How well do you fair with the guys on RJ?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 13, 2012 9:55 PM GMT
    Been dating casually since late October and in that time have gone out with 4 guys from RJs. I comment on a lot of pics, usually when guys have checked me out, and usually in the age range I would date (39+, but mainly 40 yr olds -yeah, yeah I've commented on the young ones too, but what can I say, they're hot). The guys I tend to email are also the guys who have checked me out, and in my dating age range. What I have observed, however, is that most of the guys I wind up dialoguing with are those who emailed me first. My response rate on guys I initiate with is somewhat low. Now I know that at 48 some consider me ancient ;), and I've got this late life transition thing which could be a red flag for some. I was just curious, though, how other guys fair with responses from guys you email initially. I get 'hotted' enough to where I know I'm not an eye soar, but I am just surprised to the lack of response when I initiate contact.
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    Feb 16, 2012 9:56 AM GMT
    I don't email anyone...I have, but I don't.

    Reason being, is I've already had 3 guys from RJ message me and after a few exchanges say, "let's hangout sometimes" and then when it comes down to it they pussyfoot about actually doing it.

    This whole realjock thing is kind of fake to me. It seems to be a site where people just ooo and ahhh at pictures and grow big heads from compliments. I no longer expect anything from it anymore.

    The guys here are right along the lines of bigmuscle. Just a site for online body worship. Then again, I think the larger cities probably have people who aren't chicken to actually meet up.

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    Feb 16, 2012 1:45 PM GMT
    TallJock saidI don't email anyone...I have, but I don't.

    Reason being, is I've already had 3 guys from RJ message me and after a few exchanges say, "let's hangout sometimes" and then when it comes down to it they pussyfoot about actually doing it.

    This whole realjock thing is kind of fake to me. It seems to be a site where people just ooo and ahhh at pictures and grow big heads from compliments. I no longer expect anything from it anymore.

    The guys here are right along the lines of bigmuscle. Just a site for online body worship. Then again, I think the larger cities probably have people who aren't chicken to actually meet up.



    That's a bummer talljock. Through these forums though I have met some great guys. Maybe those are the guys that are more vested in meeting folks, versus the guys that just check you out.
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    Feb 16, 2012 2:29 PM GMT
    I don't typically treat RJ as a dating site... It would be awesome if I actually got a date from here, as far as online sites go this one has by far the highest quality of guy in a range of physical and non-physical ways. But I don't approach RJ as if I'm going to find something.

    I suppose that's why it feels like I get messaged all the time... because I'm not expecting to get messaged. Sometimes that turns into flirting, but only once have I ever imagined "hey I can go meet this guy!"

    If I lived in California, though, maybe my attitude would be different.
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    Feb 16, 2012 4:38 PM GMT
    Larkin saidI don't typically treat RJ as a dating site... It would be awesome if I actually got a date from here, as far as online sites go this one has by far the highest quality of guy in a range of physical and non-physical ways. But I don't approach RJ as if I'm going to find something.

    I suppose that's why it feels like I get messaged all the time... because I'm not expecting to get messaged. Sometimes that turns into flirting, but only once have I ever imagined "hey I can go meet this guy!"

    If I lived in California, though, maybe my attitude would be different.


    Well of course you get msg'd all the time Larkin. You're a 27 yr old stud icon_biggrin.gif

    I also get msg'd (nowhere near as frequently as you I'm sure icon_smile.gif ). Most of the guys I've gone out with thus far, msg'd me first. What's puzzled me is the low responce rate when I msg 1st. But from the two responces on this thread so far, I can see a couple reasons. I also wonder if its kinda silly to msg guys who checked you out, but didn't leave a msg. If they didn't feel compelled to leave a msg after checking out your pics and profile, chances are, they are not interested.

    I have to agree with you that the quality of the guys on here, compared to other sites, is much higher. And I guess my location makes it more possible to use this as a dating site. It tough though cause I get msg by more non locals, then locals.
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    Feb 16, 2012 4:58 PM GMT
    I feel your pain, not on here, but other sites guys I message rarely reply, but I get messages from plenty of other guys, always 20+ miles away though. I think I chose the wrong university.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Feb 16, 2012 9:43 PM GMT
    TriAthInCA saidI also wonder if its kinda silly to msg guys who checked you out, but didn't leave a msg. If they didn't feel compelled to leave a msg after checking out your pics and profile, chances are, they are not interested.

    You can't assume that checking out your profile implies any special interest in you; the most common reason one gets checked out, is just because the reader is curious to know who it was that posted something just read. So there would be no reason to msg/email you.
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    Feb 16, 2012 10:37 PM GMT
    Suetonius said
    TriAthInCA saidI also wonder if its kinda silly to msg guys who checked you out, but didn't leave a msg. If they didn't feel compelled to leave a msg after checking out your pics and profile, chances are, they are not interested.

    You can't assume that checking out your profile implies any special interest in you; the most common reason one gets checked out, is just because the reader is curious to know who it was that posted something just read. So there would be no reason to msg/email you.


    And the guys that leave the msgs would be the ones that became interested. Make sense. Still though I'm not sure I'd fair much better trolling through profiles, leaving msgs for guys I was interested in. Like I said, I get msg'd regularly, but it feels too much like sitting around waiting for the phone to ring. To passive for my tastes. Man married life was sooo much easier icon_eek.gif It's too bad Is hunger for beef instead of fish. icon_twisted.gif
  • BmwKid92

    Posts: 1097

    Feb 16, 2012 10:45 PM GMT
    Things are going nice my end =)
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    Feb 16, 2012 11:01 PM GMT
    Bmwkid92 saidThings are going nice my end =)


    Yeah but you're 19 and cute. You don't counticon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2012 1:37 AM GMT
    Larkin said
    I suppose that's why it feels like I get messaged all the time... because I'm not expecting to get messaged. Sometimes that turns into flirting, but only once have I ever imagined "hey I can go meet this guy!"


    well, my time is too valuable to be messaging guys back and forth and opening private pics if there's no intentions on meeting. Especially if they are local. I weed a lot of guys out because I expect to meet within a week if possible of chatting. If they don't actually do it, I assume they are just playing with the possibility of meeting to see if someone actually would...and I don't have time for that.

    I can get in the car, drive down to a bar and dance/drink and flirt in real life. Not saying you can't either...but I rather do it face to face. It's just a tease online.

    TriAthInCA said If they didn't feel compelled to leave a msg after checking out your pics and profile, chances are, they are not interested.

    I have to agree with you that the quality of the guys on here, compared to other sites, is much higher. And I guess my location makes it more possible to use this as a dating site. It tough though cause I get msg by more non locals, then locals.


    Not always though...

    I've alot of guys on other sites namely adam4adam where guys have looked at me but were shy about making the 1st move. So I emailed them a little compliment and they were all interested. Doesn't always work, but it's better chance than emailing someone who DIDN'T look at you at all.

    Location makes a lot of difference I would think. For example, I threw up a profile on 1 site in Kansas City. With 1 day, I already have a potential date set up for when I get there. And the guy actually emailed me last year on another site LOL. I also had about 14 emails in 1 night as well.

    On the other hand, the guys who've attempted to meet in Denver seem like insular neanderthals who just descended down the mountains and have no clue how to use the internet to meet people. Just clueless. Like hello! Get with the program. Hookup/dating sites are meant to MEET OTHER PEOPLE, not put on a profile and PRETEND like you want to meet. It's not a fucking video game.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2012 3:02 AM GMT
    I'm batting better than .500 and I don't even have pictures.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2012 4:42 AM GMT
    Is it bad that I don't respond to most of the guys that DO write me? Even if they are not my type???

    I just feel bad starting a convo. knowing I'm not that interested in....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2012 4:59 AM GMT
    jmusmc85 saidIs it bad that I don't respond to most of the guys that DO write me? Even if they are not my type???

    I just feel bad starting a convo. knowing I'm not that interested in....


    I don't write back to every guy that msgs me either. You only have so much time in a day, so you have to discriminate a little. But there have been a couple that were boarder line for me that turned out to be pretty all right. Of course I'm not just looking for dates. This site is really my main connection to the gay world. So I am also making friends.
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Feb 20, 2012 10:05 AM GMT
    TriAthInCA saidThis site is really my main connection to the gay world. So I am also making friends.

    Hey, Tri,
    Not in your original post, but since you brought it up -
    . Your life is definitely not all it could be if RJ is your main connection to the gay world. RJ, like other internet encounter sites, is much more ethereal than real. No more than FB, it is not a good substitute for actual, live, in person, time spent with other men. I have read a lot of your posts over the time you have been on here, and you sound like a pretty interesting guy. I know you have kids and an ex, and probably a lot of work commitments, but get out there and meet some gay men, and form some real relationships (meaning friendships). Join an organization or two - sports or otherwise, You don't live in the middle of nowhere - there are lots of real people out there to meet. You may be surprised how easy it is. Just one guy's advice.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 20, 2012 2:24 PM GMT
    Suetonius said
    TriAthInCA saidThis site is really my main connection to the gay world. So I am also making friends.

    Hey, Tri,
    Not in your original post, but since you brought it up -
    . Your life is definitely not all it could be if RJ is your main connection to the gay world. RJ, like other internet encounter sites, is much more ethereal than real. No more than FB, it is not a good substitute for actual, live, in person, time spent with other men. I have read a lot of your posts over the time you have been on here, and you sound like a pretty interesting guy. I know you have kids and an ex, and probably a lot of work commitments, but get out there and meet some gay men, and form some real relationships (meaning friendships). Join an organization or two - sports or otherwise, You don't live in the middle of nowhere - there are lots of real people out there to meet. You may be surprised how easy it is. Just one guy's advice.


    Hey Suetonious,
    I've used RJ and one other site as a vehicle for meeting gay men. And about a dozen or so of these contacts have moved into the real world (some local, some longdishes distance). So I agree with you that social media sites are a means, not an end. As to the gay oriented sports clubs, it is a bit frustrating that there just are any in my area. Most seem to be in LA, Long Beach, and San Diego. So while I joined a bike club and ski club in LA, its more then an house drive to any gathering, and that's without traffic! I figure once life settles for me, I may look to spin up Orange County chapters of some of these clubs!!! Thanks for the response.
  • Teqkilla42

    Posts: 338

    Feb 23, 2012 5:54 AM GMT
    It's been pretty bleak for me, honestly. Not many people respond to me, and not many people message me. Ah well.icon_redface.gif