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Brain-Dead Teen, Only Capable Of Rolling Eyes And Texting, To Be Euthanized
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Feb 15, 2012 4:33 PM GMT



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Feb 15, 2012 4:37 PM GMT
Who needs a brain when you have a smartphone?
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Feb 15, 2012 5:27 PM GMT
The Onion -- gotta love them !!
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Feb 15, 2012 5:30 PM GMT
Got to love the Onion News Network. Do a search on 'sony'. The ' Sony Releases News Stupid Piece of Shit that doesn't Fucken Work' is hilarious.
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Feb 15, 2012 5:35 PM GMT
YASSS!! I love it!
JoeC90 Posts: 319
Feb 15, 2012 5:35 PM GMT
Lmfao, is this a joke? "Caitlin, honey? It's your dad". It must be a gimmick
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Feb 15, 2012 5:36 PM GMT
Ha ha that was hilarious.
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Feb 15, 2012 5:37 PM GMT
Going by these guidelines, we might as well put down half of America. That will create more jobs!
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Feb 15, 2012 5:48 PM GMT
The tag piece that a dentist had his receptionist euthanized because she was incapable of any function except eating all the candy in the waiting room was also wickedly funny. Love the Onion.
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Feb 15, 2012 5:50 PM GMT
Put her down. It may hurt you more than it's going to hurt her, but it must be done... X',(
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Feb 15, 2012 6:14 PM GMT
Oh dear fuck, that is hilarious.
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Feb 15, 2012 6:22 PM GMT
My favorite little line was the promo at the end about children with stupid parents being exposed to "second hand ignorance" in their own homes.
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Feb 15, 2012 7:18 PM GMT
Haha laughed. OMG are you for real killing me right now?
YES STFU
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Feb 15, 2012 8:34 PM GMT
bgcat57 saidMy favorite little line was the promo at the end about children with stupid parents being exposed to "second hand ignorance" in their own homes.


"A recent study from the Center for Disease Control finds that over one hundred million children are being exposed to harmful levels of stupidity in their own homes."
johndubuque Posts: 178
Feb 15, 2012 9:43 PM GMT
My favorite Onion story was FDA: Just Eat a Goddamn Vegetable.
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Feb 15, 2012 10:40 PM GMT
Lux_ saidHaha laughed. OMG are you for real killing me right now?
YES STFU
Why does this seem like one of those quotes that will go down in history?
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Feb 15, 2012 10:42 PM GMT
Not a minute too soon.
danielek Posts: 119
Feb 15, 2012 10:58 PM GMT
conscienti1984 said
bgcat57 saidMy favorite little line was the promo at the end about children with stupid parents being exposed to "second hand ignorance" in their own homes.


"A recent study from the Center for Disease Control finds that over one hundred million children are being exposed to harmful levels of stupidity in their own homes."


Ahahaha loved that.
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Feb 15, 2012 11:14 PM GMT
<3 Onion
Montague Posts: 4308
Feb 16, 2012 7:55 PM GMT
That was cool! hah
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Feb 16, 2012 10:05 PM GMT
ahahah "even though there is a little thing called privacy".
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Feb 16, 2012 10:21 PM GMT
"she can still apply lipgloss" hahaha