Any tips for getting out of the friendzone?

  • jballer7

    Posts: 1

    Feb 10, 2012 12:05 AM GMT
    Hi, so I've got a big crush this friend of mine, but I know deep down that he's the wrong guy for me. He's got a lot of qualities that I don't like, but i can't help how i feel. I told him how I felt about a year ago, and he said he just wanted to be friends. Since then I worked hard at getting over him, but a couple of weeks ago we had dinner together and I kind of fell for him again. This time I think I might have a shot at getting out of the friendzone, but i'm hesitant to do anything about it because: A: we've now been friends for a long time and I'm not sure if he can ever see me as more than a friend B: I feel like he's the wrong guy for me. and C: he really likes someone else (but it will never work wtih this person because they are married) oh and also D: we work together
    But i can't deny that I have feelings for him. is it worth trying to pursue? If so, any tips on getting out of the friendzone? If not, please share your thoughts, I would greatly appreciate it.
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    Feb 10, 2012 12:30 AM GMT
    Why do you have feelings for someone you know is not going to last?

    If I'm with someone and I know it's not going anywhere - and I'm not using them for sex or something - my interest really evaporates.
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    Feb 10, 2012 1:03 AM GMT

    Here's an exercise for you jballer7,

    Hi my name is Fred, and I know this fellow and I was thinking about getting together with him but,

    I feel like he's the wrong guy for me.
    He really likes someone else (but it will never work wtih this person because they are married).
    We work together.


    Now, what advice would you give Fred?
  • TheAlchemixt

    Posts: 2294

    Feb 10, 2012 2:21 AM GMT
    If he's the wrong guy for you then why even pursue it? Some people have qualities that they cannot change. Even if you were to be able to date him how would you feel about dating and being attached to a guy with those types of qualities that you do not like. Let him go.
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    Feb 10, 2012 2:44 AM GMT
    umm do you wanna date him or is he just a notch in your bed post?

    I can totally understand the notch in the bed post, a hot guy that I'm attracted too is a draw, I'll actively try to bed him.

    But if he's an arsehole in some way, I'll still try to bed him.

    I'll have no interest in dating him though.
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    Feb 10, 2012 3:41 AM GMT
    Hmmm....
    Column A: Reason NOT to be more than friends.
    To many to list.
    Column B: Reason to take it to the next level:
    He makes my dick hard.

    I choose B every time.
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    Feb 10, 2012 6:11 AM GMT
    Sometimes the friendzone is a life sentence, sometimes a gesture or a loophole can get you out.

    You won't know unless you say something or make some big gesture.
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    Feb 10, 2012 9:20 AM GMT
    The friend zone is usually for the best...
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    Feb 11, 2012 12:11 AM GMT
    I think you are confusing lust with love. However how certain can you be in 'knowing deep down' that he is wrong for you. If you 'know' he is wrong for you, why are you willing to throw away your friendship?
    The only way of getting out of the friend zone is by telling him about your feelings. Communication is the key.
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    Feb 11, 2012 12:12 AM GMT
    TrevorMark saidThe friend zone is usually for the best...


    Good, I have a feeling this guy is gonna be in that zone for a long ass time.
  • maxferguson

    Posts: 321

    Feb 20, 2012 10:45 AM GMT
    I am in exactly this boat right now (referring to the thread title "getting out of the friend zone"). Since I'm still in that terrible, terrible zone, I thought I'd share my thoughts on getting out of it.

    Look at your alternatives other than friends. Well, other than everything between (and including) enemies and just a hair less than "more than friends", your only option is more than friends. Unless there is a realistic opportunity of this materializing, than I wouldn't go for it; chances are your friendship might change. Usually, you'd only ever want to be less than just good friends if one person hurt the other, or wanted to tone it down. So if there isn't a good chance of anything worthwhile materializing, then it's a matter of letting that sinking in and returning to why you became friends in the first place, or whatever common ground you have.
    If there is a realistic chance, both of you will probably be interested. If he's not sure, then your relationship will only ever be as sure as he is.

    The big question is "how do you go about figuring out if he is interested?"

    I've come to the conclusion (and only today....) that this is not a risk free process. If you start dipping your toes in that pond, the water will ripple, no matter how subtle you are. Any response worth interpreting would be deliberate, which means he picked up on your interest, exposing your current friendship to the same risks as if you point blank asked him.

    Instead, try go about observing him first, without doing a predictor-response sort of thing on your own. Does he talk about other guys a lot? Does his general behavior indicate that he wants to spend more time with you or less? Try put yourself in his shoes and think "if this guy had a crush on me, what would his behavior look like to me?" If you can't find any trace of it, don't let yourself get caught up in the "maybe he's interested and just not showing it" mindset. People who are interested in other people have a hard time hiding it.
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    Feb 20, 2012 1:35 PM GMT
    I totally agree with what some folks are saying. You won't know until you really take a look at the big picture. That's a tough one, especially when your feelings are in the mix. Communication is def the key here, and looking for signs if he truly does like you in that way.

    I think the last thing you would want are hurt feelings over the situation so take some time to think it through. Really figure out if it's just a thing, if you truly are falling for him, or if just friends would do you best.

    I don't think we can tell you exactly what to do as the best choice. I think it'll come naturally to you at some point.

    Good luck!