Feeling like shit for wanting more from a fuck buddy

  • heymikey

    Posts: 24

    Feb 05, 2012 7:20 PM GMT
    I have been hooking up with some guy, and before we started having sex, I already had feelings for him (we met about a year ago). He knows I like him and when I asked him out for dinner for the purpose of dating, he agreed. But, he mentioned he wasn't interested in a relationship in me but he would like for us to ne friends with benefits. I agreed wanting anything I can get from him. The sex has been great but I just feel like shit sometimes longing for something more. I want him to hug me tightly whispering that he loves me outside of sex.I want him to grab my hand and kiss it during dinner. But no, I'm just some guy he fucks sometimes. The worst feeling was this morning after a night of having sex twice, I asked him why he wasn't seeing anyone. He did sayhe wanted a relationship, then I made the assumption that it was just me he dis not want a relationship with. I feel awful. Should I stop being needy and continue having sex with him? Or should I cut ties with him, which would be difficult since we go to the same volleyball and badminton clubs?
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    Feb 05, 2012 7:32 PM GMT
    Its a mistake to assume he does not want one with you. You need to ask again. If he says no then continue to fuck him, if you are ok with the emotional pain it is going to cause you. I would seriously advise against that though

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    Feb 05, 2012 7:44 PM GMT
    I think you need to stop seeing him. Break if off completely for a bit. If he misses you and comes back then talk to him, but don't get suckered into just fucking because you want more and he knows it. Good luck and be strong.
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    Feb 05, 2012 7:45 PM GMT
    been thru that before, but FB and I maintained in the beginning that if either had developed feelings, one must end it at once. and we did
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    Feb 05, 2012 7:50 PM GMT
    I've seen that a couple of times.

    I think it just doesn't work. I find it odd that people can keep on fucking another person they supposedly like, without developing feelings. But strangely, that happens. And many times one of the persons gets emotionally injured.

    I'd suggest you tell him that you have these feelings for him again. If he says he doesn't, it's up to you if you think you can stand the sex and not the loving.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Feb 05, 2012 7:52 PM GMT
    heymikey saidI have been hooking up with some guy, and before we started having sex, I already had feelings for him (we met about a year ago). He knows I like him and when I asked him out for dinner for the purpose of dating, he agreed. But, he mentioned he wasn't interested in a relationship in me but he would like for us to ne friends with benefits. I agreed wanting anything I can get from him. The sex has been great but I just feel like shit sometimes longing for something more. I want him to hug me tightly whispering that he loves me outside of sex.I want him to grab my hand and kiss it during dinner. But no, I'm just some guy he fucks sometimes. The worst feeling was this morning after a night of having sex twice, I asked him why he wasn't seeing anyone. He did sayhe wanted a relationship, then I made the assumption that it was just me he dis not want a relationship with. I feel awful. Should I stop being needy and continue having sex with him? Or should I cut ties with him, which would be difficult since we go to the same volleyball and badminton clubs?
    dude, why do people like you set yourself up like this. U knew he was not looking for anything more than sex and you wanted something. why would you settle? i am he is hot and the sex is great but if he is not into you why would you care. if it were me i would be ok with the sex but that is just me. dude, you already know you can't handle it so why stick around. tell him it was nice but you can handle just being sex buddies with him. then you need to find someone who is looking for the same things you want out of life
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Feb 05, 2012 7:54 PM GMT
    This is why having a FB could never work out for me.

    having a FWB is about as much as I can do.
  • mersell_88

    Posts: 2

    Feb 05, 2012 8:20 PM GMT
    man if you really want him you must act proper.in your case you must change your attitude.Keep going to see him but do something after you fucked him dont talk just leave th place and just say i have things to do and do not meet with him in social life just meet for sex no conversation no sharing just sex,do that constantly after the 2th or 3 th time he will realise something wrong.by the way sex must be perfect.He will come and he will ask to you what is wrong ?and you will say man that is the thing you demand.If he has some feelings to you he will say i dont want and you can pass different stage you can say to him:decide do you want me as a fuckbuddy or boyfriend? if he said i want fuck buddy keep going to do same thing 2 or 3 time more and kick out him.


    i hope it will work
  • heymikey

    Posts: 24

    Feb 05, 2012 8:35 PM GMT
    tuffguyndc said dude, why do people like you set yourself up like this. U knew he was not looking for anything more than sex and you wanted something. why would you settle? i am he is hot and the sex is great but if he is not into you why would you care. if it were me i would be ok with the sex but that is just me. dude, you already know you can't handle it so why stick around. tell him it was nice but you can handle just being sex buddies with him. then you need to find someone who is looking for the same things you want out of life

    I know, I know. It's my fault. I thought I could keep things just casual between us and just have fun with no strings attached. Then, there's that part of me that was hoping he'd developed feelings for me. I dunno. I also don't know how I can avoid him considering we both go to the same sports club and have some mutual friends. I guess I was just hoping he'd be more affectionate to me outside of sex. But I guess I just need to face reality that I'm just some guy he fucks.
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    Feb 05, 2012 8:53 PM GMT
    Don't feel like shit for wanting more but don't allow yourself to be hurt. I had a fuckbuddy for about a month and then he found a girlfriend and left me. It hurt because I did start to develop feelings but I also knew it was bound to happen.

    If he's gay and you think there's a shot at a relationship ask him about it. If he says no then it's up to you whether you want to continue your casual thing or not.
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    Feb 05, 2012 10:16 PM GMT
    You need to give him an ultimatum - make him decide whether you are boyfriend material or you are not. If you're not to him, then give it up. There's no point in torturing yourself. I'm sure he's not amazing or good looking enough for you to relegate yourself to being a sex toy (that's all you'll be to him).

    And if he says you are boyfriend material, don't freak out and expect to be exclusive. But chances are, unless he's a huge douchebag, he won't say you're boyfriend material unless you are...and then you'll have to wait.

    Either way you are putting the ball in his court...but at least you won't be a complete fool if there is the chance for you guys to be together (it seems like that's what you want).

    I've been in your situation once. Recently, in fact. It's not a pleasant conversation, but don't willingly play the fool. You'll regret it.
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    Feb 05, 2012 10:34 PM GMT
    Keep hanging with him and keep your date calendar open for other guys. Once you found someone worth dating besides him say g'bye!
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    Feb 05, 2012 10:43 PM GMT
    I don't think his sexual gratification is worth your emotional scarring (you are inflicting on yourself).
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    Feb 05, 2012 10:55 PM GMT
    There is obviously a yawning gap between your expectations of this relationship and his. No one can blame you for developing stronger feelings for him. Sometimes it just happens (indeed, it is perfectly natural). You need to take a step back and decide whether this arrangement it doing you more harm than good. Your membership of the same sports clubs and having some mutual friends, while a complicating factor, should not really affect your decision. I think you know that, had he wanted to take things further relationship-wise, he would have done so by now.
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    Feb 05, 2012 10:57 PM GMT
    Ask him if he's interested in a relationship with you again.. if its no, and you're not happy this way, then go.. if you stop having feelings for him, and are happy this way, then stay
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    Feb 05, 2012 10:59 PM GMT
    fasterpace saidKeep hanging with him and keep your date calendar open for other guys. Once you found someone worth dating besides him say g'bye!



    ++. And crushing on another guy is the easiest way to stop crushing on
    Him.
  • tobyb

    Posts: 111

    Feb 05, 2012 11:17 PM GMT
    I think this is a hard situation. The fact that the sex is so far ahead of the friendship suggests to me that your feelings for him may not go as deep as you think: you are attracted to him and want a relationship with him, but if you don't talk much (you didn't mention any social interaction except for one dinner date), then how well do you really know him?

    If you think your feelings for him are sincere and about him in particular, then I suggest you purpose the friendship and see how well it develops. It may be hard because you would have to get used to doing other things with him like going to movies or hanging out after badminton etc without having sex too. But that would be the only route I could see to you guys getting closer.

    If you can't do that without gushing to him about how much you want a relationship with him, then it probably won't work. But my advice would be not to give up on it without giving it a try.
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    Feb 05, 2012 11:46 PM GMT
    You've already got a relationship with the guy. You're unhappy with the parameters. Either resolve that issue or split.
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    Feb 05, 2012 11:49 PM GMT
    Ohh I see this going down...

    He made it very clear that he doesn't want a relationship, accept it or cut it.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Feb 06, 2012 1:15 AM GMT
    fasterpace saidKeep hanging with him and keep your date calendar open for other guys. Once you found someone worth dating besides him say g'bye!


    So well said by such a hot guy.

    If the sex is good and healthy, keep him around on your own terms, for your own fun. Then lose the bastard when a hotter guys comes around. I bet he'll be back knocking on your door looking for love when he can't have what he wants. It's human nature.