I've never been in a relationship and its starting to bother me.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2012 12:59 AM GMT
    I'm a 22 year old senior in college and I have never been in a relationship before. And I know a lot of you will probably say "oh don't worry you're young yet" and give examples like "Oh I didn't have a relationship till I was _ years old" so no biggie.

    But truth is it is a big deal. I mean just look at what a big part of dating and relationships were when you were in high school and up through college. Aside from friends, having relationship almost dominated the lives of kids and played an important part of growing up. So yes when I see all my peers having relationships and I'm not it bothers me and I get jealous of people who are dating.

    Being discrete probably does not help but there's homophobes around me and I am already insecure about being gay. I feel like an outcast because unlike most straight guys my age, being gay I have almost no male friends and all my friends are primarily girls.

    What do you think?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2012 1:24 AM GMT
    Cant have your cake and eat it, too. You can't stay so discreet that nobody knows your gay and wonder why nobody dates you.

    Apparently, being more open about your sexual preference generally isn't an option. But maybe you can determine certain venues where you can be safely open....gay bar, Grindr/Scruff, gay clubs?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2012 1:31 AM GMT
    FunCollegeDude said

    Being discrete probably does not help
    Nope! Especially when you hide on a GAY forum!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2012 5:42 AM GMT
    Don't worry, you're not alone. I'm in the same boat and I know how you feel. I'm. Not sure how to meet other guys because but would definitely like some more testosterone, I'm drowning in estrogen!!
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Feb 08, 2012 5:48 AM GMT
    I have often made the observation that compared to my heterosexual counterparts, I have a lot of catching up to do since I am still in my relationship infancy - probably similar to many of my heterosexual friends were encountering in their middle school or high school years.

    That being said, being in a relationship is not a race or a goal - rather, it should be a lifelong learning process and adventure. You can learn how to be in a relationship even if you aren't in one by observing people in the relationships around you, seeing how you react to that, and working on understanding that while you wait to meet someone you could have that type of relationship with.

    I haven't been in an actual long term relationship yet either. I'm not worried though. I know that I'm a catch, that I will be a strong but gentle individual in the relationship I enter into (even though I get really nervous about liking somebody), and that men may come and go into my life, but I will always be myself, and happy.

    Last, I leave you with some words from NPH:

    Neil-Patrick-Harris-is-awesome-e13203519
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2012 5:49 AM GMT
    doublej saidDon't worry, you're not alone. I'm in the same boat and I know how you feel. I'm. Not sure how to meet other guys because but would definitely like some more testosterone, I'm drowning in estrogen!!


    Welcome to RJ ^_^
  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    Feb 08, 2012 5:51 AM GMT
    Your not discreet if all your friends are girls. 1 look and i would know
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2012 5:55 AM GMT
    Dude, you have no face. You'd get dates and perhaps a relationship if you were to, like, go corporeal and all. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2012 5:56 AM GMT
    doublej saidDon't worry, you're not alone. I'm in the same boat and I know how you feel. I'm. Not sure how to meet other guys because but would definitely like some more testosterone, I'm drowning in estrogen!!


    I'm in the same boat here too icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2012 6:02 AM GMT
    Yes, having relationships while you grow up does help shape you. On the other side of that, not having relationships helps to shape you as well. Look at all the people who date their entire high school and college life, get married, then realise they hadn't "lived".

    Concentrate less on being in a relationship and start with just going on a date. Build from there.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2012 6:10 AM GMT
    dancedancekj saidI have often made the observation that compared to my heterosexual counterparts, I have a lot of catching up to do since I am still in my relationship infancy - probably similar to many of my heterosexual friends were encountering in their middle school or high school years.

    That being said, being in a relationship is not a race or a goal - rather, it should be a lifelong learning process and adventure. You can learn how to be in a relationship even if you aren't in one by observing people in the relationships around you, seeing how you react to that, and working on understanding that while you wait to meet someone you could have that type of relationship with.

    I haven't been in an actual long term relationship yet either. I'm not worried though. I know that I'm a catch, that I will be a strong but gentle individual in the relationship I enter into (even though I get really nervous about liking somebody), and that men may come and go into my life, but I will always be myself, and happy.

    Last, I leave you with some words from NPH:

    Neil-Patrick-Harris-is-awesome-e13203519


    Hold up, let me bow down to you first before I get into praising you

    I've never gone out with another man before, only ladies. You're still at that stage where you aren't fully comfortable enough to put yourself out there, which is where I'd say I am right now too. How are you going to commit to a relationship and tell them how beautiful they are, and that they are completely fine, when you can't say that to yourself. Well... you know what I mean, but if you think you're so beautiful, you're probably need less ego icon_biggrin.gif
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Feb 08, 2012 6:17 AM GMT
    Nickrolled said
    dancedancekj saidI have often made the observation that compared to my heterosexual counterparts, I have a lot of catching up to do since I am still in my relationship infancy - probably similar to many of my heterosexual friends were encountering in their middle school or high school years.

    That being said, being in a relationship is not a race or a goal - rather, it should be a lifelong learning process and adventure. You can learn how to be in a relationship even if you aren't in one by observing people in the relationships around you, seeing how you react to that, and working on understanding that while you wait to meet someone you could have that type of relationship with.

    I haven't been in an actual long term relationship yet either. I'm not worried though. I know that I'm a catch, that I will be a strong but gentle individual in the relationship I enter into (even though I get really nervous about liking somebody), and that men may come and go into my life, but I will always be myself, and happy.

    Last, I leave you with some words from NPH:

    Neil-Patrick-Harris-is-awesome-e13203519


    Hold up, let me bow down to you first before I get into praising you

    I've never gone out with another man before, only ladies. You're still at that stage where you aren't fully comfortable enough to put yourself out there, which is where I'd say I am right now too. How are you going to commit to a relationship and tell them how beautiful they are, and that they are completely fine, when you can't say that to yourself. Well... you know what I mean, but if you think you're so beautiful, you're probably need less ego icon_biggrin.gif


    Um, I think you've got the wrong idea about me. I hate the lack of vocal cues on the internetz...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2012 6:27 AM GMT
    dancedancekj said
    Nickrolled said
    dancedancekj saidI have often made the observation that compared to my heterosexual counterparts, I have a lot of catching up to do since I am still in my relationship infancy - probably similar to many of my heterosexual friends were encountering in their middle school or high school years.

    That being said, being in a relationship is not a race or a goal - rather, it should be a lifelong learning process and adventure. You can learn how to be in a relationship even if you aren't in one by observing people in the relationships around you, seeing how you react to that, and working on understanding that while you wait to meet someone you could have that type of relationship with.

    I haven't been in an actual long term relationship yet either. I'm not worried though. I know that I'm a catch, that I will be a strong but gentle individual in the relationship I enter into (even though I get really nervous about liking somebody), and that men may come and go into my life, but I will always be myself, and happy.

    Last, I leave you with some words from NPH:

    Neil-Patrick-Harris-is-awesome-e13203519


    Hold up, let me bow down to you first before I get into praising you

    I've never gone out with another man before, only ladies. You're still at that stage where you aren't fully comfortable enough to put yourself out there, which is where I'd say I am right now too. How are you going to commit to a relationship and tell them how beautiful they are, and that they are completely fine, when you can't say that to yourself. Well... you know what I mean, but if you think you're so beautiful, you're probably need less ego icon_biggrin.gif


    Um, I think you've got the wrong idea about me. I hate the lack of vocal cues on the internetz...


    Vurry hard to detect the amounts of sarcasm that I whipped up into that comment. The second half of that comment was for the OP. Nonetheless, I still agree with your posts
  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Feb 08, 2012 6:29 AM GMT
    LOL. Just wanted to make sure I didn't come off as a douchebag icon_smile.gif
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Feb 08, 2012 6:45 AM GMT
    dude, you are in college. why aren't you just enjoying college? dude, there are so many other things you can be focusing on. listen, i am not saying you should not care about being in a relationship. i am just saying that should be at the bottom of the list for you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2012 6:52 AM GMT
    You mentioned you are insecure about being gay. Try to work on this first. Sounds like you just want a relationship so it can help you feel better about yourself. If you force yourself into a relationship just to be in one, it may not end up the most successful.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2012 7:37 AM GMT
    Honestly, I've never been in a relationship either.
    I feel im missing out. I'm lonely man.... icon_sad.gif

  • Feb 08, 2012 7:49 AM GMT
    Honestly, it sounds like you aren't ready for a real relationship. Maybe find a fwb type thing first and see if it turns into a relationship? and you're in college? Aren't there gay males all over your campus?

    I'm not saying you should worry about getting in some relationships right off the back but I know all the relationships I've been in, have shaped me to be a great boyfriend for today and the future. I look back at the things I said/how i reacted and everything in between that and have learned

    But most of all, put yourself out there, have some fun (safe fun) and enjoy yourself
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2012 8:09 AM GMT
    I think it was a great idea to get into a relationship at young age. Its a great growing experience.

    I got into my first relationship when I was 19 years old. He was 3 years older. It was great because he really showed me the ropes. I met a bunch of his friends which helped me connect with more gay guys. This opened the door to meeting more and more people through the years. Its been over a decade and all his friends are still my friends, in fact, they are closer to me than him. I've had 2 others boyfriends since that I met through friends. The current BF I met through friends as well.

    You also learn how to be a good boyfriend through experience.

    It is easy to maintain a relationship while finishing school with good grades.

    Being single isn't too bad either... if you're attractive. otherwise life sucks.
  • suedeheadscot

    Posts: 1130

    Feb 08, 2012 8:35 AM GMT
    I think you need to work on the "discrete" side and think about the barriers that are preventing you from having a life as a happy all-rounded guy who has accepted his homosexuality, before then thinking about getting into a relationship with another man. Have you thought about seeing a counsellor or speaking to someone who is in a gay welfare organisation? After working on that side, then maybe start to go through the avenues suggested above - gay social groups (there are gay sports groups etc), online dating, grindr etc. Good luck!
  • DaneS

    Posts: 24

    Feb 08, 2012 8:58 AM GMT
    Being that your friends are primarily girls, then it shouldn't be too difficult when it comes to coming out to them (unless they already know). Not everyone has to know about your business either, however if you do get involved with a relationship I wouldn't suggest hiding your partner. After all, if the roles were turned you wouldn't want your boyfriend to treat you like he's ashamed to be seen with you.

    Also, everything happens with a grain of salt when it comes to being involved with someone so I wouldn't put too much thought into it and let it be natural (easier said than done, I know).
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 08, 2012 9:13 AM GMT
    why in the world would i want to be in a relationship with a guy so far in the closet he can't even show himself on a gay website... added on top that he's not emotionally ready to be in a relationship because he gets jealous of other people's relationships and seems to need to be in one as opposed to open to being in one. i would never date a guy who couldn't deal with being single, especially someone who has never been in a relationship before. no offense, but you seem like a train wreck in the dating sense.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2012 12:21 PM GMT
    Easy to say bud, but take it easy, dont jump into anything for fear of being single, it wont help you in the long, I knew plenty of guys and girls growing up who did not seriously date until way after college (both straight and gay) so don't think you're missing out either!!! 22 is nothing in the grand scheme of things, it feels like it at the time I know, but really take the pressure off and enjoy college and getting out and meeting people!!!!
  • jtz03932

    Posts: 200

    Feb 09, 2012 12:01 AM GMT
    lol welcome to life. Isn't life fair or what...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 12:08 AM GMT
    Take your time dude. There is always time for a relationship live life a little more icon_cool.gif