Dating Guys with Sexual Issues

  • RicheeRich

    Posts: 1

    Feb 04, 2012 7:30 PM GMT
    I've been dating a guy who's great in every way except for when it comes to sex.

    We've been dating for about 5 months and the first few times were pretty good, but after that the quality and quantity dropped off pretty quickly. He keeps telling me it's not me, that he is working on his issues (confidence, body image, intimacy, trust). He said that he hasn't had any problems when he's hooked up in the past, but feels like he's under pressure now that he has feelings for someone.

    I'm really into him but am getting frustrated. I've asked him if there's anything I can do, and I'm being very patient and not pressuring him at all. I don't want to be in a sexless relationship, and I just don't know what to do.

    Has anyone been in this situation?

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    Feb 04, 2012 7:52 PM GMT
    RicheeRich saidHas anyone been in this situation?

    No, and nor should you. Guys who have feelings for someone should be MORE sexual, not less. This does not compute.
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    Feb 05, 2012 9:34 AM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    RicheeRich saidHas anyone been in this situation?

    No, and nor should you. Guys who have feelings for someone should be MORE sexual, not less. This does not compute.

    It happens a lot actually. Everyone is wired differently especially when it comes to sexuality.

    The best advice I could say is give him time. A relationship shouldn't be only about sex, but like you said no one wants to be in a sexless relationship. So if you see this going somewhere be patient.
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    Feb 05, 2012 3:58 PM GMT
    RicheeRich saidI've been dating a guy who's great in every way except for when it comes to sex.

    We've been dating for about 5 months and the first few times were pretty good, but after that the quality and quantity dropped off pretty quickly. He keeps telling me it's not me, that he is working on his issues (confidence, body image, intimacy, trust). He said that he hasn't had any problems when he's hooked up in the past, but feels like he's under pressure now that he has feelings for someone.

    I'm really into him but am getting frustrated. I've asked him if there's anything I can do, and I'm being very patient and not pressuring him at all. I don't want to be in a sexless relationship, and I just don't know what to do.

    Has anyone been in this situation?



    It could just be that he's scared and nervous that he won't 'perform' well for you. There's loads on this site on how to make partners feel comfortable when it comes to sex...here's what I've gathered from all of the forums based on this topic:

    Don't rush into the sex...get him read for it...doesn't matter who's topping or bottoming who. Start off by making out or just cuddling, caressing, exploring each others bodies. it can be fun, giggle and laugh whilst doing so. Kiss him, not just on the lips, but on his cheek, his chest, his back...you might even massage him...etc...maybe you could share a shower or a bath together. Sometimes it's not just about the sex, but what happens before the sex...ensuring he's comfortable (using advice above) may help your partner relax into it and feel comfortable with sex, you, himself, his body image, and his sexuality...etc....
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    Feb 05, 2012 4:07 PM GMT
    I was in your situation several years ago. The guy was handsome, bright and terrific in almost every way - - - except sexually. He was like a car on a very cold morning. He never initiated anything sexually. He'd lay there frozen while I did all of the "work" and although he'd finally get off, it was like pulling teeth getting him hot enough to do that. I never worked so hard, or so patiently on anyone. He had so many great qualities, and was totally "catch material" except for this problem of frigidity. No amount of conversation helped very much, and he refused counseling. He had been raised without religion, so that wasn't the problem. I finally decided to just break up and move on.
  • calamedes

    Posts: 69

    Feb 05, 2012 4:11 PM GMT
    Also, it may come as a worry: he feels that you think he's not good enough. I suggest making sure he knows how good he looks and all that entails, and convince him of it (which is difficult, btw. i once had a guy like that)- that should solve the problem.
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    Feb 05, 2012 4:20 PM GMT
    He's probably more into hookups or friends with benefits, and he's uncomfortable with having feelings for only one person. I can identify with that. It sucks to feel tied down.
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    Feb 05, 2012 4:41 PM GMT
    Who doesn't have issues of some kind? Work thru it dude. Good luck
  • zenmonkie

    Posts: 228

    Feb 05, 2012 4:44 PM GMT
    Feed him liqour.

    I know... bad advice...
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    Feb 05, 2012 4:45 PM GMT
    deeley1 said
    RicheeRich saidI've been dating a guy who's great in every way except for when it comes to sex.

    We've been dating for about 5 months and the first few times were pretty good, but after that the quality and quantity dropped off pretty quickly. He keeps telling me it's not me, that he is working on his issues (confidence, body image, intimacy, trust). He said that he hasn't had any problems when he's hooked up in the past, but feels like he's under pressure now that he has feelings for someone.

    I'm really into him but am getting frustrated. I've asked him if there's anything I can do, and I'm being very patient and not pressuring him at all. I don't want to be in a sexless relationship, and I just don't know what to do.

    Has anyone been in this situation?



    It could just be that he's scared and nervous that he won't 'perform' well for you. There's loads on this site on how to make partners feel comfortable when it comes to sex...here's what I've gathered from all of the forums based on this topic:

    Don't rush into the sex...get him read for it...doesn't matter who's topping or bottoming who. Start off by making out or just cuddling, caressing, exploring each others bodies. it can be fun, giggle and laugh whilst doing so. Kiss him, not just on the lips, but on his cheek, his chest, his back...you might even massage him...etc...maybe you could share a shower or a bath together. Sometimes it's not just about the sex, but what happens before the sex...ensuring he's comfortable (using advice above) may help your partner relax into it and feel comfortable with sex, you, himself, his body image, and his sexuality...etc....


    You just made me horny, lol. I don't like anal sex, is that a problem?
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Feb 05, 2012 4:51 PM GMT
    RicheeRich saidI've been dating a guy who's great in every way except for when it comes to sex.

    We've been dating for about 5 months and the first few times were pretty good, but after that the quality and quantity dropped off pretty quickly. He keeps telling me it's not me, that he is working on his issues (confidence, body image, intimacy, trust). He said that he hasn't had any problems when he's hooked up in the past, but feels like he's under pressure now that he has feelings for someone.

    I'm really into him but am getting frustrated. I've asked him if there's anything I can do, and I'm being very patient and not pressuring him at all. I don't want to be in a sexless relationship, and I just don't know what to do.

    Has anyone been in this situation?

    dude RUN! i mean run like you have never ran before..
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    Feb 05, 2012 10:21 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidHe's probably more into hookups or friends with benefits, and he's uncomfortable with having feelings for only one person. I can identify with that. It sucks to feel tied down.


    it's almost definitely this, which leaves you in a very strange situation. if it's worth it to you, stick it out...the sexual issues could subside and you could be the only one for him. or it's just a sign of things to come - he's not ready to have monogamous emotions and this could lead to you getting hurt further down the line.