*****WISH I WAS STRAIGHT*****

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 28, 2007 8:07 PM GMT
    I rather be called an Abnormal person and be Accepted of what I am.. than trying to be Normal and yet being rejected by many. I guess, most guys on here are "OUT" and pretty much confident with their sexuality.

    But was there a point in your life that you wish you were not gay at all????
  • iGator

    Posts: 150

    Jul 29, 2007 2:44 AM GMT
    I can't even begin to tell you how each and every homosexual goes through a phase where they wish they were straight...It's actually documented in studies and such.

    There are phases that a person goes through when coming out:

    1. The person begins to look at others of the same sex, but reject the idea and bury it in their minds.

    2. The person can then go into a depressed state, thinking that they are an outcast or that something is wrong with them.

    3. The person becomes comfortable with their homosexuality to themselves, but not to other people.

    4. The person then begins to come out of the closet, which in some cases causes strife among the family. In other cases, the person will be come an activist.

    5. Eventually, the person joins the community and normalizes with it.

    Those are the five phases (if I can recall correctly...i only learned them this past semester)...I always thought of it as a pendulum...at first you wind up, then you let go, crossing the center and eventually coming back to the center...

    People will not necessarily progress through these stages in order...and sometimes they may visit one of the stages again...

    The one thing I can say is that nothing about what you may feel about what other people think is all that important. You first have to come to a realization that you are who you are.

    I know that might sound a little cold, so I'll let other people be warm and fuzzy, but I wanted to give you the background of this issue.

    Regards,

    Mike
  • NewDrew

    Posts: 24

    Jul 29, 2007 3:00 AM GMT
    A point, well no, 5 decades, yes. I started getting migranes at about 40 and depression due to repression and maybe self hate. So, I've been gay for a month or so. I've got a boyfriend and am getting a divorce. I'm scared shitless about how all of my homophobe friends will react, not to mention my parents. My brother and sister have been supportive and surprisingly my wife has been too. My 13 year old son wants me to live close by....that may change when I tell him. I showed him some houses away from town today so that maybe I won't embarass him if I move out there to the beach. How can a kid not like the beach??

    What was the question....oh yeah I wish I loved a women like I love my boyfriend. He'll probably dump me because I'm so much in love with him, like being in love for the first time at 50!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2007 3:37 AM GMT
    Um, no, can't say I've ever wished I was straight. There have been times I was so very thankful I wasn't though :-)

    As for those five stages that Gatormedic listed, I can honestly say that I skipped one and two. And three and four sort of blurred together as one event since once I realized what the label was for my feelings, I started telling people.

    I came out at 15 (wow - I've been out longer than I was 'in') so this was all awhile back but it's never really ever had a problem for me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2007 4:10 AM GMT

    Good for you Gigaram! I admire you. You have me beat by a year (officially came out at 16).

    I never wanted to be straight either, I don't regret the hardships suffered as a result of being out. They really created something good and strong and pure in me, and in my confidence as a human being. I don't see that in a lot of men still trapped in the closet, which I seem to perpetually attract, *sigh*


  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2007 4:39 AM GMT
    I've never wished to be straight and if I could change that, I wouldn't do it.
    When I was growing up I never felt any different to anyone else and never knew that there was a difference in my sexuality to others. As well as the other blokes my preference happen to be gender based. I grew up in a homophobic, somewhat racist environment, I didn't feel ostracized because I didn't give a shit what anyone thought and that resonated with people somehow. It was a strange environment in the sense that people who disliked me were on friendly terms with me. It's difficult to word....Like when you disagree on a political view with a friend, you both know where you stand and know that most likely the other won't change their viewpoint so you leave it at that. Does that make sense?

    I guess I haven't really "come out" in the sense that I didn't have to discover who I was, I just was what I am.


    NewDrew I don't understand what you mean when you say "I wish I loved a women like I love my boyfriend. He'll probably dump me because I'm so much in love with him,"
  • NewDrew

    Posts: 24

    Jul 29, 2007 11:53 AM GMT
    Well, if I really loved my wife I wouldn't have to divorce my wife, move out of my house, upset my family, go off to live alone. My boyfriend says we're just dating and wants me to try other stuff with other guys which makes me insecure.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2007 11:57 AM GMT
    Before my coming-out, I tried to convince myself that I was straight ?! I felt bad, like I did'nt fit anywhere without knowing why. I was lying to myself constantly. I was feeling odd with girls. I was more like a brother with them, a confident than a boyfriend.

    When in a club, I was'nt paying much attention to girls but more to my best friend?! Now, I know that I was in love with him. But, in those times, I was in denial all the time.

    But now that I am who I am, I'm so much an happier person, at peace with myself, finally. I feel good now, at last. It's been one hell of a ride before I arrived to my true self. Now, I'm at home.

    Acting straight almost killed me.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jul 29, 2007 12:24 PM GMT
    I did back in my early years when I was trying to fit a square peg into a round hole
    ... but I've found that I am what I am and now there's no way in hell I'd even think about it anymore...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2007 12:38 PM GMT
    Yes and there were times I wished I had superpowers. I also realized that wishes of this sort were ridiculous. Wishing I could win the lottery was more reasonable and likely. Actually, I never wished I were straight, but I wondered what it would have been like if I were.

    As to those five stages - that really made me laugh. Who ever wrote that must have based it on a small sample of people. While some aspects may be true for some people, it seems woefully narrow in its view. It's as if the creator of the 'steps' based it entirely on urban white male Catholics between the ages of 20-30 without considering a wider population.

    Take me for example - Step 1 - I never rejected and buried it., Step 2 This never happened to me.
    Step 3 I was always comfortable with it but was afraid to tell other people. Step 4 (the only one for me that's on the money). Step 5 - This is too vague - what community, the gay community, the straight community, and integrated community?

    There are too many socialization variants that render these steps as gross oversimplification. No doubt, there are people that go through them, but the diversity of the gay community shows us that with from conservative accountants to drag queens to jocks, that the process is far to varied to fit into these steps.

    There may be a more broadly described process to coming out, but this narrow view isn't it.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jul 29, 2007 1:34 PM GMT
    For 33 years of my life I wished I was straight. That's if you count from the day I was born :). I used to go to bed every night and hope and pray I would wake up the next morning straight. I thought it was just a phase I was going through. One day I realised that it would never happen.

    It was a major struggle for me, coming to terms with being gay, but I accept what I am and to be honest I am happy with it now. I am only out to family though. I would like to be out to everyone I know, but the fear of rejection is still there. I am working on that.

    Mike
  • zakariahzol

    Posts: 2241

    Jul 29, 2007 2:31 PM GMT
    I came from a conservative society that simply have no place for gay people. I can told you most of the gay men here have this attitude that they gonna be gay now, have fun, do what they want to do and latter when they are older repented , marry a women and return to the true path of god and when they die go to haven. In the way , sometimes I am like that. You really cannt blame them as most of them are religions god fearing people.

    Do I wish I am straight. As much as I hate to say it, yes , even though we all know it not possible. I could imagine how easier my life must have been if I was born straight. I have a lot to offer to the person I love. I could have a wonderful fucking good life, family and children .Being alone in my empty house really not what I call happiness.

    Of course I could have a live in lover (but tell the world he is my housemate) but what good it is if both of us keep thinking that we have to be straight someday.
  • MikePhilPerez

    Posts: 4357

    Jul 29, 2007 3:01 PM GMT
    zakariahzol,

    Please DO NOT let the society you came for run your life. Move to a better place where you are accepted for what you are.

    "I have a lot to offer to the person I love. I could have a wonderful fucking good life, family and children .Being alone in my empty house really not what I call happiness."

    You can have a wonderful life. You could have children. Gay men have adopted children. You do not have to be alone in an empty house. You can be happy.

    Mike
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2007 3:11 PM GMT
    Yes, at some point in my life, when I was just coming to terms with my sexuality, I did wish I were straight for a variety of reasons. I wanted to raise children. Later in in life, I blamed being gay on my inability to have an LTR. Now I realize it has more to do with my own personal experience and less to do with sexuality. I also realized that part of the reason we resist our sexuality is a need to conform. I know now I was never very good at being a conformist. It is so liberating to be a free spirit.

    I resent the conservative conformist societies for making any uniqueness in character a fault. The fact is we, are all individuals and we should embrace our uniqueness. My biggest problem with the gay societies is the tendencies to apply or give into conformist pressures that may be different then the mainstream but are none the less a compromise in individuality.

    Can you accept people who are different from you or do you only like Barbie and Ken dolls? Go find yourself some friends who are brilliant and creative and you’ll find that they don’t fit in with mainstream society either and yet they would never want to. It is the ability of each person to express himself/herself in such a unique manner that nurtures creativity. Your sexuality is one of many forms of expressing your desires, fears, joys, etc… As long as your are expressing these feelings with another consenting adult you should be focusing on the beauty of your personal experience and not how others attempt to vitiate it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2007 6:06 PM GMT
    Never wished but always thought I was straight until I met my last lover which is a guy. I just rolled with it and finally 3 years later Im coming out. It's tough but a huge relief!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2007 6:14 PM GMT
    Boys who wish they were straight make me sad. I remember the feelings, but am happy I got away from them. I love who I am, and being gay is just a part of that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2007 7:35 PM GMT
    In my family there were no labels like that, it wasn't till middle school did I even know that liking boys was 'gay' and i had no idea liking girls was 'straight'. So i guess i never wished for something i didn't even know was different.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2007 9:44 PM GMT
    Wow Slayer, that's a fortunate childhood, haha. My family is very Catholic and Very Italian, and they weren't okay with it at first, so yeah I suppose when I was younger (around the age of 11 or 12) I had already realized I was gay but wasn't okay with it....after that though I didn't really care about being gay, because let's face it, in California it's not a big deal most places, lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2007 10:50 PM GMT
    The one gripe I have about it is that people think that it'll make their lives easier if they we're straight. In some circumstances I'm sure it'll make their lives safer (less risk of violence) but it's not like heterosexuals don't have problems of their own, just the focus of the problems differ. Even straight guys still have to uphold a masculine image among their peers, how stupid is that?
    This journey isn't meant to be easy, everyone has struggles and to wish for something that you inherently know you can't change is naive and a cop out. How about conversion therapy if you wanna "go back". Most of those guys are probably at higher risk of depression and other mental illnesses, seems that a path to straight-ness is a rocky one.

    New Drew, I still don't get why he would "dump you if you love him so much"....?
    If you're so in love with him why are you wishing to be in a different situation?
  • gymingit

    Posts: 156

    Jul 29, 2007 11:37 PM GMT
    I remember being in the Army at 19, stationed at Ft. Knox and in love with my best friend Tony. Tony tried his hardest at teaching me to pickup women. I tried for him...lol, but obiviously it wasn't my thing.

    As I look back over my life, there have been referrence points as far back 4 years of age. One of my most fondest memories, laying with my head on his chest while taking a nap. Jimbo was the man of the fort which consisted of Two large tractor tires with a piece of ply wood over the top. I just moved back to my home town last year and I understand he still lives here. Wonder if he remembers..... lol

    In all my life, I don't remember ever wishing I wasn't gay and wishing I were straight and I never sat my mom down until I was 30. But, we always seem to have had an understanding.

    LANCE
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 29, 2007 11:45 PM GMT
    I've always know I like guys. I remember being 10 and checking guys out at the urinals. What a little Perv I was, right?

    I came out when I was 16 to the family. Never wanted to be anything than who I am.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2007 12:48 AM GMT
    For anyone who wants to be straight, I have a simple prescription: Try marriage to a woman for a few years, as I did. You will run, screaming, into the arms of queerness after that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2007 12:51 AM GMT
    I only gave up wanting to be straight a few years ago. I am now in the process of coming out. I had a friend in high school who was gay--he was the only one I would talk to about my feelings. And I treated him very badly--on the days I didn't want to be gay, I'd blame him and reject him. Then, when I wanted his support, I'd go back. I finally completely shut him out of my life. The last time I saw him, I was working in a bookstore. He brought me a tape he wanted me to listen to--he was always giving me obscure mix tapes. This was after a long period of my rejecting him. In any case, I took the tape and threw it in the trash. I believed that by rejecting him, I wouldn't have to be gay anymore.

    I was told by a psychologist that I have "ego-dystonic" homosexuality, meaning I can't accept my sexuality as part of myself. So, I hated anyone who reminded me I was gay. I am now getting used to being gay and being around gays, though there is still a lot of anger rooted in my own-self hatred. I have a pattern of telling people I'm gay and then never contacting them again. I am working on being open and not walking away. I am working on not sabotaging relationships with people who know I'm gay.

    Wish me luck with the guys on this board! I'm going to work on not throwing tantrums, slamming doors, and walking away. So, be gentle.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2007 12:51 AM GMT
    So OW. Sounds like you and your ex-wife have a great relationship these days. Was she really any crazier than you OCD husband, or was it that she just didn't like to use the strap on ALL THE TIME?

    :-P
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jul 30, 2007 1:01 AM GMT
    Never wanted to be straight, but in my teens and 20's I did want to conform to the norm. Came out at 29 and think being gay is a blessing. Love my straight relatives and friends, but think a gay life is so much richer.

    Look at the variety of people you meet in gay life - rich, poor, black, white, Asian, etc., blue-collar and professional, more interesting and intelligent people one would ever meet in your standard straight life.

    NewDrew, it's tough right now but you are doing the right thing and sounds like you're handling it real well. Best of luck to you!