adam4adam and prospective relationships: looking in all the wrong places

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 08, 2012 11:44 PM GMT
    I live in Fremont, a part of the SF bay area where little opportunity exists to meet guys my age and enjoy a nice night out. I like going to the clubs in Castro, but it seems like many guys all have their own personal agendas. That, or they're in a pretentious stuck-up clique! So the alternative option I've been using to meet people is a4a. Although slightly effective, I have many criticisms regarding that method too. Not only are the guys I meet there even worse than the guys I meet in person, but everyone seems as if they're exclusively looking for sex. I can't even get a simple conversation going without being asked how big my penis is, whether I enjoy being a top or bottom, and being blocked or ignored for no apparent reason. There also is an added element of racial exclusion present on quite a few profiles but that's really beside the point. People have their preferences. So whats the deal people!? Am I just looking in all the wrong places or what?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 2:03 AM GMT
    Screw adam. I took my profile down from there the other week. But it's sad because guys be taking their profile down all the time, and then put another back up. And repeat. And repeat. And repeat. It's like dude, why do you keep taking down your profile and putting one back up? No wonder you have 4 or 5 cats. You're a nut.

    It's a sad life to live on that site and I don't care what I have to do to find another way to meet guys. I'm willing to do just about ANYTHING to replace it.

    I know there's a chance I just may bend and put back up a profile on there, but only because it's hard. I feel such a large part of the gay scene is on adam4adam...but what makes those people bad is that even if they are good people, they use it for sex and assume others are too.


    However, since I've moved to Denver...it's gone from a good way to meet guys to obsolete. I'm not even meeting anyone.

    Everytime I put my profile back up, the same old farts keep fucking messaging me and it makes my blood boil. The same mother fuckers who I never answer to, come back with a different name and the same pictures. When someone I like does message me, they never make it to meeting up. It's like a bad dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    It didn't used to be that way when I lived in Texas and Florida...It used to be I'd meet guys and things didn't always work out. But hell, at least I was meeting guys. At least if I wanted a date, I could get one. Here, these Denver men are like fakeness multiplied by 10,000. But according to what you say about SF, maybe it's this whole side of the country or something. Maybe the west coast is just artificial or something compared to the Atlantic.

    Craigslist is even better than adam4adam.
  • Dgkall6

    Posts: 3

    Feb 09, 2012 2:15 AM GMT
    Then the guys on adam4adam are 95% dl and 5% out When u speak most guys be shallow u MSG them & they block u like with it's called common respect I don't come at u like let me fuck I just say hi my name is then u read and block wtf no wonder u don't have a man n u want fwb or a ltr u won't find a ltr on a4a Tru shit if u not out don't put. Nude pics up of ur self
  • DR2K

    Posts: 346

    Feb 09, 2012 3:26 AM GMT
    I use it mainly for chat, lol. I also found a friend on it. Needles in a haystack though. . .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 3:32 AM GMT
    You'd have more luck using a needle to fish for sharks than using a4a to fish for a relationship.
  • mousebrat

    Posts: 10

    Feb 09, 2012 3:45 AM GMT
    TallJock saidHowever, since I've moved to Denver...it's gone from a good way to meet guys to obsolete. I'm not even meeting anyone.

    Everytime I put my profile back up, the same old farts keep fucking messaging me and it makes my blood boil. The same mother fuckers who I never answer to, come back with a different name and the same pictures. When someone I like does message me, they never make it to meeting up. It's like a bad dream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


    I hear ya there. I thought it was the norm since I've lived in Denver for my entire gay career at this point. But then I visited NY and wow, there are actually awesome people who connect with you, even as a visitor. So yeah, a4a is sad depending on where you live.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 3:48 AM GMT
    Ant94538 saidI live in Fremont, a part of the SF bay area where little opportunity exists to meet guys my age and enjoy a nice night out. I like going to the clubs in Castro, but it seems like many guys all have their own personal agendas. That, or they're in a pretentious stuck-up clique! So the alternative option I've been using to meet people is a4a. Although slightly effective, I have many criticisms regarding that method too. Not only are the guys I meet there even worse than the guys I meet in person, but everyone seems as if they're exclusively looking for sex. I can't even get a simple conversation going without being asked how big my penis is, whether I enjoy being a top or bottom, and being blocked or ignored for no apparent reason. There also is an added element of racial exclusion present on quite a few profiles but that's really beside the point. People have their preferences. So whats the deal people!? Am I just looking in all the wrong places or what?


    1. Everyone has their own agenda. To think otherwise is to be an idiot.
    2. If you don't like where you live you can always move.
    3. Become satisfied with yourself and you will find what you need - relationship, career and in all other areas.
    4. Sadly, in 2012 people are still racists find your own worth and try not to let bigots get to you, which is easier said than done.
    5. You're an attractive man who seems to have a good heart.
    6. Peace and blessings to you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 4:06 AM GMT
    mousebrat2006 said
    I hear ya there. I thought it was the norm since I've lived in Denver for my entire gay career at this point. But then I visited NY and wow, there are actually awesome people who connect with you, even as a visitor. So yeah, a4a is sad depending on where you live.


    That's what I keep telling people but they don't believe me, or choose not to believe me for whatever reason.

    Adam4adam wasn't all THAT bad before I lived here. I still dealt with the things the OP mentioned, but if I wanted a date and to meet in public...it wasn't an impossible task. Most guys would say yes to a movie. Or yes to meeting over a Margarita. I used to agreed to meet guys for a sex-free 1st date over a movie or drinks in a public place. It was the giddy, dreamy 1st date meeting with a guy where you feel you're in love and some of them actually did lead to relationships.

    In all the 14 months I've lived and visited here, I only met 1 guy who actually wanted to go out on a normal date together from Adam. As in pick me up, go to dinner, go dancing. Without sex being the main topic. The rest wanted to jump to sex first...and then tell me how we could go on a date sometime.

    I'm just counting down the weeks before I pack up and not look back...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 4:09 AM GMT
    aren't most guys just looking for sex when u come down to it? There are people on a4a looking for both. It's not black or white men.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 4:11 AM GMT
    Ive met some great guys on there, u jus gotta stall to see if their worth ur time, it is a hookup site, but that doesnt mean u gotta, when someone asks what im n2 i usually reply w/ something like "i dunno, maybe dinner" have met some cool ppl on grindr too, its just a tool, jus make em go slow, remember ur on there too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 4:15 AM GMT
    Manhunt and adam4adam are great for cheap sleazy easy sex, but not the place to find a partner. Unless, you like that sort of thing? I don't, anymore.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 4:18 AM GMT
    Well I'll tell ya what I think about gay websites in general. For conversation and online chat, they're all good. But for relationships and such, I think any gay site is a waste, to be honest. All you do is search and wait for the right man to come along and you waste too much time in the process. Some guys get lucky and they snag a good one but it takes true patience, which not everyone has. For a relationship though, stay off ALL hookup sites. Don't be fooled by the profiles that say "Looking for: relationship". In most cases, that's just a ploy to bring the dick into grabbing distance. I also read something about racial exclusion. Meh, don't worry about that shit buddy haha. The moment race becomes an issue for you, it becomes an issue for everyone else that you go for. In all, finding the right guy is a great test of courage and patience, whether it's online or offline. You just have to ask yourself if you're truly willing to endure all this to find a good one icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 4:19 AM GMT
    beachbum310 saidaren't most guys just looking for sex when u come down to it? There are people on a4a looking for both. It's not black or white men.


    The OP is talking of guys looking EXCLUSIVELY for sex.

    And by racial context, he probably means the guys (namely of opposite or other backgrounds) who hit him up and just want some dominant, aggressive Black top to fuck them...which is offensive.

    I told one guy, okay...I know we hooked up already and you want dick, but we're not meeting again unless you start spending some money. I wanna go on a date. Don't just make me feel like a piece of meat. His response, "I'd think you enjoy it too right?"

    My words, verbatim.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 4:24 AM GMT
    I've met some GREAT guys IN PERSON and on short notice from A4A....as opposed to RJ....I have met exactly 1 guy in person from RJ and that is only because he was nude dancing at a local club....so it think the definitions of "opportunity" and "openness" to give guys a try, needs to be looked at by those making the complaints.......icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 4:26 AM GMT
    A4A, Manhunt, Gay.com even, are all sites most guys use to get sex.
    I've started many great conversations with some guys, the before you know it i get the "im horny" or "come over". damper on my day.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 4:39 AM GMT
    Sporty_g saidI have met exactly 1 guy in person from RJ


    I'm going to start calling RJ, FJ. Not Toyota FJ cruiser, but what's the opposite of real?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 4:46 AM GMT
    Adam4Adam is the worst but it's free. Manhunt is also terrible and riddled with fake profiles that you have to pay to even see. It's so ridiculous. This is one of the best gay sites out there that doesn't seem to be as popular for some reason.

    I also agree it's unlikely to find love on either Adam or Manhunt but you never know. I've definitely come to the realization that in the eyes of a man you're either the mate or the whore and rarely can you be both.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 4:47 AM GMT
    Quality men are out there. Patience is a virture. We are products of our own environment. If you want to hookup...a4a is the place. If you want a relationship, look in the grocery stores, churches, synogogues, libraries, beaches, hospitals, restaurants, theaters, museums, fire stations, dog shelters, and homeless shelters. We're all over. It's a matter of time before we bump into you. Don't give up hope. Keep looking.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 4:51 AM GMT
    Ant94538 saidI live in Fremont, a part of the SF bay area where little opportunity exists to meet guys my age and enjoy a nice night out. I like going to the clubs in Castro, but it seems like many guys all have their own personal agendas. That, or they're in a pretentious stuck-up clique! So the alternative option I've been using to meet people is a4a. Although slightly effective, I have many criticisms regarding that method too. Not only are the guys I meet there even worse than the guys I meet in person, but everyone seems as if they're exclusively looking for sex. I can't even get a simple conversation going without being asked how big my penis is, whether I enjoy being a top or bottom, and being blocked or ignored for no apparent reason. There also is an added element of racial exclusion present on quite a few profiles but that's really beside the point. People have their preferences. So whats the deal people!? Am I just looking in all the wrong places or what?


    I'd say you're looking in the wrong place. I have always felt that A4A and Manhunt are both almost exclusively for sex. Not entirely, but mostly. I've certainly used both of them for that purpose before, though also making a friend or two along the way (quite rare). I've found that Grindr, oddly, seems to make for a less overtly sexual experience. I've gone on dates with several guys off of Grindr that weren't just one-time hookups.

    But of course, these things are very regional. I've had a different experience with all of these sites depending on whether I was in Boise or RI or DC. You might want to start branching out, if possible, to groups based on specific interests. I participate in Ultimate Frisbee games and in a gay hiking group here in DC that I've met quality people at. Maybe that's the route you need to start looking.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 5:15 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidYou'd have more luck using a needle to fish for sharks than using a4a to fish for a relationship.


    rofl I love it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 5:20 AM GMT
    Trollileo said
    Hiker98 saidQuality men are out there. Patience is a virture. We are products of our own environment. If you want to hookup...a4a is the place. If you want a relationship, look in the grocery stores, churches, synogogues, libraries, beaches, hospitals, restaurants, theaters, museums, fire stations, dog shelters, and homeless shelters. We're all over. It's a matter of time before we bump into you. Don't give up hope. Keep looking.
    I have never understood how to look for someone in a grocery store.

    Person 1: "I LIKE LETTUCE!"
    Person 2: "I LIKE LETTUCE, TOO!"
    Person 1: "WE LIKE LETTUCE! LET'S DATE!"


    thats exactly how it goes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 5:22 AM GMT
    TallJock said
    beachbum310 saidaren't most guys just looking for sex when u come down to it? There are people on a4a looking for both. It's not black or white men.


    The OP is talking of guys looking EXCLUSIVELY for sex.

    And by racial context, he probably means the guys (namely of opposite or other backgrounds) who hit him up and just want some dominant, aggressive Black top to fuck them...which is offensive.

    I told one guy, okay...I know we hooked up already and you want dick, but we're not meeting again unless you start spending some money. I wanna go on a date. Don't just make me feel like a piece of meat. His response, "I'd think you enjoy it too right?"

    My words, verbatim.


    Exactly!.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    Trollileo said
    Hiker98 saidQuality men are out there. Patience is a virture. We are products of our own environment. If you want to hookup...a4a is the place. If you want a relationship, look in the grocery stores, churches, synogogues, libraries, beaches, hospitals, restaurants, theaters, museums, fire stations, dog shelters, and homeless shelters. We're all over. It's a matter of time before we bump into you. Don't give up hope. Keep looking.
    I have never understood how to look for someone in a grocery store.

    Person 1: "I LIKE LETTUCE!"
    Person 2: "I LIKE LETTUCE, TOO!"
    Person 1: "WE LIKE LETTUCE! LET'S DATE!"


    Too funny LOL... I've actually been hit on in the store before! But that was just totally awkward.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 09, 2012 9:47 PM GMT
    A4A and Manhunt have way too much sexual overtone. Hell, they're plastered with porn everywhere you look; and the profiles themselves have gaping assholes as the default pics icon_lol.gif I wouldnt trust those for a relationship.

    Have you tried meetup.com? There are several gay groups on there in the Bay area. I myself am part of several gay outdoor adventures and rock climbing groups, not to mention the gay single club as well. They have a lot of fun events, and the guys I met while on an outing are pretty genuine. People connect a lot better when they're having fun together.

    Grindr worked for me in the past because it's GPS based and I talked to them for a while before actually meeting up. .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Feb 10, 2012 6:25 PM GMT
    One1313 saidA4A and Manhunt have way too much sexual overtone. Hell, they're plastered with porn everywhere you look; and the profiles themselves have gaping assholes as the default pics icon_lol.gif I wouldnt trust those for a relationship.

    Have you tried meetup.com? There are several gay groups on there in the Bay area. I myself am part of several gay outdoor adventures and rock climbing groups, not to mention the gay single club as well. They have a lot of fun events, and the guys I met while on an outing are pretty genuine. People connect a lot better when they're having fun together.

    Grindr worked for me in the past because it's GPS based and I talked to them for a while before actually meeting up. .


    Grindr sucks on android icon_sad.gif Meetup.com sounds pretty interesting, I'll look into that. Thanks!