PDA... Do you do it? What's the point of preaching equality if you dont ever practice it?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2012 8:01 AM GMT
    So I went with my guy on a Valentine's day couple's cruise. We went around the Bay, Alcatraz and the Golden Gate at sunset. There was chocolate, champagne, music, yada yada yada, lots of romantic stuffs. My point is it was obviously a cruise for couples, and we were the only two guys there together. It was no secret what our sexual orientations were. At the height of the cruise when I was feeling the ecstasy of being with my guy, I tried to lean in for a kiss, but was adamantly rejected. He said he had a problem with PDA. He is completely out at home and at work, but is still not comfortable with PDA. He fears the ignorant f*cktards out there would have a problem with it and we'd be causing too much of a ruckus. I was a bit bewildered because my guy's work just released a "It Gets Better" video and he even took part in it. I asked him the question of what's the point of telling others life will be better, that it's ok to be different, if he himself doesnt believe in it and still accepts the role of a second class citizen. His answer was it's much different when you're the one facing the consequences.

    My question to you guys is do any of ya'all refrain from PDA because of how we might make straight people uncomfortable? Doesnt keeping our feelings and emotions confined to the 4 walls of our homes hurt us in the long run in the fight for acceptance? Straight couples walk down the streets holding hands like retarded Siamese twins, why cant we?
  • jackthejock

    Posts: 395

    Feb 17, 2012 9:12 AM GMT
    Personally I don't like too much PDA from anybody. Straight couples, gay couples...ect But when I'm out with my boyfriend I will touch him, hug him and kiss him a little here and there and don't think twice about it. We don't full on french kiss when anybody else is around, but a quick kiss and what not will happen pretty much wherever.

    I'm pretty surprised at your story, I can't imagine being out in San Francisco and only having one gay couple around
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    Feb 17, 2012 9:59 AM GMT
    I'm not a big fan of PDA in general, for straights and gays. Small gestures here and there are ok but when you're all over each other it gets tacky.

    OP in your defense I do think it's ridiculous that he wouldn't kiss you out on a valentines date in a place with only couples.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1766

    Feb 17, 2012 10:19 AM GMT
    Well, like stated above, I don't like the full-blown PDA from anyone. I do think that kissing in public is okay though, I do it sometimes with my boyfriend. But sure, we're both somewhere anxious that someone will just blow up and beat the crap out of us. My boyfriend is a lot shorter too so he seems even more so resistant to display affections publically, because he feels like he wouldn't be able to defend himself properly.
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    Feb 17, 2012 12:30 PM GMT
    I do it, but not the unnatural forced kind. I don't hold a guys hand just because I want people to see "he's mine." which is the vibe I get from a lot of homos icon_razz.gif

    Sometimes, when I'm back home (VA) I hold my straight friends hands so they can be pulled into my world and see the stares icon_razz.gif
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    Feb 17, 2012 12:56 PM GMT
    adam228 saidI do it, but not the unnatural forced kind. I don't hold a guys hand just because I want people to see "he's mine." which is the vibe I get from a lot of homos icon_razz.gif

    Sometimes, when I'm back home (VA) I hold my straight friends hands so they can be pulled into my world and see the stares icon_razz.gif
    Try taking your "straight" friend to the nude beach and start pawing all over each other just to see people's reactions. icon_lol.gif
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    Feb 17, 2012 12:58 PM GMT
    I already related this in a Valentine's Day thread here: my husband & I went to a restaurant that night, with about half the couples straight. At dessert the singer came over with a present for him I had dropped off earlier in the day, and gave it to my guy while she sang to him. The whole room applauded (which surprised me, at first I thought they were applauding her singing, until she left our table and the clapping continued with everyone looking at us), and we kissed.

    Now granted it's a gay-friendly place, at least the owners are, but not an exclusively gay clientele, and all the tables around us but one had straight couples. Maybe we're too old (and ugly) for anybody to be concerned about what we do, but we are very uninhibited when it comes to PDAs. Obviously we wouldn't walk into a Teabagger rally and start kissing, but we do elsewhere, where we use the rule that "if a straight couple can do it, we can do it." We don't care for overdone public passion in any orientation, but a simple kiss or a squeeze, and holding hands, is perfectly acceptable in our view.
  • jboy84

    Posts: 556

    Feb 17, 2012 12:59 PM GMT
    Lot's of people are against PDAs.. and not all of these people are gay.
    Sometimes straight men have trouble showing their affections in public to their wife/girlfriend..

    My brother wouldn't ever dream of kissing his girlfriend in public..

    Maybe it's not an issue of sexuality..
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    Feb 17, 2012 1:11 PM GMT
    I was raised with the teaching that PDA's are inappropriate. So, it is difficult for me to do that as well. I'm not even comfortable sharing a kiss in a gay bar. lol

    Some people are comfortable with it and some aren't.
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    Feb 17, 2012 1:18 PM GMT
    jboy84 saidLot's of people are against PDAs.. and not all of these people are gay.
    Sometimes straight men have trouble showing their affections in public to their wife/girlfriend..

    My brother wouldn't ever dream of kissing his girlfriend in public..

    Maybe it's not an issue of sexuality..



    It kind of is for me, as much as it bothers me that I'm that way. I've been with women and was much more likely to hold her hand or kiss her in public (not make out, just kiss) than I am with my guy. I'm more comfortable than I used to be... and I wish I just didn't give a fuck at all. But I do.

    I think maybe it doesn't have anything to do with being ashamed, cuz I'm actually proud of who I'm with. More has to do with drawing attention to myself, which I generally don't like anyway... and you're more like to have people staring at you if you're kissing a man than if you're kissing a woman.

    icon_confused.gif
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    Feb 17, 2012 1:28 PM GMT
    Yea PDAs are kind of annoying no matter who is doing it, but I think a kiss is completely fine. Especially in San Fran for crying out loud.
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    Feb 17, 2012 2:33 PM GMT
    To the OP. Tell your boyfriend that although PDA may offend some ignorant people, it also reassures others such as the gay youth. Theres a food market near where I live, and every Saturday I go- there is these two guys who hold hands as they walk. To me, its a spectacular site, and it makes me proud of my choice as being openly gay!

    Perhaps he might not like PDA, but in such an uptight society, there will never be more acceptance if things like two men kissing doesn't become a regularity.

    If people can be comfortable with seeing two men hold weapons, then surely two men holding hands is acceptable!
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    Feb 17, 2012 2:50 PM GMT
    i have no problem holding hands in public but anything like making out is just gross, gay straight anyone...

    a little pda is nice and it lets people know you're together.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Feb 17, 2012 2:53 PM GMT
    PDA (beyond hand-holding, light pecks, etc...) is disgusting. it doesn't matter who's doing it. i don't want to see anyone choking on someone else's tongue
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    Feb 17, 2012 4:24 PM GMT
    calibro saidPDA (beyond hand-holding, light pecks, etc...) is disgusting. it doesn't matter who's doing it. i don't want to see anyone choking on someone else's tongue



    With maybe a few exceptions.

    hot_gay_kiss_thumb%255B2%255D.jpg
    1078205536_iends_kiss.jpg
    Gay-kiss.jpg
    Men+Kissing.jpg
    guyskissing.jpg
    akhund_kiss.JPG

    (well maybe could take one of those out)
  • stevendust

    Posts: 398

    Feb 17, 2012 6:39 PM GMT
    I shouldn't be expected to show PDA or not because of my sexual orientation. I don't like to show it, I'll give my boyfriend a kiss goodbye for work sometimes even though I prefer not to because I know it means something to him. I shouldn't have to answer to anybody else about it though.
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    Feb 17, 2012 6:46 PM GMT
    Little things like holding hands, or a quick kiss are ok, but I'm not a fan of long public make out sessions.
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    Feb 17, 2012 6:53 PM GMT
    I will hold my hands with my bf in public sometimes, but that is about it. When I see straight people in public that are groping and are all over each, 'trailer park trash' is what usually enters my mind, so why would I want to do the same?
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    Feb 17, 2012 6:58 PM GMT
    Typically not a PDA guy. But I had a great date this summer, and we walked along the beach here in Milwaukee and held hands and kissed. Didn't care who saw us. The guy I was with was like 6'2", bearded, a very masculine looking guy. Think we shocked a few people, lol
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    Feb 17, 2012 7:07 PM GMT
    What are you talking about, it's hawt.

    14-sovietleaderleonidbrezhnevandeas.jpg
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    Feb 18, 2012 12:15 AM GMT
    I don't like being the centre of attention in any public situation. Kissing another guy only draws unwanted attention to me.
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    Feb 18, 2012 12:39 AM GMT
    There are definitely appropriate and inappropriate levels of PDA. A kiss or holding hands and other small gestures seem fine to me. They're all things I've seen and have been fine with straight couples doing.

    However, I don't expect anyone to be looking at me, or me and my boyfriend. Two guys holding hands in the mall in a North Carolina city is something that I doubt most of the people there were expecting and I'm sure they looked if they even noticed. Do you notice every straight couple holding hands?

    To me, it doesn't matter where I am - I always love my boyfriend so I'm always going to want to show that in one way or another - I'm still going to hold his hand. Though, I've always had a great fear that someone will react negatively toward our slightest PDAs. Neither of us want to get beat up or insulted. But that's why we go to the gym every day, or one of the reasons, and that's also a risk to take if we're trying to prove that we can be accepted as an equal part of the whole community. We have to put ourselves in the community first.
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    Feb 18, 2012 12:42 AM GMT
    A small kiss and holding hands is totally cool
    I like to see it - especially between two guys in public.
    Making out or groping is too much though