Cute or Creepy?....the thin line on which I am about to dance

  • Lawrencium

    Posts: 63

    Feb 12, 2012 7:47 PM GMT
    So recently I met a guy on G-Harmony (aka Grindr) and we talked on there for about two weeks. Really enjoyed talking to him, we have a lot in common and both find each other to be "quirky," which I think is a good thing.

    So we had our first date, and although I expected it to be good, it turned out to be the best date I've ever had, and one of the best nights I've ever had. We cooked, had a candle lit dinner, drank some wine, listened to music, danced in the kitchen, and just laughed until 5 in the morning ( he mentioned that he thought he might really be into me, and thus did not want to have sex on the first date, which was convenient because I had the same sentiments and that comment just made it all the better). There was definitely a good connection there.

    Anyway, the next day he invited me to get dinner with him and his cousin today (sunday) and I agreed. But this morning, he said that his cousin mentioned that she had something serious to talk to him about so he thought it was probably best if we rescheduled for later this week. I was pretty bummed (and hoping its not just an excuse, but I'm pretty sure it isn't), mostly because I had planned on slipping in a Valentine's day offer. I really don't want to do it over the phone, so I was wondering if my other plan is cute or creepy.....

    Would it be cute or creepy if a guy you recently met left a rose on your door-step with a card asking you to be his valentine? On one hand, I would swoon like a mofo if someone did that for me, but, I can see the whole G-Harmony factor making it out as a little creepier than I intend.

    *side bar: he may already have a Valentine, which would be completely understandable, and wouldn't shake me up at all (to some extent I would relish the competition).
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    Feb 12, 2012 7:52 PM GMT
    larse88 saidSo recently I met a guy on G-Harmony (aka Grindr) ...
    icon_lol.gif
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    Feb 12, 2012 7:53 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    larse88 saidSo recently I met a guy on G-Harmony (aka Grindr) ...
    icon_lol.gif
    I fell off my chair at that! OMG.. thats priceless!
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    Feb 12, 2012 8:51 PM GMT
    larse88 said

    Anyway, the next day he invited me to get dinner with him and his cousin today (sunday) and I agreed. But this morning, he said that his cousin mentioned that she had something serious to talk to him about so he thought it was probably best if we rescheduled for later this week.


    Red flag. Sounds like buyer's remorse on his part for asking you out.
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    Feb 12, 2012 9:12 PM GMT
    That's a sweet story, good luck.

    U found love on a hopeless place.
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    Feb 12, 2012 9:17 PM GMT
    Ironically, an absolutely incredible date like you had can scare the living shit out of someone. Not only would I not do the Valentine thing, but I would stop all contact immediately and let him do the calling. If he's really that into you, he will no doubt call, and if he's just really scared, this will give him time to miss you without any pressure or feelings of obligation.
  • Lawrencium

    Posts: 63

    Feb 13, 2012 5:27 AM GMT
    I ended up talking to him tonight, he was pretty shook up about some stuff that was said over dinner. Told me that he'd rather discuss it with me in person rather than over the phone. Im taking that as a good sign, still debating the Vday thing, but may go for it......
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    Feb 13, 2012 5:45 AM GMT
    Go for it. You obviously like him. If he feels the same way he will think its sweet and that your a great guy. If hes not that into you he will just blow you off and you will have your answer.
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    Feb 13, 2012 6:00 AM GMT
    If I were the other guy in your situation I would love it!! icon_redface.gif It is an incredibly cute and clever idea! Do it! icon_biggrin.gif
  • tobyb

    Posts: 111

    Feb 13, 2012 6:14 AM GMT
    To me it sounds like you know the Valentine thing may not go over so well with him. The question is not whether you would like the V day surprise. It's whether he would. And it sounds to me like the guy may be dealing with a lot right now, only some of which may be you and the great time you had on your date. Who knows, but you could be onto something very good, so I'd take it step by step, and I'd keep talking to him.

    I wouldn't obsess, but I'd also reread your strings of emails over GHarmony (and I love that name too!). You might be able to work out whether there's something else going on for him which you didn't pick up on before. Roses an' stuff like make for great and grand romantic gestures, but someone caring enough to work out what you're dealing with is really romantic
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    Feb 13, 2012 6:39 AM GMT
    Although it sounds real sweet of you to send a rose and a card, I don't think id do it. If he's a little creeped out about things said on your first dinner date, I wouldn't give him anymore reason to be kind of afraid of you.
    I think it's a very good sign that he wants to talk to you in person. After all you only had 1 date. I have to say you might want to turn down the volume on how much you like him till after a few more dates. g/l
  • Lawrencium

    Posts: 63

    Feb 13, 2012 8:17 AM GMT
    ***There was no creepage on the first date...I suppose it is hard to express the "click" or whatever without having actually experienced it. I think he'll think its cute, and I'm not going to go rose, to cliche and over the top....

    I can remember a time when I was younger, and you didn't ask a Valentine out until the day of, with your valentine card. I picked one up today that has a funny little note on the front (not romantic) and wrote on the inside "be my valentine? Check Yes or No" It's not like I'm making a marriage proposal lol....just a card and a flower.

    ....not trying to sweat the guy, just be sweet on him if ya know what I mean.
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    Feb 13, 2012 8:37 AM GMT
    [quote][cite]larse88 said[/cite]he was pretty shook up about some stuff that was said over dinner.



    Pretty shook up?

    Those are his words?
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    Feb 13, 2012 8:57 AM GMT
    scottjock6 saidAlthough it sounds real sweet of you to send a rose and a card, I don't think id do it. If he's a little creeped out about things said on your first dinner date, I wouldn't give him anymore reason to be kind of afraid of you.
    I think it's a very good sign that he wants to talk to you in person. After all you only had 1 date. I have to say you might want to turn down the volume on how much you like him till after a few more dates. g/l


    + @ Dodgy

    "Anyway, the next day he invited me to get dinner with him and his cousin today (sunday) and I agreed. But this morning, he said that his cousin mentioned that she had something serious to talk to him about so he thought it was probably best if we rescheduled for later this week."

    Freak out dinner wasn't with Larse, lets keep up people...

    Otherwise, simple valentine's day thing sounds cute, perhaps provided it was at his house you had the original dinner. I would be a little weirded out to find something on my doorstep otherwise.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Feb 13, 2012 9:21 AM GMT
    The valentine thing (rose or card) wouldn't be creepy and could be considered cute - BUT - it's not a good idea. This is real life you're in - not a movie. Unless you had an honest-to-god fairy sprinkling pixie dust over both of you, or Puck dropping one of Cupid's flowers on your date's sleeping face, you can't expect him to be smitten with you yet. You had one date and no sex - he's not your valentine yet. If you are in love next year at this time, then would be an appropriate time for the valentine and flowers bit. And you might start being romantic a long time before then. But it seems a tad early now. And if he' not smitten with you now, he just might question your judgment. Have a great next date.
  • Lawrencium

    Posts: 63

    Feb 13, 2012 4:05 PM GMT
    @ dodgy- those were not his words; but in speaking to him on the phone I could tell he was shook up (sounded very emotional, said some things that I won't repeat)

    @daedalus- First date was at his house, otherwise I agree would be way creepy (creepier?) to leave it there.

    I guess I just don't see VDay as this huge romantic event....I see it as being kinda cheesey and corny and I definitely do not think you need to be in love with someone to be their Valentine. I feel like VDay was created so that unimaginative people could do unimaginative things like buy those damned heart shaped pendants from jewelry outlet stores.

    Doing little things like this has always been something I do; it's part of my courting ritual lol. I'm going to go with what I do, if he doesn't like it, than he probably wouldn't like me in the long run anyway. Not the type of guy to tip-toe around anyway.
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    Feb 13, 2012 4:11 PM GMT
    The Valentines day thing seems a little over the top. Makes u look a little desperate (to be honest) and a bit anxious to jump into something serious. Almost like youre analyzing his every move and making posts about him on social media when youve only met once... Get it?
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Feb 13, 2012 10:07 PM GMT
    larse88 saidI ended up talking to him tonight, he was pretty shook up about some stuff that was said over dinner. Told me that he'd rather discuss it with me in person rather than over the phone. Im taking that as a good sign, still debating the Vday thing, but may go for it......



    That makes it sound like maybe there is something serious going on with his family that his cousin talked to him about. If you really like this guy the best thing you could do in this situation is to lay off on the romantic/valentines day stuff for the time being and instead show him you have serious boyfriend potential by being a good friend and a good listener until his family drama settles. In the future he'll remember you as the guy that helped him through a hard time...otherwise you might end up being that guy who kept hitting on him when his uncle was dying (or whatever is going on)
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    Feb 13, 2012 10:11 PM GMT
    I suggest you just ask him out, but with no stated Valentine's Day context. He can read a calendar. He knows what the day is. I think being understated vs grandiose will score you more points in the long run here.
  • HPgeek934

    Posts: 970

    Feb 13, 2012 10:16 PM GMT
    That would make me melt into a puddle of unicorn tears. But maybe not after date 1. Date 1 is a little too soon.
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    Feb 13, 2012 10:21 PM GMT
    I say just do the valentine thing HOWEVER NIX THE ROSE!

    Get something thoughtful, light and less cliche, think iris, lily, TULIPS, or freesia.
    A modest flower or FEW flowers will diminish any potential creep factor. A small act is sweet... I say GO FOR IT!
    Most importantly, do it for you, because it's fun to roll in the feelings of being sweet on someone.

    He might not like it, he might change his mind, the sky could fall, the world could end. Follow your heart (within reason), and let him decide what he wants to do, that's what getting to know someone is all about.

    HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!

    ...all of you. xoxox
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    Feb 13, 2012 10:23 PM GMT
    My gut tells me to skip the V Day thing, express concern about his "issue" first and foremost and let him make the next date ask.

    He broke the date - don't cut his balls off by manhandling a follow-up commitment out of him, and risk looking desperate at at a time when this guy's mind is on other concerns.
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    Feb 13, 2012 10:48 PM GMT
    Do what you want to do and what feels right to you. I personally wouldn't mind the card and the flower.
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    Feb 13, 2012 10:52 PM GMT
    get him a card... the fact that you met on "G-Harmoney" and nothing creepy happened the first night is a great sign..

  • patmos9990

    Posts: 146

    Feb 13, 2012 10:54 PM GMT
    I wouldn't be "creeped out" but rather "freaked out" if I came home to a rose on my doorstep.