Broke up with the most wonderful man in the world.... on Valentine's Day

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    Feb 15, 2012 7:47 PM GMT
    THE HARDEST CONVERSATION I'VE EVER HAD TO HAVE, was tonight... on Valentine's Day. I've wanted a social friendship, but he's wanted a sexual relationship... and then his ex called me this morning, with slightly veiled threats. Now that was awkward, on so many levels.

    I could not give him what he wanted, and what he needed. I could see that the future was not good, for either of us... and I had to tell him so. It was hard, I liked him a lot... but he REALLY liked me. We both cried, and he sobbed deeply.

    He is a strong fighter, and a survivor. He has suffered through so much in his life, and I could not consign him to a life with me when he could do so much better with someone who could be truly his.

    What made it worse was that his ex called three times during dinner, called both of us three times. But that strengthened him to finally say a final NO and lay down boundaries. Perhaps that mess is over finally. So perhaps this whole situation is a "blessing in disguise" for my friend. And I hope that we can begin again, as true friends this time.
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    Feb 15, 2012 8:11 PM GMT
    I think you are right to have told him so, in that very respectul manner.. if I were in love with someone.. and the feelings were not returned.. I would rather be in the know about it than keep deluding myself =) I want the real thing lol ;) so I want the object of my affection be honest bout it icon_smile.gif
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    Feb 15, 2012 8:12 PM GMT
    Aw, and now Valentine's Day becomes an even more painful day for him in the future.

    Sadsies.
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    Feb 15, 2012 8:35 PM GMT
    Ouch!
    Valentines Day break up... I usually opt for a benign day without any emotional significance to kill a relationship.
    However, breaking up with someone is never easy and sometimes the best thing to do is just rip off the bandage while you can.
    In the end you did do him a service by being honest... I am actually seeing that very clearly.

    I'm currently seeing a few guys. Things are starting to get more serious with each of them at different paces respectively. I'm at the point where I really like each of them and think there is a long term potential with any of them but I can only pursue it with one, assuming he will even want to with me... not looking forward to the "I don't want to pursue a romantic relationship with you" conversation that I know I will need to have with the others.
    You inspired me to honor the truth and the lovely men I'm sharing time wth by delivering the truth with honesty, humility and love.

    *Thank you OP, I needed to read this today*
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    Feb 15, 2012 8:52 PM GMT
    Well no matter how hard it was for both of you, you did the right thing. He had a right to know and you both have a right to be with someone where feelings are mutual rather than one sided.
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    Feb 15, 2012 9:03 PM GMT
    NakedBudd saidWhat made it worse was that his ex called three times during dinner, called both of us three times.

    The ex trying to do what? Keep you together? Break you up? The role of exes at times like these is always suspect.
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    Feb 15, 2012 9:16 PM GMT
    Hard things to have happen on event days.


    But...on a corporate-y Valentine's note:

    82cex5j
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    Feb 15, 2012 9:34 PM GMT
    7Famark saidAw, and now Valentine's Day becomes an even more painful day for him in the future.

    Sadsies.


    +1
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    Feb 16, 2012 3:49 PM GMT
    Why does his ex have your number?

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    Feb 16, 2012 4:12 PM GMT
    That's what I was thinking....
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    Feb 16, 2012 4:14 PM GMT
    Haaretz saidWhy does his ex have your number?



    I was thinking the same thing and why would his exbf be calling you anyway? It's none of his business.

    At least it wasn't a text message break up.

  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Feb 16, 2012 4:15 PM GMT
    I believe there is a whole lot more going on than this little information.
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    Mar 19, 2012 1:49 AM GMT
    NakedBudd saidTHE HARDEST CONVERSATION I'VE EVER HAD TO HAVE, was tonight... on Valentine's Day. I've wanted a social friendship, but he's wanted a sexual relationship... and then his ex called me this morning, with slightly veiled threats. Now that was awkward, on so many levels.

    I could not give him what he wanted, and what he needed. I could see that the future was not good, for either of us... and I had to tell him so. It was hard, I liked him a lot... but he REALLY liked me. We both cried, and he sobbed deeply.

    He is a strong fighter, and a survivor. He has suffered through so much in his life, and I could not consign him to a life with me when he could do so much better with someone who could be truly his.

    What made it worse was that his ex called three times during dinner, called both of us three times. But that strengthened him to finally say a final NO and lay down boundaries. Perhaps that mess is over finally. So perhaps this whole situation is a "blessing in disguise" for my friend. And I hope that we can begin again, as true friends this time.


    Am I the only one who sees a guy making up excuses to not commit to somebody? Dude, if you liked him enough and he wants you then you would be together. Stop trying to sound like a hero like you're doing him this enormous favour by making him cry. If he wants to be with you and you like him as much as you say then let him be with you - you're making his decisions for him... dammit that is so annoying.
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    Mar 19, 2012 2:33 AM GMT
    Windflo saidHey Guys,

    It's the wonderful man ( I don't think of myself that way, I'm just me) First I want to thank the guys that thought I might be a keeper. Second scold the guy who thought NB should practice with me. This whole thing was a shock that my laundry was strung out for all to see. Thirdly we tried again and NB broke up with me on St. Pats day (see a pattern) ( 5 hr break up conversation)... no more holidays please. Well this time I am taking the hint. NB wants to still be friends ... I'm just a regular guy who happens to be gay ..... Nothing wild because I am from the gay "mecca" give me a break LOL. How do I protect my heart? Why do people want to practice with me? because I am from San Francisco? How is that for nonsense.


    "Sweet"



    Hugs.
    I think your definition of 'regular' may be a little skewed...his loss. Next recruit please!
    .
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    Mar 19, 2012 4:21 AM GMT
    NakedBudd saidTHE HARDEST CONVERSATION I'VE EVER HAD TO HAVE, was tonight... on Valentine's Day. I've wanted a social friendship, but he's wanted a sexual relationship... and then his ex called me this morning, with slightly veiled threats. Now that was awkward, on so many levels.

    I could not give him what he wanted, and what he needed. I could see that the future was not good, for either of us... and I had to tell him so. It was hard, I liked him a lot... but he REALLY liked me. We both cried, and he sobbed deeply.

    He is a strong fighter, and a survivor. He has suffered through so much in his life, and I could not consign him to a life with me when he could do so much better with someone who could be truly his.

    What made it worse was that his ex called three times during dinner, called both of us three times. But that strengthened him to finally say a final NO and lay down boundaries. Perhaps that mess is over finally. So perhaps this whole situation is a "blessing in disguise" for my friend. And I hope that we can begin again, as true friends this time.

    Like my friend told me
    Screw today and fuck tomorrow. We all know that things dont always work the way they suppose to be. So hope you feel better soon.icon_wink.gif
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    Mar 19, 2012 10:32 AM GMT
    The hardest conversation I ever had was with my "partner" who was all broken up over a guy who repeatedly dumps him, while I keep trying to get my "partner" to even acknowledge that I exist.

    I love the man absolutely, have never ventured out on him, adored every aspect about him and try relentlessly to demonstrate how much I care and how good our future can be. . . but the human heart is not a sensible thing, it always wants that which does not want it, while that which adores it is invisible.

    go figure

    very hurt and distraught about all this secretive stuff going on while I worked to keep a roof over our head and our dreams alive, but what can one do?

    I love the man dearly, same problem all the way around
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Mar 19, 2012 10:38 AM GMT
    k3l3k0 said
    NakedBudd said...
    Am I the only one who sees a guy making up excuses to not commit to somebody? Dude, if you liked him enough and he wants you then you would be together. Stop trying to sound like a hero like you're doing him this enormous favour by making him cry. If he wants to be with you and you like him as much as you say then let him be with you - you're making his decisions for him... dammit that is so annoying.



    No, you're not the only one.
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    Jul 04, 2012 1:03 PM GMT
    Yes, I know there have been no entries since March, but there is a profound injustice in this chat that needs to be corrected.

    I made a phone call Valentine's day to inform my partners' new and secret boyfiend that my partner was unable to call because his pay as you go cell phone needed to be refilled. I called to say that he would call as soon as it was done, AS I HAD GIVEN HIM THE MONEY TO DO SO.

    I did so with full knowledge of the new boyfriends not to be unexpected existence. As my partner had been cruising the net for weeks here in Florida while I stayed in Missiouri caring for nearly 100 animals and earning whatever I could to keep us all going.

    I had had plans to treat my partner to a late dinner and move, with flowers. Here, we were in Florida finally and a new start for our so called business, one would have thought such an escape from hell would have endeared us.

    He had kept me from his bed for over 2 years with excuses of health issues and that I tossed to much and on and on, but I still love him.

    My side of this story is so monumentally tragic and disparing that you would wonder why I've put up with such lying and deceit and selfishness, but such has been the case.

    As for the dinner calls, to imply that I threaten anyone is just part of the usual narrative that goes along with a cheating partner and new boyfriends typical course of events. It's simply so far from the truth it's not worth discussing further.
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    Jul 04, 2012 2:11 PM GMT
    I have pieced together two of the three so far.
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19128

    Jul 04, 2012 2:19 PM GMT
    The OP lost me at "I broke up with the most wonderful man on Valentine's Day"

    What a schmuck!!!!! icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Jul 04, 2012 2:45 PM GMT
    I think I'm going to need an organizational chart on this one....dang!
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    Jul 04, 2012 2:55 PM GMT
    Forward that organizational chart to me. icon_eek.gif

    All this drama. I am afraid I would have to move off by myself and to hell with that.

    I don't function well with personal dramas. Gotta keep personal life peaceful.
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    Jul 08, 2012 4:17 AM GMT
    sorry, I didn't actually think anybody actually had time to read any of this crap.icon_question.gif