Uncharted Territories: 3-WAY RELATIONSHIP

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 03, 2012 7:24 PM GMT
    I've met a few, I've been also asked a few times but I've never given thought of it until when I was in a relationship when the other had found love to another yet claims that the feelings are equally the same to both and wants to try the so-called 3-way relationship. It primarily felt as a form of ultimate betrayal, but I rather learn more about it first. Can it really work? Are there rules and boundaries?

    Open discussion starts below.
  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Feb 03, 2012 7:26 PM GMT
    It`s not a three way relationship if one of the couples aren`t into eachother. It`s more just like polygamy.
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    Feb 03, 2012 7:37 PM GMT
    I think it would be highly unusual to find three people who loved each other equally, much less were compatible with the others simultaneously. Finding two people who match that well is difficult, but three is an order of magnitude more challenging.
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    Feb 03, 2012 8:46 PM GMT
    I would be too paranoid about getting left out in a relationship like that. So no I wouldn't even consider it...
  • Wasabijock

    Posts: 10

    Feb 04, 2012 2:59 AM GMT
    I've never been in one but I've observed quite a few.
    They never end well.
    Someone will always feel left out, its not a matter of will it, its a matter of time.

    Friend enters 3 way relationship - 3 months later, original couple breaks up and new guy gets one of those 2. 1 year later, both break up

    Couple, both are cheating on each other both know, both are "ok" with it, break up in 5 months. Then the boys they cheated with break up with them.


    Usually no winners in that sort of game.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 04, 2012 3:06 AM GMT
    It works in Caprica so it must be able to work IRL
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    Feb 04, 2012 4:31 AM GMT
    I contemplated 'triangularizing" a sexually moribund but otherwise dynamic and rewarding relationship. I didn't know at the time the depths of the death throws in the 14-year relationship. There were many devils in the details, but the biggest devil likely was finding a suitable third guy who would truly be evenly attracted to and evenly attractive to both of us. You really want an equilateral triangle with 60 degree angles and even sides. Hard to find! It's hard enough to find for three-way sex in a bar, bathhouse, or Grindr, but exponentially harder to find an even third to integrate as a third for sex, love, domesticity, and all the other joys and tribulations of a relationship.

    I only can cite a silver screen example that appeared to have worked, at least initially, to revitalize a dying relationship.... Jay Brannan's integration into a relationship in the adorable cult movie Short Bus.
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    Feb 04, 2012 4:35 AM GMT
    Yes it can and has worked.

    Think of nontraditional families and relationships since that is all it is. Who is to say there is only one person for everyone. Maybe there is two and why can't three guys love each other equally.

    Some couples have a "boy" they love, other are all the same age and have a 3 way relationship that works out great.

    Throw away your preconceived notions of what is right and how it should be, you are gay after all, you have a head start on other people in this sense.
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    Feb 04, 2012 4:42 AM GMT
    It may work for a handful of people but doesn't work for most. I suppose we have to remain open to all the possibilities...

    But personally, one significant other is enough of a headache. Why on earth would you want two?
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    Feb 04, 2012 4:44 AM GMT
    Larkin saidI think it would be highly unusual to find three people who loved each other equally, much less were compatible with the others simultaneously. Finding two people who match that well is difficult, but three is an order of magnitude more challenging.


    Well put. I don`t think that is possible... its hard enough to find one person to love, but two............ that`s opening a can of worms.....
  • groundcombat

    Posts: 945

    Feb 04, 2012 4:48 AM GMT
    Wasabijock saidI've never been in one but I've observed quite a few.
    They never end well.


    Well to be fair I've seen more than my fair share of traditional couples end poorly too.
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    Feb 04, 2012 5:06 AM GMT
    ythings saidI've met a few, I've been also asked a few times but I've never given thought of it until when I was in a relationship when the other had found love to another yet claims that the feelings are equally the same to both and wants to try the so-called 3-way relationship. It primarily felt as a form of ultimate betrayal, but I rather learn more about it first. Can it really work? Are there rules and boundaries?

    Open discussion starts below.


    Give it a shot. If you guys can do it, fine. More power to you. If you can't, hope you handle the fallout with grace icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 04, 2012 5:26 AM GMT
    TheCelticFury saidYes it can and has worked.

    Think of nontraditional families and relationships since that is all it is. Who is to say there is only one person for everyone. Maybe there is two and why can't three guys love each other equally.

    Some couples have a "boy" they love, other are all the same age and have a 3 way relationship that works out great.

    Throw away your preconceived notions of what is right and how it should be, you are gay after all, you have a head start on other people in this sense.


    The logistical problem I see here is that being equal, if I chose two lovers each of them should be able to choose two lovers (myself and another) and each of the lovers they chose should, being equal, be permitted to have two lovers...
  • offshore

    Posts: 1294

    Feb 04, 2012 5:31 AM GMT
    Do you mean like this?

    Uncharted3.jpg
    uncharted+3+review+1.jpg
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 04, 2012 5:49 AM GMT
    there are many different types of polyamory... and most people here seem to be talking about one type, i.e., a relationship where everyone is dating each other. in my experiences, it's far more common for one person to date someone else. just because your boyfriend is dating another guy, doesn't mean you have to date him too. polyamory only works when all the parties involved agree to the same rules, which isn't the same as everyone having an equal standing in the relationship. it doesn't sound from your post though that you're wanting to engage in a polyamorous lifestyle. my only advice is realize there is no such thing as how a relationship should be. it's your life and your love and you get to define the parameters for how you live your love. it doesn't have to look like other people's and it shouldn't need to please anyone else but you and the people in your relationship.
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    Feb 04, 2012 3:41 PM GMT
    Polyamorous relationships can work but the people involved must not be in it for sex alone. Polyamorous relationships require a large measure of emotional and physical commitment, mutual respect, personal integrity, and self-discipline. I watched a segment on polyamory on "Taboo" the other day and the subjects said they spent less time on sex and more time on other productive things.
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    Feb 04, 2012 8:53 PM GMT
    Larkin saidI think it would be highly unusual to find three people who loved each other equally, much less were compatible with the others simultaneously. Finding two people who match that well is difficult, but three is an order of magnitude more challenging.


    i could barely keep up with one... icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 04, 2012 8:56 PM GMT
    the feeling of being left out is similar to the animal kingdom, regardless of who spends time with the alpha male, the other who doesnt will always feel left out
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    Feb 04, 2012 9:01 PM GMT
    ZbmwM5 saidIt may work for a handful of people but doesn't work for most. I suppose we have to remain open to all the possibilities...

    But personally, one significant other is enough of a headache. Why on earth would you want two?


    not that i want two, but partner wants it since a relationship had developed between them unfounded by me until i faced the situation in real life and wants to keep both... shocked me, especially that the other guy is ok with it
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    Feb 04, 2012 10:24 PM GMT
    calibro saidthere are many different types of polyamory... and most people here seem to be talking about one type, i.e., a relationship where everyone is dating each other. in my experiences, it's far more common for one person to date someone else. just because your boyfriend is dating another guy, doesn't mean you have to date him too. polyamory only works when all the parties involved agree to the same rules, which isn't the same as everyone having an equal standing in the relationship. it doesn't sound from your post though that you're wanting to engage in a polyamorous lifestyle. my only advice is realize there is no such thing as how a relationship should be. it's your life and your love and you get to define the parameters for how you live your love. it doesn't have to look like other people's and it shouldn't need to please anyone else but you and the people in your relationship.


    love your advice! thank you...
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    Feb 04, 2012 10:33 PM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidI would be too paranoid about getting left out in a relationship like that. So no I wouldn't even consider it...


    agreed
  • westdave

    Posts: 212

    Feb 04, 2012 11:06 PM GMT
    ythings saidI've met a few, I've been also asked a few times but I've never given thought of it until when I was in a relationship when the other had found love to another yet claims that the feelings are equally the same to both and wants to try the so-called 3-way relationship. It primarily felt as a form of ultimate betrayal, but I rather learn more about it first. Can it really work? Are there rules and boundaries?

    Open discussion starts below.


    a three way relationship can work...but the chemistry and closeness has to be just right for it to work.
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    Feb 04, 2012 11:08 PM GMT
    Larkin saidI think it would be highly unusual to find three people who loved each other equally, much less were compatible with the others simultaneously.


    I think that's part of the problem - three people will never love each other equally. I was the third who met a couple (10 years ago) and the moment I realized that I was never going to have what they had together, and that the relationship between each of us was going to be different (and not equal), it worked. We talked openly about how I could never re-create the love they already had for each other, as well as them not being able to feel the excitement of someone new. As always, communication is the key to understanding what folks are feeling and where things are going.

    We were together 6 months but I was already moving overseas when we met. I didn't like leaving.

    groundcombat said
    Wasabijock saidI've never been in one but I've observed quite a few.
    They never end well.


    Well to be fair I've seen more than my fair share of traditional couples end poorly too.


    Very good point. icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 04, 2012 11:23 PM GMT
    So this is being done, and something that I am not sure I could do. ABC's Nightline did a segment over relationships between three adults.

    http://abcnews.go.com/watch/nightline/SH5584743/VD55162638/nightline-111-polyamory-1-mom-2-dads-and-a-baby
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    Feb 05, 2012 12:04 AM GMT
    I think that the working premise of a 3- or more party relationship might best be found in terms of a D/s (Dominance/submission, or alternatively, M/s - Master/slave) relationship where one or more Doms control/own/love one or more submissives/slaves.

    One such family I know of personally has a Master, three Sirs, and about seven or eight submissives, about half of whom are permanent live-in slaves.

    The slaves/submissives honour and care for one another in their submissive roles, and in turn worship and attend to the wishes of their Sirs/Master (this being the expression of their love for them, while the Sirs/Master look after the well-being of not just their particular subs/slaves, but after the well-being of the others' subs/slaves as well, with the Master more or less caring after everyone in his household.

    It is an interesting thing to observe, especially when they are following strict protocol, but even in loose protocol the respect and love are noticeably present - like a brotherhood with discipline and kink.

    It is probably that same discipline and structure that lends itself to the relative success of such a multi-dimensional relationship, whereas a more conventional relationship has to address the equality of the partners much more carefully.

    Which is not to say that equality of men in a D/s family is completely disregarded - it is just that the roles of everyone in that family are clearly established and boundaries are provided and deeply respected.