I hate sex.

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    Feb 12, 2012 4:09 PM GMT
    As insane as it sounds I do hate sex.

    I was in an intellectually stimulating relationship with a guy whose company I enjoyed immensely but who was sexually nonfuctional. He refused to bottom and I felt manipulated and guilted into doing it. It was an awful feeling to think that you have to hand yourself over to someone to keep them around. Looking back I was pretty naive! icon_redface.gif

    Over the course of our two year relationship, we had penetrative sex a handful of times mainly because of this standoff. I told him that I really liked him and would be happy to have sex more often if only it were fairer. You really should get as good as you give.

    As you can imagine this relationship crashed and burned and now I am left with this disdain for sex. The taking/relinquishing of power associated with sexual roles makes me recoil.

    Has anyone else ever felt this way?
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    Feb 12, 2012 4:15 PM GMT
    The way I see it, you just need to find a guy that makes you feel comfortable and that you can trust, in order to make sex good again.

    I've often felt a slight disdain for sex because I was never enjoying it with people I hooked-up with or dated, but recently I met a guy that I like a lot and that makes me feel relaxed so I've begun really enjoying it.
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    Feb 12, 2012 5:35 PM GMT
    Man, I figure these things out after a meet or two. If you're not physical together, you're just friends. Why force anything?

    I guess these things are intuitive for me. And I'm a former whore.
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    Feb 12, 2012 5:48 PM GMT
    Topping isn't about power. Some guys think topping is more interesting than bottoming so they find a bottom to fuck. Some guys think bottoming is more interesting than topping so they find a top to fuck.

    You shouldn't expect a guy you're interested in to take on a role they don't feel comfortable doing just so the tally is even. You should find someone who is more compatible with you sexually so no one has to do what they don't want to do.
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    Feb 12, 2012 6:57 PM GMT
    bluey2223 saidMan, I figure these things out after a meet or two. If you're not physical together, you're just friends. Why force anything?

    I guess these things are intuitive for me. And I'm a former whore.


    This was my only relationship and only time being with a guy. We were attracted to each other. We did other stuff.

    I am not sure how it works. Should I have just asked?

    'In this relationship are you prepared to be vers?'





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    Feb 12, 2012 7:00 PM GMT
    JPtheBITCH saidShut up and bend over, bitch.



    Haha! JP where you when I needed you!

    You could have just shouted that out from under the window! icon_cool.gif
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    Feb 12, 2012 8:22 PM GMT
    sounds like you just need to find a bottom or versatile bottom
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    Feb 12, 2012 8:40 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidTopping isn't about power. Some guys think topping is more interesting than bottoming so they find a bottom to fuck. Some guys think bottoming is more interesting than topping so they find a top to fuck.

    You shouldn't expect a guy you're interested in to take on a role they don't feel comfortable doing just so the tally is even. You should find someone who is more compatible with you sexually so no one has to do what they don't want to do.

    QFT

    You were naive trying to force him to perform in a way he didnt want to.
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    Feb 12, 2012 8:44 PM GMT
    Dude, sounds like you are a top (or an unwilling vers/top).

    Just find a total bottom.

    Problem solved.


    Me, I'll gladly fuck a guy's ass - top, bottom, or anywhere between if he craves the cock.

    But I really won't consider an exclusive relationship unless the other guy is a total bottom, or is prepared to be a total bottom when it comes to fucking.

    Otherwise it would have to be an open relationship of some sort where we wind up nailing a willing bottom together. Or finding separate bottom boys to mess with. ;)
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    Feb 12, 2012 8:51 PM GMT

    CalsonYou were naive trying to force him to perform in a way he didnt want to.


    I've already said I was naive. This was all very new to me. I really liked him.


    Not for a second has anyone thought about how vulnerable or manipulated I was made to feel. I felt like if I didn't give into him, I would lose him. It was terrible.

    I was hoping for a bit more compassion. I was hoping that maybe someone else had experienced something similar and had overcome it.

    This clinical 'meh find someone else' it's very cold.
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    Feb 12, 2012 9:00 PM GMT
    Sounds like you guys just weren't a good match sexually.


    If it essential to you sexually to have a versatile guy then next time be sure thats what the guy is.

    Maybe you didn't know at the time thats what you needed to be sexually fullfilled.

    Now you know.

    Experience is the best teacher.


    Also "Top" doesn't necessarily mean dominant.

    "Bottom" isn't always submissive.
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    Feb 12, 2012 9:00 PM GMT
    tknbythesea said...This clinical 'meh find someone else' it's very cold.


    Well, he is a past-tense item for you now, so why not find someone else...?

    And even within the context of the relationship, did you two ever discuss the sex matter early on...?

    Obviously you were not sexually compatible; otherwise you would not have had to have ended (at least the sexual component of) the relationship.

    There is nothing saying that you cannot remain friends with him on an intellectual level (barring any issues with cheating, lying, etc. )

    But now you've learned a lesson: before getting too deep into someone (no pun intended) .... learn if he will be willing to flip-fuck or at least be fully versatile with you sexually.

    Learn to set the boundaries together before someone gets bitter because they aren't playing by your rules.
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    Feb 12, 2012 9:05 PM GMT
    how can you hate sex when the men on here are so hot
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    Feb 12, 2012 9:10 PM GMT
    I've been in a similar position. It can be hard to find the right guy for you, but don't compromise yourself. You did things you weren't comfortable with, so let that be a lesson. Just because we are gay and want to be open-minded does not mean anything goes. You have to respect your own boundaries and if you want to push them, just do it little by little.
  • swimmerguy83

    Posts: 16

    Feb 12, 2012 9:23 PM GMT
    yeah i've dealt with that. If you're going to date 'tops only' then you probably have to be prepared to be the one whos gonna do it, and is likely more open to emotional openness as well.

    There are guys out there who enjoy both and it can be a unique and open experience. dont give up!
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    Feb 12, 2012 9:36 PM GMT
    Bale02 said recently I met a guy that I like a lot


    O snap.. there goes my Canadian marriage of convenience...

    *scours manhunt for new potential prisoners*
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    Feb 12, 2012 10:07 PM GMT
    GreenHopper said
    Bale02 said recently I met a guy that I like a lot


    O snap.. there goes my Canadian marriage of convenience...

    *scours manhunt for new potential prisoners*


    Obviously marry DisasterPiece icon_rolleyes.gif

  • dancedancekj

    Posts: 1761

    Feb 12, 2012 10:14 PM GMT
    IMO people who are exclusively tops or bottoms miss out on 50% of the fun. Cliche, but it's true.

    OP, there are a lot of reasons why things don't work out with a guy sexually. I tried twice with a guy who wasn't into penetrative sex, only into kink. Another guy didn't give or receive head. I found my attraction dropped pretty quickly after that, because those types of sexual activities are important to me.

    Alphatrigger has some good advice. If he wasn't comfortable bottoming, then he needed to find some way to ensure that you are fulfilled, whether that's adding an additional member to the party, using a toy, or something.


    I do have to say, the dude that I found out was into furries/yiffing? I couldn't run away fast enough. I thought they only existed in theory...
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    Feb 13, 2012 1:57 AM GMT
    Now that's more like it - a little bit of comradery! I am sorry that anyone had to feel the way I did..

    And the yiffing biz -Christ almighty I would have been out of there at the speed of light!

    As for this meet a third person or open relationship talk - I am far too prudish for that.

    Has anyone ever has a meaningful open relationship? Have they ever worked?





  • DesireIron

    Posts: 426

    Feb 13, 2012 2:07 AM GMT
    tknbythesea saidNow that's more like it - a little bit of comradery!


    Oh, I see. Ok, here's a little pity puppy for you. Aint him cute?

    pitypuppy.jpg
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    Feb 13, 2012 2:09 AM GMT
    I don't like sex either so cheers
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    Feb 13, 2012 2:11 AM GMT
    Bale02 said
    GreenHopper said
    Bale02 said recently I met a guy that I like a lot


    O snap.. there goes my Canadian marriage of convenience...

    *scours manhunt for new potential prisoners*


    Obviously marry DisasterPiece icon_rolleyes.gif



    You want me to get beat up by TrevorMark?
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    Feb 13, 2012 2:14 AM GMT
    move on and let go of the past, instead of becoming weaker evolve and become stronger, people are like iron, when there's fire use it to mold yourself to something bigger and stronger
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    Feb 13, 2012 2:15 AM GMT
    The OP seems to be less about disliking sex and more about disliking the navigation required in working out the finer details of sexual positioning.

    While the standards - bottom, vers, top - have a strange sort of identity-based rigidity coupled with a paradoxical, situational fluidity, it seems to me that the core tenet should be: are you experiencing pleasure and satisfaction? If not, try something else.
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    Feb 13, 2012 2:15 AM GMT
    archon saidmove on and let go of the past, instead of becoming weaker evolve and become stronger, people are like iron, when there's fire use it to mold yourself to something bigger and stronger


    You sir may have just made my year.


    Thank you...