Life SUCKS!!!

  • jaystopher

    Posts: 10

    Feb 11, 2012 10:06 AM GMT
    Well I really don't know why I am posting this but I guess I just really had enough. This is barely my second semester in college at the University of Texas at Austin and its a really great school and challenging. I finally left a very destructive household and know I feel like I don't know what to do with my life. I am really good at calculus and physics and right now I am pursuing a degree in Aerospace Engineering.
    I feel very insecure about myself and it just seems like life is so miserable and nothing really makes me happy anymore. I feel so alone and unwanted. Ya I can really have a great time when I'm with the right people, or actually when I am around people who just want to have a good time.
    I just recently came out and I guess I feel even more alone, I know I probably won't get to many responses but I thought what the hell? Why not try. I just want to make some friends and just have someone to talk to. I probably sound really desperate but who cares anymore? I just want to feel happy for once.
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    Feb 11, 2012 10:42 AM GMT
    I went through a very similar experience my first two years in college. Far from home, going thru culture shock in a new environment, recently out of the closet, dealing with the stress of school, and trying to figure out who i was and what exactly i wanted to do in life.

    Until that point i was always very popular, sucessful in academics/sports, and seemed to have everything figured out.

    But in reality, i was ill prepared for the challenges i would face in life.

    What i learned is the life is about constant changing. Nothing stays the same. You go through periods of highs and lows and somewhere in betweens.

    Life is extremely difficult. The older you get, the more you realize how much you really dont know. Everything you thought you had figured out becomes merky. Things you thought were within your reach become distant. And things you thought you would never do become daily realities.

    For me, learning how do to cope with adversity is the key. Life seems like one constant struggle after another at times. It is hard. You just have to be tougher and stonger and thick skinned to pick yourself up and move on. After you are forced to get up off your knees a time or two, you willhave the life experience and coping strategies to work thru the constant struggles much easier- and sometimes head them off before they occur.

    Hang in there buddy. Life is not easy. And definately not for the faint of heart. And when someone says "it gets better", realize that you have the potential to make things better if you work hard at it. Life is a process of changing and growing. There is no life altering event where things magically get better. You just have to roll with the punches and at some point you will look around and realize you are winning this fight. Hope this helps and gives you some perspective.
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    Feb 11, 2012 10:43 AM GMT
    Hang in there Jay, you're only 19. People spend a lifetime finding themselves. Just smile and enjoy the simple things; they're all that matters.
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    Feb 11, 2012 11:20 AM GMT
    abraham lincoln said "people are as happy as they make up their minds they want to be" or something like that.
  • takashi

    Posts: 192

    Feb 11, 2012 12:05 PM GMT
    Gosh, you are sooooo young, you got your whole life ahead of you.

    I know it may seem tough, and you may feel all alone, but stay POSITIVE!

    Do not let negativity control your thoughts. Got to believe that it can only get better. See more carefully around you, find a place where you think you can fit in and start to enjoy things. I am sure there are so many opportunities around you, you got to start looking. Be open, be positive. Smile, you are a great looking guy!
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    Feb 11, 2012 12:41 PM GMT
    Hang in there jaystopher, you've been through a lot. I surfed your profile and you've got a few cool interests - commit some time to doing them regularly. Physical and mental activity helps.

    Also, have you checked out any Meet Up or campus groups in the Austin area? I'd be willing to bet there are some different groups where you can meet people with similar interests.

    To quote Churchill ... "When you're going through hell, keep going."

    Good luck to you, and keep us posted.
  • starboard5

    Posts: 969

    Feb 11, 2012 1:18 PM GMT
    Jaystopher, you should cut yourself some slack! Pull back and look at all you're dealing with right now. I read your profile. That combined with what you tell us here shows that you're smart, handsome, and very good natured. You have all the resources within yourself for a wonderful life, it just takes A LOT of patience. There's wisdom in what Catfish5 told you. You'll find some good guys on this site you can vent to, but also stay open to the real time opportunities that will inevitably come your way.
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    Feb 11, 2012 3:25 PM GMT
    jaystopher saidWell I really don't know why I am posting this but I guess I just really had enough. This is barely my second semester in college at the University of Texas at Austin and its a really great school and challenging. I finally left a very destructive household and know I feel like I don't know what to do with my life. I am really good at calculus and physics and right now I am pursuing a degree in Aerospace Engineering.
    I feel very insecure about myself and it just seems like life is so miserable and nothing really makes me happy anymore. I feel so alone and unwanted. Ya I can really have a great time when I'm with the right people, or actually when I am around people who just want to have a good time.
    I just recently came out and I guess I feel even more alone, I know I probably won't get to many responses but I thought what the hell? Why not try. I just want to make some friends and just have someone to talk to. I probably sound really desperate but who cares anymore? I just want to feel happy for once.


    http://lifemyths.com/existential-angst/505/
    "Existential angst is the name given to the awareness (through lived experience) of one’s existential condition. One who experiences existential angst comes face to face with the existential limits of their existence. For example, through the experience of eg. uncertainty, meaninglessness or endings or death, the resultant anxiety reflects their aloneness in making sense of their existence. "



  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 11, 2012 3:27 PM GMT
    Pain is inevitable.

    Misery is a choice.
  • Ritournelle

    Posts: 134

    Feb 11, 2012 3:36 PM GMT
    Stick with engineering and everything will follow.
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    Feb 11, 2012 3:42 PM GMT
    hehe,

    From a former depressive engineer to another: It all gets better. icon_smile.gif

    The first step: to make up your mind. Your feelings follow your thinking (REALLY!)

    Just put on a happy face and everything gets better....
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14350

    Feb 11, 2012 3:46 PM GMT
    Give life a chance, you're only 19. If you get involved in different activities and organizations on the UT campus, your perspective on life will greatly improve. After all, life is only what you make of it.
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    Feb 11, 2012 3:46 PM GMT
    jaystopher said I just want to feel happy for once.


    Happiness is vastly overrated. Stick to your studies. Work hard. Get a degree in something you can make money at. The rest will follow.......icon_wink.gif

    p.s. I was lonely my first semester, too.
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    Feb 11, 2012 3:57 PM GMT
    I really can't add anything to what has been stated, but I will anyway. icon_smile.gif

    Life is only miserable if you let it be miserable. In other words... life is what you make of it. I know that is harder to believe when you've come from a "destructive" home.

    As someone else stated... get into some activities around campus that you enjoy and your perspective will do a 180.

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    Feb 11, 2012 3:58 PM GMT
    One of the best parts of this site is the number of members who confuse platitudes for advice. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Feb 11, 2012 4:00 PM GMT
    In general, being a teen sucks. It gets better I swear! Best wishes.
  • cageym

    Posts: 99

    Feb 11, 2012 4:02 PM GMT
    I recall in my late teens and early 20s thinking that there would come an age when I had it all figured out. When everything just fell into place for me, as it seemed to for most of the adults I knew. Well the guys here are right -- you never really get beyond feeling challenged and having downs and ups in your life. What is cool, however, is that with experience you naturally learn better how to handle them. And you learn more about yourself, so you can better position yourself to mitigate the blow a challenge deals you in the first place. Ultimately you start to realize that you do have it all figured out, it's just not how the movies led you to believe.
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    Feb 11, 2012 4:06 PM GMT
    “Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see a shadow.”
    — Helen Keller
  • musicdude

    Posts: 734

    Feb 11, 2012 4:14 PM GMT
    i've been where you are so i know its tough. you need to hang in there though. i'm 23 now and things are incredibly different. give yourself time. focus on yourself and your studies. start exploring, trying new things and forming your own opinions. persue the things you like and move on from the things you don't . eventually everything else (making new friends and what you want to do in life and such) will all fall into place
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    Feb 11, 2012 4:15 PM GMT
    grofte saidIn general, being a teen sucks. It gets better I swear! Best wishes.


    But then arthritis (and young guys giving you the evil eye even though all you did was smile their way) makes life crappy again.

    Why bother!

    Because...

    "If suffering can be corrected, then there's no need to be despondent. And if it cannot be remedied, there is no benefit even if one becomes unhappy." ~~Shantideva


    Even though something inside is grieving, laugh clown laugh.
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    Feb 11, 2012 4:17 PM GMT
    unfounded7 saidOne of the best parts of this site is the number of members who confuse platitudes for advice. icon_rolleyes.gif
    Get that darn monkey out yer mouth when you speak to me!icon_mad.gif
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    Feb 11, 2012 4:29 PM GMT
    Late teens / early twenties is a time of transition and crisis for many people. Possible reasons, among many:

    - You may feel overwhelmed with the new responsibilities at college
    - You may feel sad for leaving friendships formed for years during high school
    - You may feel lonely for living outside your parent's house for the first time
    - You may feel you're missing the boat seeing many of your friends in romantic/sexual relationships while you're not
    - You may be struck by diseases that commonly start during this period: hair loss, severe acne...
  • jaystopher

    Posts: 10

    Feb 11, 2012 5:09 PM GMT
    Thanks guys! Your advice really helps. Don't get me wrong Im not a complete bookworm. I still love to play sports and get down and dance. I can dance with anybody who wants to dance regardless of being drunk or not. lol Sometimes I feel a little isolated because of my sexuality and I feel like people find me stuck up or intimidating even before I get to know them! This has happened with a lot of people I meet. They think Im intimidating and dont talk to me. But once I make the first step to say hi or whats up then they come to realize that Im really a good guy. Lots of people have told me this.
    As far as my other concerns Ill try to keep what all you guys said in mind and just try to take it one day at a time and try to trust that the future will come out clear. Thanks!
  • Ironman4U

    Posts: 738

    Feb 11, 2012 5:20 PM GMT
    You said a lot in your last post. People find you intimidating until you make the first move...and then they find you're a great guy. Become the guy that makes the first move. I realize sometimes it would be nice if others do, but you can't rely on that.

    You can control yourself, however. Both your actions and your attitude. If you're feeling down, action often gets you out of a funk...so make a conscious effort to step out each day and look for opportunities to connect with other people. In time, you will find that your life is better, because you did something about it.

    Many people would love to have so much going for them as you appear to have going for you. Embrace it. Use it. And the rest will come.
  • Kinneticbrian

    Posts: 230

    Feb 11, 2012 6:15 PM GMT
    Hi Jay

    I think a lot of us have been where you are right now. I know I certainly have. Frankly, it took a lot of character, courage and openness for you to post this out here. Those are three pretty awesome things, so if you think about it - you have a great foundation. You also have a gift from the sound of it, for some very academically challenging areas, so you're intelligent too.

    Insecurity is an awful thing. I've done battle with it before and sometimes still do from time to time. But something I have learned along the way is that insecurity is one of "the great liars". The only "strength" insecurity has is the strength you give it. And you can starve it and defeat it in an instant. Nobody has the right or power to make you feel insecure - you have to give them permission and then enable it.

    Take a good look at yourself, and with a different perspective. Look at all the things you have accomplished, that you have to offer and that you are - and for crying out loud, do NOT sell yourself short because of something that someone else MIGHT think. Yes - this is all about you. And you're worth it, don't you think?

    Let me relate a bit of my own story here:

    Just over three years ago, my (then) partner of 3 years dumped me to have an affair with some guy that he met on Craigslist. Shortly thereafter I found out through his admission that he had cheated on me the entire time we had been together. I realized I just was at the end of myself. I knew he had been cheating and it drove me to drink, my diet was atrocious and I let myself go. Self-esteem? Gone. I felt exactly as you do now - like I just wanted to be happy, like I was alone and unwanted. And one day as I was sitting there amid the physical wreckage of myself, I decided I'd had enough.

    I realized I had "nothing and nobody". But the inescapable truth was this: Though the tornado of my ex had leveled the ranch, the foundations were still there - unscathed. And then a realization hit me and this is true for you or anyone else sitting where you are - I realized that my life belongs to me and that I can build my life, my body and the man inside into anyone and anything I want them to be. My ex, in doing what he did - did me a favor because he showed me, unintentionally, that you can get rid of all the garbage in your life and build exactly what you want.

    As I did this I found myself working through issues that had plagued me since the 3rd grade. Being a gay kid was tough to say the least, and being massively disliked because of being the "new kid" in my school, plus the crap I took at home - well - you get the idea. For years... no decades... I had tried to beat, pound, mold and package myself into an amalgamation of this person I thought others wanted me to be and I was MISERABLE.

    Here's some genuine hope for you - and this is not "hope so hope" it is KNOW SO hope because as I type this - I am living it. Once you find your foundation and get rid of the garbage that is stopping you from becoming the man you truly are and are meant to become - you are going to grow, develop and absolutely shine like you can't imagine. Happiness? That's an emotion - Opt for joy which is eternal and unstoppable by anyone except you.

    And it's OK to feel the way you do right now. That's human. But don't let it become a way of life. You are not alone because there are a lot of us out here in the gay community just like you. There are a lot of us that are here for others if needed. It's just what we do. "Alone" is a sad illusion and another lie we tell ourselves. Unwanted? I doubt that very much. You have friends, you have classmates and people you see every day. You matter very much to a lot more people than you give yourself credit for.

    You're not desperate either - you're human. You are at a wonderful new starting point and beginning. You are standing on the edge of something truly amazing and when you let it happen - you'll trade an existence for a life.