I've Started To Say Husband Now

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    Feb 07, 2012 10:35 PM GMT
    Previously it was partner. And we've had all the legal documents drawn for going on 5 years now, to give us as much of the marriage-like privileges and authorities as a gay couple can have in a Republican US Red State.

    But the weekend before last we were at a party for a gay couple who were recently legally married in New York State. In addition to another couple in our social circle who were married in New Hampshire.

    And the terminology is becoming contagious, more of our group using the term "husband" for themselves instead of "partner," even if it isn't legally valid in but a few States, thanks to DOMA.

    So I'm gonna start saying husband more often. He is my husband, for all practical purposes, I don't care what the fuck DOMA says. And I used it today.

    I went into a store for a Valentine's gift. I asked the clerk for some ideas, especially since it coincides with the 5th year of our first meeting.

    "What does she like?" she asked.

    "It's a he," I replied, so she wouldn't waste my time with froo-froo stuff. Her eyes revealed her shock, but she recovered well, no doubt focused on a sale. And it was in Fort Lauderdale.

    "My husband likes..." and I gave her his profile.

    I kinda liked using the term husband in public. It may not be legal, but it represents what we are to each other. And I'm gonna keep using it, in the expectation & hope that some day it will become a legal reality in the entire US. icon_biggrin.gif
  • TheBizMan

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    Feb 07, 2012 10:38 PM GMT
    Haha good for you.. dunno if I ever could though.
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    Feb 07, 2012 10:43 PM GMT
    TheBizMan saidHaha good for you.. dunno if I ever could though.

    Well, you're still single. Withhold judgment until you're with a guy who means that much to you, and you to him. Trust me, it happens. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 07, 2012 10:46 PM GMT
    yeah I wont be saying husband any time soon heh

    I usually use the fella, ma man, That hunky bastard that calls my bed home, the better half of my sinful self, helium heels, ma main squeeze...

    Well the list could continue but alas, it can be anything

    but I don't use husband.
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    Feb 07, 2012 10:54 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidyeah I wont be saying husband any time soon heh

    I usually use the fella, ma man, That hunky bastard that calls my bed home, the better half of my sinful self, helium heels, ma main squeeze...

    Well the list could continue but alas, it can be anything

    but I don't use husband.

    But would you, if you should ever commit your life to one guy, and him to you?

    I think that was my point.
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    Feb 07, 2012 10:58 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidBut would you, if you should ever commit your life to one guy, and him to you?

    I think that was my point.

    na, when I was with my ex, even after 10 years I never called him that, I thought we'd be together forever, I even asked him to marry me, ring and all ;)

    but he wasn't my husband or anything, but I never used boyfriend either.

    Usually it was other half or something along that line.
  • TheBizMan

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    Feb 07, 2012 11:08 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    TheBizMan saidHaha good for you.. dunno if I ever could though.

    Well, you're still single. Withhold judgment until you're with a guy who means that much to you, and you to him. Trust me, it happens. icon_biggrin.gif


    Well you could be right...but I dunno, blame it on my upbringing/ deeply embeded belief that the husband is the only man in the relationship.

    I don't mean to start up any poltical mumbo-gay-marriage-jumbo, but I just can't invision myself calling another man my husband because I guess I would feel immasculated in a sense.

    Haven't been in a sensual ltr yet, and I'm defintely not closed minded...so these views are subject to change.
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    Feb 07, 2012 11:10 PM GMT
    We use the word husband from time to time. After all, we are.

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    Feb 07, 2012 11:31 PM GMT
    TheBizMan saidI don't mean to start up any poltical mumbo-gay-marriage-jumbo, but I just can't invision myself calling another man my husband because I guess I would feel immasculated in a sense.

    Haven't been in a sensual ltr yet, and I'm defintely not closed minded...so these views are subject to change.

    Sure, and you've got a lot of experiences still ahead of you. That makes me kinda envy you, wish I could reset the clock and start all over again, though with this same guy.

    I see his younger pics before we met, and he sees mine, and damn, we coulda had such crazy times. Well, now we have the twilight times, and we content ourselves with those.

    There was a time when a gay couple consisted of a husband and a wife. And the straight world expected that's what we did, one the butch, one the fem.

    That's past, and never should have existed, even as a parody. You are not emasculated to each be a husband. It means you are each a man. A man is a husband, and a gay couple are both husbands. Rather simple, even if it goes against traditional straight models. You may need to reinvent yourself as a gay man, I think.
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    Feb 07, 2012 11:32 PM GMT
    meninlove said We use the word husband from time to time. After all, we are.

    And I envy you beyond words, that you can legally say that, while we cannot. icon_sad.gif
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    Feb 07, 2012 11:52 PM GMT
    if i marry a dude, he's certainly not going to be my wife. so husband it is. i don't see myself saying 'domestic life partner' or something like that
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    Feb 08, 2012 12:01 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidI don't like the terms husband and wife, they are straight oriented and come from a straight society where the husband was the hunter and gatherer and the wife was the baby machine. I hear straight couples refer to their spouses as significant other, partner, spouse, life partner and other half and it even some are purposely not using the terms husband or wife. Probably because it sounds like some sort of possession rather than an equal. I don't think gay society should adopt the terms of a homophobic oppressive society. But that's just my opinion and probably not worth a plum nickle.

    You read WAY to much into a word
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    Feb 08, 2012 12:02 AM GMT
    I will always say partner or spouse or significant other, even when I'm married (mostly partner). It just makes the most sense. "Husband" goes along with "Wife" and it's just too heterosexual. "Partner" eliminates the need to "genderize" it.
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    Feb 08, 2012 6:35 AM GMT
    mocktwinkie saidI will always say partner or spouse or significant other, even when I'm married (mostly partner). It just makes the most sense. "Husband" goes along with "Wife" and it's just too heterosexual. "Partner" eliminates the need to "genderize" it.
    Yeah, then everybody gets to be like "does he mean business partner or??????????"
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    Feb 08, 2012 6:36 AM GMT
    lilTanker said
    AMoonHawk saidI don't like the terms husband and wife, they are straight oriented and come from a straight society where the husband was the hunter and gatherer and the wife was the baby machine. I hear straight couples refer to their spouses as significant other, partner, spouse, life partner and other half and it even some are purposely not using the terms husband or wife. Probably because it sounds like some sort of possession rather than an equal. I don't think gay society should adopt the terms of a homophobic oppressive society. But that's just my opinion and probably not worth a plum nickle.
    You read WAY to much into a word
    Agreed. I'm pretty sure nobody thinks about it that much.
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    Feb 08, 2012 6:37 AM GMT
    Oh and I almost forgot...

    1106514-cool_story_bro_super.jpg?1279885
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    Feb 08, 2012 2:27 PM GMT
    TheBizMan said
    Art_Deco said
    TheBizMan saidHaha good for you.. dunno if I ever could though.

    Well, you're still single. Withhold judgment until you're with a guy who means that much to you, and you to him. Trust me, it happens. icon_biggrin.gif

    Well you could be right...but I dunno, blame it on my upbringing/ deeply embeded belief that the husband is the only man in the relationship.

    I don't mean to start up any poltical mumbo-gay-marriage-jumbo, but I just can't invision myself calling another man my husband because I guess I would feel immasculated in a sense.

    Haven't been in a sensual ltr yet, and I'm defintely not closed minded...so these views are subject to change.

    You're very mature, to know what you want today, and realize you may want different tomorrow.

    For us husband is deliberately intended to mean "the only man in the relationship" because that's what each of us is to the other. No mumbo-jumbo involved, just what works for us, a term that describes what we are.

    As for emasculation, that's our society insisting there must be a husband-wife combination. So that if he's the husband, you must be the wife. And gays themselves used to accept that kind of role playing.

    I think that's obsolete in the gay community now, and you can both be husbands. Why we can both get married in a man's tux, no one has to do the bride in drag routine anymore. He's my husband and I'm his.

    And with your demonstrated maturity I think this understanding & acceptance will come to you before long. At 21 there's no rush. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 08, 2012 2:35 PM GMT
    you are the best Art_Deco =)
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    Feb 08, 2012 2:49 PM GMT
    Anduru said
    mocktwinkie saidI will always say partner or spouse or significant other, even when I'm married (mostly partner). It just makes the most sense. "Husband" goes along with "Wife" and it's just too heterosexual. "Partner" eliminates the need to "genderize" it.
    Yeah, then everybody gets to be like "does he mean business partner or??????????"

    Exactly what we were running into with the term "partner." Husband leaves little ambiguity, especially when spoken by a man. It means we're a gay couple, and quickly explains our situation better than a mouthful of "significant others" and "domestic partners" and all kinds of contrived terms that are more a sentence than a sentiment.
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    Feb 08, 2012 2:55 PM GMT
    Art Deco is Mr.Husband Indeed!


    You know when I came out to my grandmother recently, she said along the lines of "Why the President of my Garden Club brought his husband along. Such a sweet marriage.."

    And there you go! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Feb 08, 2012 4:48 PM GMT
    Anduru said
    mocktwinkie saidI will always say partner or spouse or significant other, even when I'm married (mostly partner). It just makes the most sense. "Husband" goes along with "Wife" and it's just too heterosexual. "Partner" eliminates the need to "genderize" it.
    Yeah, then everybody gets to be like "does he mean business partner or??????????"


    No, if there is any hint in the voice or look of confusion on the matter I will instantly clarify "life partner".
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    Feb 09, 2012 12:42 AM GMT
    Until we're really married in some state, shape or form, I'm not planning on using husband. I didn't use it after we got domestic partnership in CA in 2003 and will not use it after we will get registered in Orlando soon. Until then it's my man or my boyfriend.

    BTW, at the recent cruise we had dinner with 3 other couples and were the junior couple at the table with 18 years! The other couples had been together for 24, 28 and 33 years and 2 of them were really married (from CA and MA respectively).
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    Feb 09, 2012 12:59 AM GMT
    mocktwinkie said
    Anduru said
    mocktwinkie saidI will always say partner or spouse or significant other, even when I'm married (mostly partner). It just makes the most sense. "Husband" goes along with "Wife" and it's just too heterosexual. "Partner" eliminates the need to "genderize" it.
    Yeah, then everybody gets to be like "does he mean business partner or??????????"
    No, if there is any hint in the voice or look of confusion on the matter I will instantly clarify "life partner".
    Well then just say "life partner" to begin with.
    I also don't see the problem with "genderizing" unless you're trans.
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    Feb 09, 2012 5:54 AM GMT
    bhp91126 saidUntil we're really married in some state, shape or form, I'm not planning on using husband. I didn't use it after we got domestic partnership in CA in 2003 and will not use it after we will get registered in Orlando soon. Until then it's my man or my boyfriend.

    BTW, at the recent cruise we had dinner with 3 other couples and were the junior couple at the table with 18 years! The other couples had been together for 24, 28 and 33 years and 2 of them were really married (from CA and MA respectively).

    Well, that was how I previously thought, so that when I recently changed my mind and decided to say husband, I thought I'd post it here for everyone's consideration and comment. Although some gay marriage progress is being made, unless the Dems win a supermajority in Congress in 2012, and Obama gets a second term, DOMA will remain in effect for the foreseeable future. And worse, an anti-gay amendment to the US Constitution becomes a possibility, and amendments are not easy to undo.

    Time is running out for my husband and me due to our ages. I want to use the term husband, whether it's legal or not, to express my love & devotion, and I can't wait forever. And maybe my doing so publicly can be a small way to get others acclimated to the concept of gay marriage, and more agreeable to it, I dunno.