Is this a Relationship?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2012 9:45 AM GMT
    [Deleted]

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2012 11:44 AM GMT




    Hmmmm...so you're in a very dysfunctional relationship and want to know if you should continue it?

    So I'll ask,

    Are you happy?
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    Feb 13, 2012 12:49 PM GMT
    OK - so you just joined ndposted here ? Hope you're not just a troll...


    Wow - co-dependent with an alcoholic.

    Don't walk - Run.

    You're excluding the possibility you will find something more meaningful with others?

    100's of guys want to date you - give 2 of them a chance, or 10 or all 100 if you want - you can judge whether they are as worthy of your attentioon as your current freind.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2012 1:09 PM GMT
    Danger-Will-Robinson.jpg

    paranoid-parrot-meme-generator-don-t-kno
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2012 3:14 PM GMT
    I stopped reading at "He's 18."

    Sorry, bud, not gonna work out.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Feb 13, 2012 3:19 PM GMT
    Other than an interesting gay soap drama for TV, it sounds like a mess.

    I think you both would do better working through your issues with a counselor, separately. You need to get serious and start thinking about your future and make it a happy one.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Feb 13, 2012 3:24 PM GMT
    No;

    But consider entering the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest this year. You might have to revise to combine sentences 1 and 2 (and parts of 3).
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    Feb 13, 2012 3:33 PM GMT
    Sounds so complicated and he's only 18... Sorry but I reckon he is gonna have a big issue with commitment.
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    Feb 13, 2012 3:39 PM GMT
    i was gonna read it all but i stopped when i read
    he's 18 yo"

    that should say a lot.


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    Feb 13, 2012 4:02 PM GMT
    Well, you opened up and let him in. Now he's in your comfort zone and it's easier to just accept his immature actions than be honest with him, send him packing and look for someone more mature, understanding, caring and considerate.

    I'd say re-read what 'meninlove' posted! Are you happy? If this makes you happy then on with life but if your posting is truly about your unhappiness with this guy, then I guess any change will need to be initiated with you.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Feb 13, 2012 10:10 PM GMT
    Personally from a younger guy's perspective, I find older men hot...but in a different way. In them, I know I can find security and comfort. I kinda just wanna be cradled by an older man, wrapped in his arms all night. I guess you could say it's the whole "I wan't a strong, loving and caring daddy" complex. You said he had a trouble passed, and maybe this is what he is looking for in you.

  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Feb 13, 2012 10:28 PM GMT
    run, run as fast as you can. Seriously, you're 32 and letting an under-aged kid pass out at your house? WTF? You realize that you could get in severe trouble for letting a minor drink. What happens if one day he just decides to claim you raped him? The law is going to always come down on the side of the drunk 18-year-old and you could end up registered as a sex offender.

    I know it sounds extreme but it happened to a friend of a friend a few years ago, they'd been dating a while and the one day the younger guy was drunk and they got in a fight it turned physical and later the kid tells the police he was "taken advantage of" luckily he sobered up and dropped the charges the next day but it could have gotten really bad.
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    Feb 13, 2012 10:43 PM GMT
    It sounds like you both need some therapy. The fact that he has to get drunk to be functional with other people is very concerning.

    I think you need to set aside this issue of "everyone will date us, we are so desirable" as well. To be honest, both of you sound like hot messes and I don't think either of you should be dating anyone right now.

    I don't know what your definition of a relationship is, but this really just seems like you're just another drug for him. He can't get the feeling he wants from alcohol and comes to find you to abuse (in every sense of the word).

    He might not be beating you up, but he is preventing you from being happy and exerts a control over you that you are finding very hard to break.

    I think you need to realize that you are both ultimately toxic for each other. Acknowledging your abusive histories is a big step, but there is so much more you clearly need to do before you can really have a happy and functional relationship.
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    Feb 14, 2012 2:57 AM GMT
    His behavior is quite normal for 18 and I speak from the college age perspective, I'm a senior in college, and what I face. Of course this isn't every 18 year old, but it is a great deal of them and he fits right in. It's all about drinking, weed and what have you at this age.

    I have plenty of friends who drink and smoke all day in between classes and they treat their boyfriends just like you are being treated. There is no concept of time, hence he may call you once a week, twice a week or not at all and when he does call you he expects nothing to have changed and you to be mad at it. That's normal kid communication.

    We have no concept of commitment or emotional responsibility because we have yet to really be held accountable for anything because we are still babied in college and even though we are 18-23 year old, we get to continue acting like kids without any real consequences.

    At 18 we are just discovering our beauty and sexuality and it's power and sure we abuse that power, as you said he know's he's sexy and he's cocky about it. So what, he's a kid living in a totally different time of being out than you were, when you were 18.

    An 18 year old is convinced that he is an adult and should be treated as such and he is also convinced of his own maturity and ability to appropriately communicate and handle situations, but HELLO these are not normal adult behaviors you described they are normal kid behaviors.

    You've become infatuated and this is now an addiction. It will take every ounce of your being to pull your self out. Yes, it will hurt, yes you will only think of him for a while, but the good news is once you take that step and cut the cord it's just a matter of time before you wake up one day and realize that you're over the mountain.

    You are the adult, you're the one with a clear concept of behavior. You are the one who should be setting the pace and tone. Don't try to change him because it won't work. He will only resent you. Don't try to fall into his lifestyle because it's not appropriate for you at 32, even if you can tolerate it, it would be highly dysfunctional for you.

    Don't forget, it was just yesterday that he was in high school. He didn't just hit 18 armed with full emotional and communicative ability.

    Start the process of leaving. Stop responding to texts no matter how it crushes you on the inside, and it will hurt and crush and you'll obsess, but just stay strong. Reject all urges to call or text. He will get over it, he has the tiny attention span of an 18 year old mind. You, however, will take much longer to get over it, so you need to get started. I hope this works for you because I don't want you stuck in something this dysfunctional. Beauty should enhance your life not dominate it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 14, 2012 2:57 AM GMT
    The fact that you both have troubled past can be both comforting and have an healing affect but the truth is that there are severe underlying issues in this relationship. You past may have been bad but your future isn't yet. Save it before it is too late.


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 14, 2012 3:25 AM GMT
    Who's the adult here? You or him? Sounds like he has you under his control which shows that you lack maturity for your age.

    Kick him out and GROW UP!
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    Feb 14, 2012 3:26 AM GMT
    Your post was too long for me to read. But I'm pretty sure the answer to whatever you're asking is, "Gurrl, he ain't no good for you!!"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 14, 2012 3:32 AM GMT
    huhwhat saidYour post was too long for me to read. But I'm pretty sure the answer to whatever you're asking is, "Gurrl, he ain't no good for you!!"


    Agreed
  • hockeydude12

    Posts: 169

    Feb 14, 2012 3:37 AM GMT
    Yea, unfort I'm going to have to agree with everyone else on here, don't walk, run. icon_eek.gif