Should I meet him and apologise? :-/

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 04, 2012 12:24 PM GMT
    we hooked up on valentine day last year... then became good fuckbuds until the day I moved to a new place (2 hours of train to his place) and completely ignored his calls/texts and emails begging me to talk to him again as a friend and those old good memories when we hung out together...

    Anyway, long story short... It's been 7 months since and now I feel like I should go meet him up to re-establish a connection (friendship) with him and apologise for what I've done.

    The question is should I or shouldn't I go meet him apologise for what I've done and re-establish the relationship?

    *note: I feel like I've been treating unfair to him and against my set life values... it's like a guilty feeling for doing something that hurt people.
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    Feb 04, 2012 3:07 PM GMT
    It really depends on where your motivation to see him is coming from. If you want to reach out and apologize just to make yourself feel better about the situation then I would not even bother. I am sure he has already moved on and if he has not then you will probably just mix him up even more. However, if you genuinely want to be a part of this guy life then sure go for it. Just be prepared for him not being interested as you had been a flake in the past. Good luck either way man.
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    Feb 04, 2012 3:13 PM GMT
    first of all why the hell would you do something like thaticon_confused.gif then you want to apologiesicon_confused.gif funnyicon_lol.gif go give it a shoticon_surprised.gif it dont hurt to try, next time dont be a jerk it makes you look patheticicon_rolleyes.gif
  • rebelbeard

    Posts: 558

    Feb 04, 2012 3:26 PM GMT
    indiegay81 saidIt really depends on where your motivation to see him is coming from. If you want to reach out and apologize just to make yourself feel better about the situation then I would not even bother. I am sure he has already moved on and if he has not then you will probably just mix him up even more. However, if you genuinely want to be a part of this guy life then sure go for it. Just be prepared for him not being interested as you had been a flake in the past. Good luck either way man.


    "Like"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 04, 2012 3:27 PM GMT
    Yeah, I wouldn't bother . I think he will not be interested in hearing it at that point
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 04, 2012 3:29 PM GMT
    Tell him that you were an asshole and go from there.
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    Feb 04, 2012 3:41 PM GMT
    GreenHopper saidYeah, I wouldn't bother . I think he will not be interested in hearing it at that point


    Agreed.

    As someone who's had this happen to them on a couple of occasions- it hurts. Silence speaks louder than words IMO and makes it pretty clear they've lost interest. He's probably searched for someone who didn't ignore his texts, calls, etc...and realizde there are guys out there who will treat him the way he ought to be treated. I'm sure he's probably moved on after 7 months and has stopped guessing why you weren't replying to him.

    Take it as a lesson and learn from this: treat others the way you'd want to be treated. We're all adults and should be able to communicate with other people (somewhat) effectively without awkward exchanges, made-up excuses, hurt feelings and lingering ill will.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 04, 2012 7:46 PM GMT
    If I were him I would tell you to fuck off.
  • cookingitswee...

    Posts: 445

    Feb 04, 2012 7:52 PM GMT
    If I were him I'd tell you to go fuck yourself as you treated him badly
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    Feb 04, 2012 7:56 PM GMT
    cookingitsweet saidIf I were him I'd tell you to go fuck yourself as you treated him badly

    +1
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 04, 2012 8:16 PM GMT
    Why did you stop communicatiions? Was it because you figured two hours away no longer seemed worth it? And did you find lots of guys to take his place? No? And is that maybe why you would now like to re-establish contact?
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Feb 04, 2012 8:32 PM GMT
    If I were him, I'd probably accept your apology, but would have nothing more to do with you at this point. I like to invest time and interest into my relationships. I want them to matter in my life. He appeared to do just that only to be ignored by you.

    I would have got the message when you didn't return my calls/texts/emails. I would have construed it as a passive-aggressive 'leave me alone' message. I would have washed my hands of the situation long ago. It's up to you whether you want to take the initiative to apologize. Just prepare yourself for a negative response.
  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Feb 04, 2012 8:38 PM GMT
    OMG! First that aussie lady who snatched that shirt from the teen girl and now you! What's up (no pun intended) in Australia? Are you all reverting to your brutish, convict-ancestry roots???

    The other guy shouldnt have anything to do with you. He called and texted and begged you to contact him and you treated him like dirt. No, no. You aint worth it. Once trash, always trash. Good-bye. Good riddance.

    Just saying.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 04, 2012 9:04 PM GMT
    no, he doesn't need someone like you in his life.
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    Feb 04, 2012 9:08 PM GMT
    just_m4x89 saidwe hooked up on valentine day last year... then became good fuckbuds until the day I moved to a new place (2 hours of train to his place) and completely ignored his calls/texts and emails begging me to talk to him again as a friend and those old good memories when we hung out together...

    Anyway, long story short... It's been 7 months since and now I feel like I should go meet him up to re-establish a connection (friendship) with him and apologise for what I've done.

    The question is should I or shouldn't I go meet him apologise for what I've done and re-establish the relationship?

    *note: I feel like I've been treating unfair to him and against my set life values... it's like a guilty feeling for doing something that hurt people.


    Sounds like you are a professional asshole.

    There's a saying: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

    With 7 BILLION folks in The World, and you being such a jerk, likely...almost certainly, your friend has moved on.

    There's a thing called battered wife syndrome, where the foolish wife goes back for more abuse. Hopefully, your friend is wiser than that.

    You dug your grave; now, you get to lie in it.

    Go read up on "shunning." Then, fucking grow up. Shunning is a horrible thing to do to folks.

    Unless you were extremely close friends, your bad behavior is infantile and you are NOT a worthy friend.

    Sometimes, close friends need space, but you were fuckbuds, and you were a JERK, without any sensitivity, compassion, nor maturity.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 04, 2012 9:09 PM GMT
    indiegay81 saidIt really depends on where your motivation to see him is coming from. If you want to reach out and apologize just to make yourself feel better about the situation then I would not even bother. I am sure he has already moved on and if he has not then you will probably just mix him up even more. However, if you genuinely want to be a part of this guy life then sure go for it. Just be prepared for him not being interested as you had been a flake in the past. Good luck either way man.


    I agree with indieguy. Find out why you want to make amends and remember he has feelings too.
  • charmr

    Posts: 233

    Feb 04, 2012 10:11 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH saidThis is an unpleasant lesson to learn, though we all have to at some point: sometimes you can't fix things you've done. No matter how bad you feel about them. At this point you're just a memory to him, maybe a bad one, maybe he couldn't care less. You don't really have the right to know.

    Part of the tuition you pay in life.


    True. Many years ago I met a guy I really really liked. He had a lovrely home and we spent a delightful weekend -- except one thing. We were showeriung together and I spit in the tub -- totally harmless I thought, washed right down with the warm water. But he got bent out of shape that I would dare to do that. I realized immediately afterwards that he had a different view and all I had to do was respect it. He was amenable to a simple apology. But in my youth I felt that I had to prove to him that it was totally harmless, and to do so I spit again! which of course proved absolutely nothing to him. And I had really committed the cardinal sin by the repetition. Then my profuse apologies fell on deaf ears. He never called me of course and never answered my calls. Who could blame him? I sure learned my lesson, but not in time to save that relationship. And you're right. Some things can't be fixed.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11829

    Feb 05, 2012 1:47 AM GMT
    7 months is like 7 years in the gay world...He may have moved on...but if he hasn't ..you have nothing to apologize for..distance made things unworkable...call him up...go for a beer...start over...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 05, 2012 1:56 AM GMT
    Well, this is certainly a sign that you're maturing as a person, to some degree. I'm glad you feel remorse for what you did, BUT as someone else already said, if you're only wanting to apologize to make YOURSELF feel good, then it's just a selfish perpetuation of your immaturity. If your intention is to make him feel better, then I say, yes, you owe him an apology. It's a very fine line between the two.

    If it really is to apologize to him and not to make yourself release your guilt, then you can send him a note, acknowledging how much of an asshole you were and that he didn't deserve what you did, then leave it alone.
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    Feb 05, 2012 2:05 AM GMT
    DOMINUS saidTell him that you were an asshole and go from there.


    Perhaps of a little too little, a little too late; perhaps?

    I was on the receiving end of something like this once. I wanted to get back to the like who was like the OP, but after the chance arose and I got to evaluating the guy, myself and and the reality of the situation; I didn't hesitate to tell him, "NO, I don't want to be your boyfriend."
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    Feb 05, 2012 2:06 AM GMT
    Please leave the poor guy alone.
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    Feb 05, 2012 2:15 AM GMT
    No! Dont bother, it will bring back bad memories. I know from expreience. When I was 18 I hooked up with somebody and we had a great time, we continued to talk and text. Then I found out I had HIV, and I know that he gave it to me. I told him that. Apparently he changed his number and never contacted me again. To this day I am unable to do anything about it. What you did is not nearly as bad what he did, but it was still immature and a complete disregard for his feelings. I just hope that you learned from your mistake and try to make yourself a better person because of it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 05, 2012 3:04 AM GMT
    mybud said7 months is like 7 years in the gay world...He may have moved on...but if he hasn't ..you have nothing to apologize for..distance made things unworkable...call him up...go for a beer...start over...


    Thanks for this my bud... yes living too far from him is a issue as well I was still hang out with him the 1st few months when I moved to my current place... It wasn't easy for him to get to my place or me to get to his place or even to the city (the mutual place between where we both live)
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    Feb 05, 2012 3:20 AM GMT
    EastCoastNAZ saidWell, this is certainly a sign that you're maturing as a person, to some degree. I'm glad you feel remorse for what you did, BUT as someone else already said, if you're only wanting to apologize to make YOURSELF feel good, then it's just a selfish perpetuation of your immaturity. If your intention is to make him feel better, then I say, yes, you owe him an apology. It's a very fine line between the two.

    If it really is to apologize to him and not to make yourself release your guilt, then you can send him a note, acknowledging how much of an asshole you were and that he didn't deserve what you did, then leave it alone.


    I don't just apologise to him just because I wanna feel good the inside but I do wanna let him to feel better and let him know what I did was immature... and yes I think I own him an apology icon_neutral.gif
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    Feb 05, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    It's a hard situation because unfortunately the facts "It's not you (him), it's me (you)" of the matter have been used falsely too many times for anybody to feel sure of their intent.

    If anything I would send a note and say "I realize now how badly I behaved. You did not deserve it, and I have no right to expect you to forgive me, but I hope knowing I feel like shit about it now is a comfort because you deserved better." If he wants to forgive you, he will. If he doesn't, you already know you're getting what you've got coming, so it won't come a surprise.