Do I tell my room mate?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 05, 2012 1:00 AM GMT
    Hey guys, so I need some advice,

    I am still in the closet to my university room mate about me being bisexual/curious. I have been bi for a few years and I still can not make a decision on whether I want to be with men or women so that is why I have not come out yet, because saying that I am gay and still fooling around with women would bring up questions and obviously being straight and fooling around with guys is obviously questionable. Also, I do not really wanna come out bi because no one believes it whether you are straight or gay.
    Also, his mom is a lesbian so I do not want it to be like too much for him, plus we are moving in with two girls and in no way am i feminine but i feel like he would feel like the only "man" in the house since he would be the only one bringing girls home or something.

    So any advice I can get on this subject would be greatly appreciatedicon_smile.gif
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    Feb 05, 2012 1:05 AM GMT
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  • Timbales

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    Feb 05, 2012 1:08 AM GMT
    albertaman saidHey guys, so I need some advice,

    I am still in the closet to my university room mate about me being bisexual/curious. I have been bi for a few years and I still can not make a decision on whether I want to be with men or women so that is why I have not come out yet, because saying that I am gay and still fooling around with women would bring up questions and obviously being straight and fooling around with guys is obviously questionable. Also, I do not really wanna come out bi because no one believes it whether you are straight or gay.
    Also, his mom is a lesbian so I do not want it to be like too much for him, plus we are moving in with two girls and in no way am i feminine but i feel like he would feel like the only "man" in the house since he would be the only one bringing girls home or something.

    So any advice I can get on this subject would be greatly appreciatedicon_smile.gif


    so, if he's the only one bringing girls home are you curious, bi or gay?
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    Feb 05, 2012 1:11 AM GMT
    im still to be determined, so bi i guess, but he would bring more home than me
  • Timbales

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    Feb 05, 2012 1:15 AM GMT
    albertaman saidim still to be determined, so bi i guess, but he would bring more home than me


    If you don't share a room, it's not a big deal.

    If you're questioning and just playing the field, then you can tell him that if you feel the need.

    If you make an issue of your sexuality, they are more likely to as well.
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    Feb 05, 2012 1:20 AM GMT
    thats true about the issue part,
    he also tells me everything about him so i feel like i kind of owe him to tell him? like i'm from alberta going to school in ottawa so im far away from home and didn't know anyone here when i came and we were put together in residence and are practically best friends so
  • Timbales

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    Feb 05, 2012 1:22 AM GMT
    albertaman saidthats true about the issue part,
    he also tells me everything about him so i feel like i kind of owe him to tell him? like i'm from alberta going to school in ottawa so im far away from home and didn't know anyone here when i came and we were put together in residence and are practically best friends so


    if you have that kind of relationship, then tell him how you have been feeling if you want to share that, but not out of a feeling of obligation
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    Feb 05, 2012 1:49 AM GMT
    why is it his business who you bring back to your room?

    the only way my friends know about the girls or guys i bag is if the person i fucked posts it on their facebook page or some shit.
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    Feb 05, 2012 1:51 AM GMT
    well i dont wanna go behind their backs, and i don't care about telling the girls yet, but the guy i don't wanna lie to, and if they caught me with one it would be hugely regretable if i don't tell him
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    Feb 05, 2012 1:59 AM GMT
    Because you like men doesn't mean you're obliged to tell everyone, or even anyone.
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    Feb 05, 2012 1:59 AM GMT
    albertaman saidwell i dont wanna go behind their backs, and i don't care about telling the girls yet, but the guy i don't wanna lie to, and if they caught me with one it would be hugely regretable if i don't tell him


    behind their backs? so you feel obligated to tell them then?

    its none of their business who you choose to mess with.

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    Feb 05, 2012 2:15 AM GMT
    albertaman saidHey guys, so I need some advice,

    I am still in the closet to my university room mate about me being bisexual/curious. I have been bi for a few years and I still can not make a decision on whether I want to be with men or women so that is why I have not come out yet, because saying that I am gay and still fooling around with women would bring up questions and obviously being straight and fooling around with guys is obviously questionable. Also, I do not really wanna come out bi because no one believes it whether you are straight or gay.
    Also, his mom is a lesbian so I do not want it to be like too much for him, plus we are moving in with two girls and in no way am i feminine but i feel like he would feel like the only "man" in the house since he would be the only one bringing girls home or something.

    So any advice I can get on this subject would be greatly appreciatedicon_smile.gif


    If you can have a sleep number bed and determine your number of comfort, you can determine how much into guys and girls you are. If your roommate has a lesbian mother, then he should be cool and understand that you swing both ways, or that you want to experiment and shouldn't be too surprised if some guy climbs your mountain if you know what I mean. (height jokes, ftw. I have no idea how I remember you're 6'8" but I do.) Also, there's a reason why it's called "bisexual". I've felt the same way for a long time- I went out with a girl last night, who is very cute and we have quite a bit in common, but considering that I'm still single, if Andrew Luck were to hypothetically come up to me tonight at the bar and tell me to take him to my dorm room (chances being 0, mind you), I would not think twice. <3

    So as Dr. Seuss once said, "those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter". I don't give a shit what the people who know me think of my bisexuality, and if need be, science has proven that bisexuality DOES exist. Just like how homophobes are really whacking it to the peen themselves. But that's a whole different topic in and of itself.

    Cheers
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    Feb 05, 2012 2:19 AM GMT
    alright that does makes sense, as to a previous comment i want to tell them because i'm not just going to hook up with people my life i might start dating one if i find the right guy hense why i wanna tell him
  • mybud

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    Feb 05, 2012 2:22 AM GMT
    First..your 20 and you don't know if your gay or bi...Here's a test...finish this sentence without thinkin about it...I love .......you can say cock or cunt....if the answer is cock....tell your room mate the truth...Never start a relationship or friendship on a lie....it shows a lack of character...take it for what it's worth.
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    Feb 05, 2012 2:25 AM GMT
    mybud saidFirst..your 20 and you don't know if your gay or bi...Here's a test...finish this sentence without thinkin about it...I love .......you can say cock or cunt....if the answer is cock....tell your room mate the truth...Never start a relationship or friendship on a lie....it shows a lack of character...take it for what it's worth.
    Wow that was the most retarded advice I've ever heard.
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    Feb 05, 2012 2:30 AM GMT
    I think you are right in a lot of ways about bisexuality, but I also think you are confusing being "confused" with bisexuality. People who are bi- are not confused.

    You don't have to tell him anything, but if you do, you should tell him that (I assume) you have slept with guys and girls, and you are still questioning. More importantly you need to accept that its okay to not know and being ashamed of identifying with a certain label is just going to inhibit you finding out.
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    Feb 05, 2012 2:30 AM GMT
    Anduru said
    mybud saidFirst..your 20 and you don't know if your gay or bi...Here's a test...finish this sentence without thinkin about it...I love .......you can say cock or cunt....if the answer is cock....tell your room mate the truth...Never start a relationship or friendship on a lie....it shows a lack of character...take it for what it's worth.
    Wow that was the most retarded advice I've ever heard.


    You know, even better advice is getting him drunk enough to watch porn with you. Mixing in some st8/bi/gay porn in and having sex with him. Then not talking about it the next day! Very good way to let him know.

    I"M NOT SERIOUS ABOUT THIS ADVICE*
  • mybud

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    Feb 05, 2012 2:33 AM GMT
    Anduru said
    mybud saidFirst..your 20 and you don't know if your gay or bi...Here's a test...finish this sentence without thinkin about it...I love .......you can say cock or cunt....if the answer is cock....tell your room mate the truth...Never start a relationship or friendship on a lie....it shows a lack of character...take it for what it's worth.
    Wow that was the most retarded advice I've ever heard.
    I consider this a compliment coming from a piece of shit like you...Thanks
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    Feb 05, 2012 2:34 AM GMT
    Do what feels right buddy, don't force it if you think you shouldn't tell him.
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    Feb 05, 2012 2:35 AM GMT
    mybud saidI consider this a compliment coming from a piece of shit like you...Thanks
    Here's a test.........finish this sentence without thinkin about it...I am..........................................................whats ur answer?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 05, 2012 2:37 AM GMT
    My roommate is a girl right now and I told her and my close friends that I was gay and it's been great. I think you'd feel a lot more open and comfortable by letting them know but in the end it's up to you weather you decide to come out at this time or not. Even if you don't know if you want to be gay straight bi or whatever, your friends will understand, that's what they're there for.
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    Feb 05, 2012 2:48 AM GMT
    Willz09 saidMy roommate is a girl right now and I told her and my close friends that I was gay and it's been great. I think you'd feel a lot more open and comfortable by letting them know but in the end it's up to you weather you decide to come out at this time or not. Even if you don't know if you want to be gay straight bi or whatever, your friends will understand, that's what they're there for.


    thanks man thats some pretty awesome advice, i don't think i would tel the two girls before the guy though, we are jsut closer and i know i would be more comfortable since i told my friend from back home and she was awesome about it i just feel its easier to tell girls
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    Feb 05, 2012 2:51 AM GMT
    sexuality != binary.

    It is a continuum.

    We are ALL born with the capacity to be (bi)sexual - just some of us prefer cock more than pussy. A very small minority of humans are exclusively same-sex oriented.... Apart from cultural entrainment, a lot of folks would swing both ways.
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    Feb 05, 2012 2:53 AM GMT
    You're not ready to come out to anyone. Based on your posts, you're still confused yourself. You've referred to yourself in 3 different ways, bi, gay, and curious.

    Or you're truly in denial. You have not fully accepted the fact that you are gay so you keep telling yourself you are curious or bi.

    Figure it out, then disclose.
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    Feb 05, 2012 2:56 AM GMT
    albertaman said
    Willz09 saidMy roommate is a girl right now and I told her and my close friends that I was gay and it's been great. I think you'd feel a lot more open and comfortable by letting them know but in the end it's up to you weather you decide to come out at this time or not. Even if you don't know if you want to be gay straight bi or whatever, your friends will understand, that's what they're there for.


    thanks man thats some pretty awesome advice, i don't think i would tel the two girls before the guy though, we are jsut closer and i know i would be more comfortable since i told my friend from back home and she was awesome about it i just feel its easier to tell girls


    No problem! And I don't think you should worry about telling the guy, if he's as close a friend as you say, nothing will change between the two of you. If anything he'll just appreciate you being honest with him and trusting him enough to tell him.