I am wrong to be upset after catching boyfriend wanking?

  • robmcuk

    Posts: 2

    Feb 15, 2012 8:44 PM GMT
    I am wrong to be upset after catching boyfriend wanking?

    Normally I would be the first to tell anyone that wanking is a natural and healthy part of life but the other night me and my boyfriend had sex and then went to bed, about 2 hours later I woke up to him wanking next to me with his phone is his hand, once I turned over I went to help him out and quite liked the idea of catching him and joining in (one of my turn ons in fact) but he pushed my hand away turned over onto his front and then he jumped out of the bed with his phone saying he need a cigarette and removed what he had been looking at from his phone, once he returned to bed I tried to get him hard again but he could not get an erection.

    This has left me feeling very confused and upset - I understand men wank but we had only just had sex and now I am questioning if he enjoys our sex life as much as he says he does.

    we have quite an active and varied sex life (almost every day and both say its the most enjoyable love making we have ever had) and will watch porn together a few times a month - but when we search it always me left searching for what we should watch as he says he does not know what to search for, so with him literally jumping out the bed and taking what he had been looking at off his phone has also left me wondering if am not turning him on in some way and he needs to search for it when am alone, and left bewildered as to why he wont open upto me about his turn ons.

    I feel a bit rejected as it was so close after us having sex, he pushing my hand away and the fact he could not get an erection afterwards ( he worrying maybe).

    We have spoke about it and he says its was just a toss as he just got hard, and the thing he was wanking over on his phone was a video someone had posted on twitter but I cant understand - he never just got hard he was searching for things on twitter to wank over.

    I did also ask if I am not giving him enough time alone but he insist that he does not want any part of our relationship to change and hes very happy but I cant shake the feeling of being upset and confused, so am I wrong? sorry for the long winded post.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 15, 2012 9:04 PM GMT
    Sometimes, a man just wants some alone time with his cock.

    Your interrupted that.

    Let him have his alone time... we all need to let our Mr's knows we care!
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    Feb 15, 2012 9:37 PM GMT
    Perhaps the neediness and paranoia are rubbing him the wrong way, and sometimes he just needs a little pleasure with no-emotional-strings-attached?

    I know with my ex, his emotional neediness turned me off so fast. I felt like I had to constantly remind him that I was attracted to him, and in love. It made sex an obligation for me. As if, at any moment, any little thing I said or didn't say might lead to a discussion about "us".
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    Feb 15, 2012 11:00 PM GMT
    You're wrong. Let him do his own thing occasionally.
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    Feb 15, 2012 11:08 PM GMT
    Unlike your reaction, he may not have liked the fact that you caught him. To some people, jerking off is a private affair. He thought you were asleep, then you inserted yourself into his activity. Plus, maybe he's done it 100 times before, and it's a turn on for him to jerk it while your'e sleeping. Almost for the same reason people like sex in public. The excitement of getting caught heightens the feeling, but once caught, it's a bummer.
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    Feb 15, 2012 11:09 PM GMT
    Well, after all, it's not OP's fault.

    I mean, his BF was on the same bed, wanking, and turned him down when OP tried to participate.

    If you want to be by yourself wanking... then, you should do it alone, shouldn't you?
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    Feb 15, 2012 11:14 PM GMT
    That's a bit insulting in my opinion.

    I mean it would be different if he just woke up and had a hard on and merely took care of business. Instead he had his phone in hand and was going to town on himself and you literally offered a helping hand (probably would've offered more) and he rejected you.

    To me, when your significant other would rather finish himself off with the assistance of a phone when he has a readily available partner who is willing to do the job for him says something to me.

    If jacking off is a private affair then do it privately. Not in bed next to someone. You are literally asking and saying you wanna be caught and want someone to join in in my opinion.

    It's not like he had a hard on and no one was available to help him out. You were right there. To make matters worse, he deleted whatever it was he was he was looking at on his phone so you don't know if he was merely watching porn or if he was looking at pix/a personal video of some dude that was sent to him.

    Seems kinda fishy to me. All I know is that if I wake up and I see my BF jacking off next to me I'm gonna reach over and give him a helping hand and I would hope he'd do the same for me icon_twisted.gif
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    Feb 15, 2012 11:38 PM GMT
    He's hiding something from you. It is possible that he has a secret fetish that he's uncomfortable sharing with you. Talk to him in a nonconfrontational way and ask him politely. I have a caucasian friend who has a secret fetish for massively hung uncut black thugs, but he wouldn't share his fetish with his caucasian bf. Instead, he jerks off to porn that features black thugs with 12-inch uncut dingdongs. If I could only tell his bf.
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    Feb 16, 2012 12:00 AM GMT
    Sounds like your bf is hiding something...and that picture is of a guy he's been flirting with online or quite possibly more.
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    Feb 16, 2012 12:13 AM GMT
    Space. He needs it. Pretty much everyone needs their own space every once in a while. If you can't handle that, you shouldn't be in the relationship.
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    Feb 16, 2012 12:23 AM GMT
    I would hardly call it a space issue if the bf is jacking off right next to him and then rejects a helping hand. That's an issue of another color.
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    Feb 16, 2012 12:33 AM GMT
    Guy101 saidI would hardly call it a space issue if the bf is jacking off right next to him and then rejects a helping hand. That's an issue of another color.

    This* I can help your bf wank off. Nothing like having the help of a handsome bloke to get you off anytime of day, right?
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    Feb 16, 2012 12:34 AM GMT
    Yup, wrongsies.
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    Feb 16, 2012 12:47 AM GMT
    I have a friend who secretly jacks off when he sleeps next to other people. We would like go on vacation and share beds and he would like jerk off when he thinks everyone is sleeping. He has also done this to many other friends when he crashes over. We would all be drunk and crash in a friend's living room and he would start jerking off in the middle of the night. WTF.

    I remember when he did it next to me when he crashed at my place. This is before I found out he has done it to many other people. We were sleeping and I remember waking up to the bed shaking. I turned around and he stopped. I was really tired so I thought nothing of it and I went back to bed. What a freak. If he wasn't such a close friend we would ban him.

    Your BF is a freak! lol.

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    Feb 16, 2012 12:48 AM GMT
    He is clearly cheating. He is wanking thinking of the guy he would rather be with, which is clearly not you.
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    Feb 16, 2012 1:01 AM GMT
    He's definitely hiding something. I've never seen anything stroke-worthy on twitter.
    Honesty is paramount and if he's jerking it with his phone in his hand and denied your assistance, then there is something wrong here. Pretty bold to be doing that in the bed with you "sleeping" right next to him. I'd watch him closely, be skeptical and most of all, TALK to him. Don't get accusatory or else he will clam up and get defensive immediately, then you'll get no where.
    Good luck with this one, bud.
  • barriehomeboy

    Posts: 2475

    Feb 16, 2012 1:25 AM GMT
    Married women catch their husbsand doing it all the time. Relax. It just means you have a guy with a sex drive. Who amongst us doesn't want one of those!?
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    Feb 16, 2012 1:26 AM GMT
    You took something that wasn't about you and made it about you.
    That being said, now that you know what you know... use a condom 100% of the time with this guy.
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    Feb 16, 2012 1:38 AM GMT
    That's some bull! If I am in the bed with a guy and I'm horny, I am sure as hell going to have him participate! I actually used to wake an ex up by... well that's another story.

    Him jerking off, with whatever he had on his phone (I'm not going to try and speculate because your imagination is clearly already running with it) in bed next to you and when you tried to help out he was a cunt about it... that's DEFINITELY not okay!

    It definitely sounds weird that he found some video to wank to on twitter... sounds like a thin excuse but I guess it's possible? And honestly what guy doesn't have SOME sort of porn they like to watch? or are curious about? or... that's just weird! if you guys watch porn together, how is it possible he doesn't have any suggestion of what he'd like to watch??

    I'm sorry you feel this way and truly hope the best for you. It sounds like ultimately you need to address a trust issue. icon_confused.gif
  • cookingitswee...

    Posts: 445

    Feb 16, 2012 1:46 AM GMT
    Every guy needs alone time with himself and his body and sexual fantasies. As long as he loved you and keeps them his alone time phantasies, it's fine.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4864

    Feb 16, 2012 1:48 AM GMT
    He said, "saying he need a cigarette ."

    No one needs a cigarette.
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    Feb 16, 2012 1:49 AM GMT
    I'm sorry.. is everyone missing that this "alone time" was happening IN THE BED NEXT TO THE SLEEPING BOYFRIEND? How is that alone time????
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    Feb 16, 2012 1:52 AM GMT
    In my opinion, the guy just wants some space. Who hasn't jerked off in bed while your man was asleep? Don't over-think anything. We have women for that.
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    Feb 16, 2012 1:57 AM GMT
    huhwhat saidIn my opinion, the guy just wants some space. Who hasn't jerked off in bed while your man was asleep? Don't over-think anything. We have women for that.


    uh, i haven't. fucking freaks lol.
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    Feb 16, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    I wouldn't read into it too much. Although he should have known better than to jerk off to his phone with you in bed beside him. icon_biggrin.gif hee hee.