Did I overreact?

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    Feb 06, 2012 6:01 AM GMT
    So on Saturday night one of my best friends decides to tell me she's writing a paper on the design/scheme of cities vs. the suburbs. Her thesis is that cities are designed to cater to homosexual individuals/couples who can't have children and that are better suited to urban environments, whereas neighbourhoods are planned according to the heterosexual family "norm" (i.e. a husband, wife, two kids).

    Although this may be the case if you're thinking about it technically, I still got kind of upset over it because it seemed to me like she based her argument on stereotypical views of what gay people do and what straight people do.

    I'm sure there are a lot of guys out there that just want to get married, have kids and live the "normal" life like any other heterosexual person - I sure as hell do - and it felt like her essay was all about how that isn't what neighbourhoods are planned for.

    Anyways, we got into an argument over it and now I'm starting to think I may have overreacted? I just don't want to be judged as some promiscuous bar-hopping gay just because I'm into dudes.
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    Feb 06, 2012 6:05 AM GMT
    MEH. Children are overrated anyways...

    stabbed_her_and_watched_her_bleed_to_dea
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    Feb 06, 2012 6:22 AM GMT
    Exactly which city built in oh what, the last 6 months maybe, did she have in mind for having been designed specifically to cater to homosexuals?
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    Feb 06, 2012 6:29 AM GMT
    Your friend is an ignorant twat. Perhaps she should abandon her studies and just go marry a rich guy.
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    Feb 06, 2012 6:32 AM GMT
    I'm a little surprised you got upset with her, rather than have a good laugh at such a ridiculous thesis.
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    Feb 06, 2012 7:24 AM GMT
    It's not worth getting angry about. I would of just told her why it's wrong and had a normal debate about it let her know that her reasoning is stereotypical.

    If I was her teacher(assuming she wrote if for a class) I would give her a 0
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    Feb 06, 2012 7:26 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidMEH. Children are overrated anyways...

    stabbed_her_and_watched_her_bleed_to_dea
    Awww..such a cute little innocent child. icon_razz.gif
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    Feb 06, 2012 7:29 AM GMT
    are you sure you didnt get it confused with

    DINKS?

    "dual income no kids"

    that could be considered accurate, regardless of sexual preference (straight and gay)

    straight/gay couples that dont have kids live in the city where they can commute to work easily as opposed to driving out to the suburbs every evening/morning.

    ---

    it's also impossible to infer if you over-reacted.. since you didnt tell us what was said/done thereafter.
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    Feb 06, 2012 12:54 PM GMT
    You'll have the last laugh when she gets an "F" for being so stupid.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 06, 2012 12:58 PM GMT
    Pretty narrowly focused and I think she's making assumptions at this point.
    Why would she feel the need to do this kind of paper? What about homeless people? I can see why you'd be upset, I would have been irritated myself.
    I just think she could spend her time with a subject that is more beneficial.
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    Feb 06, 2012 1:17 PM GMT
    Hard to say if you over-reacted without knowing what actually took place.

    If you punched her in the throat and watched her choke on her own bile, then yes probably a bit excessive.

    More to the point, getting bent out of shape about the thesis of scholarly study is premature.

    The whole (naive) point of scholarly study is to take a thesis, sometimes controversial, and then examine the facts to determine whether that thesis is valid.

    I would expect that during the course of her studies she would find her thesis (that cities were designed for ...) to be simplistice and unsupportable.

    In the end she would develop a deeper understanding of the complexity of city development and would contribute to the larger body of knowledge on cities, gay life, etc.

    So ... don't shoot the scholar.




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    Feb 06, 2012 1:22 PM GMT
    Right, which is why cities have been around for millenia, with tons of straight families in them, and suburbs have only been around since the fifties or so.. coinciding with the sexual revolution

    #theoryfail
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    Feb 06, 2012 1:29 PM GMT
    utguy77 saidSo on Saturday night one of my best friends decides to tell me she's writing a paper on the design/scheme of cities vs. the suburbs. Her thesis is that cities are designed to cater to homosexual individuals/couples who can't have children and that are better suited to urban environments, whereas neighbourhoods are planned according to the heterosexual family "norm" (i.e. a husband, wife, two kids).

    Although this may be the case if you're thinking about it technically, I still got kind of upset over it because it seemed to me like she based her argument on stereotypical views of what gay people do and what straight people do.

    I'm sure there are a lot of guys out there that just want to get married, have kids and live the "normal" life like any other heterosexual person - I sure as hell do - and it felt like her essay was all about how that isn't what neighbourhoods are planned for.

    Anyways, we got into an argument over it and now I'm starting to think I may have overreacted? I just don't want to be judged as some promiscuous bar-hopping gay just because I'm into dudes.


    You should have supported her idea. The review panel or whatever would have destroyed her for coming up with such a ridiculous idea. People like that need to have their pride crushed beyond recovery
  • Rusty491

    Posts: 26

    Feb 06, 2012 1:58 PM GMT
    Where is this gay city!? I feel like cities and urban environments are built for me to be shot at when a Crip sees me wearing a rainbow yarmulke on my way to the LGBT synagogue. Or maybe that's just Dallas.
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Feb 06, 2012 2:24 PM GMT
    It's a thin argument, and what freaking class was this in, Sociology?
    It's all based on economics and nothing else. If you got the money, they will build it.
    I hope she gets a D!
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    Feb 06, 2012 2:32 PM GMT
    Since no one is perfect. Since everyone has some good but some questionable qualities, good family & friends offer well-meant criticism to help each other improve, to help each other see the errors of their thinking so that when they present themselves in formal settings, at work or in school, or just later down the line, that they will not continue to make the same mistakes.

    Do not wish harm on your friends. Do not be afraid to risk your friendship to help them. Do not be mean spirited when you do.

    Not saying anything to your friend would be like letting her walk around with spinach in her teeth, or letting him walk around with his fly open.

    "A bitchy queen says: Is that what you're wearing to go out?
    An evil bitch says: You look fabulous!" ~~unknown
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    Feb 06, 2012 2:38 PM GMT
    ........seriously icon_neutral.gif
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    Feb 06, 2012 3:11 PM GMT
    Hmmm....I would have quietly pointed out the elderly, who move into city cores for convenience and access to services, and other demographics, like single people of all sexual orientations.
    Some cities sport more of one demographic in their cores than others. Flooding her with info would be better than merely reacting to her gay slant.

    icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 06, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    Tell her we live in DC and have about 200 kids come by every Halloween.
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    Feb 06, 2012 3:25 PM GMT
    Ok, I read your post wrong. I thought her thesis was that cities were created for the sole purpose of people without kids icon_lol.gif Cities came to be as a center to do business plan and simple. The majority of city LIVING however, is designed to cater to people who are single, or a couple without kids. The majority of people living in cities don't have kids, so why cater to people that are the minority? Living in the city is expensive, so you're more likely to find a place that is big enough and in your price range farther away. Usually the only families living in the city are either those with have a lot of money or those that are living in government assisted housing...
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    Feb 06, 2012 4:14 PM GMT
    Ariodante saidExactly which city built in oh what, the last 6 months maybe, did she have in mind for having been designed specifically to cater to homosexuals?


    Haha I don't think it has a name yet, but apparently it's filled with bathhouses, gay bars and one bedroom apartments…


    And I didn't get angry, just upset. We had a decent discussion/debate about it and I kept my cool, but she was getting irritated with me cause I was basically shutting down her argument…and that's what's making me feel bad…
    think she might have seen that D coming...
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    Feb 06, 2012 4:33 PM GMT
    Ha.ha. I guess her research on Western Anthropology/ Urban studies was a 5 minute search on You tube . Stupid is stupid and not knowing you are stupid is ignorance.
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    Feb 06, 2012 5:42 PM GMT
    meninlove said Hmmm....I would have quietly pointed out the elderly, who move into city cores for convenience and access to services, and other demographics, like single people of all sexual orientations.
    Some cities sport more of one demographic in their cores than others. Flooding her with info would be better than merely reacting to her gay slant.

    icon_wink.gif


    Good thinking

    Why not suggest to your friend to tweak her thesis? Instead of insisting that cities were designed for gay people, she might explore how gay people are designed for cities.

    While many of us enjoy gardening away from the city, cities certainly do seem to attract the larger concentrations of gay people, whether it's Fort Lauderdale or San Fran or name the gayer cities of your choice, whether its for the job opportunities, the arts, the sense of community which cities foster but suburbia does not, the convenience of not being so spread apart so the building of community can take place, etc.

    Instead of painting us as cell mates of a purposely designed city prison, she could explore the conveniences and coincidences of how many gay people are perfectly suited to occupy what could be described as the height of civilized accomplishment, our cities.

    She can look at community centers which exist more in cities than in suburbs, at the bar scene, at arts and entertainment. She can explore the dating scene, the hook up scene. Try getting someone to drive 40 minutes from one suburb to another just to meet for $4 coffee. Try getting someone to take more than two subway trains in a city to meet for a $12 slice of cake. There certainly are differences which could make for an interesting paper.

    As menin suggests, you don't have to shut her down. She doesn't have to throw her entire idea away.

    And, PS, concerning children you might point out to here that the largest school districts are, surprise, in the cities. Who knew there were so many gay parents?

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_the_largest_school_districts_in_the_United_States_by_enrollment

    Rank School district State Students
    1 New York City Department of Education New York 1,042,277
    2 Los Angeles Unified School District California 707,627
    3 Chicago Public Schools Illinois 413,694
    4 Miami-Dade County Public Schools Florida 353,790
    5 Clark County School District Nevada 303,448
    6 Broward County Public Schools Florida 262,813
    7 Houston Independent School District Texas 202,936
    8 Hillsborough County Public Schools Florida 193,517
    9 Hawaiʻi Department of Education Hawaii 180,728
    10 School District of Philadelphia Pennsylvania 178,241
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Feb 06, 2012 11:04 PM GMT
    xrichx saidYour friend is an ignorant twat. Perhaps she should abandon her studies and just go marry a rich guy.



    Exactly.


    BTW, I live in San Francisco, in a building of 8 condos.
    #1-Straight man and woman
    #3-Straight man and woman
    #5-Straight man, woman, and daughter
    #7-Gay man
    #9-Gay man
    #11-Straight woman and daughter
    #13-Gay man
    #15-Straight man and woman
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    Feb 06, 2012 11:09 PM GMT
    Toronto, eh? Your friend can only be attending Ryerson (or something equally as crappy) to be writing a thesis that ridiculously stupid.

    Seriously? Maybe she could propose that cities are more SUITED for "homosexual lifestyles" and that we as gays don't aspire to the white-picket fence norm. But designed for gay? Last I checked David Bromstad wasn't the international urban planner...