Post Valentine Blue :/

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 16, 2012 2:30 PM GMT
    So after eight years of non Valentines Date, I had one....

    We texted each other on and off for days, anticipating for the build up for Tuesday. He had similar tastes as I did. He dresses well, and well spoken.On VL Day he picked me up from work .I didn't know what to get him because as I didn't want to make it mushy. So instead I got him Cinnamon hearts and a lil gift card.My date was supposed to teach me ice skating but he didn't like the skate rink. Instead we skipped to coffee and strolled through the downtown Harbor Front hand in hand.I stayed with him at Union Station and when the train arrived, he kissed me good night....


    He was a wonderful date and I was immensely attracted to him. I yearned to see him. The next day he pretty much fired a gun at me.

    This what he sent via text message.


    'Murtaza, it was great to finally meet you and I enjoyed our chat last nigh. You strike me as kind with a good soul an you expressed this with your valentines gift, your conversation and your body language. I have reflected on what we've talked about and I think you're an attractive person with some common interests; I however do not feel we would mesh well as a couple. Something that struck me in particular was your relationship with your family and although I can understand your difficult circumstances, I have witnessed friends in similar situations and as a result their continuous difficulty endured navigating it. However much you say it doesn't affect how you live your life, it ultimately does and your partner's as well. I do not envision this path for myself. I have a good connection to my family, they have accepted/respect me as I am and they have lovingly welcomed my boyfriends into their homes. I am ultimately looking for someone with a similar relationship with their family whereby I will be welcomed rather than being kept a secret. I am an idealist when it comes to being true to ones self even if that means enduring pain by being ostracized by ones family because their love is conditional, but at least there is an honesty to that relationship. I do not mean this message to be a "shame on you" or overly preachy, but rather as not to lead you on. I hope you understand my position and I apologize if this ruins your day. All the best.'


    He sent this while I was at work. I was rather sadden by this.

    I was never were going to keep him a secret. He would meet the ones whom I'm open to. And eventually when I had my own solid bearings, come out completely..I was trying to forge something ahead. It did ruin my day because it was the one date that meant something. I would have given up all that I knew because I would have looked at my partners support and friends whom accept me if I ever was ostracized.
    I would have hoped he understood, Toronto is a melting pot of cultures. I thought he would be able to understand that not all cultures can be so open minded...
    A middle eastern culture have problems of acceptance and thats how it goes.I would have given up my family to be whom that I love even if its conditional love.I
    He crushed whatever notions I had about him. icon_sad.gif
    Birds would only sing sweet if they want something. I was the bird that only sang just to give happiness.


    I'll move on from this and learned my lesson. Plus I really avoid celebrating VL day.

    If anyone posts the Troll FOREVER ALONE. Do post that because that;s how I feel..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 16, 2012 6:37 PM GMT
    Well that was nice of him to be honest about it... but yeah, if he sees it as incompatible.. no worries... YOU prefer to be with somebody whom you feel you are compatible with and who feels the same way icon_smile.gif
  • jboy84

    Posts: 556

    Feb 16, 2012 6:55 PM GMT
    Seems like a bit of a bullshit reason to me.. I mean, you only had one date, why would he sacrifice even a good friendship because of that?

    You can do better icon_biggrin.gif Keep calm and carry on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 16, 2012 7:03 PM GMT
    Nice of him to explain rather than to just stop writing... but

    Stupidest dealbreaker ever.

    And did he just say you're being untrue to yourself? GURL HOLD ME BACK!

    The evidence of hangups is strong in this one.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 16, 2012 7:22 PM GMT
    While there is truth in that, you must also realise he wasn't that into you or you jumped on him with expectations and excitement especially for a first date too quickly. (For example, buying cinnamon hearts and a gift card for a guy you've never met)

    The fact you are ignoring the fact that your guy was hitting on me on pof, the night before you posted this is a big indicator icon_confused.gif
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    Feb 16, 2012 7:28 PM GMT
    You definitely shouldn't put more weight on this because it's Valentine's Day. There are 364 other days you'll get to live life and enjoy. Just look at it this way. You went out with a handsome guy. You enjoyed yourself, right? Those feel good emotions can't be taken away. Count it as a plus. Forever alone would be appropriate had you stayed home hating life...but you were out enjoying yourself. The important thing is that you still retain your same morals and values. I'd say you had an excellent Valentines Day, and you surely will have many many more days of romance coming soon. Smile, k! Don't let another guy, nor Hallmark "ruin" a perfect day for you. :-)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 16, 2012 7:33 PM GMT
    Ouch! This is pretty sad and rather unfortunate.

    You have to give him credit for being honest about why he chose not to continue seeing you and at least he had a good heart and didn't lead you on.

    I can understand where he is coming from. As he said, he's close with his family and he's looking for someone who's the same basically. That's actually kind of a big deal for some people. He doesn't want to feel like a secret and he also doesn't want to feel tolerated or have to walk on eggshells with your family. He wants to feel as comfortable with them as he is with his own family for a serious relationship or connection and it sounds like he'd want you feel the same as well.

    At the same time I think he was probably looking out for you since you aren't entirely out to certain members of your family and it sounds like he doesn't want to put you in a situation. Think about it. He sounds like he isn't willing to muffle himself (as he shouldn't) and him being with you would put a strain on things for you since you aren't ready to fully come out to your family. He'd unwillingly be forcing you to alter your readiness to come out when you feel you aren't were ready. That's actually rather nice of him to consider your feelings and situation even if you choose not to acknowledge what he's done. it was merely a date and nothing more. Sounds like you expect more out of this then he did.

    This is a sad story but it's not the end of the world.

    Do not blame yourself for anything. You've done nothing wrong and neither has he but you guys just aren't for each other for legitimate reason. All in all you had a great time. Leave it at that and seek more like it.....just from someone else.

    I wish you the best in your conquest for happiness. You'll find it or it'll find you.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Feb 16, 2012 7:51 PM GMT
    personally, i do not think he was that into you. i appreciate him for being honest but if he knew how you were from the beginning why would he go on the date with you. listen, a few have said the same thing and i will say the same thing as well. look on the bright side. according you, you had a great time on your date and it was one of your best. if i were you i would take the positive from it and move on. dude, if he thinks you are as great as he said you are than its his lost not yours
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Feb 16, 2012 8:07 PM GMT
    When someone says it's really me (in the case of a break-up or end of relationship) It's really you.icon_idea.gif Move on.
    Look toward March 14. It's called Steak and a Blowjob day. It's a holiday for the guys. If both are well done the man is happy!!!!!!!!!!!icon_evil.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 16, 2012 11:36 PM GMT
    you should not waste your thoughts on him, if he don't feel the same way about you move on, life is just to awesome to get down because of some guy you went on one date with. plus what he said sounds like a bunch of bull, if i like a guy ill do whatever it takes to be with him, he just making excuses^_^
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2012 3:45 AM GMT
    FootballHawk saidWhile there is truth in that, you must also realise he wasn't that into you or you jumped on him with expectations and excitement especially for a first date too quickly. (For example, buying cinnamon hearts and a gift card for a guy you've never met)

    The fact you are ignoring the fact that your guy was hitting on me on pof, the night before you posted this is a big indicator icon_confused.gif




    Maybe I shouldn't be showing you any guys in the first place because they all end up hitting on you!!! icon_razz.gif


    Thanks fellas.

    I do realize he was being honest about what he said but the funny thing is that all the prior texts were in fact leading me on. I am trying to lead my life as normal as possible and it'll take me a year before I can fully be free. I'm trying to break away from my family and move in with a roomate but that factor can only happen once I come out from a lease I'm sharing with my brother....
    Maybe I was expecting something. But I'll move on.

    I always do
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2012 6:03 AM GMT
    Awww, I'm sorry.

    First, shame on him for promising to take you ice skating and then backing out. Shame, shame, shame.

    Second, you had a good connection, you just weren't in compatible places in your life.
    It's probably for the best. Would you want to have to chose between him and your family at some point down the road?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2012 6:35 AM GMT
    Well all I know is now I can not and will abstain from putting my heart and emotions on my sleeve...Its been a headache so might as well free myself from it.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2012 6:40 AM GMT
    free yourself, and be thankful, as he was very decent and honest....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2012 6:41 AM GMT
    Long ass text message o_O But admirable he was immediately honest with you. As far as the reason goes that's pretty much irrelevant. If at any point for any reason one of the two people involved says 'I want out' that's it, nothing else more to it. Odds are the reason they're giving you, especially when it's that long, isn't entirely honest (he probably just doesn't feel like pursuing anything more).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2012 6:44 AM GMT
    aweee how sweet, he sent you an essay icon_smile.gif wait i skipped to the ending and it doesnt look good, hold on lemme read the whole thing
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2012 6:53 AM GMT
    Dude, I'm so sorry.

    I am ultimately looking for someone with a similar relationship with their family whereby I will be welcomed rather than being kept a secret.

    Unfortunately, not everyone (esp me) is motivated to wait for you to be comfortable with your family.

    I hope you can solve that problem or move on and find someone who is in the same situation(down low).

    It will be worth it.

    Or you can be the 40+ year virgin like me.

  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Feb 17, 2012 7:57 AM GMT
    Wow this situation almost mimics the question I just posted "would you ever date a guy not out to his parents". Yikes. I'm very sorry to hear the news, and well I guess how your situation played out affects me in a round about way. I wish you luck in future endeavors
  • Iakona

    Posts: 367

    Feb 18, 2012 9:19 PM GMT
    No worries man, you will find someone when the time is right....there are so many guys out there, so many opportunities....
    Also putting your heart on your sleeve is not bad, just take your time. I find that guys fall to quickly for the "idea" of the relationship. Get to know him well first.....no only online but also in person, then open up your feelings....
    You will find someone soon enough, you have all the makings of a great boyfriend!icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 18, 2012 9:57 PM GMT
    I think you are giving way too much importance on this one bad outcome. Go out and meet new people. Don't have too much expectations from anyone (especially from a 1st date). You are the only one that can make you happy; don't expect others to fill any voids you may have in your life. You are way too young to be this serious; have some fun.

    As for coming out, it's a highly personal issue. Everyone's life is unique; you should never feel pressured or guilty regarding this issue. If someone has a problem dating a guy in the closet, then that's there issue (valid or not); don't let it be yours.
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    Feb 19, 2012 2:14 AM GMT
    Thanks again.

    I know that its a challenging road ahead but I've already embarked on it so can't back track now...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 19, 2012 2:33 AM GMT
    He wasn't into you. At least he had the balls to say it, kind of, from the beginning.

    Chin up pal!
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Mar 10, 2012 1:11 PM GMT
    Mark your calendar!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is worth a re-post!!!!
    Look toward March 14. It's called Steak and a Blowjob day. It's a holiday for the guys. If both are well done the man is happy!!!!!!!!!!!
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Mar 10, 2012 1:17 PM GMT
    Hope things have improved over the last month and that someone else is getting your "dating interest". Pretty short sighted comment from him for only one date.

  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Mar 14, 2012 6:24 AM GMT
    Yeah March 14th I actually got a jucy steak and an awesome BJicon_biggrin.gif