish a "family of choice" to help make up for some of the affection and support you're not getting from your biological family. You live in a huge metro area and there has got to be a large number of kind and respectable people who you could spend time with and learn from.

    Even though my relationship with my parents is fine, I still enjoy friendships with people older than me who can share things with me that my parents, due to location or different interests, can't. My BF's dad was very handy (my dad is more cerebral) and loved teaching me how to build/fix things.
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    Feb 02, 2012 3:38 PM GMT
    Haven't seen or speak to my father in over 2 years now. I love my mom tho, she's a cool mom and whenever I get the chance I see her icon_biggrin.gif (she's pretty much the only woman I'll love haha)...
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    Feb 02, 2012 3:52 PM GMT
    I'm coming from a situation that is a little different, in that I was raised by my grandparents and great-grandparents. They were strict and were perfectionists, but loving and kind at the same time. My grandfather was a fine example to me of what a man should be. He was the model of integrity, brains, style, savior-faire and he taught me how to work & study hard, and have a full, happy life - simultaneously. He's gone now and I miss him. I think of him every day.
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    Feb 02, 2012 3:57 PM GMT
    I'm lucky enough to have a wonderful father, and our relationship has pretty much always been great. He was a terrific dad to me as a child, spending every evening playing games and kidding around with me; all my childhood friends were jealous of how much attention my father always showered on me. By watching how he treated my mother, he taught me how to be a loving and loyal partner. By observing how he lived his life, I learned a deep sense of duty and integrity. I'm sure I was a disappointment to him, as I think he would have preferred an ultra macho son who was a star baseball player like his younger brother, basketball player like my other uncles, or a boxer like my father was in the Army. But if so, he never once let it show, and he and my mother attended every one of my piano recitals, band concerts, and football game halftime shows from the 5th grade to my senior year in college.

    Ironically, for the past fifty years my dad has been a fundamentalist, Primitive Baptist preacher who thinks homosexuality is an abomination. Deep down, he probably thinks I'm going to hell, but that's irrelevant to me. After a brief period of turmoil after I came out, he got over it and accepted my ex, treating him just as he did my sister's husband. My same-sex relationship became a non-issue for the 13 years I was with my ex, as we went to my parents house for most holidays, and they often visited us at ours. He even expressed regret for what I went through when my ex had a mid-life crisis that turned him into a verbally abusive, cheating drug user, resulting in our breakup.

    I feel damn lucky to have a father whose love for me surpassed the dogma of his religion. Not all gay sons of fundamentalist Christians can say this.
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    Feb 02, 2012 3:59 PM GMT
    Mine was great but he never knew I was gay. If he were here today, he'd be very supportive. I miss him.
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    Feb 02, 2012 4:05 PM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidI'm coming from a situation that is a little different, in that I was raised by my grandparents and great-grandparents. They were strict and were perfectionists, but loving and kind at the same time. My grandfather was a fine example to me of what a man should be. He was the model of integrity, brains, style, savior-faire and he taught me how to work & study hard, and have a full, happy life - simultaneously. He's gone now and I miss him. I think of him every day.


    +1 I also was raised by my grandparents. Though I have yet to come out to my grandma. She is my only living grandparent.
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    Feb 02, 2012 7:23 PM GMT
    Non-existent. I've never met my father.
  • hockeydude12

    Posts: 169

    Feb 02, 2012 7:26 PM GMT
    My relationship with my father is great. Although he didn't really talk to me for a few days after I came out to him, we are the greatest of friends now. Very foruntate
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Feb 02, 2012 7:27 PM GMT
    i tolerate my father. i love him but i tolerate him.
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    Feb 02, 2012 7:30 PM GMT
    I love my pops. He's goofy and witty. Always reasonable and rarely gets angry. icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 02, 2012 7:50 PM GMT
    walked out on us icon_sad.gif
    it makes me wanna be the most amazing father I can possibly be icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 02, 2012 7:58 PM GMT
    It's almost like he's dead.

    Oh wait, he is. When I was 14 lol
  • cookingitswee...

    Posts: 445

    Feb 02, 2012 8:33 PM GMT
    In my mind he's dead.

    He's been a verbally and physically abusive father my whole life. When he tried to beat me up a few months ago I moved and never looked back. I hate the homophobic, abusive piece of shit.
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    Feb 02, 2012 8:46 PM GMT
    Pretty amazing. He'd starve and freeze to death just to give me the clothes off his back and the food off his plate (and he's done so as much as he's been able to).

    My grandparents are a different story.
  • musclepuppy

    Posts: 113

    Feb 02, 2012 8:52 PM GMT
    My only memories of my biological dad was him being physically abusive. My stepfather was just a drunk asshole. All in all, my relationship with both of them wasn't too well. icon_neutral.gif
  • safety43_mma1...

    Posts: 4251

    Feb 02, 2012 8:54 PM GMT
    we dont talk again lmao. i guess he couldnt handle the whole gay thing after all andwas being fake so i am done this time for good. he isnt worth the time of day to me anymore!!!!!
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    Feb 02, 2012 9:07 PM GMT
    My dad loves me no matter what...

    He doesn't understand that I'm gay, doesn't see how I'm ok with it, etc etc... But he loves me no matter what and wants to see me happy, even if that's in a way he doesn't get.