More steps in the journey....

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2012 3:37 AM GMT
    Told the kids about the divorce, but did not come out to them just yet.  Oddly enough, despite being very clear that the divorce was happening because "my inability to love their mom as most husbands normally love their wives", both kids blamed my ex. 

    We went public with the divorce and by the time the dust settled, I had come out to several dozen friends, neighbors, and even some parents of my kids' friends.  Lost a couple friends (very religious minded), but found unbelievable compassion in others.

    And perhaps the hardest step of all, I moved out. I plan to come out to my kids in the coming weeks, once we've had a chance to settle into our new home (50/50 custody).  I figure that's the last major hurdle.

    I have to say this site has been very helpful in my transformation.  There were several men, whether in person, through phone calls, or virtually, that have really been there for me.   As silly as it may sounds, this community of RJs has help me to change my life.  It would have been much harder to do otherwise, and quite frankly, not sure I could have done it.

    So while the divorce will not be final till the summer, I have officially set my relationship status to 'single'.  It's a small step, but it's an idea I need to get use to.  Not sure it's cause for celebration, but it's my new reality.icon_smile.gif

  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Feb 11, 2012 3:57 AM GMT
    Good luck on your new adventure.
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    Feb 11, 2012 4:01 AM GMT
    wow dude, best of luck to you. . .
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    Feb 11, 2012 6:11 AM GMT
    I admire you for going through this process. Think of all the positive aspects of your journey. The part you mentioned about certain friends departing, and others growing closer through showing you "unbelievable compassion" was heart warming. You've been able to do a bit of house cleaning, and that is something I had to do once. I smile when I think about it, and am pleased I didn't waste more time on certain people. Instead, I let them go - - - - - out of my life. I look forward to hearing more about your journey as it progresses. Best of everything to you.
  • araphael

    Posts: 1148

    Feb 11, 2012 7:06 AM GMT
    Having offspring is very important in the culture I come from, I envy you actually but don't envy you because at least you have kids to have to deal with in your journey to self outting. No matter what you are going through right now, those kids will always be proof that you were here on this earth. There is no easy way out of this for you and, believe it or not, I wish I had to deal with your problem. I know it sounds crazy, but it could be worse for you depending on the culture you come from.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Feb 11, 2012 7:17 AM GMT
    Well done mate.

    I'm a helpline worker on a LGBT Helpline and have spoken to lots of married guys over the years.

    It is never easy ending a marriage and then coming out. So you have to prepare yourself for upheaval and a few bad days and nights.

    But it's really worth it in the end and you've only one life, so you want to spend it as true to yourself as you can.

    Depending on how old your kids are, have you sort out some books or something similar that might make it easier for them to understand.

    It sounds like it's been positive though so far, so well done.