Straight Guy Crush

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    Feb 10, 2012 9:52 PM GMT
    I have a straight guy friend who is SO cool, ridiculously smart, fantastically logical, a truly great conversationalist, funny and who I really, REALLY enjoy hanging out with. Initially I thought he was gay and was actually kinda attracted to him but when I found out he was straight it turned off like a light switch.

    We've been friends for a few years and he has always been very flattering and generous with praise and compliments because he knows I'm an attention whore and love it.

    He has a wonderful girlfriend who bakes and sends it with him to work for me. He and I have very candid talks about any and all relationship issues from emotional availability, having kids, marriage, my voracious dating and we conversationally talk about our respective sex lives with more detail than would make most people comfortable.

    He's my buddy and I've already put him in the "pal" category any attraction truly died long ago. That, and I don't do "two point conversions", I have no patience for "curious" straight guys even if I like them as people.

    So lately, I've noticed the compliments are getting more frequent and more lavish, with awkward silences afterward that leave me looking like a dog who is trying to understand what it's drunk master just rambled... it sure sounded a lot like "walk". I think he might have a crush on me.
    Initially I was actually mad at him because I felt like he was compromising our friendship and potentially jeopardizing it by creeping out on me, but I can't say anything because I've contributed to the dynamic of him flattering me all the time, I can't be sore with him.

    I have a feeling an awkward moment is in the making, I feel like he and I are good enough friends where we can talk about it when it comes up and I can say no without it being a conventional rejection and think our friendship will be fine.

    Has anyone else had an experience like this?

    I don't need to hear the "he doesn't sound straight to me" his orientation or proclivities are not the issue. Navigating a successful friendship through the uncomfortably awkward is.
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    Feb 11, 2012 1:51 AM GMT
    I have a slightly similar deal with my trainer. We are pretty much workout buddies now and do all sorts of races together. Hang out 3 or 4 days a week. Been friends for a year and a half. For the longest time thought he was gay and interested in me. He knows I am gay and very much atracked to him. Took me a long time to come to terms with the fact he is not gay. But he still constently sets off my gaydar. Sometimes he jokes with me on a sexual level. I've had to tell him to knock it off and make it clear to him I need his friendship. And that I can't cross certain lines with him because it fucks with my head. He's getting better at recognizing when he's crossed the line. I think you just need to emphasis his value as a friend.
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    Feb 11, 2012 3:37 AM GMT
    Well dude I've never been your particular situation, but I would say just let it play out.
    1. Because if you intiate the conversation with just the examples you've given here you could be well...wrong. And if you are wrong then you look the guy who tried to let somebody down easy who was really never on it like that to begin with.
    2.If you are right and his advances are too much then it might be time to walk it back some by either emphasizing how much of a 'friend' to you he is. Or just flat out askin dude wussup....I'm getting this vibe from you that's more than friendly and its making me uncomfortable.
    3. Do nothing. Don't feed into it or encourage it and eventually he'll probably take the hint. Feel me

    So anway that's my take on it. Good luck man.
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    Feb 11, 2012 4:01 AM GMT
    Maybe you should just let it happen and "go with it". You're his friend. Allow him to experience some benefits.

    Remember, "bros before hoes". Know the bro code.
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    Feb 11, 2012 4:25 AM GMT
    Next time he compliments you, say something like, "you say that again, I might have to take you in my bedroom", jokingly. See what his reaction is. If he says, "ok", then you need to have a conversation. If he says, "not so much", then you know he's just pulling your strings.
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    Feb 11, 2012 4:40 AM GMT
    I told my friend I had feelings for him but he didn't feel the same. I tried distancing myself but he always finds an excuse to talk/hang out by either asking for random advice or favors. I love our friendship but that doesn't help me get over the Guy. I tend to over analyze. Interested to hear the responses for this thread.

    Do you have any examples of some of the awkward things he says to you?
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    Feb 11, 2012 4:44 AM GMT
    Don't do anything that's gonna hurt this good friendship you and he have built. Something like this does not come along very often.
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    Feb 11, 2012 5:00 AM GMT
    EastCoastNAZ saidNext time he compliments you, say something like, "you say that again, I might have to take you in my bedroom", jokingly. See what his reaction is. If he says, "ok", then you need to have a conversation. If he says, "not so much", then you know he's just pulling your strings.


    I disagree. If he says, "ok" then you need to have sex THEN conversation. Conversation before sex is always more awkward. Conversation after sex always seems to flow more smoothly and naturally.
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    Feb 11, 2012 8:03 PM GMT
    GAMRican said
    EastCoastNAZ saidNext time he compliments you, say something like, "you say that again, I might have to take you in my bedroom", jokingly. See what his reaction is. If he says, "ok", then you need to have a conversation. If he says, "not so much", then you know he's just pulling your strings.


    I disagree. If he says, "ok" then you need to have sex THEN conversation. Conversation before sex is always more awkward. Conversation after sex always seems to flow more smoothly and naturally.


    "Ok"...NEXT!!! icon_wink.gificon_wink.gif

    I was saying have a conversation because I got the impression the OP wants to keep it as a friendship and if his friend is trying to move it farther, then a conversation needs to be had. If the OP is interested in the sexual relationship, then I'm with you.
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    Feb 11, 2012 8:30 PM GMT
    sanjose470 saidDo you have any examples of some of the awkward things he says to you?

    He says stuff like:
    "You know you're like the perfect guy, you're funny, smart, athletic and have a really great body and you have a ridiculous sex drive and are hung. (we've discussed he's never seen) and the sex you describe sounds amazing... I would do that!"
    "I think you have the perfect body, I can't imagine anyone not wanting to go as far as they can with you."
    "You're like the total package sexy, grounded and fun, you're like 'Nature's Candy'."
    "Why wouldn't someone want to kiss you?"
    "You are so hot, I could totally pimp you out."
    He frequently describes parts of my body in great detail... which is flattering but awkward.
    Then we laugh about it and I change the subject

    ChocoSlim saidWell dude I've never been your particular situation, but I would say just let it play out.
    3. Do nothing. Don't feed into it or encourage it and eventually he'll probably take the hint. Feel me


    I think this is more along the lines of what I'm going to do. I don't want to lose his friendship. Getting laid is easy, finding and maintaining good friends is really rare... I don't want to lose that.
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    Feb 11, 2012 8:38 PM GMT
    tl;dr

    Taze him, keep him in your basement. He'll learn to love you like you love him.
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    Feb 11, 2012 8:41 PM GMT
    EasilyDistracted said. Getting laid is easy, finding and maintaining good friends is really rare... I don't want to lose that.


    This
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    Feb 11, 2012 8:48 PM GMT
    grofte saidtl;dr

    Taze him, keep him in your basement. He'll learn to love you like you love him.
    Mmmm I save that for boyfriends, not platonic friends. icon_wink.gif
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    Feb 13, 2012 10:33 PM GMT
    EasilyDistracted said
    grofte saidtl;dr

    Taze him, keep him in your basement. He'll learn to love you like you love him.
    Mmmm I save that for boyfriends, not platonic friends. icon_wink.gif


    Haha I just saw the headline and figured that it was the same damn thread again for the millionth time!
    I would probably tell him that while his compliments are skillful and kind they are making you uncomfortable. Which is the truth. And he'll probably get the hint that you don't want him to do you in the butt or give him the best head he's ever experienced.